Firsts
Are supposed to be good.
Right?

First date?
Thrilling.
Exciting.

First kiss?
Magical.
Fireworks.

At least that's what it says in books.
I'm yet to have experienced those firsts.

But first can be used in other,
Less magic contexts.
You wouldn't want some guy,
Always talking about his first marriage.
Or at least, there'd be some trepidation.

First fights can be terrifying.
When it feels like everything is on the line.

I got my first F today.
I know most people get them at least once.
But I never have.
I've always been good in school.
And I've been aware my grades have slipped this year.
But this is just a flying flag
That says that I can no longer say
I'm good in school.

This is one first,
That no matter how many Bs I get,
Even getting my first in a line of Cs,
I never expected this to happen.

I locked myself in the bathroom,
Crying,
For about twenty minutes.
And I probably just fell more behind,
In a class I've already drowned in.

My friend, Michelle,
She means well.
She really does try to make me feel better,
But it's hard to accept her sympathy,
When she's never reached this first yet.
And when she's admiring a shiny A Plus.

I was partially shock,
And the crushing feeling of shame.
Maybe I'm not cut out for honors classes.
But if I'm not good in school,
And I'm definitely not good in an activities outside of school,
Does that mean I'm not good at anything?