If Flora Morgan's life were a movie, this would be the part where she fired the screenwriter.

An email? A freaking email?

Everyone knows emails get deleted and letters get sent to the wrong address. If Sean wanted to go down the romantic cliché route, he should just stick his letter inside a bottle and throw it into the ocean. Or rather, he could write about his undying love on the pages of a Gabriel García Márquez book, sell it to a used bookstore while he was at it, and leave the rest to serendipity. Perhaps Flora would chance upon it right before she got married to the wrong guy.

He was so adorably stupid she just wanted to kiss him and yell at him and kiss him some more.

The only way to leave no room for another near miss was to sort this out in person, so Flora opted the Flora Morgan way out and hopped on the first train straight from downtown Manhattan to Boston.

Sean sounded pleasantly surprised to hear from her. He suggested dinner, so she wondered from South Station, took the Red Line to MIT, strolled past Google Cambridge and breathed in the smart people air around her as she waited for nightfall. She liked the surroundings; this was different from NYC but it reminded her of Sean.

She sat down at the restaurant first and ordered herself a drink. She didn't have too much time to contemplate how she wanted to approach him before the door opened.

Sean showed up in a simple V-neck tee, Nike sneakers, and a faded pair of jeans that hugged him so well it was downright provoking. He stopped at the reception desk and Flora took this opportunity to check out his butt.

There are two kinds of reaction when facing an ex; "what the hell was I thinking?" versus "what the hell was I thinking when I broke up with him?" It was pretty easy to decide which category Sean Foster belonged to. He looked up, and the edge of his eyes crinkled up when he saw her from across the room. She felt a sense of shyness just like the old times.

He sat down and at first he just smiled at her. "What brings you here?" he said finally, after staring at her for what seemed like a few seconds too long. "It's been a while."

"You," she said. "I'm here to see you."

Sean smiled again, looking a little shy too, like he just found out he was paired with his crush for class. "I've missed you," he said. "Ever since you started your job as assistant editor, you've been really busy."

"Yeah, you know how it is. It's entirely different from being a part time intern. I like that feeling, though, to have a short term goal, which is to get the hang of this job asap. I can sprint towards that with all my energy."

Life had been hectic ever since college graduation and her contact with Sean was mostly constituted of short texts. She had a job to focus on, a new apartment in Tribeca which she shared with two other girls, Elizabeth and Carrie, and an old flame (who sat across from her now) she kept buried in the back of her mind.

That old flame exploded into fire and burned down any last shred of hesitancy when Luke told her about the email. There had always been something between Sean and her, but they'd been putting it off and getting on with their respective lives. She was tired of ignoring it. All she needed was a push, and like lifting a heavy rug, she was ready to face what was lurking underneath.

"Speaking of which," Sean said, "ever since you got your job, I've subscribed faithfully to Esquire."

"Really?" She pretended to scrutinize over his outfit. "You don't look like you learned anything from it."

Sean wasn't like the metrosexual image in the magazine; he was still laid-back and boyish, drinking his Heineken and looking incredibly comfortable with himself. She wouldn't have it any other way.

"I love that magazine," he said. "It's at just the right size and weight, perfect for covering my instant ramen bowl. And this is Helmut Lang." He lifted the collar of his gray tee and mocked her snobbish tone. "Don't you know anything, Flora? It's the top ten essentials of this season so show some respect."

Flora chuckled. He was so cute with his label dropping and she was surprised he could afford designer item now. "Looks great on you. How have you been?"

"I'm doing great," he said. "Did you know that Brian got in Harvard Medical School? Janet moved here, so I get to see her a lot more often now. Stella drives them both crazy."

"I wish I could see them more often too! I haven't been in close contact with any of my friends for the past few months."

"Well, it's a cutthroat world out there in New York," Sean said, sounding understanding as always. "It's just a phase. I know how hard it is to make the transition from school to work. It took me quite some time to find my own rhythm, too."

"So is everything in your life in order now?"

Sean nodded, and there was a shimmer in his eyes that wasn't there before. Flora took it as a good sign that he finally seemed ready, and she noticed his phone hadn't made a sound so far.

"By the way," he said, "did I tell you about Mel?"

Flora swallowed. "No. Who's that?"

Please tell me Mel is a guy.

Melvin, probably.

Melville works, too.

"Melissa Ng," he said gleefully. "She's amazing! I thank God every day for blessing me with her in my life—"

Flora's stomach dropped all the way down to her Gianvito Rossi velvet pumps. Sean was generally not a very enthusiastic person, but now he was gushing.

"—ever since I decided to hire her," he continued to say, "our business is going all the way up at a rate that scares me. She's a genius, literally. We've become the trinity dream team with her on board."

She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "So she's your business partner?"

"Yes. Yes. Here, let me give you my card."

Sean took out a metal business card holder that matched the money clip he still used. He slid a card across the table. It was tastefully printed in laurel green, and in the middle it said, Sean Foster, CTO and cofounder.

"This looks so cool," Flora said, impressed. "Chief technology officer?"

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah. I'm backend and frontend developer, UX and UI designer, market researcher...all rolled into one. Fred's the CEO and team leader. He went to MIT Sloan School of Management and he's responsible for business plans and the company's vision. He likes doing all the things I hate, such as pulling in investors and shaking hands, so that works out well for us. Basically I make the product and he tries to sell the heck out of it, but before Melissa came, we were seriously burnt out."

"What's Melissa in charge of?"

"She has a solid background in accounting and finance, so we made her the CFO. She and Fred both grew up in Manhattan and they're based there now, but I like staying in Boston. Hopefully we can hire more engineers in the future so I can sit back as the technical team leader." He stopped and tossed her an embarrassed smile. "You have to stop me because I can talk about this all day."

"I can listen to you talk about this all day."

He looked down at the table and grinned. "I'm pleased business is taking off. We're finally making money...I'm not obsessed about money, but it's a great sense of validation that we managed to bootstrap a company to profit."

Flora liked the radiant confidence he emitted, and she liked it even more that Melissa wasn't who she thought she was. "For a minute there, I thought Melissa was your girlfriend."

Sean's eyes widened. "Jesus, no. We get along well and she's nice, but it's strictly professional between us."

Flora took a sip of her champagne. "That's good to—"

"My girlfriend is Heather."

She choked.

"I think I mentioned her once before," Sean said. "She's—"

"Heather. Heather as in your roommate Heather?"

Sean had brought up before that he was rooming with a girl after he moved out from the frat house, and at the time he had said it was strictly professional too. He needed a place to stay and the rent was cheap, so when a mutual friend hooked them up, he gladly took the place, especially since he got his own bathroom.

"Yeah...but she's not just a roommate anymore," he admitted sheepishly, gazing across the table at her. "You know how I used to think a guy and a girl can't stay under the same roof alone and stay platonic? Well, I bet some people can, but in my case...I really can't."

So he slept with her, Flora thought, trying to control her breathing. Big deal. It's not the first time he slept with some random girl. To Sean she said, with her calmest smile, "So how long have you been seeing her?"

"About two months."

Two months is okay. Two months is only 60 days. How much damage can Heather do in 60 days?

She ravaged his body 60 times.

Maybe 80.

Fuck.

Don't go there, Flora.

She inhaled. "How's it going? Is it serious or...?"

"It's going well," he said. "She's really chill. We have a...how do I say this...a balanced relationship and we're comfortable with sharing everything."

The nonchalant way he said it made the alarms go off wildly in her head. Sean wasn't known to exaggerate, so when he said well, it could mean freaking fantastic.

"Does she know you're meeting me?"

"Of course she does," he said it so matter-of-factly. "She knows who you are and she even suggested this place. We love the lobster here."

He did not just say we. Flora wanted to puke. She didn't want to eat anything anymore, especially not lobsters.

"Do you want to meet her?" Sean asked with complete innocence. "We live two blocks away, so I could introduce you two if you want."

We had quickly become her most hated word in English.

"Sure," she said brightly. She flashed another smile and pretended she was starring in a toothpaste commercial.

Jessica once quoted Sun Tzu's The Art of War and told her that "the supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting", and that "if you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles". Flora decided that she didn't need to be scared of this Heather. She would meet her, collect information about her, and with grace and class, she would show her who Sean really belonged with.

Flora came to Boston ready to fight, after all. She wouldn't back down at the first sign of obstacle, and she didn't plan to leave until she had Sean back in her arms.

Sorry, Heather. It's nothing personal. You had two months, but I've occupied Sean's heart since high school.

He smiled back at her, looking relieved. "Great! Tell me your honest opinion of her afterwards," he said in such an easy way, as if there was no way she wouldn't like this Heather.

She had already formed an honest opinion which was that they should break up right away, but she nodded politely and waited for him to text his girlfriend.

When Heather showed up, Flora had just begun to enjoy her meal. She scooped up a pile of corns, looked up at the door, and her appetite vanished again.

Sun Tzu didn't prepare her for this.

The nausea in the pit of her stomach rose up like a tsunami, threatening to swallow her as a whole, accompanied by the sick realization that Sean no longer needed her.

Heather was no random girl. She was dreadfully, ruthlessly, infuriatingly beautiful, the kind that made her enemies want to claw out their eyes. She was tall, her height a perfect match against Sean's frame as he stood up to greet her, smiling in that serene, knowing way between people in a secure relationship. She wore a loose cashmere sweater and ballet flats, as if she just threw those on, and for the first time in her life, Flora felt overdressed and childish in her flared bottom dress. She tried too hard while Heather didn't bother to try at all. She seemed effortlessly cool just like Sean did.

And the most unforgivable part was that she was blonde, for God's sake. Satin-colored and reflectively glossy, her hair was a pool of warm honey.

Flora felt cheated on. Sean always said he liked brunettes.

Heather held out her hand. "Hi, Flora. I'm Heather. Nice to finally meet you," she said, smiling with her eyes slightly curved up. They were gray, like thunder clouds and mist and granite. "Sean talks about you all the time. He said you were friends since high school."

She shook Heather's cool fingers numbly and choked out a greeting.

"You're absolutely stunning," Heather said, and then she glanced over at Sean. "You weren't lying. I'm starting to believe you really were something in high school."

Sean shrugged. "I told you I was all that. I'm clearly one of those people that peaked in high school."

Heather nodded. "Clearly." She went on to compliment Flora's juvenile dress.

They were both being nice, but Flora felt ridiculed. She was categorized as something from his past, back when he was playing varsity basketball and dating the most popular cheerleader, and like his varsity jacket, she was no longer cool past high school.

He moved on.

Heather was sophisticated with a voice like cool silk, dipping in just the right amount of smile into the conversation. Flora could tell she was the kind of woman who would watch CNN with him and probably knew how to cook. She looked like she'd never scream at him and ask him petty questions like who he loved more and would rescue out of a burning house.

Flora was ridiculous in thinking she could get Sean back as soon as she started her attack.

They asked her questions about her life and claimed that they were jealous of her fabulous job and quaint apartment in Manhattan, in that very tone that suggested they weren't even close to being jealous. It was like faking interest in other people's newborn babies. They kept the focus on her and away from themselves, because it was the proper thing to do to a guest.

She was an outsider and her insides turned in acid turmoil.

There was one thing Flora was extremely bad at, and that was hiding her feelings. Her tears were threatening to fall and she didn't want to make a scene.

Heather noticed first. She stopped her fork in midair and there was what seemed like genuine concern on her face. "Are you okay?"

"I have...I have an allergic reaction to my salad dressing," Flora said. "I just need some air. Be right back."

All this time when she thought she was putting their relationship on hold, that they would eventually find their way back to each other, she never considered this scenario. It was finally crystal clear that she had lost him.

She stood up and stumbled out the door.

When it came to online shopping, she hated adding an item to her wish list and later found out it was out of stock before she could proceed to check out. When it came to Sean, she'd rather give up shopping for the rest of her life than to see him with another girl.

It was chilly at night in Boston. Flora took a few steps away from the restaurant and sat down at the stairs in front of another building, hyperventilating and wondering how she could end this night with some dignity. She half expected it when Sean came out a short while later and joined her.

He sat down, feeling near and far next to her. "Flora, what's wrong?"

She couldn't form sentences right away. "I just..." She choked back an unwanted whimper. "I didn't know it would feel like this."

Sean was silent beside her, waiting for her to continue.

"You're finally dating now and I hate how good you two look together. I can tell you're happy, and I hate how I can't be genuinely happy for you. This isn't even an ego thing. It's not because I lost but I lost you." She pushed her hair out of her face. "I came to Boston to tell you I love you and I want you back."

His pupils were dark and dilated, staring at her face, not blinking. "Flora, I..." he faltered. "I don't know what to say. You haven't been talking to me much at all and suddenly you're saying this...I thought you were dating Luke?"

"I broke up with Luke 6 months ago."

"6 months!"

Flora told him what happened that day, when she got his text about his granddad and Luke asked her to make a choice. To her dismay, Sean looked more uncomfortable than moved.

"I didn't know," he said, his eyes guilty and his voice soft. "I wouldn't have bothered you if I'd known that you were out celebrating. I'd never deliberately jeopardize your relationship, Flora. I'm so sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry. I don't regret that decision."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Look at it from my side. We slept together and pretended it didn't happen. I thought you weren't interested in pursuing anything further, and the last thing I want is for you to feel guilty about me and Luke, especially since you were in mourning." She looked up to peer into his eyes. "But that was before Luke told me about your email."

Sean stared at her. "I can't believe he told you," he said finally. "When?"

"This morning."

His lips pulled into a faint smile. "You don't waste any time."

"Because you already wasted too much time! How could you let Luke talk you out of it?" She could hear the accusation creeping into her voice, angry at how complicated he had to make this.

She loved him. He loved her. They should be together, simple as that.

"When he talked to me that day, he said he was going to ask you to call me later, and you did. Do you remember what you said to me?" Sean looked up from his sneakers to her face. His features were beautiful and melancholy under the streetlamp. "You said that you liked him and that you were taking a chance. That this time it could mean something. He was attentive and kind and you were happy. I said that was all I needed to hear. Do you remember that, Flora?"

Flora thought that this all sounded wrong now. She was taking a chance because she thought Sean was a dead end. She went in the game without knowing all her options.

She was played.

"You and Luke made this decision for me," she said and tears started to push against the rims of her eyes. "You thought you could negotiate this behind my back!"

"That's not—"

"You didn't give me a choice!"

"Listen, Flora. You can't say that because you always have a choice. You chose to sleep with me. You chose to say nothing about it afterwards, too, and you chose to go out with Luke and stopped contacting me. You even chose to keep your breakup from me."

There was no hostility in his voice, just helplessness. Flora didn't have words to contradict him.

"Do you think it didn't hurt the first time you told me you were seeing somebody? Ryan, I think," Sean said. "It did, a lot. It hurt the second time too, and the third time. When you told me about your boyfriends in Japan and when you said you wanted to stay single...I never got used to it, but I accepted every time."

"You didn't have to accept it. You could've said something."

He shook his head. "Do you know why? Because it's good for you. You need to go through things like that to understand yourself better, but for me, I always know what I want. I want you to be happy, even if it's alone or with someone else."

Flora was openly crying now.

"When you told me about Luke," he went on, "it's the first time you sounded content. He's finally not a rebound anymore and it threw me off so bad. I couldn't study so I went to see a movie, but all I could think of was how I used to feed you caramel popcorn. But Flora, I'm happy that you weren't giving up, that you were dating someone you genuinely liked and he was nothing like me."

"I liked him," Flora said, "but he was only the second choice. I loved—love you. I won't be happy unless I'm with you."

"No, Flora. I'm flattered to hear this, but you have to get out of this mindset. You don't need to be with me to be happy. Nobody needs to be with that one person to be happy."

This was wrong. She hated what he was saying, what it could imply. "You don't mean this, Sean," Flora said between hiccups. "You're the one. We belong together."

He was stunned for a second but he recovered quickly. "There's no such thing as the one. There's only the good enough person you meet at the right time."

"No, no, no....don't be like this. You wrote that email only a year ago."

"Exactly." He sighed softly. "That was a year ago."

She shook her head, refusing to let his words register meaning. "I was robbed of what could've been. If I had known about your email back then—"

"I know. Things might be different now. We could've been great together, but now we'll never know because we missed that chance." He looked up at the sky and his face clouded over with a faraway expression. "That's just life, I guess. We don't get a do-over, but we'll be okay either way. It's just going to be a different kind of okay."

"No! You don't want to fight for us. You never want to fight for us! You give up so easily. I can drop everything to come here but you're just full of excuses...it's so unfair!"

"Flora." He exhaled. "I had been single since senior year of high school and all the way through college. You aren't just a pawn...you're the queen and you can do whatever you want. You have a say in us too. You didn't want me before and I swear I'm not blaming you, but you can't start accusing me of not fighting for us. I waited for you, and now it's your turn to be happy for me."

Flora thought of the postcards he sent every year, the Eiffel tower he allegedly built, the box of 52 flowers he gave her as down payment, his trip to Tokyo, the mobile game he made and named after her, the heartfelt email she never got to read and the Esquire magazines he sent her for reference. He was always there to listen and support her, but she hadn't done much for him as she dated, explored and searched for herself.

She was selfish for wanting him back after she was done with all that, especially since he had Heather now. He would be crazy to pass up on a perfect blonde for a messed-up brunette.

"You know those movies we used to watch together?" Sean started speaking again. "Those male leads are always doing romantically dramatic things like stopping a plane for the girl or interrupting a wedding. Is that your definition of fighting? I can never be that kind of guy for you, because I trust you to make the right decisions. If you want to get on a plane, take a job or marry someone else, I'll give you my blessings."

What was this sorcery? How could Sean sound so attractive even when he was rejecting her for the 8 billionth time? 

"You fight for yourself, Flora. You don't need me to fight for you, but I'll always support you."

She sobbed. "I can't really hear anything you're saying right now because all I can hear is my heart shattering and splashing all over the place."

"Flora, I...I really don't know what to tell you. I'd have killed to have you come to Boston for me before, and now that you're here, I feel flattered and happy and sad...thank you for being so brave and for putting your heart on the line. I just...I didn't expect this."

Flora nodded and wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

"When my granddad passed away, it means so much to me that you came. I broke down as soon as I saw you. I'm glad I have someone I feel comfortable crying in front of."

"I'm glad you reached out to me."

"I can't tell you how grateful I am, and it also makes me think that maybe this is how we can reach our forever...by always being there for each other but not necessarily together. You're my soul mate, Flora, and you don't have to date me to maintain that status. I'll always care deeply for you...and look at me and Janet, we have a great relationship and I even watch her baby for her sometimes—"

Flora gasped in horror. "I don't want you to babysit for me! I want to have your baby!"

There was a few seconds of stunned silence from the both of them, and they burst into quiet laugh at the same time.

"Good God. I sound so stupid," Flora complained. "I'm not that deep. I don't understand all that soul mate talk...I just want to be your girlfriend. Is that...is there any remote possibility?"

Sean took a very long time to answer, and when he finally did, it was exactly what she expected. "Heather is a good person," he said. "She's not just a placeholder. If I went back there and dumped her, then I wouldn't be the Sean you know."

Flora sniffled. "I know. And I wouldn't be the Flora you know if I didn't at least try to cause some havoc and make your life a living hell."

Sean smiled. When he got a text, Flora asked if it was from Heather.

"She must hate me now," she said.

Sean shook his head, and like old times, he showed her his phone as if he had no secrets in front of her.

Do you need more time? I'll go home first. Take as long as you need :)

She was Heather-Feather in his phone.

She's a canary while I'm a chipmunk on coke, Flora thought wryly. How can I possibly compare?

"You should go back," she said. "Tell Heather I'm really sorry."

"I have time."

Flora didn't insist. They sat together on the stairs for a stretched length of silence, relishing in this parallel universe where they didn't have to face reality yet.

Flora scratched at a spot on her knee and cleared her throat. "Can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Can you...can you promise you won't call her baby?"

Sean glanced at her and she could see his Adam's apple move. "I won't," he said thickly.

"Don't take her to Pavement. Pavement is ours."

Sean nodded.

"Don't say I'm yours in that really cute way of yours...you know what I'm talking about." Tears warmed her eyelids again before running down her cheeks.

"Okay."

"Don't take her to Paris too soon...at least not the first year. If you want to take her somewhere romantic, Venice is nice too. Or Prague...I'll just write down a list for you."

Sean looked up at the sky and blinked rapidly. "I promise."

"...and please don't ever tell her that..." she choked through a wave of sobs. "...that you're glad we broke up and that your email got deleted, otherwise you'd never have met her instead."

"Jesus, Flora. If you want to see me cry again, you're close to succeeding."

"This feels like another break up," she said. "I'm so tired of breaking up with you, Sean Foster. Just...just promise me you'll have a good life, okay? God I love you so much I'm breaking in half."

"I...you're making this really hard," he said, his voice catching.

"I'll try to be happy for you, but I'll be honest, I can't imagine that right now. I need some time."

"I understand."

"I'll contact you again when I'm ready," she said. "I need to spend some time away from you, because right now, every time I hear from you I'll think of Heather and all the things she gets to do with you."

"I'll wait until you're ready to be friends again."

Flora nodded. They sat for a few minutes more before she stood up to leave. "I better get back to New York now."

Sean accompanied her to the station and stayed with her until her train arrived. They didn't talk much, and Flora watched the way his shirt clung to his lean body. It felt so different compared to a few hours ago. She was gleefully checking him out earlier, but now she was saying goodbye.

"Take care of yourself," he said as the train pulled in the station. "I don't have to worry about you, right?"

"Sean, you'll always worry about me and you know it."

He smiled at her on the platform, and she smiled back with all the bittersweetness her heart contained.

∞

Heather Demery watched as the lock turned and Sean pushed open the front door. His head was downcast, but he didn't forget to squeeze out a tired smile when he saw her sitting on the sofa.

"Did that go okay?" she asked. She didn't mention how late it was already.

He nodded in moody silence as he sank down on the armchair.

Heather didn't pry. All she did was make a pot of tea, because tea was the solution to everything. She combed her fingers through his hair and he uttered a heavy sigh.

"I didn't do anything to betray your trust in me," he said finally.

"I know."

Heather didn't like to nag him about his past or push him about their future. She watched him pull off his shirt and change into the loose tee he wore for bed. As the fabric dropped down again and covered his abdomen, the gray NYU printed on top could be seen clearly. He had said before it was a Christmas gift from a friend and she knew who studied there.

They didn't bring up that night afterwards, but Heather could sense that it definitely bothered him. It was in that almost negligible millisecond when he stared off into space that she managed to read the very back of his mind; he was wondering if he made the right choice, if he could still make the right choice.

Heather understood that there would always be a part of his first love with him, and she was okay with that. It was just something she had to live with, just like it was something Sean had to live with, too.

Everything else was wonderful. She liked his composure, boyish innocence, his mature temperament despite being three years younger than she was, and there was nothing to work on in their relationship. Everything fell into place naturally and they were happy by any standards.

But sometimes when Sean spaced out like that, Heather worried.

They were like smooth sailing on a sunny day. It was enjoyably calm and relaxing, but sometimes Sean had that look and it made her think of an old sailor who missed the storm.

∞

Sean met Heather when he was apartment hunting. Even though MIT didn't give class rankings, he still wanted to do well during his last year. He needed a quiet place without distraction so he could study and focus on his business.

Heather was a Harvard graduate and had a job in investment banking. They met at her place and it was love at first sight. Between Sean and the two-bedroom apartment, that was. The lighting was stellar and the location couldn't be more perfect—if he had to build a virtual one on his laptop, it would look exactly like this.

The fact that his roommate was astoundingly gorgeous was a setback, but he was willing to endure that. Heather seemed cold, anyway. Her brief meeting with him felt like a job interview.

"I've been living here since freshman year of college," she said. "This is my seventh year and I've been through a lot of roommates, which is why I want to be extra careful."

"Of course." Sean was amused when she took out a typed document and a yellow legal pad. He half expected her to have a recording device, too, but she didn't go that far.

"Do you smoke?" she started the first of her 50 or so questions.

"No."

"Drugs?"

"No."

"Ever got arrested?"

"I've never even gotten a speeding ticket."

"Will you be having girls...or boys...stay overnight frequently?"

Sean shook his head. He always went to their place instead, because it was easier to make a clean escape that way.

Heather went on to ask about his hobbies, his sleep schedules, what he thought of the room décor and if he would be changing it, if he liked pets, whether he watched a lot of TV, how clean would he rate himself on a scale from 1 to 10, his thoughts on how they should divide cleaning common areas, and if he minded windows being opened.

"Are you afraid of bugs, spiders and rats?" Heather asked. "Would you be willing to deal with them if the situation arises?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You have rats here?"

"No," she said, "but I'm terrified of them so you can't be, too."

"I'll take care of the imaginary rats if I ever see them."

"Can you be in charge of things like handling the landlord, plumbers, and heavy lifting once in a while?"

"That depends. What do you want me to lift?"

"Bodies, of course," Heather said stoically.

"Well, once in a while is certainly acceptable," Sean said, "But I probably won't have time to help you get rid of dead bodies every day."

Heather smiled for the first time, seeming pleased that they had the same sense of humor. "I like to move around the furniture every season," she explained before going on to the next question on her list. "Are you the type of person who'd get offended if I didn't make small talk with you every time in passing?"

"No, I'd be more likely to get offended if you insisted on making small talk."

She nodded. "Excellent. I just want to put that out there because I've been told that I have a resting bitch face. I'm not a fan of meaningless chatter, that's all."

"Perfectly understandable."

"Are you going to eat food in the refrigerator that clearly had my name on it?" she asked like she was used to this happening to her.

"No, of course not," Sean said. "Unless I'm in an especially bad mood and it happens to be mac and cheese. I'm weak when it comes to mac and cheese."

"Noted," Heather said. "Do you have a habit of walking around naked in the house?"

"Only if you want me to."

She smiled. "I have no problem with nakedness," she said, "but I used to have a roommate who'd sit on my couch butt naked, and every time I sit on it I'd be thinking that his balls had been there. So yeah, you can get naked, but if you do, you'd better be standing up."

"Got it. No balls on couch."

Heather nodded like she was satisfied with the answers she'd been getting. "I'll buy toilet paper since I'll use way more than you. I like cooking, so unless you hate the smell of it, I'll be spending a lot of time in the kitchen. I don't need us to be best friends...we just need to respect each other as roommates. As long as you're clean and quiet, you could be cooking meth in your room and I wouldn't care. Oh, and one last thing...where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

That was the standard question to complete this job interview. "I'm living with someone I love, and we both have our respective careers that we're passionate about. We work hard during the day, but we'd come home to each other and laugh and share Chinese takeout and be thankful every day that we're in this together." And then Flora would push me down on the sofa and climb on top and ride the heck out of me. "How about you?"

"Hopefully I'm married to a nice guy and live in a nice big house and we have several nice babies. Until then, let's make the most out of this." She held out her hand. "When do you want to move in?"

∞

For months they stayed exactly as they agreed upon, as roommates who respected each other. Sean thought Heather was attractive, but he wasn't motivated to try anything. He didn't rent this place for drama, after all. She was stunning but unattainable, with vague messages on her answering machine and guys showing up at unexpected hours.

She wasn't there on the weekend he came back from his granddad's memorial service. They didn't talk that much even with her there, but her absence made him feel lonelier than usual. The empty apartment was a stark contrast to his frat house, where a party was always within fingertips.

He picked up a post-it note from the kitchen counter.

There's mac and cheese in the fridge with your name on it

Sorry to hear about what happened

He felt a lump in his throat as he ate the heated dish. It tasted like his mom's. He thought of going fishing with his gramps, eating homemade meals, and bickering with Linda. He thought of Flora's arms around him, too. His stomach warmed and the warmth gradually spread to the rest of his body, and Boston felt a little less like a barren place where he was homesick and single.

After that, his "roommateship" with Heather changed slightly. Sometimes he would wake up in the living room at the coffee table, realizing he had fallen asleep during a study session, and then he would find a blanket draped over him. She drank tea exclusively but brought back coffee filters every time she went for groceries. On Saturday mornings, she would slide a plate of hot scrambled eggs over to him as the tea kettle sang.

He changed the water for her aquarium plants without her asking and unclogged the kitchen sink, fixed her computer and the cable TV, and picked up a box of herbal tea for her when he heard her coughing.

As time went on, she started asking him to interpret the texts she got from guys, and once he even pretended to be her boyfriend to ward off a particularly aggressive pursuer. She called him kid in a half mocking, half indulgent tone, and in return he would use the term ma'am to annoy her.

He worked diligently on his budding company and spent most of his time at school, but when he came home, he liked to come home to Heather.

She walked him to the door one day before he left for the gym. Somehow it felt different that morning even though he couldn't explain it. Maybe it was because the creamed cheese bagel she prepared was too good, or that she looked especially nice in dark leggings. Either way, when she lingered for a second longer at the door, he opened his mouth to ask,

"Would you like to go out with me sometime?"

She stared at him unflinchingly. "As friends, or...?"

"I mean like a date."

Heather took a while to answer. "This is unexpected. I mean, kid, I thought you were gay."

No, this was unexpected. "What gives you that idea?"

"When Elaine told me you were looking for a place to live, she said you didn't date girls at all during college and that you were always with this Nigerian dude, and ever since you moved in, you're either on the phone with him or Skyping him, so I thought..."

Sean started to laugh. "I don't blame you. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a relationship with Fred, too, but he's just my friend and business partner."

"Oh. I wanted this to be a drama free zone and I'd never have agreed to room with you if I had known...I don't rent to guys who are exactly my type, unless they happen to like men."

"That's unfortunate," Sean said. "I like women."

Heather leaned forward ever so slightly and smiled. "Thank God."

∞

It took longer than Sean expected. It had been months, but Flora still wasn't ready to be friends. He emailed and texted her a few times but she never replied, so he reluctantly stopped. She did say she needed time and that she would initiate contact, but the wait carried out from autumn leaves to winter snow until the following summer, and Flora remained to be profound silence and a black hole that gradually sucked out all hope.

He thought of her like a box he didn't dare to unpack, afraid of what he would find. Perhaps it was just the way it was in life, that he wasn't allowed to have Flora anymore now that he had Heather.

But aside from that, life was good to him. He managed to squeeze in one more girl in his heart, the giggling, lovable Stella, who seemed happy to let him watch her for a few hours so Janet could take a breather. Heather was often eager to go with him.

During one visit, Janet showed them a CD. Songs for Stella was printed across the cover.

"Thanks to you two, I managed to put together a new album," Janet said. "The title is super original, I know." She chuckled sarcastically.

Janet used to choose mystical names like Monday Cleft or Slated Notion, but now she had gracefully accepted her new role as a young mom and integrated it into her music. She said the baby could be soothed by the sound of guitar, and even though she kept her busy, she found time to write songs after she was asleep.

"This is perfect," Sean said, holding up the CD. He couldn't be happier for Janet that she didn't have to give up this part of herself completely. Her music was different but just as good. He thought he might even prefer the post-Stella Janet Wilson.

After Janet left for a date with Brian, he and Heather played with Stella on the hardwood floor. Whenever she started to fuss, they would pop the CD into the stereo and assured each other that this baby would grow up to have stellar taste in music.

It worked every time except once. Stella wouldn't stop wailing.

"I think she needs to have her diaper changed," Heather said.

Sean checked and realized she was right. "Yeah, but do you think we need to wash her first?"

"Maybe we can just wipe her clean," Heather said. They both had no experience in this area. "Adults don't take a shower after using the toilet, right?"

"Actually they have toilets in Japan with a nozzle that squirts water and a blow dryer...never mind," Sean said. "Don't babies have more sensitive skin? I think we should wash her."

It took the two of them 15 minutes to finally get Stella clean and changed, but the baby seemed delighted. Feeling like he went through a battle, Sean sat back down on the floor and exhaled.

"That was so out of my comfort zone. I'd rather be karaoke singing in Tokyo."

Heather smiled. "You're really cute with babies."

"Ugh. Don't say that. Babies terrify me," he said, looking sideways and then sitting up straight. "Wait. Did she just..."

Heather nodded vehemently and gasped. "She walked!"

"I think that was her first step!"

"It was! Janet said she would start walking any day now," Heather said. "She's going to be so excited when she hears this!"

Stella sat down again like nothing happened.

Sean smoothed his palm down the baby's back and patted her gently. "No, don't tell her. She's going to be so disappointed if she knows she's not the first to see it."

When Janet came back, they both faked gasps when Stella took another step. Heather glanced over at Sean, caught his eyes and smiled.

∞

Jake and Dylan stayed over at Sean's apartment the day before they headed for Kenya. Dylan was talking about how he had been bartending at the same place for two years and it was the only reason people came. They had both visited him there before and knew what he said was true. The bar was mediocre, but Dylan was an exceptional bartender.

"I have some money saved," Dylan said. "I'm thinking of opening my own bar."

"Go for it, bro," Jake said with an enthusiastic grin.

"Do you guys want to make an investment?"

"I'm all in!" Jake seemed like he didn't need a single second to consider. "I love the idea of owning a bar with my best buddies."

Dylan turned to look at Sean. Sean knew he wanted to get a reaction out of him like Jake's, so he pretended to be too busy drinking from his can of beer. It didn't work.

"You don't think I can make it," Dylan said.

Sean swallowed and put down his beer. "Well, I think it's a bit more complicated than serving drinks. 75% of new bars close within the first year. You need a detailed business plan and enough operating capital to keep your bar running until you start to turn a profit," he said. "But of course you know that already. You have experience in the industry which is excellent. You're great at keeping your customers, both guys and girls, so you obviously know the kind of waitstaff you need to hire. You also know how to deal with inebriated customers. I think you have a good chance."

"That's it," Jake said. "I'm throwing in all my money."

"I can give you some advice if you need it," Sean said. "I can also make you an awesome website and app for free, but I really don't want to make an investment because you're my best friend. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I don't like to mix friends with business."

"I won't," Dylan said. "I'm disappointed but I understand."

"I'm working with Fred and it's already putting a strain on our friendship, so I don't want that to happen with you, too," Sean said.

"We're not going to fight over business," Jake said. "Once it starts running smoothly, we can just swing by, have a drink, and hang out at our own bar. It's like a lifelong dream come true."

"You don't even know of this dream two seconds ago," Sean said.

"We'll also get laid like crazy," Jake said as if he hadn't heard. "Not that I need a bar for that to happen."

"It's going to be a blast if things work out well," Sean said, "but it's risky and I don't want to put us on the line like that. I could end up losing everything. I'd rather invest in something boring like an international bank."

Dylan nodded and said it was fine, but out of nowhere Jake asked, "Is that how you feel about relationships too?"

Whenever Jake displayed these rare moments of insightfulness, Sean was always caught off guard. He was onto something, however, and he tried his best to explain.

"It's like...let me put it this way. There are two jobs," Sean said after some moments of consideration. "The first one is my dream job. It's challenging, exciting and makes me feel alive, but I got fired at my first try. I prepared myself and applied for a second time, but someone else already took my place. Coincidentally, another opportunity came up. This new job is very enjoyable, it pays well, and I'm actually pretty good at it. I might even get a promotion soon...and then the first job calls me to say, we have an opening again. What would you guys do?"

"Take the first job," Jake and Dylan said simultaneously and laughed.

"But I know you'll stick with your new job and work your ass off. You'll go very far with it, too," Dylan said. "Which isn't a bad choice, either."

"Or you can interview with the first job in secret and see how much they're willing to offer," Jake said, smirking.

"That's a sensible idea when it comes to jobs," Sean agreed. "But when it comes to relationships, I've always believed in love what you choose and stick with it."

"What if ten years down the line," Jake asked, "you start to wonder what would've happened if you'd grabbed the first job?"

Sean sighed. "I've already wondered and I'm trying to stop wondering. The worst thing is indecisiveness and I hate that. You both think Heather is great, don't you?"

"Heather makes my respect for you shoot through the roof," Jake said. "I never knew you got so much game."

"Heather is a goddess," Dylan said. "I even feel like it's insulting to call her hot."

Jake took a gulp from his can. "I'm especially touched when she offered to drive us to the airport tomorrow...but I feel like if it's Flora, she'd nag you to take her with us and you'd like that. She'd also be drinking herself silly with us right now."

Dylan threw a warning glance at Jake. "We don't mention the F word in front of our fallen brother."

Jake wasn't one to shut up like that, of course. "I have this irrational loyalty to Flora somehow," he said. "I mean Heather is great and everything, but I just really like you and Flora together. You were so happy and it always reminded me of all the good times in high school."

"I have this irrational loyalty to Sean," Dylan said. "You could be dating a dude if that pleased you and I wouldn't care. Besides, high school sucks and I was a total asshole. The only things I liked about high school are right here."

They laughed and drank their beer and reminisced away.

"Maybe we're just not supposed to love as hard at 24 as we were at 17," Sean said after he started to feel lightheaded.

Young love was incomparable, but maybe the passion and fervor came with that age. Perhaps it was more about the timing than the person. It felt urgent, very important, and being in love was the best feeling ever, but perhaps a few years down the line, all relationships would come to feel the same.

At least, that was what he tried to tell himself.

"I went to visit Jess last month," Jake said since they were on the topic of first love. "We're still friends and she's become the best wingwoman ever. We were bar hopping, and she went to tell this woman I was hitting on that if she could only ride one dick this year, it'd better be Jake Lancaster's. Jessica is just...where do you find a girl like that?"

"She's ex-girlfriend goals." Dylan raised his beer can.

"How about you and Sydney?" Jake asked. "Ever speak to her again?"

"Who's Sydney?" Dylan asked with his face completely blank. "I only know a Blair. Speaking of which, Blair's pregnant again. This time it's mine...I mean, Jerome's mine, too, but this baby is mine biologically."

"Wow. That's great news, Dill," Sean said, handing over another can of beer. "Jake's still living the life of the most recommended dick of the year and you're already a father of two."

"I can't believe this. Dill, now you have two penises to play with all day," Jake said, referring to Dylan's comparison of children to penises. "I'm having a panic attack."

Dylan laughed. "Seriously, though. High school love is nothing compared to this. I don't think age is an excuse to stop you from loving the hardest you can."

∞

Heather first brought up the notion of marriage after dating for one whole year. She didn't ask scary questions like if he wanted to do it right now, but more generic ones like what he felt about it in general and if it was the direction he had in mind.

Sean told her frankly that he had no interest in marriage or kids. They reasonably talked it over, like business partners on the subject of merging, and he confessed he couldn't do it because his parents' divorce screwed him up. It was partly the truth, but when he told her that he'd never been able to imagine himself married, that wasn't exactly true.

He didn't dare tell her that he had once happily joked about chocolate fountain and her in a red wedding dress and naming their child Prada and fantasized about how she would fix his tie before work every day. He was in high school and he was probably just naïve then.

Heather left it at that. When she mentioned it again over a year later, he repeated that he was happy in this relationship, but that was all he could offer.

"Do you not want to get married in general, or just not to me?" she asked.

"In general," he said.

"Not now or not ever?"

He was only 24 and marriage was the furthest thing from his mind. "Not now, but I have to be honest, I don't see myself getting married 5 years from now, either."

"Are you unhappy about anything?" Heather stared down at the floor and let out the breath she'd been holding. It made him ache all over, but he couldn't fake it. It just didn't feel right, even though Heather was perfect in every way.

I'm not ready for perfection, Flora's teary voice rang in his head suddenly. Back then he thought it was the lamest excuse but now he kind of understood it. Perfect was boring. Maybe deep down he was just like Flora, desperate for a little bit of excitement and spontaneity, and terrified now that forever was right in his face and it felt so final.

"If there's anything I could do to change your mind..." Heather said. "I know you said right from the start that you weren't interested in marriage and kids, but I was hoping you would warm up to the idea. You're so good with Janet's daughter."

"I love Stella because I only have to deal with her a few hours at most."

Heather sighed. "You seem so amazed when she walked."

He was amazed when he saw leopards hunting on the Discovery Channel too, but that didn't mean he wanted to own a leopard.

"Heather, if having kids is what you want...you really have to start thinking if you want to invest more time in me."

He could feel his heart drop when he said it, but he wondered if he should've broken up with her a year ago. He felt selfish for not ending it sooner, but it was so comfortable being with her. It was like snuggling under the covers on a winter morning. He knew he had to get up eventually, but he kept hitting the snooze button.

"Is this about Flora?" Heather asked suddenly.

He blinked. "I haven't spoken to Flora for almost two years." It was 22 months, to be exact.

"That wasn't the question," Heather said.

Sean couldn't answer. It wasn't because of Flora directly, but she had set a bar. A standard for comparison, a reminder of how intense love could be. He didn't want to settle unless he could get that feeling back.

He felt guilty, but a part of him also felt hurt. "Heather, are you with me because you love me, or because you think I'm a nice guy to have a baby with?"

"Of course I love you," Heather said. "But having a baby is more important to me."

"I respect that," he said.

She said sorry and he did too. It felt like a very adult type of relationship which ended due to irreconcilable differences and no angry words were spoken. He moved out by the end of the week.

∞

There was no more reason for him to stay in Boston. Sean packed an overnight luggage and left that night, took a train to New York City, looked for the address he had already memorized, and pressed the doorbell.

"Heather and I broke up," he said. "Can I crash at your place?"

"Welcome to Manhattan, Seany."

Fred reached over and took his luggage.

∞

(I want to share this picture because it makes me immediately think of Flora and Janet's baby, especially since the baby's wearing Crocs lol. Remember how everyone thinks Janet is unforgivable in KITEP for wearing those?)

hope you're happy with this super long chapter (9.6k words!!) and please share your thoughts with me; I do monthly updates but considering the length, the updates aren't that slow, right? :)

dedicated to @imperiously for the exquisite cover, thank you!

*spoiler* next chapter is the one you've been waiting for

thank you for reading for for being kind xx