A few years ago, Linda Foster never would've guessed that having her brother home for the weekend was something she'd look forward to. Back when Sean was still in high school, he'd knock with impatience and deliver whatever it was he came for at the door—laundry, mail, or a lecture on how she should stop being a little spy on everything he did—but he was now sprawled on her bed, hanging out with her just for the sake of hanging out.

Linda sat at her desk with her back facing the window. It was always nice when she could distinctly feel herself getting closer to someone, especially when it was her own brother, who she admired and aspired to be like (not that she'd ever admit it).

"Enough about your company. How's your personal life?" she asked. "You're 21 and still haven't met anyone special?"

"I only waste my time on unspecial people now, as you know," he said. "They're so much easier to handle."

Linda giggled.

"I'm serious, sis." He absently patted the giant teddy bear on her bed. It was a gift from Dylan and Jake for her fifteenth birthday, and now, more than three years later, the golden fur had faded into a sepia tone. "I think I'm going to graduate like this...study like mad during weekdays, drunk out of my mind on weekends."

Linda didn't know what to comment. Sean hadn't been the same since a few months ago. Maybe college truly changed people, or perhaps it just brought out what was underneath all along. He acted like he was pleased with himself, but at the same time it was as if he didn't like himself that much.

"What about Flora?" she asked. She knew she was opening a can of worms, but she had to. Sometimes when she was lucky, Sean repaid her curiosity with candor. Sometimes he just changed the subject.

"What about Flora?" He raised his eyebrows. "Well, since you asked...Flora's doing great. She's had two more boyfriends since she went to Tokyo, and that's not counting the flings she doesn't care enough to tell me."

Ouch.

She remembered how, during summer break, Sean had been so terribly interested in getting himself tanned and the way he religiously got ready for the beach every afternoon. He'd always liked looking nice and staying fit, but not that much. Linda pried and prodded and begged and he finally told her, yes, Flora was back, and things were looking good. She tagged along once, only to witness how excruciating it was every time the two of them had to spring back after accidentally touching each other.

Linda was this close to squishing their faces together and making them kiss. When summer ended, she even helped Sean picked out a bunch of flowers, which by his standard was a gesture as grand as buying the whole Tiffany store and asking Flora to pick a ring, even though he kept stressing that they were just friends.

Yeah right.

Linda peered at her brother before she spoke again with caution. "Don't get mad...but to be fair, you're not committed to each other. It's not easy being in her position, all alone and thousands of miles away from home."

"Sis, I know. You might think I'm being vindictive here, but I'm not. I'm not exactly innocent either, and it'd be unfair of me to judge her. In Janet's words, Flora has her emotional need to be close to people and feel loved, while I have my physical need to fool around with girls at frat parties, so we're even."

He sounded slightly cynical but mostly calm, like he didn't agree with her actions but he understood and begrudgingly accepted. Linda preferred it much more when he was all hopeful and naive and still believed in forever.

"You know the only reason she's having those filler relationships is because you never admitted your feelings to her," she said. "You can't expect her to wait on a vague promise like that and just...freeze her social life."

"I don't expect anything of her," Sean said. "On the contrary, I'm glad she's not moping around. I mean, yes, it pisses me off when she says she's seeing other people, but I'm glad for her sake. I feel like I've really come a long way since high school."

"What?" Linda realized her voice shot up a little too much. "Does that mean you're giving up on her?"

"I didn't say that," Sean said.

"You can't give up on her." Linda felt like one of those fans when their favorite onscreen couple broke up. It was none of her business, but the hurt was legit. She was sad when they split in high school, especially when she saw how heartbroken her brother was, but now she thought she was allowed to hope again, and the only way to make all that heartbreak worth it was for the two of them to have a happy ending.

He looked out the window for a while, where clouds were dragging across the sky, leaving bits and pieces behind like breadcrumbs. "Look, I'm in an awkward position here," he said finally. "I'm waiting for her, but I can't ask her to do the same for me. Flora isn't someone who can be bound by promises. She thinks she can, and she'd probably say yes if I told her I wanted to get back together now, but I already know how it's all going to play out."

"You don't know until you try."

"I do. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I understand us both a lot better now. I can't give her a hundred percent right now because I want to focus on school and my so-called business. It's just starting up and I know I can do this. I want to. I can't be the kind of guy who half-asses everything else for a girl because that's not romantic...that's just stupid and irresponsible."

Linda nodded. She waited for him to go on.

"And Flora...Flora's probably going to give me a hundred percent and do something crazy like giving up Tokyo. She'll hate me for not spending enough time on her and hate herself for not being understanding enough. We'll fight a lot and the distance will make it worse. She's high maintenance and I don't mean it in a bad way...it makes me feel needed...but I can't give her the attention she deserves. What I can offer her is patience and loyalty, so I'll give her that."

"I'm worried for you. Here you are giving so much thought to this, but Flora probably just thinks you don't care that much about her anymore. You can at least tell her how you feel."

"I have a plan, sis. I'm not just sitting here stalling because I'm scared to tell her how I feel. I'm not scared of that at all. What I'm scared of is blurting out my feelings and disappointing her later on."

But wasn't not saying anything a disappointment in itself? Linda thought Sean and Flora were a series of small sparks that sizzled and fell flat. They had their moments, but once they were back to their respective schools, it was like the flames were put out, their memories wiped clean, and everything had to start again from scratch. Her heart couldn't take this.

"I believe in delayed gratification, which is why I need to get this company on track, graduate, and then I can probably move to New York if that's where she wants to be," he said. "I'll only make a move when I'm well prepared, just like any investment...you weigh your chances and and make an offer at the best time because you've only got one shot."

He paused, then he said, "I only have one shot with Flora. We're not in high school anymore. I can't make the same mistake again."

"I hope she's still there when you graduate. Have you ever thought that if you wait for too long, she might've moved on already?"

"Of course. All the time." He nodded. "But that's a risk I'm willing to take. And you know what? If she really finds some senpai that makes her happy...more than I can...then as much as it hurts, I'll be happy for her."

"Really?"

"I'll pretend to be happy for her."

"Come on. I mean, you're noble and everything, but this really is such a crap plan. You can't plan your life like that. Your company might never take off"—she held up a hand—"not that I don't believe in you because I do, and you certainly can't place your love life on a timeline."

"I know. Good point. Which is why I talk to her frequently and send her gifts to remind her I'm still relevant. I also make voodoo dolls of her new boyfriends," he joked. "I'm sure she sees how lame they are compared to me. I feel sorry for them, really...they're there doing all the hard work, and here I am, sending her a nerdy text once in a while and she thinks I'm so supportive."

Linda could tell that even though his tone was light, he was super salty. "It's like me living in the house with mom and dad," she said. "I talk to them, cheer them up and do house chores every day, and you waltz in once every semester and they think you're the better child?"

He laughed. "Sorry, sis. I wish I could come home more often too."

"But seriously, I have no doubt that you're number one to Flora."

"I don't want to be her number one. I want to be her only one, but yeah, I guess that's good enough for now." He stretched and placed his arms behind his head. "By the way, I need your advice. I want to give her a care package or something. What should I get her?"

"Hmm. I think Flora can manage to get anything she wants, but what's a four-letter word for something we have right here but they don't sell in Japan?" Linda tapped her fingers against her jaw. "Here's a hint. It starts with S."

"Then I guess you'll approve of the plane ticket I just bought to Tokyo."

She sat up straight and squealed. "Oh my God you're going to visit?"

"Yeah. During spring break. She says it's cherry blossom season over there and I can sleep in her room."

Linda smirked. "There's no way you're going to come back unscathed."

"I'm visiting as a friend, Linda."

"That's using the term friend loosely. Do you need to borrow money again?"

"Actually...if you don't mind terribly..."

Linda laughed. "God, Sean. When are you ever going to be rich?"

"You sound like Flora there for a second. Speaking of which...everything I told you is confidential, okay? You're not going to turn your back on me and report everything back to Flora, are you?"

"Of course not. Flora and I don't even talk that often," she lied.

"Is that so? Then where did you get that ugly thing on your desk, may I ask?" He nodded towards that direction.

"How dare you call hello kitty ugly!"

"Is that a toaster?"

"No...it's a nail dryer." Linda picked it up and showed it to him. It was pink and light. "You stick your fingers in here, wind blows, and it makes your nail polish dry faster. Sent with love from Flora. Are you jealous?"

"Jesus. Your nails don't dry fast enough. That's the first-worldest problem I've ever heard."

"Says the guy who's making voodoo doll apps?" Linda smiled. "Yeah, okay, fine, Flora and I do talk. But I won't tell her anything you said. I promise."

"Voodoo doll apps sound like a good idea, actually. If you break your promise, I'll curse you with it and your nail polish will dry really slowly."

Linda giggled. She liked how her brother just poured his heart out to her, for once, and this afternoon had become the highlight of her week. Before he came home, the atmosphere in the house wasn't the best she could hope for. "Something's going on between mom and dad," she said. "I don't know what, but they've been acting really weird."

"Like they're overly happy when there's nothing to be happy about?"

"You noticed?"

He nodded. "I thought I was paranoid...did you hear anything?"

"I asked mom, but she said it's nothing."

Linda pushed the thought away. Mom and dad were mom and dad. It was so hard to imagine them outside of their roles, that they could be real people with their real problems too.

∞

Flora was waiting right outside the arrivals hall when Sean landed at Narita International Airport. She had on an over-sized shirt decorated with multiple painted-on eyes, a pair of gray leggings and hot pink sneakers, which was something he never expected to see on her. The shirt reminded him of an insect with compound eyes and he didn't know where to look, but Flora was of course stunning as always. She also seemed to fit right in.

A smile floated off her face the moment she saw him, excitement exploding around her like popping balloons. "I can't believe you're here! How was your flight? I mean, a fourteen-hour non-stop flight from Boston in economy class..." She shook her head. "If that's not true love, I don't know what is."

He laughed. "Only for you, dear Flora."

"Are you tired? Let's get you home first," she said, smiling up at him. He liked how she said it, as if he was returning to where he belonged instead of visiting. "I have at least thirty things planned and I'll give you the rundown after we got on the train...you just tell me yes or no. It's so hard to cram everything in a week but I tried."

"I just want to take a hot shower, and then have sex," he said. "That's all I'm here for."

Flora chuckled. "I'm sure we can squeeze that in somewhere between Pokémon Center and clubbing in Roppongi."

Her fingers curled around his forearm as she led the way. Sean watched her hair bouncing off her shoulders, thinking that dealing with Flora was like holding a kite. Hold it too tight and the string snaps, hold it too loose and she flies away, which was why they had become the way they were—drunken confessions, blatant flirting, and hugs that lingered for too long.

Maintaining this balance was almost harder than working for a relationship. He wanted to be on her mind, yet not so much that it completely consumed her. If he took one step too far, they'd probably both end up naked, but that wasn't something he could handle at the moment.

Doesn't mean he couldn't joke about it, though. Just to keep her interested.

"So we can go people watching in Yoyogi Park if that's something you'd like," Flora said with her signature fast pace that would be hard to keep up if the listener weren't paying attention. "It's in Shibuya, near Harajuku Station and you get to see some really crazy fashion styles. We can also picnic under the sakura trees in Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden...it's one of the best places in the city, and you're basically sitting on a blanket of fallen cherry blossoms and they also fall on you like snow. After it gets dark, it's another kind of breath-taking when the trees are lit up...what do you think?"

Sean was too busy watching her lips move to really hear what she said. "I'm fine with anything," he said. "I just want to see you, that's all. You don't have to go out of your way to plan anything. We can just—"

He stopped himself just in time when he realized what was happening. Flora already had a list of events and timetables on her phone, down to the last tiny detail, and here he was, just about to suggest they could sit in her room, talk, and eat convenience store food.

"I mean, picnicking sounds great." He smiled at her. "I can't wait."

Flora beamed. Her cheeks were the color of cherry blossoms, and she was all he needed.

∞

Flora's room was a mess. She said she tried living in the dorm room in the beginning but just didn't like it. She found herself a tiny apartment near Waseda University, where she was taking language lessons. The room was of traditional Japanese style with tatami mats as flooring, there were a few bonsai trees that looked in the midst of dying, and mangas were strewn everywhere. Sean had to clear out a path before he could even get to the bathroom.

"Flora?"

"Yes?"

"How do you flush the toilet?"

He heard her laugh through the door. "Do you want me to come in and help you?"

"No!"

She laughed some more. "It's at the top of the panel."

Sean looked at the control panel next to the toilet, which included enough buttons to operate an airplane. He chose one and watched with horror as water started squirting out of the toilet bowl.

"Did you get doused?" she asked when he finally came out after pressing every single button there was.

"No, I jumped back in time. Seriously, how many buttons do you need to flush a toilet?"

Flora grinned. "Hey, hygiene is really important and you get to control the water pressure and temperature. My heated toilet seat is my new best friend. Some toilets even come with a sound system. You press it and it plays the sound of water running, so people don't hear you."

"What a life you're living, Flora." He smiled. "Do you like it here?"

"Sean." She sighed. "I love it. I love almost everything about it here, but in the beginning I was so miserable. I was homesick and lonely and I didn't understand anything on TV. People here are super nice and polite, but it's easy to feel alienated. I came with two other students from NYU and I only hung out with them in the beginning and talked about bad American reality shows, which seemed pretty pointless after a while because I want to make friends with local people too. Also, before I came I thought Tokyo was this batshit crazy place with wacky inventions and everything, but it's more or less like any other metropolitan and it's not that weird."

"But things are better now?"

"Oh yes." She nodded. "Once I got past the initial culture shock with some much-regretted relationships...I'm really not proud of that, but at the time I needed the distraction...I've come to appreciate everything and I'm really having a blast. My Japanese friends invited me to a tea ceremony and we drank matcha out of a bowl, and there's this time when we cosplayed as characters from Attack on Titan...but you know what I like most about Japan?"

"Vending machines, probably."

She laughed. "That's a close second. It's this...abstract thing called the spirit of craftsmanship? You know, no matter what they're working on, whether it's growing pears or making pots...they take their jobs so seriously and they care about quality control. I was watching this documentary on a sushi restaurant, and the effort they put in just to dry a piece of seaweed is astounding." She rambled on about how she noticed this even when she was shopping, because the saleswoman put a clear layer of plastic over her shopping bags when it started to rain. "I used to be careless about lots of things, but this has been eye-opening so far. I mean, creativity is great, but meticulous execution, however boring it may seem, is crucial too."

Flora didn't stop talking for a good twenty minutes. Sean watched her with fascination, wondering what exactly it was about her that was different. She felt close and foreign to him at the same time. In the days that followed, that feeling was to grow stronger and yet he still couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"So how's your business?" Flora asked. "Are you starting to profit yet?"

"I am, actually, but in the beginning when I was trying to get my name out there, I did a lot of free work. I'd approach companies and offer to revamp their websites, and I also made a lot of free apps for student organizations on campus...once I start asking for money, however, people aren't happy about it."

"These people are entitled brats," Flora said, then she smiled. "That sounds like something I get called regularly."

"They think it'll only take me a minute and that I'm snobby now because I want to get paid, especially since there are lots of free webpage builder out there."

"That's like saying Bentley is just a car and you know, why get a Hermès Birkin when it's just a bag. Some people see the value of quality, some don't, but where there's a demand, there's a market." Flora spoke with complete authority in her tone. "If people think you're too expensive, they have the freedom to not hire you, but you need to let people know that you're worth the service you provide. Sean, there's nothing more legitimate than getting paid for what you're good at."

"Thanks, Flora. I need to hear that."

"I mean it. You have to let them know you're the holy grail of website design." Flora's hazel eyes sparkled. "The next thing you know, they'll need to get on a wait list before they can even talk to your secretary."

He laughed. "I'll probably get out of web design after a while. This is more like a stepping stone to me. Hey, can I show you something I've been working on?"

"Sure thing."

He turned on his laptop and demonstrated how to navigate the mobile game he made as a side project. "The tentative title is Ms. Morgan goes to Paris," he told her.

She chuckled. "Is that inspired by the movie Mr. Smith Goes to Washington?"

"Yes. It's a platform game, and Ms. Morgan clears each stage and goes on to the next one. Stage one: garage sale...I know, she'd never be caught dead there but she's got to start somewhere. Stage two: Bergdorf Goodman. Stage three: Lanvin runway show."

"Ah, good times. I took you to those places." Flora laughed. "Stage four: Harajuku where she dresses up as a vending machine...I love this! What's the goal of this game? She saves a cute guy from this purgatory otherwise known as Gap?"

"Ms. Morgan rules the fashion empire, of course. It's not about guys."

Flora smiled until her eyes turned into hazel slits. "I demand 30% of all profit you make from this. I think this is brilliant. You have a kickass character attired in haute couture...I've always thought pointed toe stilettos look like weapons, by the way."

She scooted closer to him on the tatami floor. Sean was jet-lagged and thought he would be going straight to bed after dinner, but once they started talking, the words just kept coming. After he spoke of his name, it was her turn to show him everything from her eyelash comb to her term paper on 'marketing and window display in the Ginza Shopping District'. She had some insightful ideas just as he expected.

When he started to yawn, she pulled out two soft mattresses and placed them next to each other on the floor. They looked warm and comfy. "You want to get some sleep?" she asked. "We have a full day tomorrow. We're getting up at four in the morning so we can see the tuna auction and get some top quality sushi at the Tsukiji fish market."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Afraid not."

"I want to sleep in and have pancakes with bacon for breakfast," he whined.

"Okay. We'll go to Tsukiji the day after tomorrow, then."

Sean groaned into the pillow and Flora laughed. She switched off the light, and darkness wrapped around him like a blanket, pushing him halfway into sleep almost immediately.

He felt her rustling beside him, and then her silken voice drifted over, like a loving caress. "Sean, I'm really happy you're here."

"Me too, Flora."

"Good night and see you tomorrow."

He fell asleep thinking that it was the most beautiful sentence he ever remembered hearing.

∞

Every morning, Sean woke up to her gentle calling of his name. He pretended to be asleep so he could feel her touching him. She would tousle his hair before letting her palm slide down his back between his shoulder blades, shaking him gently.

Her place was located at Shinjuku, one of the busiest commercial centers in Tokyo, yet when they were inside, time stilled. Time stilled when she poured hot water into a filter cone, trying to show him what a cup of slow-brewed Japanese style coffee tasted like. Time stilled when he watched the water drip through, one drop at a time, causing a small ripple in the cup of dark, bitter liquid. The ground coffee bean rose up like a brown cloud when water was absorbed. The smell of a fresh brew filled the air. Time stilled when she looked up from the stop watch and smiled at him, because she claimed that the brewing process had to be carefully timed in order for the flavor to bloom.

He felt spoiled.

"I don't care what anyone says," Flora said. "I love Starbucks and caramel macchiato. But you, dear Sean, you're a coffee snob. I bought all these gadgets for you."

He protested that he wasn't snobby and he certainly didn't sneer at Starbucks like she suggested. Flora just smiled at him in a doting way as she handed over his mug, eyes bright and tender, like she adored having him there. He sat up, hugging the white bed sheets to his chest, basking in the warmth of the morning as the smell of coffee filled his lungs. The room was quiet. Tatami mats were calming. Through blurry eyes, he would often have the fleeting, ridiculous feeling that they were married.

It was a wonderful, albeit bittersweet feeling, because he would remember right away that they weren't even dating. Time started moving again, like an alarm went off, and things rushed forward at full speed.

Flora started to tell him what their plans were for the day, and as usual it was filled with must-sees and must-dos, including a trip to the Ghibli museum in the morning, meals that took at least an hour just to get to the front of the line (and she already knew what to order because she studied food blogs), multiple temples in the afternoon, Tokyo Skytree for a view of the city at night, and singing at a karaoke parlor with all her Japanese friends, which, Flora insisted, was less about singing and more about blowing off steam.

"You don't have to get up in front of a whole room of strangers," she said. "It's a closed box with a couch and a screen in front of it, and everyone's going to be drunk anyway."

Drunk or not, Sean had never been further away from his comfort zone. He was a rather laid-back traveler, and when he was on a trip with Jake and Dylan, they were cool with sleeping without alarm clocks, doing only one thing per day, grabbing a bite anywhere convenient, and hanging out at the hostel bar, while Flora's signature speech was always: you didn't come all the way to Tokyo for this.

I came for you, he thought. I just wanted to see you.

There was a small warning bell at the back of his mind, obnoxiously reminding him that this was the bad kind of déjà vu, that even though every one of their friends and family was rooting for them, they always wanted different things. He didn't give up hope that once they got rid of all obstacles—distance, time, other guys—they could be together, but his deepest fear was when there was nothing to keep them apart anymore, it'd become brutally clear that the thing keeping them apart was really themselves.

"Are you having fun so far?" Flora asked one evening, sitting across from him as she absently combed her fingers through her hair. He liked her without makeup and her hair down. She had a relaxed smile on her face, and the sincerity in her tone hit him with an overwhelming sense of affection. He could tell she really wanted him to have a good time.

"More than I imagined, Flora," he said truthfully. He was spent, but he appreciated everything she scheduled. "This has been awesome, and it's so great to see you. By the way, I like the tempura we had for lunch."

"That's great! I want to show you everything and there's not enough time," she said. "Is there anything you want to do but we haven't covered?"

"You mean besides sex?"

Flora snorted. Her eyes danced with humor.

If this had been back when they were still dating, Sean would've been walking on eggshells trying not to upset her. Any comment he made was likely to be taken as a complaint, and he especially didn't want to come across as ungrateful now after everything Flora did for him.

But they were friends now, and they had learned. The least he could give back for her hospitality was some honesty.

"Do you think we could slow down a bit? I want to save some time to just...I don't know...space out and revel in the atmosphere of the city."

"Ah, it's been too hectic, right?" She nodded, and she didn't seem offended at all. "What do you say if we stay one night at an onsen...that means natural hot spring...in a resort town nearby? It's only an hour away and you get to see a bit of rural Japan. Less people...slower pace...a chance to get naked..."

"Yes. Yes, oh God, Flora. Please take me there. Please."

Flora laughed. "You should've just said so. I'll book a room right away."

∞

They did get a chance to get naked, as bringing any cloth into the hot spring bath wasn't allowed, but the male and female open-air baths were separated. Sean sat in the hot water and sighed under his breath. Off in a great distance, he could see Mt. Fuji surrounded by fogs.

Flora was confusing as hell. She was so good to him, but it also felt different. Back in summer, they were surrounded by an electric field of sizzling tension, but now, even though he was sleeping next to her every night, it felt mostly natural and comfortable. She was...friendly, yes, that she was, but he couldn't read much more beyond that. She also didn't look like she wanted to kiss him anymore.

He glanced around. It was a huge open bath, but there were only two or three people in there with him, and they were all the way over at the other end. It was easy to feel isolated and get lost in the pale blue water and the alleged healing powers, like he was the only person left in the world.

He closed his eyes. This was relaxing beyond words, and at that moment his world melted away as he immersed himself in this feeling of certainty—there were lots of things he couldn't yet figure out, but it was so good to be alive, so good to be thousands of miles away from home but close to the one person he wanted to share this experience with.

It must be even better in winter, when snow was falling and breaths turned into icy puffs, yet the water remained hot and welcoming. He felt eerily calm, thankful that he was here, with her and not with her at the same time.

"Was that the best thing you've ever experienced or what?" Flora was waiting back in the hotel room when he got back. Her hair was semi wet, dark and alluring against the beige bathrobe she wore. She smiled and he felt drunk.

She had ordered an exquisite Kaiseki cuisine, which could be best described as beautiful. There were 14 courses in total, each one only of a bite size, all meticulously prepared and presented as some kind of exotic flower. There were appetizers, small side dishes, vegetables, sashimi, a soup, meat, and Sean was wide-eyed with awe that people actually ate like that.

His very honest opinion (which he kept to himself) was that the food looked better than it tasted, but he was touched that Flora went out of her way to show him everything she loved. They started drinking plum wine after dinner, and he thought she looked incredibly pretty with her cheeks flushed.

"I've always wanted to do something," she said.

"Anything you want."

"I want to watch the original version of The Ring in a secluded place like this with the lights turned off. I'm too scared to watch by myself, but if we watch it together it could be really fun."

Okay, that was unexpected.

"Um, sure?" This could be romantic, he thought. He decided to be optimistic. They were huddled together in the dark, after all, under a blanket, on the mattress, and she was so close to him he could feel the heat through her thin bathrobe.

The plum wine he drank was making him dizzy with affection. He was also extremely horny. He wasn't a fan of horror movies, much less ones with subtitles, but he liked this intimacy, even though Flora wasn't lying in his arms like she used to do. She would grab his arm occasionally, but her attention was on the screen.

"I think Japanese horror movies are super creepy," she said. "No blood, no gore, but the atmosphere just makes your hair stand on end—oh my God. Oh my God." Her eyes widened at the image as the movie drew close to the end.

"Oh my God," Sean repeated. "She's got really nice hair."

She burst into quiet laughter. "You just ruined the tension."

"I had to save my arm. You're digging a tunnel with your fingernails."

She laughed again. She turned to face him, her eyes gleaming in the dark like jewels. Her face was so close to him, and he felt himself sinking all the way down, until he could only feel how turned on he was.

He didn't think he could resist her anymore. This was meant to happen.

Flora picked up the remote and turned off the TV. She scooted away to her own mattress and got under the duvet. "Good night, Sean."

Excuse me?

He swallowed. "Good night."

They lay next to each other in the dark. The faint sound of her breathing taunted him. He realized with a sinking feeling that this trip was coming to an end, yet he wanted so much more. He wasn't ready to go back at all.

"Sean."

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to talk? I have some thoughts I want to share with you."

"Sure, Flora."

There was a pause, then she said, "You know, I think about you a lot. Not just what we are now, but what we were way back. In high school. When we were still dating."

"Okay?"

"And the more I think about it, the more I realize that you were a really great boyfriend."

Huh? Sean's mind was a jumble of mess and he had no idea what Flora was getting at. It was so long ago and there were no hard feelings. They broke up over three years ago.

"The thing is," Flora said, "looking back now, it's ridiculous that we fought so much. I can only remember the good parts now...that you were very patient with me and incredibly supportive of my interest in fashion. I can't believe you even wrote Ms. Morgan goes to Paris...that really is the cutest thing...but back then I was focusing on all the petty things. I thought the things that defined me were good food and fun, and I wasn't able to see that I was more than that, and like, I'm not going to have a meltdown right now if you asked me to drive slower or study harder, because you know, I'm not going to lose myself just like that."

Not knowing what to say, Sean said what he felt most guilty about. "I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding about Raymond, though. Poor guy really wanted to be your friend."

"Yeah, but my point is, hanging out with him at the mall like you suggested won't change me as a person either. People are not that easy to change, and adopting a few new habits isn't going to alter the essence of me. Do you know what I'm saying?"

"Yes."

"By the way, before I came here I still hang out with Ray sometimes. Just not in my room. I kind of prefer it that way now...like I can have a lot of fun out there, but when I go back home, I get to spend some alone time with myself. I feel like my friendship with him hasn't changed much, even though Sandy loathes him."

"I'm glad you're still friends with him," Sean said, surprising himself that he actually meant it.

"Me too," Flora said. A few moments passed before she spoke again. "Anyway, I had an existential crisis before because I was lost and weak. I really really looked up to you, as you know. I think you brought out my insecurity because you're so smart and mature and just very...together, and I felt like you were way up there and I had to keep climbing up to meet you. But now, I still think you're wonderful, of course, but now I feel like we can support each other. I'm not like you, but I'm pretty fab too."

For some reason, Sean felt like a lump in his throat closed up his airway, making it hard to breath. This was exactly what he wanted to hear. He wanted more than anything for Flora to feel like the amazing, competent girl she was, and he was convinced that it was the only way they could work. What she said flared up so much hope in his chest, he almost saw fireworks.

He swallowed. "I feel like we can support each other, too. And yes, Flora, you're fabulous."

She laughed softly. "Everyone thought I was too in love with you," she said, "and I used to think, how could you be too in love with someone? But I get it now, and I think you really did have the power to turn me obsessive. I regretted it so much that we broke up, but also, I'm grateful about the way things turn out because for example, if we were still together now, I'd definitely not have applied for the student exchange program, and God, I need Tokyo. It doesn't even have to be Tokyo...I just had to get away and be by myself."

That feeling came back. Flora sounded different now. She sounded...in control. Like she found what she was looking for.

"Like I told you," she said, "I was lonely in the beginning and I felt like I had to date to get rid of that feeling, even though I knew they were the wrong guys because they weren't you and I'm sorry, but I relied on people too much and I craved for human contact. But now, for the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want and what I don't want."

What? This conversation was rapidly taking the wrong turn. Sean got what she was saying, and a feeling of doom rose up in his stomach. "You like being by yourself now?"

"Yes. Exactly. If we were dating, for example, this week would've been very stressful because everything needed to be perfect, and I'd be miserable when you go back again, but now it's like, your visiting here is the highlight of my stay so far, I like having you here so, so much, and I think it's amazing we get to be such great friends after everything...but when you're not here, I'm perfectly happy just wandering around the city alone. I love talking to people, but some of my best time here was spent sitting in the park by myself. This sounds so arrogant but God, I love myself."

Sean stared at the darkened ceiling with a heavy rock on his chest, the realization settling painfully in as her words registered meaning. He meant it when he told Linda he just wanted Flora to be happy, even if it was with someone else, and now he saw Flora really did find that person.

It was herself.

He had come all the way to Japan to get himself friendzoned.

Sean had never been friendzoned in his life, and he was half sad and half honored that Flora had to be first again. He was naive in thinking that everything would always stay the same just because he hadn't changed, but the space and time had done Flora wonders, and she was all different now.

Which was good, he decided. He didn't intend on having her on a leash just because he gave her some flowers. He'd rather see her confident and happy like this, instead of pining for him in a desperate manner. Flora deserved to be selfish, and for that he was glad. Even though it was giving him stomach cramps at the same time.

"I'm really happy for you, Flora."

"I know. Thank you."

They were both silent. Sean's eyes were open as he waited for her to say some more. She did, like he expected.

"Sean, you know I love you, right?"

He did, but it was not the I-want-to-have-your-babies kind of love he hoped for. It was more like I-love-caramel-macchiato-from-Starbucks kind of love. But you can't have everything in life, right? Like she said, it was amazing that they got to where they were now with everything between them.

How many people could say they traveled with their exes and slept in the same hotel room with nothing happening but well wishes for each other?

"I love you too, Flora."

He could sense her smiling, or maybe it was just his imagination. "I know," she said, her voice so soft, like flower petals. "Is it okay to not do anything about it?"

"We're doing something about it already, aren't we?"

She chuckled. "Yes, Sean. Let's just keep doing what we're doing, then."

∞

Frederick Bankole glanced up from his MacBook Air when he heard the front door open and close. Sean came in with his backpack slung over one shoulder and circles under his eyes, looking like he was in serious need of caffeine. It was finals weeks, and when exams were approaching, Sean almost never stayed in the house, claiming that they partied too much and he couldn't concentrate.

"Pulled another all-nighter?" he asked.

Sean nodded. "Where's everyone else?"

"They're all sleeping. It got pretty wild here last night."

Ever since one of their friends, Connor, installed an automation system in the living room, music and lights were all voice-controlled, and partying had never been easier.

"It's a mad house in here." Sean rubbed his hand over one eye, and then he stilled, fixing his gaze on the coffee table. "Is that my instant ramen?"

"Yeah. It's a bit too salty but not bad."

"Wait. Did you eat all of it?"

"Well, yeah, but Connor ate some too. And so did Josh. We also ate some of that green tea flavored KitKat. You have some real good stuff, Seany."

Sean let out a whiff of air, which was rare because he was never annoyed. "That's not cool, man. You can't eat my stuff without asking me."

"But I thought we were brothers? And you eat my food without asking me all the time."

"Okay, fine, but you could at least leave some for me. I was saving it for special occasions."

Fred laughed. "It's just ramen, Seany. You can go out and buy some right now."

"It's ramen sent from Japan. It's got...Japanese characters on the package and everything."

"And?"

Sean set down his backpack and lowered himself in the armchair beside Fred. "It's from a very dear friend. There's sentimental value to it, okay, Freddy?" He sighed. "At least tell me you did not open that can of fresh air from Mt. Fuji, please."

Fred smiled at how completely serious Sean was being. "I didn't, but just so you know, canned air is a scam. Unless you're just breathing in the sentimental value of it."

"I don't care. I'm very stressed right now and I'm going in my room later to inhale my canned air in peace. Don't judge me."

Fred laughed. "Sure. Oh, by the way, a girl was asking for you. You didn't turn on your phone so she tried calling the house."

"Yeah, my battery died. Who was it?"

"I forgot her name. She said she was a very close friend. She's getting married and she wants you to be the best man or man of honor...the best man on the bride's side, whatever it's called. She says it came as a shock because she got knocked up and it's a shotgun wedding—"

"Fred. What's her name?" Sean had visibly blanched.

"I think it starts with—"

"Janet." Sean let out a whoosh of air. "It's Janet, right?"

"Oh yeah! That's it. Janet Wilson."

Sean nodded. "You almost gave me a heart attack. I'm gonna go to my room now and and open my can of fresh air to calm my nerves."

Fred chuckled and turned back to his laptop, amused. All this time he thought Sean was just a heartbreaker with a short attention span, but now it was transparent before his eyes.

That boy had a huge crush on someone. Even though Fred didn't know who it was yet, he could see that the crush was set on an irrevocable course and he was doomed.

  ∞  

i don't usually insert media in the story, but here are some reference pictures i want to share with you:

(Japanese toilet control panel)

(cherry blossom of Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden)

(open air hot spring bath with view of Mt. Fuji)

  ∞  

thanks for everyone's input on the last chapter regarding updates! i've decided that i won't cut up the chapters, but i'm afraid there's always going to be a long wait. i'm sorry, but i think this suits the story better, since Sean and Flora are separated by a long wait every time they see each other anyway.

i would give you fast updates if i could, i really would, and i know there are some beautiful, talented writers here who can write fast and write well, but unfortunately i'm not one of them. it takes me so much time to write just one paragraph. it requires so much research to put down one line (i know you probably don't care about how accurate my facts are, but i do). writing this takes as much effort as writing a paper, but the last thing i want is for it to really feel like writing a paper in terms of joy

so yes, i understand, slow updates make readers lose interest. i mean, i had to wait a year for Games of Thrones season 6, but did i forget the story? of course i did. but i love it regardless because it's worth waiting for. i'm grateful that you look forward to an update or when you ask me for spoilers and such, but please understand i'm doing the best i can and i always post as soon as possible. if you're still interested despite my slow pace, that's awesome. we can hang out over the comment section as you know i try my best to reply to everyone. i'll be eternally thankful for your support, i love you guys, but i also have to ask you to love me the way i am. my life doesn't revolve around WP just like Flora's life doesn't revolve around Sean (lol)

speaking of which, this chapter isn't very fluffy or swoons-worthy, but i think this is an important step for the ship to sail again (which it will, don't you worry). 

dedicated to BeautifullyComplex even though i did before, but i think she'd really get everything i mentioned in the author's note