(Comedy)

"How long has it been?"

"Same amount as the last time you asked me, Lance."

"OK... How 'bout now?"

"Still only been an hour, Lance."

Lance groaned and slumped down farther on the couch. Every minute Lance has asked Pidge what the time was. Not because he was bored, but because he was lonely. Keith left on a solo mission an hour ago, the goodbye taking up to two hours. Pidge wouldn't tell Lance, everyone else knew but him, but Keith's mission could really hurt their relationship.

Keith had to stay on a new planet for a week, by himself, with another guy. Nothing wrong with that, except the guy is trying to get Keith in his bed. The point was to make Keith unfaithful, but of course Lance couldn't know this was happening.

Pidge sighed, mumbling in her head about how she hoped that Keith stays true. No one has ever passed the test for over five years, which makes things scarier. But if Keith can fight Shiro's arm with his love for Lance, he can beat this.

"PIDGE!!! How much longer!?!?"

"He'll be home soon, Lance. Don't worry."

~~~~~~~

Keith landed the red lion on the sex driven planet. He may or may not miss Lance already, but he'll see him in a week. Keith sighed, this was just a waist of a week; there's no way that Keith would ever betray Lance.

"Welcome to our planet!"

Keith hadn't taken two steps off of the lion before the planet shook with thunderous voices. A large group had formed in front of red, the people staring in awe and with excitement. A few feet in front of the others stood the male Keith was staying with.

All the people here had yellow (for girls), purple (for boys), and red (for anyone in between) skin. No matter what color, they had two small, blue horns poking up from their necks.

The purple skinned boy in the front smiled and lent Keith a hand for him to get down with. Keith, of course, just walked off.

"It's wonderful to see you, Keith. Do you have anything you need to get from your lion?" Ven, the one Keith was staying with, asked.

"Nope, everythings good. So what challenge is first?" the faster this went, the faster Keith could get back home.

Ven smiled and bowed slightly with his right arm crossing over his body, "Of course, darling. Your first test will be at the dinner we're all having tonight in your honor. It's not every day that we get to seduce a hero."

"We?"

Ven stood straight, "Why yes, the whole planet gets to take a crack at getting you in bed. I'm just the main one," Ven ended in a wink.

The crowd snickered, some nudging one another and others already started undressing Keith with their eyes. Keith didn't say anything, it would just encourage them. The more people around him, the more he can prove his loyalty. Ven took Keith's hand, already intertwining their fingers, and pulled Keith through the crowd.

It wasn't his fault some of the people got punched or throne to the ground, they touched him first.

~~~~~~

The team sat at the dinner table, eating awkwardly while Lance poked at his food. The castle had been quiet these past few hours. Lance had eventually gone to his room to leave Pidge alone and hadn't come back out until Hunk got him for dinner. To the others, Lance was moping around because Keith wasn't here.

In reality, however, Lance knew what Keith was going. Yes, he was sad because his boyfriend wasn't there, but he could live without him for a week. It didn't take long to get the truth out of Hunk, and let's just say that Lance wasn't anywhere close to being pissed.

Vex is a good word to use. He was pissed off, yes but he was worried sick for his boyfriend. Lance was vex. Keith hated too much attention, considering how much he got from the garrison. The only attention he truly craved was Lance's, and who wouldn't want that?

Lance sighed as he stood up with his untouched plate. He placed the goo in the fridge, incase he got an appetite later in the night, and waved everyone off to bed. It was going to be a long week.

~~~~~~

"Holy shit, this thing is never going to end," Keith mumbled to himself.

He sat at the head of a large table, one fit for a king and queen. Ven smiled as he chatted with his people and Keith yelled at the ones who tried to touch him. The food was the only thing saving the planet from being blown up. It was different, and yet tasted so familiar to Keith that he couldn't stop eating it.

"My, you've got quite the appetite," Ven pointed out.

"Well, duh, this shit's good."

Ven smiled and stood from his seat. He clapped his hands twice, silencing everyone in the room. The purple boy grabbed his glass of, hopefully a sort of wine- at least to Keith it was- and threw the drink over his shoulder. The rest of the guests at the table did the same and cheered. Keith only chugged the rest of his down. If he was getting anywhere close to the end of this week, he's need to be a little buzzed.

An hour later and the dinner was done and Keith was finally able to get some sleep. As much as he tried, Ven had no luck in getting Keith to sleep in his bed. Keith stretched out on his own bed, looking to his side and smiling softly, "Good night, Lance."

The morning came and Ven had breakfast set out and ready for Keith to enjoy. Once again, the pervs looking through the windows were lucky that the food was so good. The meal was filled with silence, Ven eating the same thing as Keith and watching him do so.

Keith cleared his throat, "So, what's today's challenge?"

Ven placed his fork down on his plate, "Today we're taking a tour of the planet. We'll have you meet some of the other contestants and by the time were done with that it'll be time for bed."

"Ah."

Keith slumped down in his chair and continued to eat. More social interaction with the pervs. With a small smirk, Keith turned his head quickly to the window. The pervs outside screamed and fell to the stone cold ground. The red paladin snickered and turned back to his meal. Today might not be so bad.

~~~~~

Lance stretched his arms above his head with a yawn. The alarm that Allura has set was blaring and flashing around Lance's room as he made his way to the bathroom. He cracked his neck and washed his facial off before getting dressed and heading out to the dinning hall.

Surprisingly, he was the first one there. Lance groaned as he cracked his back. So much cracking. He made his way over to the fridge and grabbed the cold food goo from last night. Lance grabbed a spoon and dug into the bowl, only to have the spoon break on impact. Lance raised his brow and poked his finger into the goo, the green mess being frozen solid.

With a groan, Lance threw the bowl away (the goo refused to leave the bowl). As he did this, Hunk and Pidge walked in together, Pidge on Hunk's back. Lance waved to them as they groaned back. Lance fixed himself another bowl and walked over to the half asleep pair.

"How'd you guys sleep?"

Again, they groaned. Lance sighed and ate quietly while more of the team arrived. You know things are bad when Shiro sits down and falls right back asleep. By the time everyone was in the dining hall Lance was done with his bowl. He cleaned, dried, and put it away while the team slept in their chairs. Lance grabbed a spoon and a pot and slammed them together. The team stood up quickly, Shiro activating his arm and Pidge gaining the high ground by standing on the table. It only took them a moment to realise that it was Lance, and they turned to him.

"Rise and shine! We should probably get training, right Princess?"

Allura rubbed her eyes, "Yes, I suppose so."

Lance nodded and walked out of the room, the rest of the team staring in awe.

"Did Lance just do what I think he did?" Hunk asked.

"Yep," Pidge said, "He's gone mad."

~~~~~

World tour, dinners, one on one conversations, housewarming gifts, and so much groping. That has been Keith's week, and yet, know one has gotten anywhere close to getting Keith to sleep with them. The seventh day, the final one before he got to go back home, was going to be the worst. They were having a party in honor of Keith making it to the end.

Something was off though. Ven had said that people mainly survive till the last day, then they fall apart. So what was going to happen to him at the party? Keith shook off the horrible feeling and moving on with his day. The party wasn't for another hour, and the prevs outside weren't going to hit themselves.

By the time the party started, Keith learned why the other's never survived. These people get you piss ass drunk. This was no exception for Keith. He knew what they were doing, everyone buying him a drink to "celebrate". In reality, however, they were getting ready to fuck him. What they didn't expect was what drunk Keith really acted like.

"Ven! Ven, we have a problem!"

Drinks were being smashed, tables were overturned, so many people were getting hurt, but none of them stopped trying to get Keith in their bed. When Ven finally came over he smirked. Keith had calmed down at that point, a group of guys surrounding him but not daring to go near him. Keith sat at the only stool that remained upright and drank another free beverage.

"My beautiful darling! How are we doing?" Ven came up behind Keith and gripped his waist.

There was no time for the others to warn him. Ven was on the ground in a second, Keith straddling him down with his knife held against his throat.

"This is the last time imma tell ya! Get *hich* away from me! I have a boyfriend!"

Ven groaned but still refused defeat. He slowly moved his hands to rest on Keith's thighs and moved them up and down. Keith growled and stabbed his knife through Ven's arm, his blood curdling scream echoing through the house. When Keith removed the knife he stood up and leaned against the bar to steady himself before he pushed off of it and pulled Ven up. Ven gripped his arm as he cried, and cried more when Keith touched him.

"Shut up ya whiny bitch! Where's Lance?! I wanna see Lance! Where d'ya put him?! I want my Lance!"

"OK, OK, OK, OK, OK! Will get him here! We promise! You passed! Now please let me go!" Ven sobbed.

~~~~~~

Dinner had just been dismissed for every one. Lance had been more bossy every day. If anything, he's turned into the black paladin. When the phones rang he was the one to open them up for everyone to see.

A yellow skin girl was on the other side. There were tears in her eyes as well as fear, "Please! Which ever one of you is Lance, you need to come over here now! I don't know how many more of us are going to get hurt!"

"Woah, woah, woah, slow down. What's your name?" Lance tried to ask her.

"It doesn't matter. Just come and get Keith! Now!" just like that, she hung up.

~~~~~

"Alright! Listen up! Every minutes that goes's buy without Lance here, another gets stabbed. Sounds' fair?" Keith kept chugging down more drinks, his speech worsening with every one.

"That doesn't seem fair at all!"

The crowd sat in a clump in the middle of the floor. They huddled together while Keith walked around them twirling his knife. Ven's arm had been bandaged, his other arm's shoulder had been dislocated, so that was fun. The people cried and shook as Keith laughed.

The castle landed next to the red lion, the run there seemingly taking forever. Upon entering the party, the crowd cheered and cried while Keith ran into Lance's arms.

"There ya are! I'va been lookin' for ya!"

Lance chuckled and said nothing. While the team looked at the people for any other injuries, Keith sat in Lance's lap. They were fine without each other, but don't get on their bad side. Just... don't.

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Happy Sunday everyone!

Yell at me, do it! Please!

School is so stressful! I hate it! I hate life! But damnit was this one-shot fun to write!

I love you all this much!

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That's how much I love you!

26 days till the end.

-Pinetree