The human mind is a scary place.

A dark, past filled of memories, just running in circles. Popping up in someone's mind at random times and taking their emotions for granted, it hurts sometimes.

Choi San.

Every time Wooyoung thinks of that name, it brings a small smile to his face. The happy smile, to his laugh, to his flirty humor, every single inch of him was beautiful.

San thought the same, but unfortunately didn't want to. He thought it was a sin to love someone to the point you'd take a bullet for them, and yet he did. Wooyoung was his love, his whole world in his eyes.

Everyday, seeing him smile and laugh was the highlight of his life. How could he live without him? He didn't know, he'd usually block those thoughts out as he stared at the other.

The other stared back, their eye contact soft as they gave a small smile towards one another. San got flustered and looked away as he covered his face with his hands and gave a embarrassed laugh.

He heard Wooyoungs laugh and it rang through his ears.

Something then popped up in the boys mind.

Something so horrid that a shiver ran down his spine, and his hairs stood on his skin.

Something so dark that even himself couldn't take the thought.

Something so sad that his thoughts and smile ached from the fake.

Something so empty that it made his insides fill with anxiety.

As his smile fell, the other asked what was wrong. San simply shook his head as his face forced a smile.

"It's nothing."

At midnight.

It'd be done.

The job would be over.

He would be free.

Free.

He held it, shaking as his hands felt sweaty. He shook uncontrollably as he stared down at the other sleeping. He tightened his grip on it, trying to gather himself as he raised it above his head. He felt tears prick his eyes, he felt his stomach take a steep hill and drop, and his body felt weak.

A knife.

Sharp to the tip, with one go it'd slice through a piece of skin and kill its victim.

'You have to do it.' He thought to himself harshly, his breath was unsteady as he opened his mouth, lips to shaky to even close. 'You'll be free after this, just do it!' He thought.

Tears ran down his cheeks as his muscles tensed.

'You have to do it...' his inner mind was crying at him, begging to just do it.

Freedom.

Freedom.

Freedom.

Captive.

Captive.

"Please." San whispered so lowly to himself that his breath caught in his throat.

All the memories flew through his mind like a train, so fast that the grip on the knife, gave up. The knife fell to the floor as he backed away from the boy who was now awake by the sudden noise. He felt beads of sweat form on his forehead, he felt his body shake, unable to speak or move as he witnessed the other sit up slowly.

"San?....is that you?" That voice rang through his ears, this time not angelic, but all he heard was fear. Fear from himself as he saw an arm reach out and turn on the lamp.

Lights filled the once dark room, and he panicked even more. He couldn't breath as he saw the other glance at him, and then the knife that lied on the floor.

Guilt.

Fear.

Panicked.

Alarmed.

"San....what?....what is this?..." He heard a almost shake in the other boys voice and he then looked at his hands, his breathing heavy as he stared at them.

Blood filled his image.

It was all over his hands, clothes, floor. He couldn't get it out of his head. He staggered back, and hit a desk as he fell backwards into the hallway.

"San! San calm down!" He heard the others words, but it was all blurred. All of it. His vision, the noises, the feel.

Numb.

He felt hands touch him, and with a single touch it flickered memories.

His touch, that roughed with his skin everyday.

His voice that yelled at him everyday.

His eyes that pierced through him everyday.

It made him scared, paranoid to the bone.

"Don't touch me!" He yelled out as he slapped the hand away from his bare skin and backed up into a wall. He felt the air in his lungs shorten, the world around him began to close as if the walls were eating him alive. The air was suddenly toxic, he couldn't hear anything but muffled noises. Scary noises that made him fear everything around him.

The walls went gray, putting him back in that captive place that many called 'home.' That 'home' held him captive, between walls that taunted him everyday. The noises of inhumanly screams, cries of help he would hear helplessly. The bright flashing lights when he sat on a hospital bed, feeling shots enter his thin skin as they controlled him.

He couldn't do it again.

He couldn't.

He can't.

He won't.

"San." A sudden, soft voice made him snap out of it. His daydream, or nightmare that was keeping him captive was broken as the voice became louder. Angelic. Soothing. His nerves calmed themselves as his vision focused. His hearing became clear and his could feel himself again.

His eyes made eye contact with soft, concered ones. Those brown orbs were not his, and the air around his seized with toxic climate.

He could breath.

He could see.

He could hear.

"Hey, it's okay. Just look at me. Breath." That soft voice made him relax as he felt his body calm itself. His hands still shook with guilt, but his body lay restless, leaned up on a hallway wall.

"Your okay." He heard another whisper, and the other came closer, San almost flinching as a warm hand cupped his teared stained cheek. The warmth was luring him in, his face leaning itself to the warmth.

They stared into each other's eyes, searching for anything to help them catch on to what the other feels at this point.

"I'm sorry." San whispered as he looked down, wanting to cry again as he stared at his shaking hands.

The same hands that held that knife, to the touch where it was almost satisfying. He hated it. He hated it so much that he wanted to use it, against himself, in a way that he would never be able to use it against the innocent or others again.

"San, it's okay. Your okay." The other whispered softly as he looked at the other with love filled eyes.

"How about we head to bed hm?....We can talk in the morning okay?" That soft voice made him want to agree with anything spoken from it.

He slowly nodded, and felt strong, gentle hands go under his legs and waist as they picked him up bridal style.

San didn't know what happened to himself, but he could think was 'it's done.' As he stared at the other.

As they slept, San couldn't help but stay awake and give a soft, sad smile towards the other.

'I'm in love.'

Ok ew.

I HAVENT UPDATED IN A SKDKKSJJSJD FREAKIN WEEK THATS WACK TO ME.

Neways- we had an assembly today in school and it was so gay. Like- we had pie eating contest and like jumping over people- IT WAS JUST WACK PERIOD.

And um- I sorta like smiled at my crush today so like aye 🤡 we makin progress

Also: if you didn't understand what San was witnessing throughout the dialogue becoz I suck at writing- San was trained and experimented on to become a assassin. He was always being tested everyday and he never knew the feeling of love, (until he met wooyoung) and in this case Wooyoung was his victim that he was suppose to kill. But he fell in love instead.

The end.

Yehet.

I'm depressed and gay.

Enjoy your night/day loVEs I love you all ♥️