Friday, 09:58 AM.

Lost.

Ever since the unexpected scene with Alyssa, I was completely lost within the darkness of my mind. The despair that grew within me had become fairly larger than before, blocking some parts of my thought process. I felt so empty and void, as if something had bored a vast hole within my body.

Every of her heartbroken words was just a stab to my gut. I still remembered her face as she left me to drown in my guilt. She was mad about how I had left everyone after that day, and how selfish I was. She was probably also mad about being called Buttercup, because I didn't really answer her properly. Most importantly, she was even envious of her own best friend...

...just like between Seb and I.

Thinking about it... Florence's words started to make sense. She knew that Alyssa had feelings for me and was secretly jealous of Rena. She was oblivious of such fact, and since Alyssa didn't want to hurt her, she masked it behind her cheery attitude. That's why Florence called her a two-faced friend.

She also compared Alyssa to Seb, whom I knew she had a crush on. However, Seb had feelings for Rena, and Florence, being the first one aware of him, must likely be bothered with it, so she rendered her own friend as pitiful, when she was one herself.

Friends are sure complicated...

As usual, I've been lying in my bed for hours, and the last time I moved my ass was because I went to the toilet to piss. I pulled my knees closer to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, then sank my head between them.

My mentality had been slowly peeling off, especially after Alyssa's revelation and of course, the monsters of the past that didn't stop leaving me alone. The more it stripped off, the more vulnerable my mindset had become. If this continued, I might eventually become deranged.

I stiffened up muscles, and squinted my eye. All I wanted to do was just to have fun, especially with Rena, throughout this holiday. I could even use this opportunity to get even closer to her. Happiness was the only thing I wanted throughout these days and nothing more, but I guess fate didn't like it placed on my life.

It decided to throw in my past that I wanted to forget, secrets and shit. It was as if I was tied up, and the chains were pulling every limbs I had, and the time it tore off, the agony was intense, but it was the exactly same amount of pain my mind was experiencing. Well, they always said mental pain hurts more, and it was one of the reasons why I was mostly numb.

There were a few moments where I thought I was finally free, only to be strapped down again. I didn't even have the time to cherish those memories, before I could, I would instantly be back on the abyss. A fragment of the past would play inside my head, and I would always have a mental breakdown. No matter how much I tried to escape back to my mundane life, I would always fail and get dragged back.

Can't I just take a break from all of this shit? I gritted my teeth.

The most important thing though, was that I have to make sure no one noticed my true condition. If they did, they would be thinking about some things I didn't want them to know. Well, Rena had known most of it, especially when she witnessed my episodes and my breakdown, but I...

The blare of my phone's ringtone made my skin crawl. I broke out from my fetal position, and crept over to the phone on my nightstand, seeing the caller. When I read out the name, I swallowed every breath I was taking, especially when I was thinking about her earlier. I decided to answer her call, albeit with reluctance.

"Hello."

"Hey Ed! I hope t-this is the perfect time to call you." Her gentle, subdued voice filled my ears, which never failed to make my insides melt. Her signature stutterings always reminded me that it was, indeed, her, all along, and not someone else.

Rena...

"Don't worry, you're calling at the right moment." I responded, allowing my legs to dangle from the bed. I still couldn't get over the fact that she was unaware of her best friend's true colors. I stupidly wanted to tell her at first, but of course, the consequences would be dire. I would just ruin their friendship.

"Um.... Sorry that I wasn't able to get to you yesterday." Rena laughed nervously. "I w-was busy dealing with my dad's restaurant, and it took longer than expected."

"I heard," I answered, "and it's fine, Rena. You should do what you want."

"Dad also asked me to help him cook in the k-kitchen. Apparently, one of his important chefs was sick, so I kinda replace him." She breathed out loudly. "It w-was really crowded and I have to catch up with a lot of orders. I was too fast that I accidentally cut my finger, hehe..."

"You should treat that, Rena." Hearing that she harmed herself, I felt myself overwhelmed with uneasiness. "Don't just laugh it off."

"It's not a serious cut, Ed. I can handle it on my own." She explained.

"Oh, that's good then." I mumbled, with my voice being too faint.

"...Um... Ed, are you okay?" She suddenly asked. "You s-seemed... a little off."

Rena must have been sensitive enough to notice that I was a little bit different than usual. Obviously, my heart softened when she called me, but my mood remained unchanged. I used to love covering my problems up, but now, I started to suck.

"Sorry, I'm just a bit moody." I answered, a little too quickly. Yeah, after being fucked up by a lot of things, how could you not?

After all of that scenes, I wasn't really able to return myself back to normal.

"... Maybe, a hangout at the mall will help." Rena suggested. "Speaking of it, while Aly and I were shopping there, I managed to find some g-great collection of hoodies for you. Most of them were on sale, so you should really b-buy them before it ends. On the positive side, y-you will also feel much better."

"Hoodies, huh...?"

"Yup! T-there's this one with a cool logo on the center. You'll love it."

My stare wandered at the closet. I had a good variety of hoodies already, and I usually bought it straight from the internet. The rest were either presents from my friends or I bought it with Rena or Seb at some store.

I began to realize that I really should use this chance to go out with Rena to relief myself. Right now, she was the only person that I was comfortable with, despite some issues. I shook my head and cleared out unnecessary thoughts as I gradually stood up from my bed.

"I'm going."

***

Mother seemed to be happy about Rena, and obviously, allowed me to go. However, she told me to come home early. When I asked why, she said she was just worried about my well-being. I didn't trust that response quite instantly, and suspected that there was more than that. Regardless, I didn't really want to ask, so I just shrugged it off.

The skies were gloomy like the day before, but I didn't think it was that bad. There were too many clouds clumping against each other that they all overlapped, creating dark, gray tones. Once I stepped out of the bus, the air that surrounded me was quite sticky as its particles collided against my skin.

I swiftly slipped through some group of people on the streets, before entering the mall's premises silently. As the automated doors opened, I glanced over to my side and noticed of a familiar girl leaning against the wall. She had half of her face hidden beneath the brim of her straw hat, as she played with her phone. She was wearing a simple blue sundress with white, intricate pattern.

She's... so gorgeous... At the passing thought, something warm radiated off my cheeks. I tried brushing my face with my arms, preventing Rena from seeing if she did. Stop with the fucking hormones...

I really couldn't take my eye off her, no matter how hard I tried. I gulped, and quietly made an approach. She quickly glanced up, her brilliant blue eyes were finally visible. When they acknowledged me, they slightly jolted with delight. Without any hesitation, she placed her phone away into her bag.

"Hey, Ed. I-it's rare to see that you're late, hehe..." Rena remarked, adding a little chuckle at the end. Well, I had been late on rare occasions, just like this one, but never was she annoyed with it. She had been late too, so she probably didn't want to oppose herself.

"Yeah, sorry about that." I subconsciously fiddled my sweaty fingers against the buttons of my polo shirt. I unfastened them, but then I buttoned them up again. I didn't know what I was doing, but I knew I had to stop it. I shouldn't let my nervousness get the best of me, especially around Rena.

"I j-just arrived, so I didn't wait too long." She stood properly from the wall. "Have you e-eaten breakfast yet?"

"I already did." Before I left, Mother had prepared the bread I had bought yesterday with seasoned, scrambled eggs. Finding out that my sisters had woken up and eaten their food, and that they were just hanging out in their respective rooms, I ended up eating alone.

"Same here, so... um... we'll just have l-lunch right after shopping."

Without speaking up, I agreed and tagged along while we quietly headed for the escalator. I trailed right behind Rena, who was looking around, searching for the perfect shop. While so, I stared at her back so hardly that if looks were tangible, I would have bored a hole through her.

Did Alyssa tell her about her encounter with Florence and I? By the looks of it, she seemed pretty oblivious, or maybe, she knew about it, but she didn't want to talk. Guilt was about to sweep over me, but it retreated to the back of my head when Rena reverted her attention towards me.

"You k-know... last night, Aly texted me saying that she wasn't feeling well." My heart abruptly stopped beating at her words, and the tiny hairs on my neck quickly stood upright. My muscles tightened up as if they were out in the cold, causing me to stiffen. Why did she talk about her out of nowhere?

"I asked her what happened, and she told me about meeting Florence at the cafe." Rena spoke. "When Florence left her novel, Aly tried return it to her, only to get called out. Well, they fought... a-and... she also s-said you were there."

So Alyssa did really tell Rena about Florence and me... ...but did she tell her what they were fighting about?

Did Alyssa really tell the real truth?

Did she tell her how mad she was with me for abandoning her after that day?

"Y... Yeah, I was there." I instinctively muttered out without thinking. I clenched both of my fists on both of my sides, locking my gaze with hers. Rena said nothing, but her worried eyes were giving a signal for me to explain more.

"I was buying some bread for my sister and I, when I saw them fighting." I muttered. "I didn't really listen what they were talking about, but I'm pretty sure Florence was insulting Alyssa and all. I mean, she was crying, so I came and comforted her."

"Aly told me that too." Rena nodded. "Well, she s-seemed thankful that you were there."

"Yeah."

Supposedly, there were more things to tell, but when I realized that it was that confession scene between Alyssa and I, I cut my words off. I could feel my heart lodged on my throat, and how sticky my palms had gotten. Obviously, she didn't want this to be spoiled to Rena, so I remained silent. Not only because of Alyssa's personal reasons, but because...

...I didn't want to hurt Rena.

I just wanted her to stay out of this.

In that way, she wouldn't have her heart broken.

At the same time, I felt like I was being crushed by something heavy. Keeping a secret from Rena, along with her best friend, felt like I was betraying her overall. The word 'betray' was like a bullet train colliding with me, and knocked me over the course. Furthermore, I was having a hard time breathing, due to my tightening ribs that squeezed against my lungs.

Ugh... I'm so torn right now...

I wanted to solve the problem, but I can't even solve the problems within myself...

"Florence had gone too far this time." Rena commented, which brought me out of my thoughts. She had her eyebrows furrowed. "I really have to do something."

"... What are you going to do?" I had the guts to ask out.

"Maybe I'm going to t-text Seb to tell Florence to watch with her words." Her serious tone told me that she wasn't at all going to back down. "I-It's okay to tell people your opinions about them, but you have to put it in a respectful way."

I didn't know whether it was a good idea or not, so again, silence was my answer. If she indeed confront Florence about her shitting around, it would take a longer time. That green-head girl won't change so easily, and the only way to shut her mouth up was giving her books to read.

"Don't do reckless things, Rena." I mumbled. "I know you're trying to help Alyssa, but you know Florence... she isn't the type to listen to people."

"Y-yeah I know, but..." She forced a smile. "...she should at least know that she shouldn't be a bitch to other people. It might be a stupid idea, but I d-didn't want any of my friends to get hurt even more."

I nodded without any further objections. She and her selfless attitude...

After some time, we finally arrived at the shop she was referring to. We then headed for the hoodie section, although at some points, Rena made a stop to look at clothes that caught her attention. I just waited as she skimmed through some new collections, and gradually pulled out a flowery dress. She observed it for a while, then turned towards me.

"How was this?" Rena asked, showing me the apparel.

"It perfectly matched you." I answered softly. She quickly read the tag, but her face began to drop slightly.

"Hmm... It's on sale... but the size is too large for me, so I guess it's a no..." She sighed in disappointment, before hanging the dress back to its place.

When we continued, she decided to stop by a section of the hairclips, where one was a group of triple blue flowers. She decided to take the latter for purchase. I gave no comment, as it was probably for her accessory supplies. After all, it looked cute on her, too.

When we finally reached the area I wanted, I didn't hesitate to take action. I stepped forward and observed every hoodies that were on sale, and well, she was right. They had variety of colors and patterns, although some were too bright for me. I picked up the one that perked my interest: a plain, navy hoodie. I might had one of these already, but I didn't care.

Seb can say whatever the fuck he wants.

Rena was observing each of the hoodies one by one, and knowing that she was looking for me, made my butterflies flutter against my stomach's walls. With my wanted hoodie in hand, I watched as she tried her best on finding the best one, and was too occupied to notice me.

I definitely didn't want to break her smile to pieces or even ruin her day. Even if I did, she would forgive me easily, although I knew it will still leave a scar on her. I just wanted her to be happy, and not to be involved about my own problem.

I just didn't want to her to get hurt...

That's why I decide to keep it a secret and I have to do so...

I'm sorry, Rena...

I'm such a coward...

I lowered my head, hoping that the floor would just swallow me and erase me from existence. My fingers gripped tight on the hoodie, and gritted my teeth.

I'm so sorry...

***

A/N: Ed decided to hide a big secret from Rena, especially when this secret was about her own best friend. Not because Alyssa asked him so, but because it's for Rena's sake. Well, like they always said, some secrets are meant to be hidden.

Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter, and I hope that you leave a vote and some comments (:

Question
What do you think about Ed's decision?

That's it for today. See you next week!