A/N: Myla :D

***

Annoyance.

Annoyance rushed through my veins as my gaze briefly came across Raphael's face. I felt myself stiffening up, as I balled both of my hands into fists. Although not as worse as anger, annoyance still built up an accumulation that must be kept low otherwise I will blow up, just like before. Mentally, I was throwing profanities at him, telling him to get the fuck out and stop bothering me.

The flute performance was great, I must admit. However, the effects from hearing the beautiful song were cancelled out by my annoyance of him.

I refused seeing Raphael, staring hard at the Ferris wheel in the distance as he walked towards me. He stopped next to me, placing his flute away in his bag. He didn't speak any word, surprisingly. Along with me, he observed the scenery. Meanwhile, the wind grew stronger as it blew; that was why my bangs got a bit crazier than before.

Regardless of the silence I sought, his presence started to get me more aggravated than ever. I had no other choice but to initiate a conversation.

"How did you know I'm here...?" I brusquely asked, not even looking at him. Hearing this question, Raphael started chuckling, which further vexed me out. Despite everything, I controlled myself and remained wordless.

"Where else do you go, Chris?" He said, between his laughs, gently slapping my shoulder. "I know you since you were young, obviously you'll always go here whenever you're upset or mad. I can guess even with my eyes closed!"

At the joke he inserted in the end, I rolled my own eye and folded my arms. I knew that he desperately tried to lighten up the mood, so that I will feel better or something like that. In reality, it was far from recovery, and the fact that Raphael made me worse was ironic.

I wanted to leave right now, but I knew that he would mindlessly follow me like an idiot. I didn't really want to talk to anyone, but I was left with no other choice.

"What do you want?" I demanded as he stopped laughing. I started tapping my finger to the railing that I had settled my arms on.

"Well..." He paused and was quiet for a moment. He cleared his throat and started talking. "...I'm here to visit my grandparents that I haven't seen for four years, then I would return by August. Since my family moved out, we rarely contacted them, so we barely know about their condition. Thankfully, they're still healthy, although my grandmother is a bit ill."

Meanwhile, I picked up a random rock and threw it into the water. It bounced twice, before it sank.

"I have a lot of free time, so I thought that it would be a great opportunity to reconcile with old friends like Seb and you." Raphael faintly exhaled, before resuming. "The problem is that I don't have your contact numbers, so it's pretty difficult. Luckily, I met Seb yesterday, and he had told me so much about everyone, including you. Unfortunately, I got to hear the news that Adelynn died due to an accident, so I'm kinda sad because I wanna meet her."

My eye shot open when a flash of a disturbing image suddenly came into mind. My heart immediately dropped drastically at the memory. Not only did it drop, a knife also stabbed through it effortlessly, causing a severe, acute pain. Flames slowly consumed my skin, gradually heating me up, like earlier. He casually talked about her death like it was a normal event, and that nothing out of ordinary happened.

Obviously, that was why I was, like most people often said, triggered.

"Don't you ever talk about Lynn that way, or I'm going to hit you." I spat loudly, between my chattering teeth. I could feel my eye twitch at this point. I shot my gaze towards Raphael, and I can see him completely. He instantly recoiled at my words, and shrank back.

"I... I'm sorry... I didn't know that it really affected you a lot..." Raphael muttered his apology in a faint, shaking voice.

I spoke nothing, because throwing him an intense glare was already adequate enough. I simultaneously clenched both of my fists on my side, jabbing my nails into my palms. My patience almost ran off my brain. There was only a small amount left, and it was the main reason why I haven't done anything to him physically.

Raphael's head drooped, allowing the brim of his fedora hat to shield his dull, brown eyes from being seen. I noticed that he was biting his lips, moistened by his tongue. Guilt was the most apparent expression engraved on his features.

"Chris, actually I..." His tone wavered in such a manner. He proceeded to tighten his mouth. "I'm really excited seeing you again, but you don't know how much guilt I'm feeling right now. I mean, it has been four years, but every time I see that one side of your face, it makes me feel like it happened yesterday."

"Then kindly leave me the fuck alone. In that way, you won't feel as much guilt as you do now." I bluntly sneered, backing off from him. I forcefully slapped his approaching hand from touching my shoulder. "Oh, and it would be better for you to move your ass back to Minnesota. There, you won't have to see my face again."

Hope was completely obliterated from his face; probably his hope of befriending me once again. He looked hurt by my words, as if it stabbed right through his heart, and also explained by his darkening eyes. Currently, his lips were shut, unable to mutter any more words.

Serves him right.

I spun my heels around, feeling no sense of pity. Shaking my head for the last time, I felt that it was the time to leave him alone. He didn't even bother to stop me, as if he had completely given up, and was drowned in his own guiltiness and thoughts.

At long last, he came to understand my feelings.

I didn't look back as I continued I could feel Raphael's eyes on me, but I shrugged it off and continued. Instead of returning to the cafe, I decided to journey back home. It was the only place comfortable for me to calm myself down after all of these bullshit. Not only that, it was also the only place where I could suppress my emotions pretty well.

***

I have yet to tell my friends regarding my departure.

I didn't want them to freak out about my alleged disappearance, especially Rena. She was the first person on the list that I didn't want to be made worried. After all, Raphael would most likely inform her and the others about what had occured between the both of us.

After moments of silence and blank thoughts while riding on the bus, I finally made it home. When I stopped at the gate, I glanced up to see my house, serene and tranquil. Most of my friends that had visited called it a mansion, reserved only for the highest-ranked elites. 

Sighing, I turned off the music and pulled my headset off my ears. Time to cool off myself somehow.

As I entered, I expected Myla to be the first one who acknowledged my presence. She would let out barks of joy and excitement, further alerting the others inside. However, not even a bark was heard as soon as I stepped inside. I looked around for her; under the table, or some space behind the wall, but I have yet to see the white-furred pomeranian lurking around the area.

My senses started tingling with suspicion. I considered the chance that she was probably sleeping, but I knew Myla a lot. She wasn't a fan of resting like some dogs do. She would always wander around without feeling tired, energetic about almost everything she deemed as interesting.

Another chance was that she might be exploring in the backyard, so she might not hear me. I clapped not once, not twice, but three times to attract attention. I waited for a few minutes, but the puppy was nowhere to be found.

"Myla?" I called out as I reached the living room, still searching for her. My mind raced, thinking that she might ran off the house due to her intense curiosity. Once she had done this, and mind you, it was really difficult to find her.

"Oh, hi Ed." My mother greeted as she came down the stairs. On her head, sat Kei, Lu's pet bird, who chirped as it looked at me. "What's wrong?"

"Where's Myla?" I asked her without thinking.

"Lu's taking her on a walk." At her answer, I took a breath of ease. Although my sister did not often walk her like I do, at least the puppy was just safe and sound. I was a bit worried about Lu, though, but my mother pulled a smile, attempting to convince me. "Don't worry, they would be fine."

"...I know." I mumbled. Kei suddenly flew from her head, finding comfort in my hair. I could feel its small weight and tiny legs as it wandered around my head. I used my finger so that it would perch on it. When it did, I slightly pet its smooth feathers.

"You're already home at this time?" She sounded slightly surprised, as she looked over the watch. "That's surprisingly early."

"Well, yeah." I shrugged. "I told you it was only for an hour or two."

I decided not tell my mother about Raphael, not even a slightest clue. Obviously, she knew about him a lot, not to mention he was a childhood friend. She, along with my father, will force me to reconcile him again and I didn't want that.

"Oh, alright then." She nodded, and before leaving she said something. "Take care of Kei, Ed. Lu asked you to."

"Yeah." I answered, going upstairs with the  zebra finch still in hand. It let out a beep sound,  turning its body around so that it faced me. When its black eyes looked at me, it briefly titled its head, before it turned to somewhere else. It rested comfortably on my finger while I opened the door to my room.

Turning on the lights, I placed the little bird on the table, disrobed my clothings until I was left with my briefs, and then slouched on the bed. I placed my arm over my head and stared blankly at the ceiling, catching a glimpse of Kei's shadow. It was flying over me to the nightstand beside my bed.
I continuously took deep breaths, removing the remains of my anger.

Summer break was supposed to be the perfect time to relieve stress from both school and work. It was the time to hang out with my friends and avoid making contact with the rivals. Last year, it all went as planned, and nothing out of ordinary happened. In the present, now that Raphael had come back to bring me up the unwanted past...

Fuck!

I clenched both of my fists as tight as I could, then punched the mattress, hard.  Kei shot up from its spot, probably startled by my actions. It fled towards my study table, and perched there.

Of all people I met back in childhood, Raphael is one of those people who I didn't want to interact with. His face was enough to drive me insane. It was also because he brought me that one memory that I could possiby never forget. It continued to haunt me as years pass by, no matter what I was doing.

I was about to snatch my pillow, but my phone unexpectedly rang, indicating that someone had called in. I crawled across my bed and grabbed it to find out who it was. I emitted a groan when I discovered that it was just my best friend.

At first, I didn't have the intention to press the answer key. I allowed it to go on without answer until it hung up. Some minutes later, it sounded again, which made me even more exasperated. He should have understood my declination when I didn't answer the first call. Tired of hearing the annoying Skype ringtone, I eventually punched the green button.

"What?!" I hissed, without giving Seb a chance to greet. "Don't fucking call me at this time!"

"Calm your ass, dude. It's not the time to explode." Seb's piercing voice filled the speakers. In the live video, Seb was leaning against his chair, with his bed behind him. His bangs were, once more, pulled back by a headband. "I have something important to talk about, and I prefer talking face-to-face rather than texting you."

I guess they all went home after they found out I had left.

"I prefer texting." I grumbled.

"Too late, Sir. Now don't you dare hang up just because you don't wanna talk."

"Fine. What the hell do you wanna talk about?"

"The fact that you leave Raph and the four of us hanging like idiots..." Seb was clearly annoyed. "I didn't know that cooling down means going home without informing at least one of us. What's worse, Ren and the others are worried sick about you. You better answer them when they texted you."

I said nothing, as I cast my stare down. Of course, Rena would be worried. I expected that to happen.

"Ed..." When silence ensued, Seb decided to break through. "Right after you left, I thought that it was a great opportunity for Raph to privately speak with you, so I decided to make him follow you. From that moment you have with him, I thought you will eventually reconsider him back as your friend."

No wonder.

"I can see that he really wants to reconcile with you." Seb explained. "Yesterday, he told me that he's really happy to meet you again. He seems to have some interesting stories to share with you and you only."

"To hell with that asshole." I bickered.

"Shut it, Ed." He hushed me down. "Stop lashing out at people and calling them names. It's getting really annoying."

"I'm a fucking jerk." I crossed my arms. "I'm sorry I'm born this way."

Seb huffed, and I could blatantly make out his frustration. "All you need to do is listen to me first, then you will get the gist of the story that you call.a useless pile of shit."

"...I never said that." I narrowed my eye.

"You might not say it loud, but your face speaks a lot."

I remained silent. I have a lot of mixed emotions right now, and I didn't know how to comprehend them by words, so I decided to hold it back.

Seb then fixedly looked at me. "Well, can't you see how much guilt Raph has to cope with? I think it's much worse than what I imagined. After he came back, he looked really depressed, man. I tried asking him, but he didn't want to talk about it."

"Try putting yourself in his shoes, Ed." He breathed. "You'll see how pained he is about hurting you. He wanted to apologize Ed, and seeing you brushing him off was like an apocalypse. Well, I might be shitty at explaining this, but you get the point."

There was this one word that continuously echoed inside my mind, to the point where I verbally uttered it loud.

"Hurt me, huh..." I muttered into the air, basically repeating his question.

"Well, something like that." He said.

"He should be grateful, because at least he didn't take someone's life." I emphasized. For some unknown reason, I didn't hesitate nor stutter. I even have no problems that prevented me from uttering it out. I don't fucking care anymore.

"Wha... what are you talking about?!" Seb raised his tone in an incredulous manner. His eyebrows furrowed as he hastily ran his hand through hair. "This is about Raphael, Ed. Stop connecting everything to that... nonsense!"

"It makes sense, Seb. You just don't understand me." I muttered quietly, dismissing his comments. My hands started trembling, and my breaths began to quicken in pace. 

"Ed, ugh, I'm going to be honest here." He rebuked. "I'm fucking tired of seeing you still living in the historic times. How many times do I have to say that it's not even your fault?!"

There was an abrupt surge in my body temperature; it was responsible for the heating of my skin. I was positive my veins are going to pop out of my neck anytime soon. Every inch of my body stiffened. My thoughts started colliding with every corners of my head, pressurizing me further.

"And I told you like so many times, past is the past. You wanna cry or get angry about it, go ahead, but you can't change it. It makes you look pathetic." He remarked, straight to the point. "Move on and let go of it, Edward. In that way, you will be able to hang out with Raph and forget all of those things easily!"

My mind finally boiled over.

"You expect me to be that easy...?" My voice shook potently.

"Yes, you idiot!" Seb's face flushed red. He was literally shouting to the speaker. "Stop mopping around and being pathetic, man up and grow some balls!"

"Shut your mouth!" I snapped. "If you understand how Raphael feels, then you should understand how I feel...!" 

In the end, my voice cracked.

"This is such a stupid thing to argue over with." Seb whispered roughly.
"The problem is, I don't understand you at all, Edward. Your feelings are so complicated, I don't fucking know anymore. I tried my best, but I can't. I just can't."

He raised both of his hands, as if he had given up.

I just can't think straight, because my emotions had taken control over my mindset. In the midst of my madness, I hovered my thumb over the red button and pressed on it hard, instantly cutting off the call. The video of Seb was replaced by the home screen. Upon seeing him gone, I was relieved, but not so much.

...See, I told you that there will be a time where your friends will find you annoying. A voice inside my head retorted.

I knew this will happen.

I knew it.

I stormed out of my bed, opened the closet and grabbed something from there. I have no clue what did I just snatch, but I didn't bother to check out what it was. After all, it was buried underneath piles of my clothes, further obscuring its identity.

Gathering much force, I tossed the soft mass right onto the wall, hearing its satisfying thump. It landed helplessly on the floor, and this was where I could distinguish the object I had thrown.

It was Ted, the memoir of my past.

Even though I used only some of my energy, I was panting crazily. I tried catching my breaths, adjusting them well. Of course, the teddy bear didn't react, it simply sat still on its position. It was merely a lifeless doll, nothing more. Regardless, I continued staring at it as if it would come alive.

Lynn...

I allowed myself to fall onto my knees. At the impact, my bones shook in agony. I hung my head, blankly gazing at some empty space. Something watery pooled in behind my eye, threatening to spill out if it was too full. My sight became a little bit hazy due to the forming clouds, but I instinctively wiped them off.

I grunted as I forced myself to stand up once again, and staggered towards my bed. As I planted my face against the blanket, some tears that I attempted to hold back escaped, staining it. I had trouble breathing from my nose, so I used my mouth instead. The walls that I had hold me up, eventually obliterated.

Why can't I be like most boys? I questioned myself. Why do I have to get emotional so easily? Where the fuck did my emotionless trait go?

Why am I so weak?

I was on the middle of a meltdown, but my phone disrupted me with its text notification noise. I took a glimpse of my phone, which was flashing on.

"Ren and the others are worried sick about you. You better answer them when they texted you." I immediately recalled Seb's distressed voice from earlier.

Rena...

With my disintegrating power, I reached my hand out to take the gadget. The pop-up didn't show the name, but I speculated that it was probably her. I rubbed my eye as I went to check the message board.

I was right.

Hi Ed...

I'm sorry if I interrupt you, but I'm just so worried when you left us. What happened?

You shouldn't do that, you know. You're making everyone worried

You can at least tell me what happened. If you don't want anyone to know, I promise I won't tell.

Troubling her is just... too much. The way she was worried about me wrenched my heart. I didn't want someone innocent like her to get involved in this kind of mess.

I typed in my answer, acting oblivious of the lies hidden beneath it.

I'm good, Rena.