07:38 AM

Hurt.

The digital clock beside my bed showed me that it was the time for birds to rise and shine. The rays from the sun easily permeated through the curtains, illuminating my room for a bit. Despite a new day, my body refused to move from my bed, because everything hurt. I tried to force myself up, but the piercing pain had been stabbing through my muscles.

"Ugh..." I grunted.

It was not the type of hurting where I can easily recover from, but it came from every single part of my body: my arms, legs, head, chest and even my own eyes. They were sore, probably because I excessively rubbed them. The rest were probably because I had been sleeping in an improper position or that I choked down on my... terrible sobs.

The bottle I used to keep my feelings had finally shattered, but I was able to stitch it shut before it went worse. I was able to release a few of my emotions, to which I was slightly relieved of it.

There, I remembered how Lu had hugged me, trying to comfort me from all the shit I had been through.

Even if it was a tiny part of it, someone finally came to understand me. I felt a tiny and negligible stream of happiness inside of me thinking about it.

She wanted to sleep here to accompany me, but I had refused her aid, and told me to return to her room. I definitely didn't want her to get sick just because of me. She was adamant at first, but she finally gave in and left me alone.

I felt that my fever hasn't gone away, but as I touched my forehead, there wasn't much heat anymore. It was probably thanks to the medicine Mother had given me and also the rest from yesterday. I still needed to be in bed, however, as now, my whole body ached. I attempted breathing slowly and gazed at the lights above me.

I wonder about what the others are doing, though... I thought. They're probably busy with something else while I am here looking like shit. 

There was always a glaring difference between my friends and I on most of the holidays: they had something to do, while I don't. All I did was shutting myself in my room and doing absolutely nothing, just like summer break last year and the years that preceded before that.

Back to reality, I realized that I haven't seen Seb for quite some time, and it was Saturday that I last saw him. Maybe he was really focused with his work, since he never texted me like he usually did.

Is he really that busy though? I narrowed my eye. Maybe, I should check him out...

My guts urged me to check him out, unsatisfied with that reason, so I took heed of its request. Despite the struggles, I managed to grab my phone beside the clock, and went to Seb's message board. Hesitation ensued, but I shook my head and typed in the text.

Seb.

I punched the send button almost immediately and let out a deep exhale. I didn't type in any more replies; I simply placed my phone beside me and slowly flipped over to the other side. While waiting for him to respond, I gradually recalled all the words he had once said.

"You can't just be stuck in the past the whole time." He had told me, his eyes had expressed concern. "It's sad seeing you like this, man. You really have to move on."

Move on... I clenched on my face. How do I do that effectively...? I tried to remove those memories off my mind, but they always come back in a lot of ways...

My thoughts were interrupted when my phone suddenly buzzed. Beforehand, I had silenced the ringtone from blaring out, so I wasn't mostly surprised by it. As I turned towards the phone, I saw that the video call was from Skype, and that someone was calling me from the app. Looking at the caller, it was Seb, whom I had been looking for.

"Speak of the devil..." I mumbled faintly, as I instantly pressed the green button. It took some time for the video to load, and when it did, it showed Seb, staring at some stack papers. It showed me that he really was, indeed, busy with his work.

He had his hand on his face, rubbing his temples. Observing him further, Seb looked extremely worn out: his usually tidy silver hair was all disheveled, although he had them pulled back by his head-band. His chocolate eyes sagged underneath, yelling extreme exhaustion. They seemed to be analyzing through some illustrations he had drawn off screen. As he huffed deeply, they quickly trailed towards me, and immediately softened.

"Yo." He weakly greeted, the corners of his lips twitched into a smile. He put his pencil on the back of his ear and placed his papers down.

"You look like shit." I couldn't help myself but to comment on his appearance, because the Seb I knew was never this disarrayed. His clothes were surprisingly unkempt as well, as if he had just woken up from his sleep and didn't bother to fix his appearance at least. However, he folded his arms while his loud laughters blasted from the speakers of my phone.

"I guess you're still the sassy ol' Edward that I know of." Seb's shoulders raised and fell as he chuckled. "Well, let me rephrase that statement: we all look like shit."

"Shocking." I snorted.

"You look more shit than I do, though." His face grimaced in horror. "Just look at the mirror, man. It's like you never changed your clothes for months and stayed away from the bathroom for years."

Obviously, I was conscious about my horrible appearance. From the camera, I could see that my blond hair was like a bird's nest, and my hoodie was completely worn out. My eye was slightly bloodshot, also with a visible bag underneath. Regardless, I mentally sneered at him. We got a huge hypocrite right here.

"I've been looking like crap since forever, Seb. You have even insulted me exactly like that a lot of times," I sighed in frustration, brushing my hair, "but what happen to the stylish, fashionable Sebastian I know?"

"Don't worry, Ed. The stylish Sebastian you're looking for is still right here." Seb feebly smiled, waving his hand. "He's just buried underneath a pile of mess."

A pile of mess that probably consisted of his fashion magazines, sketchbooks, scattered stationaries and probably some of his dripping sweat. Sure I had clothes and other things strewn all over the floors of my room, but I never took my carelessness to extreme levels. Besides, Mother would probably kill me if my room became the aftermath of a tornado.

"So, what's up?" Seb asked as he glanced down at his sketchbook. "Apparently, I was about to call you when you texted me out of nowhere. Okay, I might sound so dumb, but it's very unexpected of you."

"I was just checking on you."

"Aw, that's so kind." He smirked; the annoying one that always triggered me. I rolled my eye and groaned silently, but I felt a wave of happiness washing through me. I guess he's still the same Sebastian.

"... Well, what exactly happen?" I inched my face closer to my phone's screen, and observed the room behind him. "The last time I checked, you're never this disorganized and sleep deprived."

"Oh... It's a long story, but," Seb scratched his head, "to make it short, I have been working with my projects since the weekends and stayed up all night, but I'm running out of ideas for the designs. Worse, most of the deadlines are near, so I've been checking some magazines and my old illustrations for some inspirations. I don't have much time to tidy up this shit, so... this is what happened." He gestured his hands, pointing at the mess he had caused.

I have nothing to say, so I solely nodded. I was about to tell him to take a break, but that would make me a hypocrite as well. I knew how he felt; I used to have projects from the factory that were cramped together into my mind. Seb told me to rest, but I denied the offer.

"Not to mention, Jules bothers the fuck out of me, even though how much times I told him to leave me alone." He continued.

"Why don't you just let your sister take care of him?"

"Oh, Lynnette? Bleh, she's not good either. She's just spoiling him and giving him everything he wants." He simply dismissed her with his hand, before he tapped his pen on the table. "Anyway, I heard about what happened with you yesterday."

I creased my forehead, but I immediately recognized what he was talking about: my encounter with Raphael at the park, and how I had pushed him away. He was probably telling Seb everything, and thinking about it just made my blood boil. I fucking despised people who couldn't just shut their fucking mouths.

"I just don't want to talk to him anymore and apparently, he never got it." I grumbled, looking away.

"Like that's not obvious, Ed. Your expression speaks more words than your mouth." He rapidly spun his pen with his fingers. "... I still feel sorry for him, though. He looks really upset for what he did, but I see that you're not ready to forgive him, so... yeah, I just told him to leave you alone."

"Good then."

Raphael was the past that I had been struggling to forget, and I wanted to keep it that way. He didn't need to come crashing back to my life. And of course, I didn't want him to haunt me in my stupid dreams, as it would worsen my condition.

Seb was silent for a few seconds, giving me a stare that I couldn't perceive, before he decided to continue. "Then I heard that you got sick and collapsed at Ren's house. Ren didn't tell me that, though. Her best friend did."

"Her best friend?"

Oh, Alyssa. Her name popped up without much contemplation.

"I thought you both wanted to beat each other's ass. I guess you finally found love. I won't be surprised when you both make out."

Yeah, go chase after her ass and stop bothering Rena. I gripped my jaw altogether while my heart rapidly hardened up.

"Jesus Christ, fuck no, Ed. That won't fucking happen. Just imagining it makes me wanna puke." Seb's face twisted in immense in disgust. "I just met her in Downtown. Well, we talked, but that's it. Nothing that you say happen, and I doubt it will. Besides, you're the important one here, Ed, and hearing about your sickness makes me worried. How are you feeling right now?"

Wow, what a great way to change the subject.

"I'm good." I answered. "I'm just lacking of sleep, and now that I'm resting pretty well, my fever should wear off soon."

Again, I didn't reveal the complete truth, just like what I did with Rena. I only stopped at a few points.

"Yeah, you look kinda pale. You really need some rest..." Seb commented, his voice trailing away. His eyes then drooped, and they were about to close if not for the snap of my fingers. The noise I made immediately shot his body out of such intense drowsiness. He shook his head furiously, then stared straight at me.

"Like you don't need any rest." I retorted, while pain abruptly pierced my legs when I stretched them. "Do you stay up all night?"

"Kinda. I have deadlines that I need to finish yesterday, so I don't remember the rest." He rubbed his eyes. "All I know is that I woke up and drooled on this table with my back hurting like shit."

"Then go sleep in your bed, Seb." I suggested, exhaling slowly. "Honestly, you need it."

"Aw, you cared man. I feel so honored." Seb's lips curled into that one iconic, annoying smirk. This time, it really bothered the shit out of me. I clenched my fist tight, and I was ready to make a move at any point, but I have to be able to bypass my phone's screen, which was totally impossible.

"Shut it." I snapped, folding my arms in spite of their refusal. "I only cared because you would slam your head on the table and embarrass yourself."

"I won't give a shit if I have to embarrass myself in front of you-" A static noise was caught in the background, cutting off Seb's words. I was positive that it wasn't some sort of technical issues or it was due to poor connection, because it sounded like a real human voice.

"Seb!" It shouted once again, sounding much like a woman's voice. "You need to come here!"

"Y... yeah, wait for a minute, Mom!" Seb yelled as he turned his head towards the door. He moaned quietly, muttering some inaudible words, rubbing his head as he pulled out his head-band, letting his short bangs down and covered his forehead. His hair had almost the same state as mine, although he fixed it almost immediately by brushing it with his fingers.

"Ugh, yeah, that's my mother calling. She probably needs my help setting up some stuff." Seb stood up, while he resumed on tidying his hair. "Alright, I need to go now. In case you need anything just text me."

"Bye." I said too nonchalantly, but Seb didn't seem to mind at all. He was probably used to it by now.

I simply watched as he reached his hand out to his laptop. Before I could process what happened next, the video instantly blackened out, thus ending the call. My phone immediately returned me back to the home screen.

With a sigh, I quickly rolled over to the side and placed my phone back on the nightstand. I faced the ceiling again, gazing blankly at some imaginary spots that flew across my vision.

Despite the brief conversation I had with Seb, at least I was completely aware of what he was doing. He had been wild about his duties since the last time I contacted him. He was clearly tired and worn down by them, and the fact that he didn't have time to text me or publish new posts on his Facebook page proved this.

Regardless, he was able to meet Alyssa in Downtown and Raphael was able to talk to him, so I started to doubt that his work was indeed pressuring him. Maybe, he was on his free time, or his mother forced him to run errands, but he could be even talking with Rena without me knowing...

Ugh, I shouldn't even be thinking about it... I slapped both sides of my head. The last time I found out, I had a conflict with both of them. The past nearly tore me down, and there was no way I could face another drama that will ruin me.

After a few minutes lying on the bed, I decided that it would be for the best to take a bath. Most parts of my skin had been sticking with my hoodie, which was very uncomfortable whenever I tried moving. My hair smelt like a mixture of sweat and shit, and the odor that it emitted out made me cringe. The cramps  tried their best to prevent me from getting off the bed, but that didn't stop me.

My leg muscles refused to move, and as a result, I staggered towards the table and hit my hips with it. As another wave of pain struck me, my throat emitted out a unavoidable groan and in reflex, my hands reached out and grabbed on the nearest object I could find: the chair.

Fuck... I panted heavily.

My lungs were somehow kicked out of their supply of oxygen, probably due to the collision. After some minutes of recovery, I carefully stripped myself off my hoodie and my trousers. Before entering the bathroom, I took off my boxers as well, but I have to lock my bedroom door just in case someone unknowingly burst in.

Last time I didn't lock the door, Lu had walked in on me frontally naked, although thankfully, I was facing the other way. She instantly retracted back from my room but then she began commenting weird shit. Obviously, I  threw her my pencil case, and it hit her right in the head.

This was why I didn't want her to frequently hang out with her stupid male friends who mostly had those raging hormones, especially when she was barely stepping into high school.

I made a mental pact to myself: if I happen to see a guy getting a little too lewd over my sister, I would definitely tell him to fuck off. Thankfully, those people stirred clear of her, but I knew that some were probably still out there.

Same goes with Rena... A thought crossed my mind, but I immediately knocked it off.

What the hell is it with me... stop thinking about pervert shit, Ed.

I slowly stepped into the shower adjacent to my bathtub. Turning the right knob, cold but refreshing water came raining upon me, cooling everything down and washing every inch of my sweat away. I breathed out and began to wash my hair.

Speaking of Rena... I looked up, closing my eye as I felt water came pouring down my face. I gradually recalled my interaction with her yesterday, as she sat near me on the bed. I still remembered how close her lips were when she checked for my fever, and mind you, I never have that much lust conquering over my soul.

"Once y-you're all good, let's hang out together again." Rena had promised, as she cast me her sweet smile. As always, it drove both my heart and my stomach crazy and erratic. Well, I'm already feeling good, but... I didn't feel like going outside today... and after all those shit yesterday, it made me wanted to shut myself, but she...

"If you n-need someone to talk with," her voice lingered inside my mind once again, "y-you can always call, text or even meet me. We can have as m-much conversation as we want."

I blinked, then gazed onto my feet below. It really showed me that she really paid much attention about my well-being. Water cascaded down my cheeks and dripped quickly from my bangs. The tiny hairs on my skin had jolted up at the temperature drop, and as a self-defense mechanism, I shivered. Nonetheless, I didn't even bother turning the hot water on, because that wasn't the bigger problem.

Rena...

I'm still wondering... what did I do that made you truly care about me so much...?

I placed my hand against my face, tightening it. I didn't care about how much water I had already wasted, since I had been standing here for God knows what. I lowered my head, while my teeth chattered under the coldness.

You don't even know the real me that I had been hiding...

***

A/N: Sorry for the delay! School will be starting on this Monday (T_T) so I was busy tidying up my things and some stuff to prepare, but here ya go! I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always, don't forget to leave a vote, comments and your thoughts about this chapter!

Tune it next week to see what will happen next!

- Tara