Chapter 20

Present

Sarah's POV:

The sun begins to set, a warm color lingering in its place. The array of orange and red in the sky is gorgeous. I appreciate nature. Even though the atmosphere is peaceful, internally, I'm struggling. I feel conflicted.

I press my head against the tombstone and stare at the purple flowers carefully placed on the grave. I miss Sue so much that my heart, my entire being, aches. I just want to hear her voice again and see her smile.

Death is a harsh reality that we all have to face someday. Death took my sister too soon. It's not fair. I wasn't ready. Now, I have no one to seek advice from and no one to encourage me. I'll never get to see her get married or meet the guy who'd finally sweep her off her feet.

Sue deserved more time. She didn't deserve suffering. She had a beautiful soul and saw the very best in everyone. She loved everyone and everyone loved her. She was special because she looked past the flaws and chose to see the beauty in a person instead. I can't say that I've been doing the same lately.

Landon Kitler is a complex human being. He hurt me. I feel betrayed by him. He made me trust him. He made me care about him. He led me on to believe that he was something that he's clearly not – good.

My phone vibrates against my pocket, pulling me from my thoughts. I sigh and take out my phone. When I see Landon's name pop up on my screen, I frown and press decline.

*~*~*~**~*~*~*

"Are you sure you're okay?" My dad asks me over the phone. "You sound so down to me. I just don't want you to feel like you're alone. You have your mom and me."

"I know, Dad," I reply, thankful for him. "It's just...Ryan was right. I chose another bad one," I tell him, my gaze on my kids playing with the school's outdoor equipment. "Landon isn't who I thought he was."

My dad hesitates before answering me. "I don't know what he did, Sarah, but give the poor guy a chance. I can't believe I'm actually saying this to you but I think it's long overdue...Sarah, Honey, you tend to put people on pedestals instead of accepting the flawed individual. Maybe you're not who he thought you were either. My point is, we all have something to answer for. Your Prince Charming doesn't exist."

I've had enough boyfriends to know that.

I frown. This is the first time that my dad is taking the boy's side. "I don't expect him to be perfect, Dad. I just want someone who's honest with me. He lied to me by omitting things. He hid his temper from me."

"So, in other words, he didn't want you to see the worse side of him?" My dad asks me.

I prop my cell phone against my ear and contemplate his words. "That's not fair, Dad."

"Maybe you're the one not being fair, Sweets," he tells me before saying goodbye to me.

I don't even get a chance to properly think over his words.

"Don't push him, Arnold," I reprimand one of my kids, one of my usual troublemakers. He can be quite the bully at times. "That wasn't nice. You could've hurt him. Apologize or you're going to get a time-out." Arnold is always getting up to mischief. The child keeps me busy.

"Sowie, teacher Sarah," Arnold apologizes to me instead of to Jarred -- the well-behaved child he pushed down the slide.

"No, say sorry to Jarred," I correct him. For some reason, Arnold always targets quiet Jarred. "You pushed Jarred, not me."

Arnold pouts and folds his arms across his chest. "But teacher--"

"Arnold," I cut him off and send him a look. He's still learning not to talk back to those in authority.

The little child huffs before reluctantly apologizing to Jarred. I nod at Arnold, satisfied. I'm about to turn my back on the two friends when I hear Jarred snicker under his breath before taunting Arnold.

I furrow my brows and spin around to face the two little people. "What did you just say to him, Jarred?" I ask.

"Nuffing," Jarred quickly says, looking as innocent as ever.

I move my gaze to Arnold who has tears in his eyes. "Tell me everything that happened, Arnold," I say gently.

"Teacher Sarah always thinks Arnold is naughty because Jarred hurt Arnold when teacher's not looking. Then Arnold hurt Jarred back and teacher Sarah always puts Arnold in time-out and Jarred laugh at Arnold," Arnold explains to me, anger overtaking his features – a look that I see on him often.

All I need to do is take one look at Jarred to know that he's guilty of everything Arnold's just accused him of. "Why have you never told me this?" I ask Arnold, crouching down before him. I just labeled him as a naughty child without knowing his side of the story.

"Because teacher never listens to Arnold. She only listens to Jarred," Arnold replies truthfully, his comment breaking my heart.

I never let Arnold defend himself because I already had him pegged as 'not good'.

"I'm so sorry, my boy," I whisper, pulling his little body in for a hug. "I'm sorry I didn't let you speak and I'm sorry for not listening to you. You're not naughty. Granted, you shouldn't hurt Jarred back but you're not naughty. You're good."

Arnold smiles from ear to ear and the sight moves me. "Tank you, teacher Sarah. Arnold is good."

I've been so unfair. I became the teacher that I never wanted to become.

"Yes, you are," I agree with Arnold before glancing over at Jarred. "Let's go have a talk, Mister."

Jarred sulks but follows after me anyway.

*~*~*~**~*~*~*

"What do you want?" I ask Ryan when I see him waiting by my car after work.

"Your dad asked me to check up on you," he says, failing to answer my question. "He said you've been very down these past few days."

I must be real devastated if my dad is going to Ryan for help.

"Listen, Sarah," Ryan sucks in a deep breath before meeting my gaze, "for once, I'm not here to argue with you. I just want you to know what everyone else is seeing. You were the happiest I've seen you, and your parents agree, when you were hanging with that jerk, Landon."

Is everybody going to lecture me on where I stand with Landon?

"So, you suddenly approve now?" I question, confused.

He shakes his head. "No," he clarifies, "but I do think everybody deserves a shot. Everybody's perspective deserves to be seen and I'm not sure if you're seeing Landon's. Maybe he's not who you thought he was but maybe he's not who you think he is now either. It pains me to say it, but he might not be a jerk at all. Look at me, I struggle with my anxiety and my own issues. Maybe Landon's struggling with his own demons."

I exhale and look away with a smile. "Oh, Ryan, you only seem like a jerk to those who don't really know you. You're not. You're not a jerk."

He shrugs, a half-smile playing on his lips. "Maybe Landon isn't either."

I bite back another smile. "Why the sudden change of opinion?"

"Because you're a great girl who deserves to be happy, even if it means being with someone who isn't me," he answers firmly.

I smile warmly up at him. "You're great, Ry. Thank you."

"Anytime, Sarah."

*~*~*~**~*~*~*

I suck in a deep breath before hesitantly entering the garage. I'm nervous, and honestly, after the way I treated Landon, I have every right to be.

The rain pelting down reminds me of the first night I met Landon. For someone who I technically called 'bad', he sure was good to me. I never would have managed alone with Ryan and my crashed car.

"What do you want?" Dean asks loudly, breaking me from my thoughts. He stares down at me with a fierce look to his brown eyes – a look that really doesn't suit him. "I want to address what you said to Lan the other day. He has his faults, many at that, but he is a good guy, Sarah. And if you—"

"I know," I cut him off, interrupting his lecture.

He ignores me and continues, "And if you can't see that then you don't deserve him, and—"

"Dean," I drawl, "I know."

"Ssh! Let me finish," he insists, not listening to a word I'm saying. "Cut him some slack. He's had a difficult life and a childhood that no kid should ever have to endure through. So, keep your judgments to yourself. Lan—"

"Is a good guy," I conclude for him. "I know."

Dean registers my words this time. He cocks his head to the side, inspecting me in confusion. "What?"

"I was wrong. I done messed up," I admit. "And I need to make things right again."

Dean leans back against the wall, frowning. "And what made you realize this?" He asks, remaining skeptical.

"It's a long story," I tell him, thinking back on the children, my dad, and Ryan's words. "But I've realized that I expect too much from people and it's not okay. It's unacceptable. No human is perfect and my mistake was thinking Landon was."

"Good enough for me. He's out there," Dean smiles and nods to the back door.

I place a hand on his upper arm, grateful. "Thank you, Dean," I say before rushing out the back door, only to come face-to-face with Landon.

He blinks down at me, taken aback. "Sarah?" He asks quietly before reaching up to touch the back of his head. "What are you doing here?"

His gentle tone takes me by surprise. I was expecting his wrath.

"I'm stupid, Landon. I'm so stupid. And more importantly, I'm so sorry," I apologize, truly meaning it. "I don't care if you're not perfect because you're still good. You're an amazing person and I'm sorry for ever doubting that after all you've done for me. I don't care if you have a temper and I don't care if you street race because I have flaws too. But I do care about you and I don't want to lose you."

A faint smile traces the corners of his lips. "You haven't."

I return his smile. "Does this mean we've reconciled? Have you forgiven me? Because if not, I can totally try harder—"

He reaches for my wrist and pulls me to him before kissing me softly.