Chapter 5

Present

Sarah's POV:

Two weeks later

"Teacher Hart, I can count to senny-six," a five-year-old in my kindergarten class tells me, super proud of his latest achievement. He tugs on my hand when I fail to acknowledge him. "Teacher," he whines, "did you hear what I say?"

"Seventy-six," I correct him, snapping out of my thoughts. His face falls and I immediately realize what I've just done. As a teacher, you have the power to break or make a child. I lower myself so that I'm on his level. "You're so clever, Declan."

"Yeah," he agrees with a nod. He stares up at me quizzically for a second or so. "Why is teacher sad?" He finally asks, having noticed.

I need to pull myself together. This is so unprofessional of me. My children are seeing the fluctuations in my mood.

"Teacher's fine," I lie to him, feigning a smile for his sake.

When you walk through the door, you've got to leave your problems at the door.

I leave Declan and the rest of my class in the hands of my trustworthy assistant. I can't keep going on like this. With that thought in mind, I knock on my manager's door before entering her office. She takes one look at me before gesturing to me to take a seat.

"Sarah, what's going on?" She asks me gently, tucking a dark strand of her hair behind her ear. When I don't answer, she repeats herself. "Sarah?"

I feel my throat close on its own as the flashback hits me hard.

"Thank you for the lift, Landon," I say quickly before jumping out of his car in haste and sprinting into the hospital.

The iodoform smell is the first thing that captures my attention. The scent is strong and it makes me feel nauseous.

I happen to look over my shoulder, only to see Landon right behind me. He grabs my hand and stops me. "You need to breathe, Sarah. You're on the verge of a panic attack and you won't be able to help if you're in need of help yourself."

I nod, brushing away more tears. I'm barely making sense of anything right now. My heart is racing and if I go on like this, I'm going to collapse.

"Calm down," he shushes me, roughly grabbing onto my shoulders in an attempt to get me to cooperate with him. "Your sister needs you to be calm."

He leads me in a soothing breathing technique. I do as he says. I take in a deep breath and hold it for a couple of seconds before slowly exhaling. I repeat the process a few times until my pulse stops jumping.

When a nurse approaches me in concern, having witnessed everything, Landon explains to her what's happened. He gestures to me to go with the nurse. But before he leaves, he hands me a piece of paper. "My number," he says, pushing the small paper into my hands.

I find my voice again. "I need to take some time off," I tell Cindy, the hole in my chest causing me pain.

She nods in understanding. "I told you to take some time off, Sarah, but you refused. I knew the reality of the situation would hit you eventually. You're not going to be able to teach if you don't grieve. You need to go home and start the healing process. Don't worry about work as of now. You are more important. Look after yourself first. You take priority."

I thought that by working I'd be keeping myself busy. I'd be keeping myself from thinking and feeling.

She sends me a pitied stare when I don't say anything. "All that you're doing now is putting a band-aid over a gaping wound. That band-aid is doing nothing because you're not dealing with the wound," she tells me, reminding me of why I've always looked up to her.

I nod in agreement. "Thank you for understanding."

"Of course, Sarah." She places her hand over mine. "Go home now."

"Sarah!" My mom rushes over to me as soon as I step into the waiting room. She flings herself into me before hugging me tightly. "We've been here for thirty minutes now and they haven't told us anything," she tells me, refusing to let me go.

I glance up and meet my father's gaze. In his eyes, I can see the internal conflict going on within him. He's unsure.

"What happened?" I manage to ask, completely confused and terrified of the outcome that awaits our family. "Is Sue okay?"

"We came over early this morning to surprise your sister but when we rang the bell, she didn't answer," my mom tries to explain through a mouthful of tears. "I knew something was wrong. I just felt it."

I begin to shake uncontrollably from shock as I come to terms with what's happening. "Is Sue okay?" I ask again. Right now, that's all that I need to know.

"They're trying to stabilize her," my dad answers me before falling silent again.

"Are you the Hart family?" A nurse enters the room.

My dad nods, worry etching through his blue eyes.

"The doctor would like to speak to you."

It's a few minutes later when the doctor arrives. He sits down in front of us with an apologetic look. "We've managed to stabilize the patient but she's still in a coma. We've put her on a ventilator." He glances over at my dad. "The cancer has spread to her brain. We're doing everything we can."

Two days later, my sister went home.

*~*~*~**~*~*~*

I open the door and enter the empty house. It's quiet and void of life. It makes me feel lonely. I feel like I've fallen into an abyss of pure darkness. The ray of sunshine in my life has been taken from me. It's not fair. Nothing about it is fair.

I slam the door shut after me and fall down onto the couch. It's all catching up to me now and I don't know what to do or how to handle it. I've been feeling numb since her death. I didn't cry at her funeral. I remember Ryan placing a hand on my shoulder. Even he was shedding a tear or two.

I sigh internally and check my phone. As always, there's a message from my mom. She's been checking up on me every day since Sue's passing. I love her for it. I love her for being such a good mom. She's a reminder that I'm not alone in this.

If it weren't for my parents, I don't know if I'd have the stamina to keep going, to keep waking up to a new morning. My parents are my lifeline. I wouldn't survive this without them. I'd be worse off. Despite all the terrible things, there's always good too. It doesn't get wasted.

I summon the strength and enter Sue's room. It feels unreal. She was my best friend. She kept me sane. I used to tell her everything. She was always just there, ready to drop everything and listen.

I take a seat on the foot of her bed and glance around. It happened so fast. I wish we had more time together before she had to leave. I miss her. I miss her voice, her smile, and especially her laugh. I just want Sue back. I don't want to be here if she's not here with me.

I look up at all the pictures covering her walls. She loved to draw. My gaze eventually settles on a drawing of her and me together. It brings tears to my eyes, tears that refuse to fall. That hole in my chest feels like it's stretching wide open.

An icy chill runs up my spine at the thought of never seeing her again. Suddenly, everything feels cold. I place my hands in my coat pockets in an attempt to keep warm. I haven't worn this coat for a while but it's perfect for times like these.

My right thumb fumbles against something prickly. I grab at whatever it is and take out a crumpled piece of paper. It's clearly been thrown into the wash a few times. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion and open up the paper.

A small smile graces my lips when I see the faded numbers.