chapter twenty,     nina or poison?

     LAVENDER HOPED that others won't think that she is being desperate. Under no circumstances would she want to marry Brekker even if she was madly in love with him. She understood the value of his gang. Inej was good in the shadows – she collected information from the whispers in the streets being invisible. Jesper was a good shot or a good distraction – he was loud and flashy. Wylan was good with the explosives. Matthias was strong, while Nina was charming and if her powers come back or not, she was so much more than Grisha.

And Lavender was just Lavender. A Grisha with unknown powers, a one-eyed shooter and a medik. Aleksej was a decent medik as well and he will manage to keep them intact if Van Eck will get her. She wasn't proposing this idea in order to marry Brekker, she was proposing the idea to keep the others safe. It was clear that no one wanted to flee, that they were angry and betrayed and that only meant war with the Council and sacrifices had to be made. Only this time, it will be her.

There were so many feelings boiling inside of her, that she felt as if she will break down, but instead she felt numb. Angry at Kaz that he didn't care about their past. Angry at him that he didn't tell her about the plan. She felt betrayed by Van Eck, confused about Wylan looking like Kuwei, worried about Nina's and Inej's health and clearly, Jesper and Kaz went out on one another and she still hasn't apologised to Matthias about her panic attack in the schooner and she wasn't sure if she wanted to. And Aleksej was putting some distance between them after she announced the plan. And that wasn't even half of the feelings inside of her, but the ones relating to her looks and her mental being were pushed aside.

Now, she was sitting outside the tomb, between two trees that were spread down the middle, creating a V-shape. Both of the trees were old and creaky, but they were there nonetheless. Only then, she realised how much she was missing the lake outside the cabin where she lived with her ma. The birds make their nests all around their territories. The baking of her mom. Kaz. Jordie.

She misses the time when her lungs didn't ache with every step she took. Maybe she offered herself as bait because deep down she knew there wasn't much time for her left anyway. It was better to die for a better cause than somewhere while running away.

Playing with the ribbon that wasn't tied in her hair, but wrapped around her left wrist, she knew she lingered on her memories a little bit too much. She missed the warmth of her mother's hugs, the moments when she would sit in front of the lake with Kaz and how Jordie played with them hide and seek. She knew it will never be the same, but those memories brought the solace that kept her moving on.

A distant clink against the marble announced to her, that it was Kaz and forced herself not to react to his presence even if her heart was beating with excitement and worry. He appeared in front of her, passing her a few papers and a pen, only for it to be a marriage certificate.

It looked real. She didn't know how it looked in Ketterdam, but it seemed familiar to the ones in Novyi Zem. In just a few hours he was able to forge the papers and she was surprised.

"Most of it is done. Need your signature," he informed.

Scanning her eye through the paper, she pushed them out behind her to get some light from the moon, reading the statements in the paper.

'The unification of Kaz Brekker and Lavender Elrod is agreed upon the laws of nuptial, meaning they swear to the truth and the pursuit of the laws, not intending to break them.

I hereby confirm that on the 12th of June in 2ARCW in the city of Belendt, Kerch, I, the City's Councillor did join in matrimony according to the laws of Kerch. The agreement was present between the two marriage parties.

I hereby announce that due to the laws of nuptial, the spouse, named Lavender Elrod, has agreed to take up the name of Brekker that will be used in legal documents from the beginning of the marriage.'

"Lavender Brekker sounds weird, don't you think?" Lavender slightly scrunched her nose as she was reading through the paper, where her last name was filled in like near a little blank space for her signature.

Kaz didn't even think that it sounds weird, because he spent ten minutes embracing himself writing her last name right that because it almost felt too intimate. It did sound too rough for her, but he would be an idiot, lying to himself that his heart didn't do a few flips hearing her say it like that.

"It sounds decent," he managed to say, receiving a weird look from her.

"If you don't want to do this – we'll find another way. Don't think that I am trying to marry you or something when you want me gone."

"Marriage is just a useless social construct, binding two people with unnecessary laws and requirements. It's nothing we should worry about."

Somehow it stung when he said it, but she knew he was right. "If Van Eck will get me, will you try to get me out?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"A normal kind. Yes or no?"

"Yes."

"But if he will kill me, you find my mother's killer and you make him pay, yeah?"

"He won't kill you," Kaz immediately disagreed.

"We don't know that."

"Hold on," he took the papers away from her before she could protest, "are you doing this with the idea of yourself getting killed?"

"The chances are high for my death as I understood how many people in here want to hurt you."

"And you still suggested this?" he slightly shook the papers in his gloved hand, making him look slightly stressed.

"You know damn well why I suggested that."

"You are not useless, Lavender," he disagreed with a rough tone.

"That sounds like an insult with that tone," she deadpanned.

"Perhaps you wish to marry that idiot who spends too much time sulking, then?"

Lavender's mouth fell open: "What has Aleksej to do anything with this?"

"He did seem to want to say a lot," he grumbled.

"I don't want to marry him or you," she shook her head. "Marriage would be your weakest spot. But I have the right to be concerned about Van Eck killing me – I know the risks. I'm taking them."

Kaz Brekker breathed out in pure frustration, pushing his cane to the tree as he leaned to it with his side, crossing his hands over his chest while looking at her. "If Van Eck will lay one finger on you, you know he won't be able to see anything else again."

The answer made her breath hitch and she closed her eyes, turning her head to the other side. "Look," she sighed, "I know that our past makes it all harder. I respect that you moved on and I don't want to be an obstacle for you. I don't want to feel like you despise me just because I've known you." She shook her head, turning to him and meeting his shadowed gaze. "I don't want you to think that I offered this because I know you – I want for all of them," she motioned to the building behind them, "to be safe. I know how dangerous Ketterdam is. But you don't have to worry about me or the fact that I know you. As you said, it means nothing. Too much time has passed. We are not the same."

Embracing herself, she continued: "Once we get the money and I find my mother's murderer – I will leave you alone. But if we are going this," she pointed at the papers, "no one is going to believe us when you look like being beside me is pure agony. So... I think we will make decent partners. For common cause and outcome."

Kaz almost winced, feeling immense pain that she was actually thinking that. The urge to tell her that she is her solace and he would completely break into pieces if she wasn't here was burning his throat. "Partners it is then. For common cause and outcome."

A smile tugged on her lips as she extended her right hand and he placed his gloved hand in hers, shaking it gently before pulling away. "You better tell me you are good at pretending or we will have some work to do."

"It will be fine as it is," he rolled his eyes.

"Looking at your wife with a murderous look is not romantic, Brekker," she mocked, taking the papers away from him.

"In Ketterdam it's the best romance you will get," he replied and she shot him a glare as she signed those papers, passing them to him.

"We'll need to do some work if we want them to believe and lose some concentration. We need to give them the best act they have ever seen."

The man shook his head, "I'm not a performer, Lavender. Everyone knows that I'd rather make someone suffer than happy."

"And you think no one could marry that kind of man?"

"Do I look like the marrying type?" he deadpanned.

"You look like that type who will do anything for kruge. Now, it's time to perform for them," she pointed out, standing up and slightly crossing her arms over her chest. "Or you want to sign these papers with Nina?"

"I'd rather drink poison."

"Then we will have to make it work. A smile or two won't kill you, Brekker."

"We'll do fine without me looking like an idiot."

"Have you ever smiled in your life?" she questioned, knowing well he did when he was a child, but after that, just one tiny smile?

"Would you stop asking dumb questions?"

"They are important."

"Money is important. Time is valuable. And you are worried if I smile," he raised his eyebrows as if he stated a clever point.

Lavender seemed to feel better from their bickering, "No one is going to believe I married you for your important money or valuable time. I can only marry a man who smiles."

"Good thing this marriage is fake then," he held his eyes daringly, meeting hers.

"It's been less than two minutes since we are married and we are already bickering."

Kaz shrugged, "What else did you expect?"

"I don't know – kissing?" she teased.

The tips of his ears flashed red and he was so thankful that it was dark, "You—are such a child," he grumbled, taking the papers away from her. He turned around and started to walk away, shaking his head.

"No kissing? Oh, come on!" she teased him, watching the way he turned around, shaking his head.

"I'm going to rip these into shreds," he disagreed with her and walked away, just because his cheeks were burning bright red. She was such a childish person and he didn't know if those papers in his hands were a good idea, especially when his feelings for her were bursting over the top.

author's note:

them bickering as an old couple—look me into my eyes and tell me Kaz wasn't all giddy and giggly faking that marriage certificate?
also thank you all so much for keep reading this book! means a ton to me!! and Happy New Year!