Copyright © jasminedarcie
All Rights Reserved
This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner or language whatsoever without the express written permission of the author.

While the character names are inspired from the Indian TV drama series "Ishqbaaaz" the characterizations are different in this story. Also, the actors used in this story are just for visual representation, but people can use whomsoever they please .

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Hi everyone, I hope all of you are doing well :).

What I am doing for this book?

Basically, I will be reposting all chapters of this book with grammar changes and changes in storyline, each chapter will have some minor new aspect and also will help you remember the story.

Where I disappeared?

I know it's been three years since I have written the most special book and closest to my heart, "Learning to Love Him Again". I quit writing after my father's unexpected death and joined medical college to fulfill my father's last dream. It took a lot of hardwork and the exams were very tough, but somehow I made it and now in my last year I have a lot of time to write. In the past three years, I truly worked on healing myself and my healing allowed me to return to writing. I will do my best to do justice to this book and as you the readers.

Reflecting on Editing the book:

So, I reflected on this book and realized certain parts could have been better written. Anika's character could have been stronger and I somehow did not do true justice as I should with Anika and her love. Also, I noticed excess grammar issues as well. I have decided to edit every chapter of Learning to Love Him Again and repost each week. Many of you have likely forgotten what happened in this book and the long chapters make it tough to go back and read everything, I completely agree with this, so I will be shortening chapters to 10-20 minutes and reposting them without losing essence of book, but instead making Anika's character better and also changing minor things in the last chapters especially chapters 30-40. Will be reposting chapters of this beloved book from now on, so thank you for your patience. I appreciate it.

Thank you for your patience, and I cannot wait to start publishing this amazing book starting this week! :)

Thank you,

Jasmine

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https://youtu.be/NWpsWY9M5EM

"Please don't do this! I beg of you! You just cannot do this to me! Why are you doing this? I do not understand. We were fine yesterday...everything was going well, then what happened overnight? You said I love you and now you are kicking me out! Why?!" My screams having not effect on him as I held on to his arm tightly. He piled my clothes into my suitcase and wrangled his arm out of my grip to slam my suitcase on the floor.

"You are so embarrassing! I mean look at you!" He began laughing as I looked at him in shock. Tears continued to flow down my eyes and swallow my heart.

"It truly is a shame to see you like this, but what can I do? Now, you very well know why I was with you and you still have the audacity to beg for my love and beg me to commit to this false relationship! You truly are unique! But, this is over now darling, so get out!" He exclaimed as I shook my head in a no and stared at him in silence, looking into his dark eyes that hid the true meaning of why he was breaking us apart. I planted my feet firm on the ground and knew I was not going to leave him and not leave this relationship. I just couldn't.

His cold hands tightened their grip on mines to drag my feet across the floor and down the stairs.  Silence enveloped the both of us. We both knew in that moment we were falling apart and these were our last moments together. Somewhere, I could see pain in his eyes, but he hid them quickly behind a false smirk. Soon, he pushed me out the door as I slipped across the floor with my suitcase.

"I told you to leave, then why aren't you leaving?!! Just get out!" He yelled as I felt the tears washing down my eyes more and I hicupped violently, feeling the onset of my panic attack. I pulled up my sari's drape as I got up with much force and looked up at him with anger. If he thinks I will fall weak to him then I will not. He has underestimated my strength.

"What do you mean?! What about us? What about this relationship?! You will leave all of this we had! Everything we built together! We built love Shivaay! Love! How can you just destroy it like that?! You said you loved me!" I screamed as I noticed the anger gripping on to his face and his cold blue eyes that once brimmed with love for me.

"God! Anika, really?! How stupid can you be?! How many times do I tell you this is over! We are over!" He exclaimed as he pointed his finger between him and I.

"Well, it can't! I love you so much and after sacrificing so much for you...You will just leave! You will leave this wonderful relationship we had. My love for you. You will forget all of it!" I said as he stared at me with his eyes piercing through mines with no emotions. I grabbed on to his collar and shook him hard.

"Just tell me what I did wrong! Why are you doing this to me?!" I looked into his eyes to search for an answer, but failing to find it.

"Just leave Anika....leave. Look into your heart, reflect on our moments, and you will know very well why I did this and why we were together. We are over Anika. Just get out of my home and my life....just leave!" His voice trembled against the scream that erupted out of him. He appeared to force himself to take a step back away from me.

Grabbing hold of his hand, I pulled him back towards me. His gazed lowered as it fell upon our entwined hands. We stared at our lines of destiny that merged together into one. The pulse of his heart beat vigorously against mine-telling me that he still loved me....or so I foolishly thought.

We looked into each other's eyes once more. His eyes darkened not once attempting to submit to the pain of loss I was grappling with in the moment. The loss of our relationship...

"One day you will come back to me, begging to be with me, and the best part will be that you will not be able to have me...you will not win me. You will learn to love me again...but I will not. If you want me to leave...then I will leave Shivaay. But, don't be fooled by the thought that you will be able to forget me...forget us so easily. My love for you is too strong and will not fall and break easily...my love will pull you back towards me. I will always be in your thoughts. Everyday you will miss me. Everyday, you will long for me Shivaay....And everyday I will break a piece of my love for you and will forget you. But you will never forget me. I promise you that."

He stood stone cold. Goosebumps rose against his arm that brushed against mine. I formed a fearless smile and looked at him in heartbreak, but knowing I will survive this pain, however, he will suffer.

Without a word, he snatched his hand away from mine and walked inside, slamming the doors shut.

My legs weakened as I collapsed on to the floor and succumbed to my ache. Taking deep staggering breath, I fell victim to my tears.

Why is he doing this? Where did I go wrong? Where did this love go wrong?

5 years later

I looked through the window stained with raindrops as I took a deep breath and stared at my reflection with my white coat in my hands. I stared back at the date on my phone and sighed. 1st July, 2023. Five years from this date was exactly when it happened. I felt a pinch of anger from the shame that I still missed him, despite promising myself I would not. Despite submerging into my career, not daring to open my heart to love, I still somewhere thought of that very night when I lost him. Tears welled up in my eyes as I rubbed them in angrily and took a deep breath to control myself. Emotions are for weak people and fools in love, not me.

"Anika, dear! Hurry up! You will be late for work!" I heard a voice say as I turned around and walked down the stairs with my coat.

"Sorry Ma, I woke a little bit late today. I was busy working on patients' charts last night," I said as Ma hugged me.

"You work too hard Anika! Seriously, try to get some rest. You know I am getting worried about you." I rolled my eyes as Ma handed me a omelette sandwich.

"Don't worry Ma! I am fine ok?" I chewed down on my food whole, knowing very well I was late for my meeting.

"If you are then get married!Look I even have a few pictures of new alliances. Here take a look." I sighed and stared at my plate. Marriage...even that word makes me have a hate for it. Why can't I just accept this idea and concept. Why can't I see myself with somebody else besides him?

"Ma...we have discussed this before and I don't want to repeat myself. Marriage is further down in the future and not something I want to commit myself to right now." Ma furrowed her eyebrows in disappointment like always.

"Don't you have any care for your parents Anika? Tell me!" Ma exclaimed as I looked up at her with a softened expression.

"I do care for you and Papa. You know how much family means to me, but this is not the right time. Moreover, who will marry me? You know the problem Ma....you know it well," I said as Ma sat down at the dining table and held my hands.

"How many times do I tell you that it is all about destiny. Don't listen to these doctors ok? You will be able to conceive. I just know it!" Ma said as I rolled my eyes at her false sense of hope.

"First of all Ma, I am a doctor, so I am well versed about my disease- Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Second of all, with this disease, I have a low chance of getting pregnant and even if I get all the treatments done, there is no guarantee. Ma, who would want to marry a girl who cannot conceive? You very well know that in our culture, marriage is a commitment and a stepping stone to beginning a family and having kids....and I can't provide that" I said as I felt tears well up in my eyes. I quickly drank my orange juice as I walked to the kitchen and grabbed the coffee pitcher to pour coffee in my travel mug.

"Dear, please listen to me..."Ma continued as I took a deep breath.

"Ma, please don't do this. I have a long day ahead of me today." I grabbed my purse and began walking out towards the door.

"Yes, Nandini, please stop it," I heard Papa say as he walked through the back door in his jogging clothes.

"You know, you have to give your daughter some time!" Papa said as I smiled and hugged him.

"See, Papa knows me well than you!" I exclaimed as Ma rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Ok, I have to get going now and remember you both have to take your medications ok? I have placed all your medications in the medication box. And please don't answer the doors to strangers...This is not India! Ok? We have been living here since forever, but you two never seem to understand that thieves exist here even during the day!" I exclaimed.

"Well, we have been living here in California since forever Anika and we are older than you and wiser," Ma said as I shook my head.

"Sure, Ma...go with that for now. Anyways, I will see you both later tonight. I might be late since I am on call today!," I quickly grabbed my umbrella before rushing out the door.

Hospital

"Ok guys, I think we are well versed on this case study and it was a great discussion we had today," Dr. Klen announced with residents sighing relief from boredom and going back to a bustling afternoon of admits.

"Finally, this meeting was boring as hell," Priyanka mumbled as I rolled my eyes and grabbed my bag.

"But, it is important Priyanka, you know that too now."

"I know, but you know honestly, Dr. Klen has to be more animative in talking. He is so boring," Priyanka exclaimed as we walked out of the conference room.

"I can't wait till residency is over, then finally freedom! Freedom from these stupid daily meetings! We finally get to be more independent!" Priyanka exclaimed as I laughed.

"I know one more year. But, technically, after that we will not be independent. We will be bound to the corporate sector."

"Yes, Anika we know how much you hate working for others. Let me guess, you have plans to open your own practice in the future...How many times will you tell me?" I let our a chuckle as we took the elevators up to the top floor.

"I know I have annoyed you and repeated it many times, but this is what I want Priyanka...this is my dream. I really want to work for the underserved populations. It means a lot to me. I don't like working for someone else, you know that right?" I said falling into my deep thoughts once more-a distraction from the past. My career dreams are the only reason why I dared to even forget my past. Priyanka gave me an encouraging side hug.

"I know Anika and I wish your dream comes true for sure," Priyanka said as I smiled.

Priyanka for sure had been my solid rock for these many years. After whatever I went through, Priyanka was there for me and she truly was a best friend. She is the only one who truly roots for my dream. I wish someday my parents understand my dream. I don't understand why they don't want to support my dream- at one point in our lives we were poor, underserved in health, yet, they don't understand.

"So, today we have the big meeting to meet the people who are taking over the hospital," Priyanka reminded in a softer tone. She appeared to be awkward in speaking the statement like she was hiding something.

"I really hope they work for the local people here. They need healthcare," I announced my wishful thinking.

"We'll see and hope for the best!Now is the time to work!" She interrupted my thoughts as we walked into our Internal Medicine clinic.

5 hours later

"Dr. Anika Malhotra, you're running late for the big meeting," The medical assistant reminded me while I quickly sent the patient's prescription.

"I know, but patients come first," I looked at the time and realized I was ten minutes late.

"Oh God! I should hurry up." I quickly finished up the chart and grabbed my umbrella as it was still raining outside.

Taking the elevator down to the first floor, I ran out of the building to the main conference hall  in the building across from ours. The strong wind began to whistle and pick up as I held on to my umbrella to brave the rain, however, Mother Nature was not on my side. The umbrella turned upside down and began to run up against the tree. With much force, I grabbed on to it and tried to correct it, but realized the cloth on the umbrella had ripped apart. Quickly pulling the umbrella down, I felt the rain ponder down on me as and soak my black chiffon top against my shivering body. 

"Great first impression Anika," I mumbled in disappointment-but very aware I was known to be a clumsy person who never did anything proper. Anyways, there will be tons of doctors there to welcome the new CEO, so it really doesn't matter.

I took a deep anxious breath and walked into the building decked in arrays of floral arrangements consisting of whites, pinks, and yellow on the brown wooden walls of the main lobby . Wow, impressive I thought as I walked slowly down to the conference hall.

Grabbing on to the door slowly, I opened it slightly to peak inside as I heard the speaker talking. The voice sounded familiar-deep, full of affirmation, and coldness. Lightly tip toeing, I walked in to avoid any attention.

"I hope this hospital reaches new heights and we truly reach our full potential-" The speaker stopped as I looked up. My heart pausing for a brief second. I felt my body come to a standstill as my mouth widened in shock, unable to believe what I was seeing at the moment. My hands began to shake as I grasped on tightly to my laptop bag and stared at the tall figure in front of me. Shock went through every inch of my body-daring to grasp on to my trembling heart that was falling.

The figure stood still and in silence as I stared into those peculiar, cold gray-blue eyes. His expression turning into anger as his fists tightened. I felt a flash of memories full of happiness, intense love and care with the one man I truly loved and cared for....at one time.

"Shivaay," I whispered as he looked back at me and I heard him say "Anika..."

I felt the room fall in silence and stare at me and him. Gathering my strength, I walked slowly allowing my heels to lightly tap against the floor. I noticed his palms turn white as he gripped on the podium in anger. Tears full of hurt and fury began to well up in my eyes, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back, not wanting him to see how he still held an effect on me. I felt my wet shirt soak against my cool skin. 

"As I said I don't like late comers." Shivaay spoke as he tore his gaze away from me. My eyebrows furrowed in irate. Is that all he will say? Nothing more than that? Nothing more for the person he was with for years? I heard Priyanka whisper my name as I looked at her at a row ahead of me. I broke my trance away from Shivaay and sat down next to Priyanka.

"What happened? You okay Anika?"Priyanka said as I continued to stare at Shivaay. He was the same-cold, withdrawn, and aggressive. He pursed his lips together and gripped on to the small remote as he changed the slide show. He hadn't changed a bit. There was a sense of withdrawal in his eyes that I never had seen before-it was darker, fierce, and stronger than before. At that moment I felt anger towards him-full,total anger for what he had done to me. I tightened my hands together and looked away. 

"Anika, are you sure you are well?"  I  attempted to weakly smile and shake my head to hide any hint of pain.

 No I am not okay Priyanka. I cannot begin to describe how I feel at the moment. To see the man I once sacrificed everything for, stand before me and act like I am a complete stranger hurts. Hurts more than anything. Many times I have thought what would happen if I ever see him again. My mind told me, I would curse him, scream at him, and embarrass him for how he treated me. My heart though thought how it would be nice if he would apologize to me, take my hand on to his heart, and say he longed for me the way I have all these years. But no....Shivaay ignored me like a complete stranger-our first meeting after years, very anticlimatic.

I noticed a line of stress on her face. Priyanka stressed? That never happens. She's the most cheerful person I know. In fact, too cheerful sometimes.

"Are you okay Priyanka? You seem stressed?" 

"Honestly, I am. They made the transfer such a secret and we didn't even know who was taking over until now. You see him on stage....Mr. Shivaay Singh Oberoi....He's actually my brother," Priyanka announced as my mouth widened in shock. What? How did I miss this? How did I not know he was her brother?

She stared back at me and shook her head in guilt. I could tell she was ashamed of hiding such an important fact from me.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about this?" I asked a bit too loudly. Shivaay's gaze directed towards me as I looked away not wanting any eye contact. 

"Well...I am not directing this to you Anika because I know how you are, but generally when I used to tell people he was my elder brother-people would just befriend me, so they could get to him you know for his money. So, I stopped talking about him because I want people to be friends with me for who I am. Anika you are actually one of the most genuine friends I have," Priyanka mumbled as I realized what she was talking about. He definitely does play a lot with his money. Anyone would befriend the rich man's sister to get close to him. 

"It's fine...are you happy to see him here?" I asked curiously as she rolled her eyes.

"Well...I mean he is a great brother, but a little too overprotective and very serious about my career. He wants me to join the board of directors after residency and I don't think I am ready, you know? I never thought he would take over this hospital. I guess he wants to expand more in this area." 

I realized he was staring at me with his stone cold eyes. Gulping nervously, I down-casted my gaze and began to furiously chew on my bottom lip.  My cheeks shifted into a deep shade of red  as I encountered his piercing gaze that was annoyed by my lip chewing habit. I noticed my black chiffon blouse becoming see through as I saw his gaze drop down right towards my cleavage. He immediately cleared his throat from the realization I had caught him. Throwing him a glare, I began to rummage through my bag to grab a cardigan. 

"As I was saying, I will temporarily handle this hospital on site for a year to turn over this hospital to a more profitable place. Then another individual will handle this hospital as you do know I am the CEO of the Oberoi Hospitals branch and I have other duties to follow through as well." Shivaay announced as my mouth gaped in shock.

Wait what? He will be at this hospital, every single day? This cannot be true. I soaked in the shock as I sat in silence throughout the dreadful meeting. I stared straight down at my feet to avoid Shivaay at all costs. Avoid his dreadful gaze. However, I caught him staring at me many times as if ensuring that I was there. Probably, just for his ego satisfaction since he loved to feel more powerful than me. I sat there for a dreadful two hours until the meeting ended. The moment it ended-I grabbed my bag and began to rush out the door, ready to run from this nightmare and pray I was sleeping at the moment and when I will open my eyes I will realize it is a dream.

I felt a hand on my arm as I looked back to see Priyanka smile. Suddenly, she began dragging me towards the stage.

"What are you doing Priyanka?" 

"Well, to introduce you to my brother silly! Look, I feel guilty that you didn't know about my family. I mean I always go to your house and eat free food that your mom makes. You're my best friend Anika! I have to introduce you to my family!" Priyanka exclaimed as I shook my head and stared back at Shivaay who was standing on the stage and talking to another board of director member.

"Priyanka look at me! My clothes and hair are wet. I don't look presentable. Maybe another time." I  attempted to find an excuse to avoid him, but miserably failing to do so.

"It's alright Anika! You look great and please let's just meet him. He's always busy, so come on let me introduce you to him!" Priyanka exclaimed and before I could stop her, she dragged up the stairs and on to the stage.

I stood in silence and attempted to hide behind Priyanka. Shivaay stood with his back pointed at us. Priyanka tapped his shoulder lightly as  he turned around and hugged Priyanka tightly.

"And how are you? Nice surprise right?!" Shivaay exclaimed-very different from his true nature of course.

"Sure, bhai. It is a surprise for me for sure..."Priyanka rolled her eyes as Shivaay gave her an annoying smirk.

"Well, we can discuss other things later, but here I want you to introduce you to my best friend-Anika," I heard Priyanka announce as Shivaay's smile faded. I found myself staring at the floor awkwardly before Priyanka grabbed my arm and pulled me right next to her in front of Shivaay.

I followed my eyes up and locked them into his beautiful deep blue eyes that softened for a second. It had been a while since I was so close to him. I stared at the light beard that covered his strong jawline, his eyes tinged blue, and his soft dark brown hair falling on his face. Damn, why was my heart beating so fast? Why am I feeling like this again? I thought as we stared at each other in awkward silence.

"She is Dr. Anika Malhotra. She's in the same Internal Medicine residency program that I am in. And Anika this is my lovely brother," Priyanka said as Shivaay stared straight into my soul-making me very nauseous to my core.

At that moment in time, I felt my surroundings vanish-with my focus solely on him. Gosh, why am I feeling like this? I am trying so much to hate him, but why I am feeling so nervous and scared? I sighed as I noticed a hand appear in my gaze as I realized Shivaay holding out his hand to me for me to shake.

I slowly placed my hand in his as he grasped on to it tightly. The rough texture of his hand barely lightening against my soft one. I bit my tongue and stopped myself from yelping as we squeezed on to eachother's hands tightly-like they had been longing to be against one another for ages. It felt like he didn't want to let go of my hand as I stared back at him. His expression briefly softened. A flicker of the same pain I held, seen in the darkness of his hues.

"Pleasure meeting you," Shivaay's husky voice threw a current down my spine. I formed an immediate weak smile, pretending to be a stranger, despite knowing every core of his being.

"Same, sir," I spoke in a meager voice. He drew a smirk on his face and finally let go of my hand.

"I will see you tomorrow Priyanka. Take care and have a nice evening." Priyanka smiled and hugged me before I turned around and walked away from Shivaay. Walking away in an attempt escape from a past that was now pulling me much more closer to it.

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Hello, thank you for giving this story a chance and reading it :) This story is very near and dear to my heart :) It is a fanficition that I wrote on another forum, but that forum will be closing soon, so I deleted that story and decided to move my story to Wattpad and continue writing it here :) This couple Shivika is from an Indian show I watched which is called Ishqbaaz.

However, this story is completely different from the show and you will understand everything about it despite not watching the show, so you will be fine if you do not know about the show. I do use some, only some Indian dialect-very rare, but I will go back to the chapter and edit and explain that dialect and will explain it from now onwards when I write my new chapters. I promise :) Thank you so much for reading and if you wish, you may leave a comment and/or upvote :) Thank you :)

P.S. I love hearing what readers think about my story, so if you wish please do let me know, but thank you so much for reading :)

-Will continue updates throughout this week and every week, throughout this holiday season :)