2021

"Mommy, Syah balik KL dulu eh? Apa-apa hal nanti, contact je Syah."

"Laa, seminggu je. Kenapa tak tunggu next week sikit boleh jumpa sekali dengan Samson?"

"Mommy..." Aku memanggilnya perlahan saja.

"Sorry, I forgot."

"Mommy... Mommy tak salah. It just we both are two different sets of species. Mommy faham je kan?"

"Of course I understand, Syahid. Cumanya Mommy tak tahu how to make you boys make up balik."

"You don't have to... you don't need to, actually."

Aku tahu aku menghancurkan hati Mommy sebaik aku menghabiskan ayatku itu. Tapi apakan daya, it's a fact. Kalau aku saja yang cuba hendak mengubah keadaan, what would that mean to me?

"Mommy, you don't have to feel bad. It's not even your fault."

"Mommy sedih. I only have two sons and both of them can't even tolerate one another."

"Takpe. We both love you."

Panggilan terakhir SQ145 dari Singapura ke Kuala Lumpur berbunyi.

"Mommy bila nak datang KL?"

"Tak sure lagi, Syah. Nanti ada free, Mommy pergi ya."

"I thought your new BF orang Damansara, right?"

"Yes, he is. So?"

"Alang-alang jumpa anak, jumpalah dia sekali."

"Pandailah! By the way, Syah. Mommy ada sory of request actually."

"And what was it?"

"Can you stop stripping?"

Mommy tahu tentang hal itu. Hal yang aku rasa adalah kejam untuk aku rahsiakan daripada dia. Why would I, after all? I mean, she's my mother. She deserves to know everything.

"Syah mana ada apa-apa, Mommy. Other than good face and physique, I have nothing. Just a GED."

"Mommy tahu..."

"And if you wonder why I shall never tolerate Sam, look what has happened to my life. Maybe before you feel bad of having a stripper as your son, you should have seen how he ruined my life."

"Syah... nevermind then. Sorry I said that."

"Syah minta maaf. I didn't intend to. Syah pergi dulu ya, Mommy."

Sepanjang penerbangan tak sampai sejam itu, aku memikirkan tentang hidupku. Tentang bagaimana punahnya hidup aku dengan kesilapan yang bukan aku sendiri lakukan.

"Siapa je yang nak percaya man whore macan kau!?"

Sampai ke hari ini, ayat itu masih berbekas di dalam hati aku. Ayat yang aku masih tangisi kemenjadiannya. Betapa indahnya hidup aku kalau semua itu tak terjadi.

Sampai saja di KLIA, aku terus ke ERL. Dah beli tiket awal so murahlah sikit. Or is it? I don't know, Singapore boleh je ada MRT straight daripada Changi pergi City.

Aku bersandar di dalam ERL dan saat aku hampir terlelap, seseorang menyapa aku. Sembilan tahun lepas, suara ini sangat familiar.

"Syah?"

"Leno..." Aku membuka mata. Dia ni even dah habis sekolah pun nak kacau aku tidur. "Stesen mana dah?"

"Baru Salak Tinggi..." Dia duduk di sebelah aku. "Dari mana?"

"Aku balik Singapore. Kau?"

"Brunei, of course."

"Jumpa Anggeriklah ni?"

Dia senyum sahaja. I have no grudge against him. Some people were born and made to be together.

"We are getting married next month. Oh yeah, here's the invitation." Dia menghulurkan sekeping kad kahwin kepada aku. Again, no grudges.

"Mesti ramai budak SEBESTES kan?"

Dia mengangguk perlahan. Angguk tak rela, if you may call.

Suasana hening seketika ketika tiba di stesen Putrajaya. Tiada antara kami bersuara.

"Syah..." Suara Leno memecahkan kesunyian itu. "I believe you."

"Apa benda kau?" Aku cuba memalsukan tawa.

"Aku percaya kau. Aku tak percaya semua fitnah pasal kau tu. Look, Syah. Kau tak salah."

"Can we talk about another thing, please?"

"Syah..."

"Benda tu triggers aku and I would prefer to not talk about it again. Kau tahu how hurtful it is to me, right?"

"I know, Syah. Sebab tu aku rasa bersalah sebab aku tak appear as a witness for what happened."

"You know what, Awang. Maybe if you said this nine years ago, have the balls to say this, maybe things would have been better for me at least. Sekarang ni kalau kau baru nak cakap benda ni, maybe kau dah terlambat sangat to do so."

Dia diam semula. Kami berdua diam sampailah kami tiba di KL Sentral. Di situ, I'm thinking of parting ways tapi he just can't leave me alone.

"I texted Anggerik and she thinks it would be a good idea if we can have lunch..."

"No. Just no. This is not 2012 anymore. Kiamat does not happen in 2012 but surely my life ended on that year."

Leno kemudian memegang bahuku. "Syahid, you should stop doing this to yourself. Yes, aku admit your past is very bad. To be honest, if it were me, aku tak tahu if I were going to make it. That shit hard as fuck."

"Yes, and it all happened to me. Kesian kan? Go cry about it somewhere."

"Syahid, again. What if kau hidup sampai 100 tahun and kau keep pandang ke belakang to those tragedies that were not even happened because of you when you were sixteen?"

Aku terdiam sejenak. Ya, semua yang berlaku itu bukanlah salah aku. Tapi as much as aku nak lupakan apa yang berlaku, it will always remind me of that incident. That fucking damn incident.

"Syahid, sorry if aku terlalu kasar dengan kau."

"No, you're not. But to have a lunch with you guys, I think that would be too much."

Dia tersenyum membuatkan aku faham kenapa Anggerik terpikat betul dengan dia. "Syah, aku faham kalau kau tak nak dinner because of us tapi kalau kau takut sebab isu tu lagi, Anggerik is also on your side. We know you. Of course we know what is your story. And on behalf of aku dengan Anggerik, maafkan kami, Syah. Sebab terlalu pengecut with everyone masa tu."

Aku memberikan senyuman kepadanya sebelum menarik bagasi aku ke LRT. Aku berpaling dan aku nampak dia disambut oleh Anggerik yang sedang memandang ke arah aku. Aku sempat melayangkannya senyuman sebelum turut dibalas olehnya.

Masuk saja ke dalam LRT, aku telefon Mandy untuk mengambil aku di stesen LRT nanti. Aku bersandar di seat LRT dan fikiranku menerawang. Pelbagai perkara yang aku fikirkan ketika itu. Perkara tentang aku dan hidup aku.

Aku perlukan ketenangan.
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Right when sampai 65 votes, memang I akan tulis chapter baru okey. So yeah 65 votes hehe...

Anyway, siapa nak kahwin dengan Leno angkat tangan hehe....