f.a.q.

1: who is jen?

jen is a fictional character, just like joe and will. she's not based off anyone i know or anyone at all, really, mainly because we don't actually see that much of her personality throughout the book. in terms of bare facts, she's going into her senior year of high school (like joe and will), she was joe's girlfriend for a spell (and yes, they did have sex), and as you will have gathered, she does eventually becomes attached to will in more ways than one.

2: is jen based off jennifer lawrence?

no. much as i adore jennifer lawrence to pieces, i don't know enough about her as a person (ie: i don't know her personally) to even begin to base an entire fictional character off her.

3: is this a true story? did this happen to you?

thankfully, no. all my best friends are alive and well, and i'm very grateful for it.

4: if this isn't true, how can you make it so realistic?

that's what writing's all about. i put myself in the situation and i try to imagine the feelings behind it. i'm lucky and glad that it turned out to be realistic when people read it.

5: i was/am confused as to the gender of the narrator.

that's the point. will's gender (male) was not specified until the final chapter. even then, i was debating whether to specify his gender at all. keep in mind that boys and girls all go through the same thought process and so on after all: just because a person has issues with body image doesn't mean they're not a guy; just because a person is free and willing to have sex/lose their virginity doesn't mean they're not a girl.

6: i can relate to this a lot.

letters to jen addresses a lot of smaller things that are more relatable in the long run, and i'm honestly glad that so many people find it relatable, but keep in mind that this is a boy who's best friend of several years has died. he's been diagnosed with clinical depression and has, at some points, had suicidal thoughts. if you can truly relate to this story in every aspect, then you need to consider getting therapeutical or medical assistance (and i mean that in the most sincere way possible).

7: why is this so long?

grief isn't brief (ha, rhyming). it lasts a long time, and, when you've lost someone extremely close to you, it's long and difficult to get through. the same applies for depression. just because you have a therapist, doesn't mean you'll get better in the blink of an eye. relapses are common. i tried my best to reflect that in the length of the book (which, really, isn't that long at all, considering some of the letters are barely a sentence long), because it wouldn't be fair to people who do go through these things if i didn't. even after you're "better", depression never really goes away. it's been compared to a black cloud and a black dog. black cloud: you're still going through it, and it consumes everything you are. a black dog: it's a separate entity, and one you're free from, but it still follows you everywhere. i think that's the best way of getting across why this book is so long.

8: are you/have you been clinically depressed?

no. i've never been clinically depressed, and i'm thankful for it. i do, however, have many friends who are or have been diagnosed with depression. i don't necessarily base will's experiences off any of theirs, but it does help me to understand the topic better.

9: why did you choose to write a book on this topic?

because it's important, and it needs to be broached. people with mental illnesses are, most often, misunderstood. i was trying my best to help people understand what it's like to live through an ordeal like that.

10: why does will start writing to jen in particular?

simply put: because he likes her. will has a very big crush on jen indeed, and she becomes the easiest person he can confide in without actually confiding in her. part of him wants her to read his letters and fall in love with him and stay with him forever in his own fantasy. another realises that it isn't going to work out that way at all; and as such, hopes to god that she never reads his letters.

11: how does jen actually read the letters and become able to reply to them in the last chapter?

i'll leave that to your imagination.

12: why do the letters end here?

because they start on the exact same day two years before (29th april).

13: you should consider publication!

thank you, i take that as a compliment! i have considered publishing this a few times, but i'm not sure whether i want to. if i did, it would need a lot of very very thorough editing. but it means the world that so many people are behind the idea.

14: this book is beautiful.

a book is only as beautiful as its reader. thank you so much for going on this journey with me and will and liz and jen and joe. your support and comments and raw emotion has been a gift and has meant more than i can ever hope to put into words.

-- mariam