Dec 27

North Korean Military Outpost, DMZ

Se-ri,

It is twenty one hours and forty nine minutes since the moment I lost sight of you across the border. Yes, I'm counting, because every minute without you is already feeling like an eternity.

I wonder where you are now? Have the troops from the Southern side found you and taken you into their care? Wait, is any of them good-looking? And even if they are, I hope you'd honor our post-breakup six month condolence period. Have we really broken up? I feel a stab in my heart as I think about it. Why meet each other when there was to be no future for us?

I wish there was some way I could be near you. I could not even tell you how much I love you Se-ri. As I kissed you, all I wanted was to pull you back, beg you to stay, stay right here with me and to compensate for everything with so much love that you couldn't even imagine. But I couldn't. Despite the fact that deep down, my heart was crying, my soul was weeping, hoping that you'd stay, a part of me was afraid that you'd actually stay. You are reckless like that, isn't it Se-ri? You wouldn't think of the consequences to your life, the things you'd be leaving behind, the dangers you'd embrace here. You'd skip it all in a wink, like you missed that flight for me- to save my life.

Dawn is finally breaking out now. The dawn of a new day- a day where I will not get to see you, the first of the many I would have to live without you. You know just after I let you go, I immersed myself in work, kidding myself that I'd see you in the evening- that bright smile on your face as you wait for me at home, perhaps with another failed bargain to brag about. But as night descended and the stars twinkled in the sky, I realized I would never see the face I so cherish again. I would never hear the soothing sound of your voice- a symphony I would have loved to capture on my piano.

All night, I kept staring at this stupid cellphone in my hand, this utterly useless piece of technology, for the only person I wish to speak to the most right now cannot be reached with this.

Oh Se-ri-ah, how am I going to live without you?

Wait, have you eaten anything? I should have packed some food for you, considering how ravenous you always are. Picky princess, yeah right!

I don't even know why I'm writing this, knowing I could never post it and you'd never be able to read it. But I...I just wanted to talk to you- talk a bit more. I'm not ready to let go of you as yet. I wonder if I'll ever be.

Yours forever,

Jeong-Hyeok