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Sia

I don't wanna eat. I don't wanna wash up. I don't wanna go to school. I don't wanna talk. And I certainly don't want to leave this room.

Life is easy for nobody, I know that much. But I'd never known misery until I knew the story of Rohan. Did he deserve what he had to bear? No one in the world deserves that.

All he wanted was love.

I can't even imagine how it must've been like to live with such hopelessness. But I wish Bianca would've given this diary to me sooner. I wish I would've known all about this when he was alive. I wish I would've known how much he loved me. I wish I could tell him I loved him as well. I wish I could love him the way he needed. I wish I could give him the hope to live. I wish he didn't die.

(The first entry)

Dear Sia,

So, let me put this straight, Who are you? I mean, I know you are Sia but who are you, really? How can you be that beautiful? I know it's so wrong to question someone about their appearance but how can someone ignore that beauty of yours? Do you know how difficult it was to keep my eyes away from you? Do you have any idea about what you possess? Have you noticed how people drool over you? Of course you don't or maybe you just don't care. Because that kind of beauty comes with arrogance, which you probably lack, hopefully. I can't judge, I've barely seen you few times although we share the same classroom. But, I'm sorry, I do behave like a stalker at times, I'm always looking at you although it's almost impossible to see your face from where I sit in the classroom, however, even the partial view of you gives me a strange kind of satisfaction.

If you only knew what I'm thinking about you or even get a hold of this diary, you'd probably think that I'm some kind of a stalking creep. Well, I'm not...Or at least I'm trying very hard not to be.

Anyways, the boy that you sit and hang out with, Neil, right? Is he your boyfriend? No offence but it seems as though he's mad, because I don't think he appreciates you enough. I can see that he's good looking and all but, you're much better than that. Don't you think that you deserve someone who's crazy about you and doesn't show interests in your cousin instead?

I saw it today, he was kind of checking her out. The audacity of him to do it right in front of you. Do you know that he's also kind of trying to pursue her by using this concert as an excuse? I really don't think you should trust him. And why on earth was he trying to be over friendly with me? He's probably a spoilt brat who's trying to be a popular bad ass. Stay away from such boys, will you? They might look good but their hearts are probably made up of stones. I hope you're smart enough to soon realise that he's not worthy enough for you.

By the way, I wonder why I felt electrocuted when we shook hands today when the truth is that your hand is the softest thing I've ever touched?
And when you smiled at me, it was as if the entire world paused for a moment.

Your black hair was shining in the most dazzling manner. Honestly, I've never seen anything as black as your hair. And the shadow wasn't able to hide the glow in face and the way you smile... There must've been so my people who might've admired your smile. But have they praised it enough? Because, I'm speechless, no words are enough to glorify that smile.

I've never really seen anyone as pretty as you. I'm amazed, really.

I wonder why I'm writing this. Well, I'll never say these things to you anyway, so why not just write it down and fool my heart?

I've never felt like this before. I can't stop thinking about you. I might be going crazy because I can't wait to see you again.

I just hope I don't fall in love with you.

••••

I wipe my sore eyes with the sleeve of my sweatshirt which is already soaked with tears before I hug the diary tighter to my chest and curl up in my bed. I squeeze my eyes shut and I can see his face like I always do. The only difference this time is that I have a smile and I'm not afraid anymore, instead, it gives me a sense of relief of being able to have him close to me at least in my fantasies. I still have his words with me, the memories and the assurance that he loved me in his purest form.

He's still with me.

_______________________________________

A/N: So, what do you think?

I know, punctuality is my weakness. I really need to pull up my socks and moreover try to be a bit more active on Wattpad. I sometimes feel as if I might just give up writing altogether, although I know it's gonna be one of my biggest regrets. So, I hope I'll never do that.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and will enjoy the chapters further.

Until then, take care...

Love ya