By CheshireCatSam

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Hi fellas, I'm Sam, a 16 years old girl.

First things first, I know that labels are shit and you don't need them, but having a word for your feelings that people can simply google is just so helpful!

It all started when I was 13, if I recall correctly and - I developed a crush on a girl, 5 years older than me and in a relationship. The feelings built slowly, so I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with her and it wasn't a real crush. Time passed and when my feelings got stronger, I knew that I should tell her, even though I still didn't know what I really felt.

Because I was waaay too scared to talk to her in person, I wrote an anonymous letter and put it in her bag when she wasn't looking. Of course I don't know anymore what I exactly wrote, but I basically said that I liked her, more than a friend, but not in a sexual way, and that was exactly how I felt. But because it wasn't normal or anything I knew, I told myself that I probably wanted to have sex with her and just suppressed it to not be creepy. That summer, I decided that I was bisexual, because I have had a "relationship" with a boy before.

Skip to the beginning of 2016. I read a lot about LGBTQ+ at that time, including asexuality. Because it seemed interesting to me, I read article over article about it, learning about the different types and, what really sparked my interest, that there are different kinds of attraction. Even though it is pretty obvious, thinking about it, I was mindblown. For everybody that doesn't know it, there are aesthetic, romantic, sensual and sexual attraction. I remember thinking "I am asexual. OH MY GOD I WAS BLIND!" And, looking back, it's extremely obvious.

So at the moment I identify as asexual, bi-everything else. I say "at the moment" because sexuality is fluid and I don't know what the future will bring.

Of course I worry if I'll ever find a partner that accepts that I don't want to have sex and not going to have it.

But that is what I am and I won't change it.