By Eli - unusual_thoughts

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I was always very quiet about my personal self. Even when I was little I only ever spoke about the things I had done. I never spoke of my feelings and have always ever been prideful. When I was five I had a crush on someone the way only little children can. I played with him. I talked with him. I absolutely adored him. At the time I thought liking someone of the same sex was perfectly understandable. I never gave any of my liking of both boys and girls another thought. So, soon after he left I met a girl my age I thought was pretty and we shared little hugs and kisses here or there.

Then I had to move away, and I never saw her again.

For the next for or five years this happened. All the various people I met that I liked, which all total was about six or seven, all in the end left or just stopped playing with me.

So I had been homeschooled until fourth grade, and when I went to the little elementary school down the street I felt assaulted. Everyone was annoying in my opinion. They cursed, they screamed, they whined, and they cried. Though the worst thing was when they would use "gay" like it was the worst thing you could be. After all of this I held my feelings in. I was reserved in middle school, and in ninth and tenth grade I absolutely denied the fact that I liked others than that of the opposite sex. I have finally accepted myself though. Through all the pain. All the sadness and cutting. As well as my near suicide. I am pansexual and absolutely insane. I still have not come out. At least not other than my two best friends so I've been shaking the whole while. I'm glad it's over though.