By  Elle

~

My "name" is Elle and I have a big secret.

I have been attracted to both males and females and I'm afraid.

I am a coward.

I made a fake account to write this letter and I feel bad for doing so but I'm too afraid to come out.

Elle isn't even my real name.

This 7th and 8th grade year has been quite a roller coaster. In my friend group, I am seen as, the good girl, the church kid and the innocent one. I'm not as innocent as I seem though and I have secretly been bi for almost a year.

I started liking girls and guys after I found out that my friend became a lesbian.

I'm pretty sure she thought I was a homophobe and I didn't like her. I really admired that she had the courage to come out publicly and everyone supported her. I feel like people will think I'm lying because of my reputation. When I found out she was lesbian, I had a tiny secret crush on her but she had gone to a new school, gotten a girlfriend and we never talk anymore. I was a little crushed but I was fine.

I told my 4 of my closest friends about my secret and they all accepted me. 2 of them treat me the same as before. Apparently, one of my best friends has been acting really weird around me ever since I told her and I'm scared this might ruin our friendship. I'm praying it doesn't.

The last person actually treats me better. She is a lgbtq fan girl so she accepts me warmly and supports me 100% and makes me proud to be myself everyday.

What I haven't told her though, is that I might have a tiny crush on her..

I don't know if she'll like me back if I tell her. I'm pretty sure she's straight but I don't know. I'm scared and I want to come out publicly but I feel like I'm being dragged back, my fear holding me back. What if no one believes me because of my good girl reputation? What if my parents scream at me and tell me to get out? What if the girl I secretly like doesn't want to even be around me anymore? Will everything change for the better or for the worse?

I feel so afraid and alone in this and reading all these milestones makes me feel like someone else understands. So Wattpad, my one wish at the very depths of my heart is that you all could comment and give me advice. I know this isn't exactly an advice column but I've been trying to get up the courage to type this for months. I lay awake at night afraid and I feel sick of lying about who I am. Please. This is my one request..

S.O.S.

-"Elle"