By Start_Anew

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Hello, I'm Start_Anew! Ever since I was young the thought of me being a girl just never felt right, neither did the thought of me being a boy. This always confused me, since I was taught it was one or the other. However, I know now its definitely not. Gender is a HUGE spectrum and male and female is only two of many. My family wasn't very helpful either. 1) They are transphobic/homophobic. 2) They are poorly educated on the subject, but I guess I will just have to inform them.

I also had this problem not only with gender but with sexuality. Always being told that one day I'll grow up and marry a gentleman or getting asked if i had a boyfriend seemed so odd for me. What if it was a girl? What if it was neither or both? I made the mistake of saying that once. Not a fun day. I never cared about anyone's gender, race, religion, ect. Not caring made me feel weird, it made me feel like something was wrong with me.

After a long time of research and questioning I can to a conclusion that I was Agender and pansexual. However, i found out i was pans a few moths to year before i found out i was Agender. I felt like a weight was lifted off my chest when I found out. However, there was still many more weights still holding me down. Only getting worse over time.

I decided to come out to my friends first as pans, at the time thats all I knew about myself. Not a smart move. They thought I was weird and they didn't try to hide it. (They did though set me up with a bisexual girl, who I found out later, only dated me so she could get attention.) To this day the only one thats still around refused to cal it anything but the 'Panda disease'. Still haven't came out as Agender to them.

I quickly found out after coming out to my freinds that my sister and mom are huge supporters of the LGBT+ community. I decided it was time to come out to only them. It went perfectly. After a told them I was pans (this too was before Agender realization) ounce again felt a huge weight be lifted off my chest.

I came out to them ounce again when i discovered I was Agender. However, I told my father and grandmother about being pans. My father changed the subject and I think he forced himself to forget. My Grandmother didn't respong badly but i think she forced herself to forget aswell. My father still rants to me and my sister about how gays make horrible parents and other cisist/homophobic comments. My grandmother never brings those topics up luckily. I made sure to net tell them I was Agender, for now that is.

Unlike last year, coming out to classmates was alot more easy. After telling them i was Agender they strted calling me the right pronouns and made sure not to call me ma'am like the boys normally do when talking to females. Still though, only three or four people actually know im Agender and only one knows im pansexual. The other kids did pick up on my pronouns and the whole ma'am ordeal without question.

I'm still questioning things here and there like whether Im asexual or not. And not o one but very close family know and some friends/classmates. And this has been a veey bumpy road when comimg to my gender and sexuality but Im me. Im proud of who I am. I would never change for someone else nor do I even give a frick what they think. (kinda) But the whole "whats that?", "does that mean you make out with frying pans?", "those don't really exist", "Pansexual is just another name for bisexual so people can feel special," and my favorite, "You're going to hell for this!" need to bloody stop.

I don't know if this was a coming out story or a excepting myself story or what but I feel much better telling this story, even though its over the internet. Bye! Sart_Anew out!