I know that the title sounds like something is going on behind my back, but it was a misunderstanding that my mum had.

So after the last time my grandad was in hospital, he went home and was doing fine, until when he collapsed just over a fortnight ago, and he was rushed to A&E. He got through it and everything, but then when my mum went to the hospital last week to see my sister's dietitian, the consultant pulled her beside, and told her that he is suffering from the early stages of heart failure. The cause of his collapse was a small cardiac arrest, and that is really scary.

They can't do anything to help him as he's really ill, and is not fit enough for surgery without the possibility of losing him in the middle of it. So he can't go home with oxygen because, enough though my mum has removed all the cigarettes from his flat, the doctors think he will try to smoke. That's another reason why he can't have surgery because he used to smoke 200 over a week or fortnight, I can't remember. And they also don't know how long he has left to live, it might be a month, weeks, or maybe longer.

It turns out that my parents had discussed it last week and thought I was there, but I wasn't, so I didn't know beforehand. Come to tonight at parents' evening, and my mum was telling my tutor about it and I heard it for the first time.

My world at this minute feels like nothing. I'm so worried about him, but I know he will fight it till the end. I'm worried about the cost of his funeral, and how I will accept it, and how it will affect me at school, I just don't know for now.

So, I'm going to eat my dinner and talk to friends, so I might be back later, but for now it's peace...