The ethereal moon hung suspended in the night sky, its image distorted by the rippling waves of my pool. Though it seemed so close I could almost touch it if I just reached out, I knew that it was as unattainable as trying to fly to the sun. I floated there, gazing up at the pale orb, my mind drifting away in thought.

Nothing is as I wanted it to be.

The acrid thought reverberated in my mind incessantly until it became the only thing I could focus on. Every happy memory made up until then had been tainted or washed away by it.

I'd been here before, I realized, lying in my pool with nothing but my troubles for the company. I was wallowing in my misery then, and here I was again, doing the same, even though I'd promised myself I would strive to be better and enjoy the life given to me to the fullest. It always worked in the stories; after reaching their lowest point, the hero would proudly declare to improve and never again let sorrow plague their heart, and it would be so.

I had done the same, yet here I drift. Another agonizing reminder that my life was not like my favorite tales of romance and adventure.

I had thought I had overcome this feeling; I honestly did! After spending a lot of quality time with Rachnee, laughing and having fun with someone who treated me as an equal rather than with reverence or pity, after connecting with many people the previous night and feeling like I was finally part of a group of friends, after genuinely believing that I didn't need to focus on courting Aki for my happiness...

I had heard that Aki was going on a date with someone else, and I'd forgotten all that instantly.

All of the old emotions came flooding back. My longing to be the one to make him laugh and smile, to be by his side. A deep-seated envy of the undead wench who thought she could take him away from me as if he were mine to keep. But one emotion eclipsed all the others, so powerful that it was all-consuming.

Pure, rapturous ecstasy at the beautiful tragedy of it all!

As the joy filled me with bliss, the knowledge that the obstacles ahead of me were only growing larger was accompanied by another feeling--slight but present. It wormed into my heart like a parasite, tainting what should have been the pinnacle of all my mother had taught me to strive for.

Revulsion. Fear crept over me that the pleasure I felt was simply a counterfeit of what true love should be, that my tragic romance, longing for a love that could never be, was not beautiful but something I should be ashamed of. Even as I felt ecstatic being pushed away, a sinister voice still whispered in my ear, warning me that this was not what I desired.

"What is wrong with me?" I breathed into the water, my words filled with pain and confusion.

Life had been so much simpler back home in Neptunus. I would read the books Mother had given me, attend courtly engagements, and listen to the nobles converse around me. Though easy and comfortable, I had always yearned for something more. I thought that something was the tragic romance I'd heard so much about.

But now, I felt plagued by many turbulent emotions at every twist and turn. Never before had I felt such a juxtaposition of joy and grief since coming to this land and living among these people. I made promises to myself and yet failed to keep them. I made friends, yet I still felt a distinct distance between us. I thought I'd found a suitable companion for my tragic romance, only to find myself wanting more. It felt as though, for every step forward I took, I was pulled back twice as hard.

And all I could do was wallow in my pool of confusion, anxiously awaiting Aki's next move, hoping for Rachnee to come to the rescue, and waiting for someone, anyone, to lessen my worries. I was a good princess, wasn't I? Waiting to be saved, taken care of, given the answers, standing idle, never wanting for anything, never having to struggle...

I tightly embraced my quivering body, feeling nothing like the majestic Princess of Neptunus portrayed in the great tales. I was not the tragic heroine of those stories; I was just a frail figure trembling in the cold.

I just felt lost.

-

The moon was (beautiful [brilliant {lonely}]) tonight. If I reached out to it, could I (touch [understand {crush}]) it? ... No. That would be (silly [impossible {stupid}]).

My hands were shaking again. No one's noticed, not even (Daddy [Antonio {the restraint}]). Ever since the Harbinger told me where I came from. It's not surprising, though, that he doesn't know. I haven't (connected [melded {removed the barrier}]) because I was... afraid?

(Memories [dreams {lives}]) rushed at me at the thought. I wouldn't know if they were mine, his, or mine from... before.

Treading cautiously down a narrow, unfamiliar alleyway, I find myself alone. Anxiety creeps in as the sound of footsteps echoes behind me. A glance over my shoulder reveals a looming figure holding an object that looks far too much like an automatic weapon. My heart races as I remember it is past the curfew hour.

The prey was fighting back with more strength than expected. They managed to throw me into the dark, rushing river. I fell into its depths as the powerful current swept me away.

It's been (worse [aggravating {maddening}]) lately. The memories, and the words that pile on top of each other in my (mind [understanding {soul}]), They have always been there, at least, since Daddy found me, but they were never too (distracting [disruptive {invasive}]). At least, until the Harbinger said... her name.

The serpent made of oceans roared in rage, betrayal, heartbreak...

Now it was as if a (seal [inhibitor {prison}]) had been broken. I hadn't been able to move or think without feeling (lost [paralyzed {pain}]) until recently. Too many contexts and variations ran alongside one another (trying [struggling {clawing}]) to have their voices heard. There was nothing I could do to weather but find (peace [pleasure {stasis}]) in the warmer memories.

Removing a bottle of black rum from a gift bag, pretending to be offended at the image of a Kraken at the front. Friends laughed around me, though one laughed louder than the rest as if he were in on a joke shared only between us.

I was resting my head against his shoulder, listening to him as he read aloud of hobbits and treasure. Centorea's nearly pressing against us; the heat radiates from her filling me with warmth.

Some memories are my own. Some are not. Some thoughts are my own. Some are not. I cannot tell the difference sometimes. But I was slowly regaining (control [suppression {ignorance}]) with each passing minute. If I stay here, under the moon, and focus, then maybe I will be (functional [free {denied}]) by the morning.

"Hiiiiiii Suu!"

Papi!

I was soaring through the sky on her back, feeling the wind flow around my body. She laughs, and I laugh so high above the rest of the world.

She tackled me from behind, wrapping her wings around me and nearly covering me entirely in her blue wings. With a giggle, she nuzzled my cheek.

"You were so quiet at dinner, and I was sooooo worried!" Papi pouted.

I was quiet at dinner.

"So... Ah, Lala, right?"

"A crude mangling of my true name in your primitive tongue, but it shall suffice amongst the rabble."

"...Right."

...

"-it was the greatest of fortune that Tionishia had been there to pacify the foul-mouthed couple; otherwise, I fear the echidna would have butchered them where they stood."

"Sheesh, some people have no manners! I'm surprised the echidna held back; they're always angry compared to other lamias."

"Her host, an officer of the law, was doing everything in his power to calm her throughout the situation so it would not needlessly escalate, Miia. Truly a brave soul."

"Ohhhh, that makes more sense."

...

"I beg pardon, but was Rachnee planning on joining us for our meal? I have not seen her for the greater part of the day...."

"Hm... Come to think of it; I haven't seen her much either. Around midday, maybe, I saw her last?"

"Boss, Boss!"

"Yes, Papi?"

"I just remembered! Miia brought in the mail, and Rachnee read it and then went to her room! Maybe it's Miia's fault!"

"Hang on, how is that my fault?!"

All of the dinner (passed [danced {screamed}]) in my mind. None of the voices were mine. She was right.

"Ah... sorry," I offered. That was what you said when you made someone worry over you, right? That's what I (gathered [learned {believed}]) from watching Daddy and everyone else. I still didn't know why they said it, but it always made the other person happy, and I wanted Papi to be happy.

"It's 'kay!" Papi promised, making herself comfortable while still holding me tight. "Big brother wanted to check on you too, but I told him I'd keep you coma tea so he could sleep!"

Coma tea? I didn't understand. Though maybe that was Papi being (Papi [family {a child of Ocypete}]). But... had Daddy been worried about me. Not a surprise; I didn't want to worry him. He was finally dating (Bina [potential Mommy {the warrior who reeks of soma}]), and I wanted him to be happy with her. My (problems [ordeals {yearn-

So many faces, so many bonds, all cut off. What if I couldn't be there if something happened? Ria was gone now; who was next? Papa had just fallen again, and his memory was falling apart... What if I never see him again?

Slithering through the forest at the edge of the village. Waiting, Starving, It hurts. It hurts so much.

... He was worried enough as is. He carried too much and had enough secrets to keep. If he knew, he'd do everything he could to help me, even if he could do nothing.

I need to bear it. It will (fade [subside {lay dormant}]) eventually. I can be strong, like the others that live here.

"Papi?" I whispered.

"Mm?"

"Could you... stay with me tonight?"

But... even though I wanted to be (strong [independent {liberated}]), I still needed others to support me. Like always.

"Of course, of course!" Papi happily declared like I knew she would. "I'll stay with Suu forever and ever!"

She believed that. Maybe I could, too. Once I finally knew what "Suu" really was.

I looked up at the moon. It looked (brilliant [lonely {back}]).

To be continued...