Done in the very early am's 'cause I knew I wouldn't remember any of it once I wake up UwU👍

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Me: Why aren't there more characters with god awful social anxiety?

-"[Character] is so annoying. Why can't they just spit out whatever they want to say?"-
-"They can't even answer a simple question. What importance do they bring to the plot, again?"-
-"It's worse when you realize the other characters have to rebuild everything that was built previously with them. Even when they think they've brought [Character] out of their cage, the next time they meet there's a new lock on it."-

Me: Oh... Yeah...

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Talking is really hard 😥
More so irl than online. Especially when asked or confronted about something. I just shut down when I don't know what to answer and try to formulate some sort of acceptable answer in my head. Because if it isn't, then I think I look stupid, and I think other people will think and see me as stupid

Especially if it's an older person, seeing as all I see everywhere are them complaining that the younger gens are so "sensitive" and "problematic", that they had a much harder life back when they were growing up.

There are so many fears and burdens weighing on my mind. I don't want to drive because there's so many things to worry about, most of which I can't even control. Jobs involving a whole bunch of other people/the public are a no because dealing and talking to people is my worst field, and it does not feel like I got better at it at all after my last job

I care too much about other people and their view on me. I hate having my parents worry about me, so I mostly keep everything to myself unless the pain doesn't go away or gets worse. I hate open-ended questions and essays because I overthink and miss obvious, good answers, which leads to me thinking I'm stupid. I don't ask questions because I think it'll make me look stupid for not understanding it, seeing as I got the impression that I was actually pretty smart about some things. Not to mention I think an event back in 2nd grade caused all this

(The event: I didn't fully grasp how to use "both" in a sentence, and the teacher kept pushing me to use it. Instead of that, my mind went in a spiral, trying to figure it out, so I didn't answer her and started to cry. She, however, didn't see it as frustration, so she sent me to sit with a kindergarten class while the rest of mine moved on. This actually happened on multiple occasions (I don't remember how many) until I finally managed (on my own) to use it in a sentence correctly. For one of the trips to the kindergarten class, she had me try to write down what "stubborn" meant, a word that I had never seen nor heard of before, yet a behavior she thought I was exhibiting that whole time. Needless to say, I didn't write anything on that paper (nor did she bring it up afterwards, I don't think). This was the main reason people would later remember me as a crybaby (good thing I don't live there anymore))

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*Debating if I should continue listing all my flaws in detail or go to bed*

...

*Debating if a therapist would even be able to help if I'm unable to speak my frustrations and problems to them*

*Wondering if I could just write it all out instead, or just show them this and go from there*