I'm tired of fighting against myself. There are times during the day where I think to myself;"why don't I just die?", "I won't be missed and I mean nobody will notice my absence...or care in general.", "Why haven't I killed myself yet?", I'm so tired of the bullsh*t that I get for just trying to be myself! Why can't I just end it all?", And many more thoughts that are similar to these.
In fact I'm having them right now. I'm in pain. I need help but who would be willing to help me? There are many questions that I want answers to or wish that I had the answers to but I don't. I just want to break down and curl into a ball and cry until there are no more tears to cry. Until I feel emotionally drained. I don't want to be the punching bag for everyone in my life. (Meaning I don't want to be assaulted, hurt emotionally,physically, mentally.)
I have had enough.
My brother, the brother that I care about, said that I'm nothing but dirt, and that I should go kill myself.
That hurt me deeply.
I just want him to notice that I'm trying to improve myself.
I want him to know how to love another person. (Correctly)
I just want him to be there for me when I'm the one who's always there for him... I just...want him to be the best that he can be.
That's it.
But he keeps fighting me.
Telling me things.
I listen to his words with a light heart.
I listen to them with a heart of bravery and courage.
I listened to them sorrow fully.
I listen to them depressed.
I listened to them when i'm dead.
Sorry for rambling incoherently.
Till next time my fellow readers~ :'(
8)