I tensed, wondering if my sleep addled brain heard her correctly. "We asked you to hide all of this from us?"

Eden shook her head, rising to her feet. 'Not the crew, you Lyra.'

I stared at her, wide eyed, lost, my mind buzzing with everything I'd seen and heard in such a short time. My grip on sanity seemed tenuous at best. I could feel Cass glancing at me in confusion, likely wondering the same as I was; why my orders were so damn important. How could I be responsible for the fate of the crew, the ship? Why me?

"But I'm just a clone."

'This crew are clones of the one who visited Earth 400 years ago,' said Eden. 'You were the original crew, cycled back into term from your time as sleepers, the last to see Earth when you left, and the first to see her again.'

The pieces slowly clicked, the answer slipping into place. It was a stroke of clarity. My role on this ship was the same, had been the same for hundreds of years, a role I once failed at in the most spectacular way possible.

"My human error," I said softly.

Eden nodded. 'She did not expect the clone to remember. It was an incalculable side effect of the process. Living memory in recycled DNA. It was my theory cloning you from the stored DNA bank would reset your memories but the first generation clone wiped the DNA of the crew from the banks. She felt it was important for you to remember and to choose.'

"Choose what?" Cass held me close as if afraid I would disappear with the truth laid bare. The assumption wasn't far off. I felt like vanishing and returning to the ether.

'You are not the fifth clone, but the fortieth, cycling out every ten years by choice. Inevitably, each clone remembers itself. I tell you the truth. Each time you choose to continue on, unchanging. You don't tell the others the truth of the Earth or the truth of yourself. You fill your journal with dreams of a burning world. You isolate yourself from the others. You spend more and more time in your quarters. You end your term alone. The cycle continues.'

What would I choose this time? How could I choose this? This unending limbo of an existence, floating through space, repeating an endless cycle of memory and loneliness. What would the others think if they knew? If they knew the original me was responsible for the death of all those sleeping people? If they found out they were clones? That my clone wiped out their original DNA? What would they think of me?

Cass slipped her hand into mine, squeezing it tight. "I'm here this time. You don't have to choose alone."

A ghost of a smile played on Eden's face. It was true. This incarnation, I wasn't alone. I connected with someone, befriended someone. Reached out as I uncovered those terrible answers. Maybe this was the mistake my past selves had made. It was too a great for one person to make alone, especially burdened by such a great mistake. There were no guarantees the Earth would be stable. It could still be choked in ash. Or it might have settled. I looked at Cass, matching her wobbly smile.

"What do you think we should do?"

She looked up through the over hanging branches of the great tree, the artificial sunlight painting a dapple pattern on her face. She would fit perfectly in the landscapes of my dreams. I wondered what her hair would look like under real sunlight. 

"I think we should go home."