Chapter 30: Enough

I lost count of shots I've taken in just a matter of hours. My head feels heavy now, my vision is still clear but unstable and my mind is in huge chaos. With all that, I am still in rational thinking to know what I am doing. What am I doing? Dancing with fire can either be fun or burn me down.

"This is enough," Erikson tried to pull but I managed to flinched my arms. He looked at me in disbelief. "You are drunk now, Astra. You are a mess. I'll drive you home now before things get even worse."

Tumawa ako bago lumapit sa kanya. I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked at his enraged eyes. I swayed my body, hoping he would follow but he stood still. That didn't stop me from swaying.

"Is this your way of rebellion?" he asked.

I smirked. "You knew all along..."

That caught him off guard. Napatikhim ito at bagyang lumihis ang tingin. Feeling guilty eh? Hindi ko tuloy alam ngayon kung tanga lang ba talaga ako para hindi 'yon agad maunawaan o nagpalamon lang ako sa mga plano ko at hindi ko naisip na maaari ding may plano si Brix.

"That's not case here. I need to bring you home—"

Sinubukan kong kumawala sa leeg niya pero hinapit niya agad ang bewang ko palapit sa kanya. Hindi na ako nakatakas sa kanya. Napangiti ako sa ginawa niya. Gano'n pa man ay hindi nagbago ang expression sa kanyang mukha.

"Fine." He let out a heavy sigh as he tightens his hold around my waist. "If you don't want to go home yet then, stop dancing with random strangers and just dance with me instead."

"Is that a threat?" I mocked.

"No. It's just I can handle myself, unlike the others."

"Why?" I pinned my body against him as I bit my bottom lip. "Are you not like them, Erikson? Don't you feel thirsty just by staring at me? Tell me. Wala ba akong epekto sa 'yo?"

He grinned as he shook his head. "You are gorgeous, Astra. That's undeniable. But I still value my life more than anything else. What's in my mind will always remain in my mind."

I pouted my lips.

"That's unfair. You can read mine," I muttered.

Binalingan ko ng tingin ang ibang sumasayaw. They are banging their heads with the sound of rock music. Meanwhile, Erikson and I are dancing slowly. This is funny. The music isn't even romantic at all.

"But I can't read your mind anymore." Naagaw uli ni Erikson ang aking atensyon. "Hindi ko lang alam kay Brix. Pero kami... hindi na namin kayang pasukin ang isipan mo. You are learning, Astra. You are getting tougher as the day passes by. You will be a great vampire someday."

"Greater than Brixton Wenz Cardinal?" I arched my brows.

Tumawa ito kaya natawa rin ako. Right, every time I get tougher, Brix gets tougher too with I don't know how intense. There's no hell I will stand a chance against that living hell.

"I want a drink," I mumbled.

Hindi na ako pinigilan ni Erikson. Sinubukan kong balansehin ang aking lakad hanggang sa makarating sa counter. Napatingin ako sa lalaking agad na tumabi sa akin. Syempre si Erikson.

"Where's Adrian?" I asked the bartender.

"Hmmm. I have no idea, Lady Astra," magalang na sagot nito. "But surely, they are just around. Drinks?"

I nodded.

Bumaling ako sa dance floor. Hindi ko pa man gaanong nagagala ang tingin ko ay nakita ko agad si Adrian. Kasama ang isang grupo ng mga lalaki at nagkakasiyahan din. Lumipat sa isang table sa hindi kalayuan ang tingin ko. There's Randolf, biting Wendy's neck who's sitting on his lap facing him.

Napahikab ako. Yumuko ako sa counter. Naramdaman ko na ang antok.

"There you are," I heard a voice.

"You again?" yamot na tanong ni Erikson.

"Hindi mo pa ako sinayaw!" reklamo ni Lady Merrly. "Kumuha lang ako ng drink at pagbalik ko ay wala ka na. You are heartless, Mr. Nadija. How dare you ignore a lady like me!"

"You are overdramatic, Sir."

"S-Sir..." Napangiti ako dahil sa tinawag ni Erikson sa kanya. "Anyway, what happened to Astra?" Naramdaman kong tumabi siya sa akin. He tapped my shoulder. "Hey. You still good?"

"Yeah..." I lazily answered.

"Here's your drink, Lady Astra."

Umangat ang tingin ko. Hindi ko pa man nakukuha sa bartender ang alak ay naagaw na agad ito ni Erikson. Diniretsong lagok niya ito bago pabagsak na ibinaba ang baso.

"You can't drink anymore," he said.

"Epal," bulong ko.

"Isayaw mo naman ako, Nadija!" request ni Lady Merryl. Nakanguso na ito ngayon. "I've been in this celebration for decades now but no one danced with me yet. I mean... I am not complaining but it would be nice to experience that."

I looked at Erikson. Mukhang naapektuhan ito sa sinabi ni Lady Merryl pero hindi sapat para mapapayag ito.

"I don't dance," he replied. "Why don't you ask someone else? Marami naman dyang iba."

"Okay," tipid na sagot ni Lady Merryl. "Forget it."

"He can dance," agad ko. Pinanlakihan ko ng mga mata si Erikson. "Hindi ba, Erikson? Kahit isang minuto lang? You are not that cruel, I know. Please?"

"It's fine—"

"Okay." Erikson stood up and offered his hand to Lady Merryl who is currently confused. Gulat ito kaya hindi niya agad nasagot si Erikson. "One minute, all right?"

"Oh. Sure!"

Tumayo rin agad si Lady Merrly at tinanggap ang kamay ni Erikson. Tumingin pa ito sa akin at kumindat.

"Stay here, Astra..."

"Yeah..." tamad kong sagot.

Pinanuod ko silang maglakad papunta sa dance floor. Binaling ko rin agad sa counter ang tingin ko. Pumuslit ako ng isang bote ng alak bago naglakad palayo. Hindi naman nakatingin si Erikson.

Lumayo ako sa ingay at tinahak ang pinuntahan namin kanina ni Oscar. Sa hardin na hindi pinupuntahan ng mga bisita. Umupo ako sa pwesto namin kanina ni Oscar.

Wait. Where's Oscar? Celeste is nowhere, too. They are probably together. I hope they are fine.

Tinungga ko ang alak sa bibig ko bago nagbuga ng hangin. Sandali kong binitiwan ang bote para yumuko at alisin ang mga heels sa paa ko. Nangangawit na rin ako.

Sumandal ako sa bench bago uli uminom. Nakatitig ako sa mga binti kong bahagya kong ginagalaw. I am really sleepy now but I don't want to go home yet.

Err. Oo nga pala. Ang plano ko ay lilipat na ako ng bahay. Ayoko na sa tinirihan ko ngayon. I want to be away from Tita Ophelia, Eliyah, and Dahlia. I want to be as far away as possible.

"Would you mind?"

Umangat ang tingin ko sa lalaking biglang sumulpot. Napaayos ako ng upo nang mapagtanto na si Lord Trojan ito. Maagap na umusog ako para bigyan siya ng puwang.

"Thanks," he said before he sat down.

Naglabas ito ng sigarilyo at nagsindi. The good thing is he puffed the smoke in the other direction. I don't like that smell. Though naaamoy ko naman siya sa Nightscape Club, iba pa rin kapag sa tabi ko mismo ang amoy.

Nagkibit-balikat na lang ako uli bago tumungga sa alak.

"Lord Severo wants you in his room tonight," he suddenly asked.

Hindi ako kumibo. I am stunned but not surprised. I saw it all coming. Damn. I didn't know I would lose my virginity to a boomer. I mean... he doesn't look that old but still... we have a huge age difference.

"Though it's up to you if you want to come in or not," he added.

"I will go," I said as I gulped on the bottle.

Narinig ko ang mahina niyang pagtawa na ikinalingon ko. Diretso pa rin ang tingin nito habang humihithit ng sigarilyo. Sa lahat ng Seniors, sa kanya talaga ako namimisteryuhan. I mean... I don't know all of them personally but something about Lord Trojan which makes him stand out.

Maybe because he is the youngest and it's weird that someone like him is part of Seniors? Or it's just he doesn't talk that much?

"He's really interested in you," he mumbled again but this time, he looked at me. "I guess, you are really what Brix needs to get the long-coveted position. The long wait is over for the greatest Cardinal."

Suminghap ako. "He will be a good leader," I said.

"Oh." He nodded. "No doubt."

"Maybe he deserves that spot," I added.

"Yes. But I am afraid for that child." Muli itong nagsindi ng sigarilyo nang maubos ang isa.

"What do you mean?"

"He will have the position but not the entire clan," makahulugang banggit nito. "Yes, they will fear him even more. He can rule anyone and punish those who dare to block his way. But... it could be the reason for his downfall, too."

Napalunok ako sa sinabi niya. I don't understand but... I am affected.

"One thing Brix doesn't understand is..." He looked up at the sky as he puffed smoke. Bahagyang nabalutan ng usok ang kanyang mukha. "They will never treat him as an ally anymore. He can get the clan but not their trust. He will be feared but that is also one of the reasons why he can't rule longer. Everyone will try to shoot him down."

"Just because of that mistake?" I arched my brows. "Hindi ba uso sa inyo ang pagpapatawad? Do you really can devalue someone who makes a mistake that easily?"

"It's not just a mistake," he chuckled. "He slaughtered an entire clan. What do you think, Astra?" Bumaling siya sa akin. "Kung nagawa niya sa ibang clan 'yon, ano sa tingin mo ang rason para hindi niya gawin 'yon sa sarili niyang clan?"

I gulped. "Y-you are against the idea of him ruling your clan."

He looked away and that confirmed my thought.

"You know what?" Tumawa ako bago tumayo. Napangiwi pa ako nung muntik na akong matumba dahil sa hilo. "Doubt his ability to rule a clan but never doubt his ability to protect something he loves. He loves this clan more than anything. The root of all this is because he loved someone. Hear me? He became like this because he valued something! I'm disgusted."

Naglakad na rin ako palayo.

I don't even know why I am arguing for Brixton. But that fact that they all see him as the villain in this story is disgusting to me. I am mad at him too, hell yes. But I am aware of his history. I don't know that much about him but I know that when he loves... he will lay everything on the line.

He loves this clan. That's the reason why he wants to rule it. At least... that's what I think.

Still... I won't forget everything he did to me.

"Lady Astra."

Napatingin ako sa dalawang maskuladong lalaki na lumapit sa akin. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay sila ang mga guard ni Lord Severo. Sila ang nakikita kong umaaligid sa tabi niya.

"Pinapatawag kayo ni Lord Severo sa kanyang silid," saad ng isa.

Natigilan ako.

"N-no. I want to go home," I answered.

No. I don't want him to take the first experience anymore. I've decided to keep this until I can use it to my own advantage. I will keep it until I am ready to give in myself.

"We have no choice then."

I was about to scream when he covered my mouth with a cloth. Wala akong nagawa nung binuhat nila ako. I was feeble to refuse, too. Sa huli ay hindi na lang din ako nagpumiglas dahil alam kong mag-aaksaya lang ako ng lakas.

Even if I wasn't drunk, I couldn't resist them.

Nakita ko si Erikson sa hindi kalayuan. Mag-isa na lang siya. Malikot ang kanyang tingin, halatang may hinahanap. Mukha rin siyang balisa. Hindi niya ako nakita. Hanggang sa maipasok ako sa loob ay hindi niya ako nakita.

Pinikit ko na lang ang aking mga mata. I don't what to do anymore.

"Kumalma na yata siya. Pwede na nating ibaba," dinig kong sabi ng isa.

Maingat na ibinaba nila ako. Wala na rin naman akong magagawa kaya sumunod na lang ako. Magkasalikop ang aking mga kamay habang umaakyat kami sa hagdan. Nakaalalay ang isa sa akin dahil medyo hindi na maganda ang lakad ko.

"Here." Huminto kami sa isang pinto. Malamang na ito ang silid ni Lord Severo. "Hanggang dito na lang kami. You can go inside alone. He's waiting..."

I could sense the excitement in their voices.

"Have fun," he added.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago hinawakan ang pinto. Nakayuko ko itong binuksan at nakayuko rin akong pumasok. Nang makapasok ako ay sinara ng mga lalaki ang pinto.

Napasinghap ako nang mas bumigat ang pakiramdam ko.

"Hey there, lovely."

Umangat ang tingin ko kay Lord Severo. Nakakulay itim na bathrobe lang ito. Mukhang katatapos lang din nito sa shower dahil basa pa ang kanyang buhok. Nakasandal siya sa headboard ng kama at may hawak na libro. Nakangiti ito habang nakatingin sa akin.

For a moment, I thought he was Brixton.

I roamed my eyes around. Dim ang lights, may mga mabangong kandila sa paligid. This is such a romantic scene that I only see in movies. Masarap sanang matulog dito. Kung hindi lang iba ang sadyan ko sa silid na ito ay baka tumalon na ako sa kama at natulog.

"Take it off," he ordered.

I gulped. Mas nangangatog ang mga tuhod ko. Hindi ako nakakilos na mas ikinalawak ng ngiti ni Lord Severo. He seemed astonished just by seeing me this tensed.

"Don't be scared," pagpapayapa niya sa akin. Binaba niya ang hawak na libro at humalukipkip. "Come on. Take off your dress and lay down beside me, Lady Astra."

Lumunok ako uli.

Damn it.

I was shaking when I held the hem of my cocktail. Sobrang lakas ng pintig ng dibdib ko.

"Good girl," he smiled.

I sniffed when I lose the grip of the cocktail. Tanging ang kamay ko na lang ngayon ang nakahawak. Kapag binitiwan ko ito ay tuluyan na akong mahuhubaran.

"Come on, Lady Astra. Lay down beside me."

I bit my bottom lip.

Teary-eyed, I closed my eyes.

Bibitiwan ko na sana ang cocktail dress ko nang may humawak dito. Napapikit ako nang iikot niya ako paharap sa kanya at kinulong ako sa kanyang mga braso.

A sob escaped my lips.

"This is enough," Brixton said.

I cried.