Hey I am so sorry I haven't updated in a while ;-; Right now I'm working on my newest novel, I haven't published it here but if you want I'll post the prologue cx (it's a fantasy type thing)

Plus I'm trying to situate my career soooooo XD but I'll try to update more. I really love this story cx

~Ken

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lionpaw was broken, in body and spirit. There was nothing left, not even his own soul was left for him to have. He felt as if his heart had been taken, ripped to shreds, and then carried off by the wind far far away.

He'd lost. He'd lost the fight, and now he belonged to his brother, chained in body and mind to the very cat he despised with his entire being.

It would have been easier if Darkpaw hadn't sent Lionpaw around doing ridiculous things like fetching him a pinecone. But he had no choice- if he didn't do as asked he'd get physically punished, and Lionpaw was getting tired of getting new scars over stupid things and figured biding his time might do him good. He'd have his revenge eventually.....

While he laid in the medicine cat den he felt a tiny nose sniff at him. He cracked an eye open to look and saw a tiny face with enormous round glowing eyes staring back at him.

"Does your mother know you're here?" Lionpaw asked softly, feeling his spirits lift a little at the sight of the kit.

"No." Goldkit shrugged and snuggled up to Lionpaw. "Tell me a story.... Mom never does and the elders are all too mean." he mumbled, sighing. Lionpaw blinked in surprise and hesitated, but how could he turn the poor little kit down?

"Well... I can try." Lionpaw murmured gently, licking the kit's ears. "One day, long long ago, there was a warrior. His name was Runningriver. Runningriver loved someone very very much, but she despised him, so he tried everything to please her. Anything. He brought we prey, protected her, complimented her every day..... but no matter what it remained the same. She always hated him and pushed him away. One day, the she-cat settled down with someone, but he died and left her alone, but Runningriver was still there, watching out for her. She shunned him even more though, and though this disheartened Runningriver a lot he still protected her and looked out for her. He continued to do so until one day he got hit by a monster and died." Lionpaw said softly, eyes closed as he told the story, keeping Goldkit close to him.

"What happened to the she-cat?" Goldkit asked with a frown, blinking as he tilted his head. He seemed completely hooked into the story, his eyes wide and his ears perked up to hang onto Lionpaw's every word, which Lionpaw was glad for. It was good to know he could still do some good.

"Well, she had to start protecting herself. She was also very lonely on her own with no one to keep her company. So she got sick and died too, and now they all hunt in StarClan. Runningriver still protects the she cat too, still watches over at her even now that they're dead.." Lionpaw murmured.

"He must care about her a lot to protect her like that... He seems so loyal." Goldkit said in wonder, eyes still wide.

"He does care, very much so. And he's quite loyal too..." Lionpaw practically whispered, pain in his tone.

"What are you doing with my baby?!" Swiftflame snapped aggressively at Lionpaw as she appeared before him. He hadn't even noticed her come. He didn't answer, letting the tears rolling down his cheeks serve as silent replies. He laid his head on his paws and stared at a den wall away from Swiftflame. It hurt too much to even look at her, so he couldn't imagine speaking to her at the moment.

"He was telling me a story, momma!" Goldkit said and huffed in protest, snuggling more into Lionpaw.

"Nonsense. You won't be hearing any more of those stories. Stories are nonsense and so is he." Swiftflame used her claws to quickly scoop  Goldkit up, leaving scratches that bled there on Lionpaw's flank. He didn't even care, he was beyond caring about being wounded.

Lionpaw simply gave a dull flinch and stayed where he was, the flow of tears increasing. There was no fight left in him to get respect, he just accepted that she was going to hate him. What else could he do? Force her to care? She would never give in to him. There wasn't anything left for him to fight for. His spirit was dead.

"L-Lionpaw...." Swiftflame said and frowned, watching him as he bled and cried. She was a bit frightened of how he was reacting, how he just seemed resigned and forlorn. There was nothing left in him but emptiness.

"Swiftflame." Lionpaw replied simply, tears flowing down his face as he stared at the den wall.That one word had taken him a lot of courage to say, and stung as it exited his mouth. He didn't have anything else to say to her, nothing that would matter anyway.

"Wh-why are you like this.... Why are you so..... D-dull......" Swiftflame said quietly. If Lionpaw took care to pay more attention, he would have thought she sounded worried..

"I have nothing left to fight for." Lionpaw whispered, his eyes closing. He didn't. He didn't even have himself to fight for, not really. His body wasn't his own anymore, that belonged to Darkpaw, and his mind belonged to Tigerstar, his adoptive father- the creator of his misfortune.

"S-stay away from my kit..." she said simply in a firm tone. Goldkit was his only friend and now she was going to take him away too? Lionpaw didn't think it could get much worse at that point, which was oddly comforting. Oh, but it did.

Lionpaw gave Swiftflame an absent shrug in reply as if he hadn't properly heard or he didn't care. He wasn't truly there; his eyes were dead and empty, Lionpaw was gone and whatever had taken his place was a dull and sad thing, a miserable thing. Hardly capable of doing anything on its own.

Swiftflame watched him another moment and backed away slowly as if frightened of him and put her kit in the nursery. He noticed her trot off out of camp but had no intention to follow or care where she was going. It didn't concern him anyway.

Darkpaw was stalking over though, and Lionpaw couldn't help but feel the extreme urge to just run, or play dead. The dark-furred cat was chuckling and smirking devilishly as if he already had the next big idea lined up for Lionpaw. Of course. More torture. Lionpaw should have known, and he felt stupid for thinking his moments of just lying there would last.

"I have new orders for you. You're going to mate with Swiftflame." Darkpaw said and smirked at him. Lionpaw looked at him with cold, dead eyes. He'd only registered half of what Darkpaw had said but he knew he couldn't do that. Swiftflame would be very upset with him... Very upset and very unwilling.

"No." he said simply, just laying where he was. Darkpaw scored his claws across Lionpaw's face, leaving three score marks across his cheeks. Lionpaw just dully sobbed, shaking his head.

"I gave you a direct order! Obey!" Darkpaw snarled. Lionpaw just continued to shake his head, not even bothering to speak any longer. It was pointless to waste his voice when there was no hope for him to be heard. Darkpaw continued to insist, but Lionpaw just kept shaking his head. He shook it so much he gave himself a headache.

Darkpaw's anger built at Lionpaw's insubordination, and so he started to claw the tom up, slashing and raking claws over his fur. Lionpaw could do nothing but let him, but that didn't bug him. He was ready to die, he just had to hope Darkpaw would go that far. It would be more honorable to die at another cat's paw rather than his own, he decided.

Suddenly there was a flash of white and the feeling of claws on him ceased. He frowned sharply and he looked to see what was going on. Swiftflame had bowled Darkpaw over and was ripping his ears to shreds while Skypaw bit down into Darkpaw's tail and held him in place for the she-cat. He almost couldn't believe what he was seeing. Were they there to rescue him...?

"Leave him alone!" Swiftflame snapped and ran Darkpaw off. When the tom was gone the two turned to Lionpaw and helped treat his wounds.  Lionpaw was in utter disbelief, and he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about all of this. He still wanted to die but he supposed it meant something that the two had come to save him.

"Don't pay him any mind anymore, okay? He doesn't matter." Swiftflame said gently as she pressed cobwebs to his flank. Lionpaw gave a quiet groan of pain as she did this, his ears flattening at the sting.

"I thought you hated me." Lionpaw's statement was addressed to both of them but only Skypaw answered him. The bleeding tom supposed that was because Swiftflame truly did hate him, but he didn't care at that point. Hate him or not, he still wasn't important to her.

"Of course I don't hate you! Darkpaw just really scares me......" He shuddered. "I-I could never say no to him... I wish I had though... I'm really sorry...." Skypaw said quietly.

"You should have just asked me to protect you, Skypaw. I would have done it in an instant...." Lionpaw said quietly and got up, not caring that his wounds weren't completely taken care of. He didn't want them to be, he didn't want the two cats to care for him or about him. It would make it easier for them when he died. 

"Sit down, we need to keep binding your wounds you idiot." Swiftflame said and forced him back down. She wasn't gentle about it but she was careful, and Lionpaw didn't have nearly enough strength to resist her.

"What do you care?" Lionpaw muttered, crawling away from them. No one answered him at first.

"You're my brother..." Skypaw answered quietly. "Of course I care about you... I just wish you cared more about yourself but it's clear you don't..."

"I don't need to care about myself... There's no reason to." Lionpaw's fur prickled along his spine and he turned away from the two, shame and bitterness burning in his heart.

"Look. I'm angry at you, I won't lie, but... You're still my friend. I still loved you." Swiftflame muttered. Lionpaw's ears and his heart burned, set ablaze in anger. He couldn't believe her... After all this time and stress and hatred, now she chooses to tell him she loved him? If Lionpaw wasn't stuck in disbelief he probably would have hissed, and if he were stronger he would've spun around.

"Not anymore." he muttered. A growl sounded from behind Lionpaw and he ignored it completely, not really caring if he were provoking Swiftflame. If she attacked maybe he'd die. "Don't lie about how you feel. I'm not an idiot. I'm really not." he muttered, shaking his head absently.

"You're so stupid." Swiftflame muttered. "I've always loved you. You were just too blind and uncaring to see that."

"Uncaring? I kept you alive." Lionpaw snapped, his temper flaring sharply. "I saved your baby and you, I saved you from the miserable life you would have lived at Venomstar's side. You are so ungrateful and rude... I can't believe you..."

"I was trying to make you jealous!" Swiftflame snapped back defensively.

"Jealous?!?!  You broke my heart, hurt me! That wasn't jealousy you caused, it was hurt!" Lionpaw cried. He was half in tears and half losing his temper, he was so upset.

"Well I'm sorry! That's not my fault!" Swiftflame regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth, Lionpaw could tell by the way he heard tears drip onto the ground and Swiftflame's sniffling.

"It was very well your fault... Don't you even pretend like it wasn't. You made me suffer." Lionpaw muttered bitterly. "And then you continued to push me away. You knew I loved you. You knew I cared, that I would do anything for you. I just can't believe you did all of this just to hurt me, to make me feel bad. You know what? Just go. You've tormented me enough, go find another victim to crush beneath your paws."

Swiftflame couldn't contain her sobs any longer. They were broken and loud and ugly and Lionpaw hated to hear them. But, even though Lionpaw knew he was falling into another trap, he went and hugged her, curling his body around hers. She buried her face into his fur as soon as he was close enough to do that and she just curled into him.

Lionpaw hated himself. He hated himself for caring so much, but he just couldn't seem to stay away. Maybe Swiftflame was the bigger cat to worry about in his life, not Tigerstar. Perhaps maybe he could even say love was the most dangerous thing to deal in. And it was love that controlled him. This scared him more than anything else.