Looking around I saw the place almost black as my soul. I couldn't focus my vision on just one thing. The rain that was drizzling, became rain that was pouring. Rain drops were heavy on my eyelashes, sticking on and not letting go. My face got numb when I started walking. The cold, rotten breeze and the rain mixed was not appealing. I continued walking on the damp, broken path. It was almost a muddy feeling, taking me in. I couldn't afford to die at this moment, that would be pathetic. Slowly I started sprinting, running away from something that wasn't there.
  I soon approached a dusty statue carefully, on alert. Not knowing what the trouble may cause, I looked around anxiously. With the rain still pouring down, I shielded my eyes so I could see clearly.
          Houses. Old, broken down houses.

   An abandoned town. Exactly what I needed. How did it get to this? I don't even know how.
  There it was.
       Tap, Tap, Tap

Where have I felt that before?
  Again.
          Tap, Tap, Tap

To the left of my ear, muffled screaming, shrieking, mumbling. To the right... fire. Fire burning bigger and bigger. Everywhere, every time, something different. Vision flashing. I held onto the statue for support, I was sure to regret that.

           Blurry.
   Don't go. Not yet.

I knew exactly what this was. Panic attacks. Uncle always said close your eyes and count to ten. He too had panic attacks. Immediately I closed my eyes.
  One, two, three, four...
              Ten.
Steadily I opened my eyes. I comfortably fixed my sight to my surroundings.
       Changed. Just a bit. It was a subtle change. Not really anyone would care to notice. But me? I was someone who had attention to detail.
       Was.
Not rarely anymore. Only when least expected. Sweat dripped top to bottom. The rainstorm still continues.
     Drip, Drip, Drip
Dew drops fastly varied with sweat, trickling off my chin. A few touched my bottom lip, one escaped into my mouth. Tasted bittersweet and envy. Unexplainable, but think in the throat. Too familiar, too close, too far, but so near. Was it waiting?
                There.
          Tap, Tap, Tap

Why had this kept on happening? So many questions in so little time. I can barely remember them all.
         One thud, Two thud,Three thuds.
It was coming behind me. I turned around swiftly, knocking my hands of the dusty statue. I looked around almost everywhere. Nothing. I turned my head towards the sky. Rain. Still spewing from the clouds. I wonder what made them so blue. I moved my gaze from the gray sky to my Dusty hands. The filth was slowly washing away in the water. My clothes felt heavy, my face felt dark. It was all the rain's doing. Not even the dimmest light could find it's way here. Ma said to never stay in the rain too long, only of you're waiting to catch a cold. I didn't want to, not at the moment, no. I traveled to the nearest shelter my eyes laid on. My hunger became more obvious. I again checked everywhere. Still nothing.
        Stupid. Why hadn't you packed something? Why must you starve to death?
I slouched in the moment. Taking in the whistling wind and tree branches rocking back and forth. Taking in on what I should do. A misty, disgusting fume found it's way to me, making my stomach twist. The muffled talking only became worse. The Crick, crack of the fire only burning louder. I wanted to pass out. I wanted to wake up from this dream. If only it were a dream. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, nowhere to reverse time. The rigiding emotions that made part of my head ache, started to decrease. Telling me that my limbs are failing me, telling me I should just give up and rot right here. But my brain's telling me to explore, to make it out of here alive. It's like a knot between these two. It's breaking... The knot. I'm in between it. Trying to tie these two together again. Blisters all over my hand from the rope. I couldn't. I wasn't capable of it. I wasn't ready to tie the rope again. But they wanted me to. Wanted me to tie them together again. But I wasn't the king's knight. I wasn't trying to tie them together like they had tried putting Humpty back together again. It just needed to shatter. It just needed to lay there and think about what's happening. I needed to lay there and think about what's happening. And a growling hunger, was not going to solve it.
    In just a few minutes, I managed to pick myself up, trying to find something, really anything to eat. I was about to eat the mud off the ground like it was chocolate pudding. How I wanted it to smell like that, how I wanted it to taste like that. Minutes passed by, walking in the damp, frozen place. I've... Given up on everything. I'm not caring anymore. Why should I? It's pointless. I just needed to face the truth. I'm stuck here. I never dared to listen to my brain. The worthless noggin is there for no reason. I tried so hard to remember how I got here, really I was. It just wasn't hitting me at the time. It wasn't like volleyball. The 1v1 me and Make used to play. I was just like her. I loved volleyball. It would always come. I would always hit it and never miss. But today, I let them down. I did miss it. I walked slower and slower as time continued. I'm still holding onto that rope. I wonder why I have not let go yet there's no urge holding me back, not my brain, nor Ma. None is holding me back. Maybe I am. Maybe, I'm holding myself back.
      But how could I? I gave up just like my body had given up. I was drained. I didn't have the right mind to think or do. I didn't have the right mind to feel.