"Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing 

and right-doing, there is a field.

I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass

the world is too full to talk about."

- Rumi -

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Dedicated to Cabir Dhawan; The amazing friend, the best wingman, the funny human being, and someone who deserves his: 'I want to cut a few albums, go on some world tours, settle in a country where gay marriages are allowed. I want to love, and get married...'

I hope that through my writing I will be able to give this flawed yet loveable character all he deserved, everything he wanted but couldn't get... 

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Standing in the garden outside Murthy's home, with his crossed before his chest, Cabir Dhawan was lost somewhere in his thoughts, oblivious to what was happening around him.

While his eyes were set on the road in front of him, his mind was miles away, on some different path entirely. Unconsciously, he was letting his memories of that night take over his senses.

There was no denying it; that night and the following events related to it had changed each one of them, in different ways, but it had...

With a sigh, Cabir closed his eyes, shutting out all his senses and as he did that, the noises in the background changed into his own voice. The darkness behind his eyelids swirled to form colors, shapes, and figures, re-enacting the events of that night...

The night when he saw his best friend, walking out of their life...

"Hey, lover boy, thinking about Nandini, aren't you?"Cabir asked Manik, sitting next to him on the stairs, outside Aryaman's apartment.

He lightly nudged Manik's shoulder with his own when he got no reaction at his arrival.

"Cabir!"Manik cried out with a sigh, turning to him with the look in his eyes that he always had whenever Cabir tried to tease him. Somehow, his tone was missing the warning Cabir used to get whenever he took Nandini's name to get a reaction out of Manik. This time, it was different. His name was called out as if something was wrong, and he was supposed to understand that yet not ask him anything.

As Cabir looked at Manik, his heart only hoped for a time when he will get to see Manik happy, acting his own age and not as a protector of a bunch of ungrateful kids. But Cabir knew, with Fab 5 breaking apart and his friends blaming Manik for it, he was not going to see that day anytime soon...

"What? No? Impossible. I would never believe that. You are always thinking about her. Dude, I doubt that you can be without her or thinking about her for even a second."Cabir said, with a teasing grin on his face, ignoring and covering everything behind his joyful nature.

That was him; the one who tries to hide and ignore the seriousness of the situation, lighting up the mood with his cheerfulness. But that didn't mean he couldn't sense the graveness of the situation. He didn't acknowledge it because that was what he thought he had to do, that was what Manik had called him for, right? He asked himself.

"Cabir, I am going to Pune," Manik informed him about his plans as he stared out at the dark sky.

"Nandini isn't coming, has that upset you so much that you are going to Pune?"Cabir asked, pretending to be shocked, while he was actually very confused, unable to comprehend Manik's need to go to the city where his father lived in.

When Manik didn't answer back or give him the look which many found scary, Cabir let the facade of his joyful personality fall. If he got no reaction from Manik, he knew something was very wrong, so wrong that Manik was ready to share, whatever it was, with him. He never did it; sharing his problem, his demons - he had always tried to keep all of it buried inside him.

Worried, Cabir looked at Manik, confused whether he should directly ask Manik the reason or let him open up on his own. He never liked to see Manik down in spirts, lost somewhere in his head.

Knowing that Manik was going through a lot, because of Fab 5, was one thing. But to know that there was something else too that was disturbing his best friend was another thing entirely.

'What else is disturbing him?' Cabir asked himself as he stared at Manik, who was craning his neck now and then, maybe trying to find the stars covered by the dark clouds.

But the stars were missing, so was the moon, the sky was just cloudy and dark...

"Manik, what happened?" He asked him, breaking the silence. Resting his hand on Manik's shoulder, Cabir tried to turn him around, to find the answers on his own.

He saw Manik sigh, turning around and look at him before shaking his head.

'Something is very wrong.' Cabir thought while looking at Manik, who had his eyes closed, head bent down as if he was defeated by whatever was happening around him.

He could do nothing, Cabir knew. Manik was not going to share whatever it was and Cabir was not supposed to ask him to. That is all he could understand from Manik's reactions.

That is how it had always been. Somehow, along the way, for a reason or another, Cabir had been given the liberty to ask, but Manik still had the choice to let him in or not. Cabir knew that, no matter what, Manik was made that way, protective but not protected...

"When are you leaving?"Cabir asked knowing that he was not going to get his answers till Manik didn't want him to know.

"Tonight," Manik whispered the answer.

"What? You are going right now? Is it really something that urgent? Why don't you tell me what it is?"Cabir asked him all the questions he could think of in his shocked state of mind.

When he got no answers, all he could feel was anger, blinding rage over the stupidity of his friend.

'For the love of God, how can Manik Malhotra be insanely possessive over his problems too?' Cabir thought as he glared at his best friend.

"You won't share, right? What happened, Manik, tell me!"Cabir yelled at the guy sitting next to him, who was doing nothing but staring at nothing into darkness.

He shoved Manik's shoulder, hard, with his hand when he got nothing in response to his inquiry. As he stood up, he saw Manik rubbing his slightly wounded shoulder.

"Don't you think you are getting too aggressive?" Manik asked him, shocked at him for pushing him so much.

Cabir let out a sigh, shaking his head at the guy sitting in front of him as Manik raised his head to stare back at him.

"Look, Manik. Fab 5 is no more, toh you don't get to act like the leader either. You are my friend, right? Then start acting like one, tell me what happened and tell me how I can help."Cabir asked him, trying to make his friend understand.

In the past, Cabir let him get away with the not sharing part, as Manik Malhotra was their leader, the head of the family called Feb 5 and that meant he had the responsibility to take care of them, in good times and in bad times. Knowing that he was supposed to appear to them as the strong one, the invincible one, Manik could not show his weakness to them, to him. But now that Fab 5 didn't exist anymore, there was no reason to act as anything else but the friends they are.

Seeing no reaction in response to his outburst, Cabir started to pace back and forth, feeling helpless. He stopped now and then in front of Manik, who had hung his head, his eyes on the hard floor, lost somewhere. With both his hands in his hair, Cabir tried to find words to make the other guy talk.

After failing several attempts, Cabir sat down again, shaking his head at the stubborn guy sitting next to him. He let out a sigh of helplessness.

"Nyonika."

He heard Manik whisper just as Cabir was about to give up on his mission of making his friend share his worries with him.

"Of course!"Cabir yelled out, feeling stupid for even asking him.

Nyonika Malhotra, the name said everything. Of course, there could be only one person who can Manik Malhotra's already complicated life hell.

"Cabir." He heard Manik call him, as he turned to look at him...

"Cabir!" 

He heard someone else call his name, faintly, as if the voice was coming from far away. But somehow, it was enough to interrupt the conversation he had relived countless times in his nightmares, powerless and unable to change the course of the events of that night.

"Cabir!"His name was called again, this time louder than before.

He jumped, startled, when he felt someone shaking his shoulder. Opening his eyes, he found Mukti standing near him, looking at him, confused.

"Are you okay? I have been calling you since forever but you weren't even listening." Mukti asked him, somewhat worried about him.

"It's nothing, I am fine." He told her, shaking his head, trying to come out of the past.

"How is Nandini?"He asked her, already knowing the answer.

"How would I know? She has locked herself up in her room, like always. I am worried about her, Cabir." Mukti told him, her hands moving in agitation as she talked.

"I know, Mukti, but forgetting Manik isn't easy, is it?"Cabir told her.

"Cabir, she has to. How long she can go on like this?" Mukti asked him, saddened by the reality.

"He meant a lot to her, they both did to each other. It's not easy, Mukti."Cabir said, looking outside, his heart aching.

"And why is that?"

They both turned around when they heard another voice joining theirs and saw Alya who was now standing near them.

"What? What did he mean to Nandini? They were teenagers then, just college sweethearts. Now she is in her twenties, then why can't she accept the reality and move past that phase?" Alya asked him, incredulous at the exaggeration of the fairy tale romance that Cabir believed they had had.

"Let it be, Alya. You can't and won't understand that." Cabir to her, annoyed with her interference which, as always, lacked empathy.

Cabir knew her thoughts on what Manik and Nandini felt for each other, it was just a 'phase'. That was how she saw their feelings for each other. Cabir saw no point in arguing with her.

"It's you who can't understand, Cabir. Four years, bloody four years and she is still stuck in that dilemma! She has to move on in her life, as we all have." Alya stated.

"Alya is right, Cabir. She has to move on. Four years have passed by, how much more time Nandini needs to be able to move on?"Mukti said, agreeing with Alya.

Cabir just stood there, trying to understand their frustration with the inability of Nandini Murthy to move on from Manik Malhotra.

"I don't understand what you both have to do with any of this?"Cabir asked them, folding his arms before his chest, ready for the accusation he was going to hear from the next party.

"I don't understand why you don't want her to move on. What the hell are you getting by making sure Nandini is still pinning over your dead friend?" Alya asked him, angry for being the one who appeared not to care about the girl they were talking about.

"I am not holding her back from moving on. I am just letting her be and I am asking you to do the same." Cabir told them.

"And Alya, you have used the word 'dead' for Manik in front of me, never do it in front of Nandini." He warned her of the consequences.

"Why? Till we don't make her realize that he is dead, she won't accept it. Dhruv is right; it's because of you that she is still living in the illusion that he may be alive." Alya told him, shaking her head at the guy who called himself a friend of Nandini who didn't need someone like him around her.

"Oh, of course, Dhruv sir said that therefore, as always, he is the right one and I am the wrong one. Manik isn't around so I am his target now, to point his finger over. Tell me, Alya, am I the reason for his inferiority complex too?"Cabir asked her, amused by the creativity of the mind of the guy once he thought as the most innocent one among them.

The insane amount of interest which Alya and Dhruv were taking in the happenings of Nandini's life was disturbing him to no end. It was not all of sudden, but it has intensified. Nowadays the only topic the other two talked about was how to make Nandini move on. He knew Mukti's reason for wanting that, but the other two, he could not understand. They not only wanted Nandini to move on but also wanted Manik to forgotten.

That's what Cabir understood from the way they kept talking negatively about the toxic friendship they had with Manik and the relationship Manik and Nandini had. It was one thing Cabir knew Nandini didn't like, nor could tolerate.

They didn't understand her the way he did. Cabir has been, along with Navya, the only friend who was always present by Nandini's side during the time which was the most difficult for her. The other three of them - Mukti, Alya, and Dhruv - had stayed back for some time, but after the limited time, they have moved past her, leaving her in the care of her family.

While Cabir couldn't help but try to understand the girl who was loved by his best friend; to take care of her and to help her in any way he could. But what he understood after spending some days with her was that Nandini Murthy was a reflection of Manik Malhotra...

The never sharing but always caring one. The only reason why they seemed different from each and other was that, while Manik used to hide his demons behind his anger and indifference, Nandini kept them hidden with a smile on her lips and hope in her eyes.

And he saw it. The truth was that Alya, Dhruv, and Mukti didn't even know half of the 'dilemma', as Alya called it. Cabir was sure he didn't either, no one but Nandini did.

Cabir, however, had an idea of it because Nandini had shared some of it with him. The fact that they were co-workers and friends meant she could not always keep the mask of calm and peace in front of him. And whenever it slipped, Cabir got to see the girl who was suffering, every second, since that night...

What the rest of them didn't understand was the fact that Nandini had let him in because she had understood and realized his sense of loss, his need to find his lost friend in the way none of his friends had. While the other three of the friends had moved on, made new friends, had a life and were somewhat happy with it, Cabir was still stuck in that night. Just like Nandini, he hadn't moved on either.

He had a job, made new friends, had a life on his own, but that night didn't let him move on either...

Cabir was grieving, suffering from the loss of the friend who had always been present by his side, on his side, in his bad times, supporting him when he needed it the most. He missed Manik Malhotra not only when he was in some kind of trouble, but also when he was in the best time of his life, knowing that Manik would have been the happiest seeing him happy.

That made his loss greater than the other three. It seemed that from their ability to not only move on but also forget Manik Malhotra.

As if he never meant anything to them...

While Cabir was happy for them, for having moved on, he didn't understand their need for him and Nandini to move on. The fact that they could move on didn't give them the right to choose what was good for Nandini and him, and what was not. Even though they were more focused on Nandini, he still didn't like it. They didn't get to mock her, nor show her pity. They couldn't and shouldn't make statements alike to the one Alya and Dhruv did.

Whenever he had told them they were crossing their lines, telling and asking them back off, to not interfere in her life, Cabir had been accused of holding her back. He was seen as the reason why she was not moving on.

And that had been the last nail on the coffin of their already dead friendship.

Apart from Mukti, he had let the other two go, gladly. But that didn't mean they have stopped meeting Nandini or Cabir could stop them from being at her side whenever they wanted to be. But the condition for being around Nandini and him was to not talk about Manik's supposed death, which they always did.

"We are saying is for her own betterment, Cabir. Manik was my friend and that's why Nandini is dear to me. I want the girl he loved to be happy," Mukti told him, genuinely concerned for the girl.

After hearing her words, Cabir felt that maybe he was being too harsh on them, at least on Mukti.

"He 'was' for you, Mukti, for Nandini he 'is'. And that is what keeps her going," Cabir told her, trying again to make her understand what she should have understood on her own, especially after being Nandini's friend for the past few years.

"The day he will become 'was' for Nandini, I fear that day we will lose her too. She is living, but not alive. The hope that he is alive keeps her sane. If you keep pushing her, you will lose her too." He continued, now glaring at Alya, the one who always kept pushing Nandini to move on in a way that he didn't approve of.

"And why is that? The truth is that Manik may have been her first love, but she has to understand that he is dead, gone. And there is someone so much better for her in this world." Alya repeated her words, the ones Cabir predicted even before she started to talk, stressing on 'may' and 'much', underlining the fact that she didn't believe in what Cabir said.

"Not again!"Cabir yelled, frustrated.

'She is unbelievable,' he thought, shaking his head at the girl standing in front of him.

"You know what, Alya? As I said, let it be. There is no point repeating myself when you are not worthy of understanding the depth of the situation," Cabir told her as he walked out of the discussion, moving towards Murthy house's main door.

"What the hell do you by mean by not 'worthy'?" He heard Alya yell behind him but didn't let that stop him and kept moving onward.

He had had enough of making her understand. Of making her try to understand what was that Nandini wanted and needed.

Walking towards the main gate of Muthry house, Cabir smiled, imagining the scenario he was going to witness when Nandini's tolerance was going to reach its limits.

'Dude, she looks tiny, and she is, but her anger...' He remembered Manik's fear of Nandini Murthy's infamous anger.

Then, he hadn't understood what Manik had really meant. He used to laugh at his best friend who had thought of Nandini - the delicate sweet looking damsel - as someone dangerous when angered.

But now, Cabir knew, her anger was no less than Manik Malhotra's...

'God, please, make sure that Alya faces that anger!' Cabir prayed, looking above at the sky. A habit he has picked up after living with Navya and spending way too much time with Nandini. He couldn't pinpoint when it had happen, but somehow he has started to look above and talk to the higher power he didn't really believe in a few years ago.

He was eagerly waiting for the day when he will get to see something similar to what happened to Dhruv when he had angered Nandini Murthy.

"Tabahi - total destruction!"Cabir said out loud, smirking at his own thoughts.

As he rubbed his hands in glee, with an evil glint in his eyes, Cabir almost looked like his old self...

Tabahi was what was going to happen, soon, he hoped...

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A/N:- I have been eagerly waiting to post this chapter as it is about Cabir, my favorite Fab5 band member - after Manik - I adored him a lot! 

I miss that kid, so much, and I know you do too, so I hope you like the change. And I want to know your thoughts, so do comment on this one...

I hope you liked this update...

Thank you... :)

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