"You will never really think hard about your life until your oxygen mask is taken away from you when you are at the bed of the ocean. At that exact moment, your true self will be revealed. You will really know if you are a believer or an atheist, whether you really love life or hate it as you usually say. All your claims will be tested"

― Bangambiki Habyarimana, Pearls Of Eternity

* * * * *

There have been countless times, countless moments which made Manik feel as if he has spent the last four years encased in a thick sheet of ice that would not let him feel anything, much less happiness or peace. Only her thoughts, her memories, and anything related to her could surpass that sheet of ice and make him feel. Somehow, in one way or another, only she has been able to stay with him, even then, even there, even if not in the way she should have, or how he wanted her to. But she did stay. So close by, so much into his own existence that it made him doubt; has she ever been outside of that sheet of ice? Was she really part of him the way others told him she was and not the way he thought her to be? Was she actually just what his mind had come up with to survive the harshness and darkness his life had been?

For him, Nandini has been encased in that sheet of ice too, with him, into him. Frozen in time, never getting old, never losing a bit of her glow, never changing. That was all he knew. With years, the constant doubts about her existence had made his brain come up with answers, or at least trying hard to. But after a certain point, he had stopped. Yes, she was real for him. And yes, it was okay if he didn't remember her to the taintest details as much as he would have liked to. Or as much as the people around him demanded him to. And yes, it hurt. It hurt, it was painful, he felt rage and helpless when he was asked about her yet he couldn't answer. Or couldn't tell if what he was saying was a lie his brain made up that moment or if he could trust his memory. Yes, he didn't know where she came from or where she was now, or even if he couldn't prove whether she was only his imagination or reality, after years, he didn't know for sure. A part of him didn't even care. As long as she was with him, he wasn't alone in there that sheet of ice...

Wasn't that enough?

It should have been...

So why now was his mind projecting her in such a way that was too overwhelming to him? Now it wasn't a question of survival, now his own mind was torturing him, taunting him, being too cruel to him. Even more than when it had been when it had created nightmares and illusions due to the medicine that his therapist had given him.

Was he losing himself?

His sanity?

Was his system finally shutting down, unable to cope with reality?

What was happening to him?

There was so much confusion, so many questions, so much he wanted to know and so much he never wanted to discover...

Yet coming in and out of consciousness, the only thing that rang in his ears was only one voice calling his name, the voice, her voice...

"Manik!"

Barely heard whispers...

Her calling out his name...

Sometimes relieved...

Sometimes in pain...

Sometimes in hope...

And sometimes in helplessness...

His name sounded so different in her voice, but always enough for his heart to skip a few beats, for his soul to be yanked from his body, responding to the call of the one it belonged with...

His name whispered in the voice which held so much power over him, no one else's did, and no one else's ever could. The voice he has yearned to hear ever since he had opened his eyes, with countless machines attached to his broken body, trapped on a cold bed of a hospital in London, four years ago...

He wanted to open his eyes, to turn and look at her, but as soon as the implication of hearing her voice hit him, he would petrify with fear. Shah's warning of him getting worse if he didn't take pills never before had horrified him to this point. And then as if she felt what he was going through in his own mind, a gentle hand on his shoulder, or his face, or brushing away hair from his forehead, and the warmth of her - unmistakable with anyone else's - would breathe life in his petrified form, forcing him to come to his sense. Yet each time, he felt as if his heart was beating too fast at the sight of her, it felt as if his heart would soon run out of the beats it was supposed to have. His vision was unfocused and brain muddled. And soon he would be sedated, and his wide eyes would close, no longer he would be able to see the face of the one whose mirage had kept him alive and whose separation had killed his heart and soul...

He didn't know how many times the process had been repeated or how much time had passed, but when he opened his eyes, despite overwhelming confusion that only made his headache more intense and made it feel like his head was splitting in half, and his vision was distorting the image, the person sitting by his side this time around wasn't her. The silhouette was too huge to be mistaken for hers, unable to distinguish who was sitting by his bedside, he went with his logic, who else could it be other than Devansh? Yet when he called him out, someone else answered.

"Not only you have replaced me with him, but now you also are mistaking me for him?" A familiar voice sounded, annoyed.

And although it had been years since he had last heard that voice, even with his vision burly, Manik knew who it belonged to. His mannerisms haven't changed it seemed. So even though he could no longer trust his own brain and his memories, he knew who sitting by his bedside this time around.

"Cabir?" He asked, hesitant, fearful yet with hope burning slowly.

"At least you remember me," Cabir said with a huff, an exaggeratedly annoyed expression on his face as he looked down at him.

"What are doing here? What? When did you come? What's happening?" He asked, confused and alarmed.

"Okay, relax, before you go into your panic mood once again, let me call the one you asked for," Cabir told him before jumping and hurriedly walking towards the door, most probably to fetch Devansh.

And his assumption was right because, after just a few breaths, Devansh walked into the room, demanding him a million things at once. After assuring him that he was now feeling better, he asked about Cabir's presence and what had actually happened, because there was no way what he remembered was reality. He had to know, if his condition was getting worse as Shah had claimed that it would be, he needed to be ready, to make peace with it...

"About Cabir, the next time you see him, can you please assure him that I am not competing with him for the best friend title? That I am happy with being the elder brother, yours, not his. He is scary, the way he has been glaring at me and being territorial," Devansh said with a shiver, clearly avoiding what he had asked.

"You didn't answer my question," he stated with a frown.

"Give me some time, Manik, we need to do it the right way. Shah is on his way, so as soon as he is here, we will talk about everything," Devansh calmly told him, hoping to assure the younger man.

"I saw her, Dev, am I going crazy? Is that the reason why you are being cautious?" He asked, putting on a brave face yet he knew he was helpless.

His fight was with his own mind, with his own demons, not with someone outside. No planning or plotting, no strategic move or calculation to do, and no one to punch because no matter how good his fighting skills had been - or still were, he didn't know - anyhow, they would be of no use to him in this fight.

"No, Manik, please, don't be worried, nothing is wrong, on the contrary, things are going to get better now. We just don't know how to break the news. Let's just wait for Shah," Devansh assured him, patting his shoulder with a soft smile.

And even though he was told to not be worried and he trusted Devansh to be truthful with him despite how bitter the said truths may be, Manik couldn't help but let his mind wander. Old habits, die hard. The reason why probably Dr Waltz and the staff that knew him by now, thought it was better to sedate him to make sure he didn't worsen an already complicated condition.

* * * *

"What's wrong with him?" Nandini asked, fear gripping her already wounded heart.

Something was wrong with Manik. It had been clear from the moment he had passed out at the sight of her. The man that had been standing beside him then, Devansh Mathur, had hurried them to the hospital and had asked for Dr Waltz, telling them that the said doctor had been attending Manik for the past four years and then calling for someone else, Dr Shah, talking to him with urgency in his voice. The worried lines on Devansh's face and the shock on Dr Waltz's face, their conversations in low voices as they kept looking her way, told Nandini whatever was wrong, it had something to do with her. Manik's reaction to her when he woke up and saw her sitting beside his bed had been another giveaway...

"I honestly don't know where to start," Devansh confessed after serval failed attempts.

"He had been in a car accident, and we have seen his car, so we did assume he was badly hurt, but it has been four years now, so why? What is wrong? Why?" Cabir asked, at loss for words.

"It's not just physical condition, is it?" Nandini asked in a whisper, and as much as she tried to appear strong, her misty eyes always gave away her condition.

"He passed out at the sight of me, and when he woke up and found me sitting by his side, he flinched away from my touch, that had never happened before, no matter what. And for some reason, he was so disturbed by me being near him that he needed to be sedated. So whatever it is, it has something to do with me, am I right?" She asked with a deep frown, hoping that the man sitting in front of her would negate her yet he didn't.

"I can why you are Manik's Nandini," Devansh said with a humorless smile.

"Am I missing something here?" Cabir asked, frustrated.

"As you said, after the car accident he was badly hurt, barely alive, Mr Malhotra shifted him to London, and I met Manik after eight months, yet he still was recovering from it back then. Physically he was healing, but mentally," Devansh said before pausing to find words and continuing with a sigh;

"It seemed he had lost his memories or at least some of them, they were sure it was retrograde Amnesia. Yet it seemed that his brain to coop with what had happened had made up someone to fill in the void when he found no one beside him when he woke up. Or maybe it was the coma he had been in. He had been in and out for months, heavily sedated due to the head and other injuries. It was presumed that that and his loneliness had pushed his already wounded brain to seek comfort in the imagination of a girl name Nandini," he stopped to check their reaction.

"What? What do you mean by imagination? Nandini is real," Cabir said with a frown.

"We didn't know that, no one knew that. It was only Manik who kept saying that, and everyone that knew Nandini was cut off from him. He was brought here to get better treatment, but now that Nandini is sitting in front of me, it doesn't seem like that had been the reason," Devansh said, anger slowly building within him.

"Mr Malhotra and Nyonika?" Nandini asked, or better yet, wanted confirmation.

"At this point, I think everyone apart from you two," Devansh said with a bitter laugh.

"After I met him, the first thing he wanted to do was go back to India and find you, and we did. I have seen him trying and failing, his own body and mind kept failing him in finding Nandini he claimed was a real person while everything proved that she was nothing but a mirage he was running behind. There probably was no place that he remembered and didn't go to find you, Nandini, but everything and probably everyone was replaced or corrupted; people, files, documents, or even luck, you name it, nothing was on his side," Devansh said as he shook his head in disbelief, as the past flashed in front on his eyes.

No matter how much time has passed by, his heart still broke a little in his chest every time he remembered the sight of Manik limping and collapsing on streets, and places, in front of his own mother, his pride shuttered and head bent, just for the sake to find her. Yet nothing he had done, nothing he had sacrificed had led him to her...

Just to find her now, four years later, the girl he had been searching for has come back to him, crying the tears that Manik had been holding back...

"And when we came back, his therapy started, three years, it has been three years since then. He has been stuck in limbo, an unending cycle, his whole system remembers you yet he has been forced to question every memory, every piece of information, his every thought," Devansh continued as he took in how the information was affecting the two people standing in front of him. Anger and pain, they were displaying the emotions that made their care for Manik so visible.

"Things were getting better, or at least as better as they could be for him. But now that you are here..." Devansh sighed, leaving his sentence unfinished, yet the worry and helplessness on his face gave what he was about to say.

Manik would have to suffer again...

"Mr Mathur, Dr Waltz is calling you all into his office," someone informed them.

"Let's go, I think Dr Shah is here," Devansh said before walking away as Cabir and Nandini followed him, still trying to comprehend the gravity of whatever the man had told them.

"You must be Devansh, Manik talks a lot about you, I am Dr Shah," an old man said with a formal smile.

"Yes, I am," Devansh said with a dry sigh.

"Let me introduce these two young fellows, this is Cabir, Manik's best friend," Devansh said, oddly finding himself smiling at the younger man who shot him a glare, probably still thinking they were competing.

"And this is Nandini," he continued with his eyes now fixed on the therapist, trying to find whether he has been playing a part in Mr Malhotra's mind games.

"Nandini? Nandini Murthy?" Dr Shah repeated, shellshocked and taken aback at the sight of the girl standing before him.

She fit the description his patient had given countless times for the past three years and more. Yet she wasn't supposed to be real...

"Yes, Manik's Nandini," Devansh confirmed, putting emphasis on his words.

"How is it even possible? No, there is...Mr Malhotra had told me...Are you sure?" Dr Shah asked, stuttering, unable to believe it.

"Do you want to see my identity documents?" Nandini asked, her eyes narrowed, confused.

"Dr Waltz, do you understand the repercussions?" Ignoring others, Dr Shah turned to a fellow doctor who probably was thinking of the same thing.

"We have been treating him for years, years, you may be on the safe side because he has healed physically, but I have been prescribing him medicines, strong ones, their effects, and side effects, I can't even..." Shah muttered, speechless at the turn of the events.

"Well, aren't glad that he stopped taking them a year ago?" Devansh muttered bitterly as he was reminded of Manik's tears and fearful eyes as he had told him about the side effects of the last medicines Shah had prescribed. The hallucinations, the headaches, the heartaches...

"All of them?" Dr Shah asked, urgently.

"Unfortunately, I don't know everything, but I presume no because he still gets strong headaches, and more, but I don't know which ones he is still taking," Devansh replied with a frown.

"God, this is such a mess," Dr Shah muttered, running his hand through his almost all-white hair.

Decades of hard work and a good reputation, his career and that of his whole family, his Naaz's career, his other children's career, everything could be ruined because of this scandal. Not only he would have to deal with the social, economical, and legal repercussions, but also live with the guilt and regret of misdiagnosing a patient who most probably was and would continue to suffer from the side effects of consuming medications that shouldn't have been prescribed to him.

"I am going to sue him. Mr Malhotra lied to me, us all, and that's what led us to misdiagnose his condition. What-Why would anyone do that?" Dr Shah kept muttering to himself out loud, seeming lost and confused.

"Dr Shah, that's a matter for some other time, first we have to see how to break that news to Menek, we have to be careful and let this news not affect him negatively now," Dr Waltz said, bringing the attention to the current matter.

"You are right, we have to be careful with how we are going to talk to him about this. First, we have to make sure he knows the difference and believes us on this. I would suggest for Nandini to not be there for now, at least until he asks for her," Dr Shah said, nodding at Dr Waltz, before falling into a hushed discussion over the matter further, making arrangements on what to do if Manik's condition worsens.

"Dr Waltz, the patient is awake," a nurse came in to inform them.

With shuttering breaths and nervous glances at each other, they stood altogether to face what probably was going to be the most unpredictable conversation they ever had.

* * * *

It didn't go as they had thought it would...

Dr Shah and Dr Waltz who were familiar with the cold and hot temperament of this particular patient hadn't expected the calmness that greeted them when walked into the room and found Manik sitting in a meditation pose on the bed, eyes closed, face expressionless, hands joined as if in prayer yet as soon as they walked closer, eyes blinked open.

"Where is she?" He asked calmly.

And even though the doctors weren't expecting that question, the two men who knew him, different him, from different times, knew that Nandini would be the one he would ask for before anything else. Cabir, who knew Manik of the past, knew his temper was hotter than fire, and his fixation on Nandini was undeniable. And Devansh, who knew Manik of the present, knew he relied on logic more, he was coldly calculative, but Nandini was his blind spot. Therefore, no matter how different the past Manik was from the present one, both knew that making sure that Nandini was in front of his eyes was going to be the first and the only thing their friend would want to do.

"I don't think that's the right way to go," Dr Shah interfered.

"Oh, no, I am done listening to you," Manik's repudiation came strong as he glared at the man.

"We have to be careful, Menek," Dr Waltz dared to object, no matter how the young man had proved himself to be a strong one, there were matters that needed precautions.

"I see why you are concerned, but I am done freaking out and fearing, I need to check, I need to know, I need to confirm. Let me do this my way. Be my witness," Manik said with determination shining in his otherwise dull eyes.

"I will go and bring her," Cabir said and without waiting for the confirmation, turned around and walked out of the room.

And as Manik saw his retreating figure, his brain finally registered; Cabir was here. His best friend who he hadn't seen in the past four years. The one who knew Nandini. But also the one who could bring Nandini to him. Cabir coming to London with Nandini; a possible scenario his brain could come up with.

"Manik," Devansh called out to his friend softly, in a reminder that he didn't need to appear stronger or go out of his way to take on more burden than he could handle.

"Cabir is here?" Manik asked as he looked up at him.

"Yes, Cabir is here. He is real, he really is here, we can see him," Devansh assured him, his heart hurting as he looked at the younger man whose eyes held an unnamed fear.

"Dev, stand by my side," Manik requested quietly.

Nodding at him, Devansh did as asked. And just then the door opened once again and in walked Cabir, and just behind him, the girl that Manik has been waiting for the past four years and more. Ever since the day he opened his eyes in the same hospital. He had countless times looked at the door and hoped she would walk in the same manner, in the same way. He had imagined her, had waited for her, had looked around for her, for months and months, trapped in that cold bed in the first winter he had spent in London...

He still was, trapped in the same place, but despite his pain, he felt he had been in more control back then. Then, when believed his own brain despite being told he had suffered a head injury and just barely survived a fatal car accident. Back then he had thought he still could trust himself and trust his brain to not play games with him. But now he couldn't. After years of being proven wrong, years of trials and failures, years of pain and fear, years of loneliness and exhaustion, he didn't know how to react now. What to feel or what to do when he saw her standing just right in front of his eyes in all her glory.

"Describe her to me," Manik told the man standing by his side, the one who knew the most what this moment meant for him, the one who had been witness to his longing and pain.

"She is everything you said she was," Devansh said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to anchor him to reality, to let him know he wasn't lost in his own mind but here, at that moment, in the present, actually living what he thought he was.

"She is short, 5'2?" Devansh asked with a smile.

"5'3," Manik corrected him.

"Black hair, though not long as you probably remember," Devansh continued.

"Almost black eyes, she is cute. No earrings?" Devansh asked, just for the girl to move her hair aside to show him that she was the same as Manik had left her.

But as Manik looked at her, he saw that she has changed, in many ways, yet still remained the same. She wasn't frozen. She moved, she was alive. With a shuttering sigh, he extended his hand toward her. Understanding the fragility of the moment, she moved slowly, or maybe the time was moving slower but after a few heartbeats and a few blinks of the eyes, she was there standing right in front of him, placing her hand on his, letting him close his fingers around her still small and still delicate hand...

Warm. Alive. Real...

"Manik," she whispered, creaking a smile as her eyes cried.

"Nandini," he echoed her call, tightening his hold on her hand in desperation that only she could understand, only she has felt.

He had been encased in a sheet of ice that had not let him feel anything other than pain and longing for her. But now that she was here, the warmth of her smile and tears - so many tears - the sound of her wet laughter. And a calm peace was spreading from his hand where she had touched him to his whole being, and his heart was finally beating in the same rhythm as hers. Her presence, she, Nandini was thawing out that ice...

He could feel it cracking. She was the one cracking it, slowly but with a force to be reckoned with, putting all of her strength as she had done in everything she did. The ice that had trapped him, numbed him, the one that had made him feel cold even under the sun of hot summers, that very same ice was cracking due to her presence and due to her warmth, dissolving around him, within him...

And now that she is here - his hope, his shining star, his forever - he was free...

****

A/N:- So this is it for now. I know the wait has been long and I apologize for keeping you all waiting for updates, but hopefully, I will be able to write more, at least a lil bit more with the free time now that the exams session is done. One of my goals for this year is to complete LIAM, I am determined to do so...

（　･'ー･'）

I hope you all liked the update, much-waited reunion of MaNan, how was it? Manik is finally really meeting Nandini face-to-face without passing out, progress! T____T But that being said, after his journey, all the lies, all that pain, all that suffering, it wasn't a surprise that he would think he was actually going insane for having spotted Nandini out of nowhere, so vividly and so clearly...

But he is Manik after all, he finds ways to be in control of the situations and himself somehow, one of the reasons why all love him is that he is a sharp and strategic being, who had to learn how to be hyperaware and hyper-in-control due to his parents being the monsters they are. For years he had slept with his one eye open, suspecting every move but then the car accident happen and he was cut out from everything he knew and placed somewhere he had no control. First, his body was broken, then his mind, and finally his spirit. But Manik is a phoenix, he had, again and again, proved it, he shall be born again...

But did any of you notice the parallels? Four years ago, when he was in the hospital, he was suspicious of everything because he was suspecting his parents and this time around, he is suspicious of his own brain. Your thoughts on the matter?

How many of you love Devansh? He is a true friend and the adult that everyone needs in their lives. Of course, Cabir would feel threatened, as if it's he is after the best friend title in Manik's life. He is more of an elder brother figure, for Manik only, of course. More of their one-sided bickering in the next chapters. Nandini's POV is also in the next chapter...

I hope you liked the chapter and are liking the story so far...

Thank you for reading and liking it. Thank you for waiting, and thank you for keeping me motivated! <3

Please, leave a comment or two to let me know your thoughts and feelings... :)

Thank you! <3

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