"I had been so afraid to open my heart to her because I had been abandoned, neglected, and very hurt, but she showed me that even though love can hurt, it can also heal."

- Jacqueline Simon Gunn, The Cat Who Ate His Tail

***

People mostly assumed that walk of shame was only for those who the next morning went back home after the night, so why was Cabir now tip-toeing in his own apartment you ask?

Well, because it was an apartment he shared with Nandini Murthy, his best friend of four years. Who sometimes felt more like an elder sibling and mother all in one, and therefore he was avoiding her as he tried to slip outside, only to stop mid-step when he heard her.

"Good morning, Mr Dhawan" Nandini greeted while sipping from her cup.

"Would you like some coffee? A certain Mr Mathur very generously made us not only coffee but breakfast too, while humming some upbeat song under his breath I must add. He seemed to have had a very pleasant stay here," she commented with a smirk.

"Please, Nandini, don't tease me," he whined, flushed.

"Oh, don't worry, I won't. I would rather get details from you to know if I won the bet or Manik did," she said with a shrug.

"You guys bet on us? About what?" he asked, shocked.

"Yes and about who between you would confess first," she informed.

"And who did you bet on?" He asked, curious.

"Manik bet on Devansh saying he is an overly romantic soul but I know you are an impatient person so there is no way you waited for him to woo you, you acted first, right?" She predicted, looking at him with narrowed eyes.

"Let's say, you know me too well," he admitted.

"Yes, I won," she cheered.

"But he confessed first," he informed and laughed when her face fell.

"He gave me a five-page handwritten letter that listed all the reasons why he thinks we are perfect for each other and what he liked about me. How can you expect me not to jump on his bones?" He asked with an amused huff.

And hearing that, Nandini could only laugh at his unabashed ways. He was enamored, it was obvious by the way he looked at the elder man who left no chance to woo him. Manik had told her how he had never seen Devansh as taken by someone. They were good for each other and after all that they went through, they deserved happiness. As she saw Cabir sigh contentedly, blushing when he finally saw the note that Devansh had left on the table, Nandini felt happy for him. Finally, he has met someone worthy of the way Cabir loved, unabashed and bold, a love he had been searching for such a long time, and has finally found in someone who would be proud of him and love him back with the same intensity.

"Even though I lost this bet to Manik, I am so happy for you," she told him as she ruffled his hair.

"God, I also have to face Manik," he whined.

"Come on, piyar kiya toh darna kiya? We love you when you are unapologetic and brash," she said with a laugh.

"Manik is a bit weirdly protective, I am totally expecting him to give me the shovel talk and tell me he would hurt me if I hurt Devansh, even if he should be on my side" he muttered.

"That's because Devansh has been getting shovel talks ever since the day he met you," Nandini informed with a giggle.

"What are you saying?" He asked in disbelief.

"Apparently, it was love at first sight for Devansh," she teased him.

"What? I was so rude to the man for the whole time," he muttered, suddenly regretting his previous behavior even more.

"Maybe he is into that," she said, laughing out loud.

"Shut up," he yelled while tossing the table towel at her.

"I will let you go for now," she finally made peace.

"Better. Anyway you should concentrate on your own love story and maybe seducing your man will work," he told her with a wink.

"That's too soon, we need more time, we need to talk more," she said, shaking her head.

"I think you are forgetting that Manik's love language is physical touch, and maybe he had forgotten that too, remind him that. Take little steps, and slowly woo your man and then seduce him," he advised.

"Yes, Mr love Guru. As you say, Mr love Guru," she nodded mockingly with a laugh.

After finishing their breakfast, they got ready for work. And just as they were about to walk out of their apartment, Cabir's phone rang and as predicted by him, Manik was calling him to set the time so he could give Cabir the pending shovel talk. Ignoring Nandini's giggles, he confirmed to meet him in the evening.

****

"You know how much I have longed for someone to love and someone who would love me for me. So yes, Manik, I will never hurt him, in any way," Cabir promised.

"You better not," Manik muttered, arms warped around his chest, eyes narrowed at him.

"You better know that you too are getting a shovel talk when you start dating Nandini again?" He warned.

"What do you mean by again? We never stopped," he said with a shrug before smirking at him.

"Very convenient, Mr Manik Malhotra," Cabir mocked with a huff.

"But seriously, ask her out already. Yes, you never broke up and remained in love and committed the whole time even if you were separated, but still clear that out. You need to let her in, Manik," he told the man sitting in front of him.

"You are right. I am just afraid, what if she wouldn't like the person I am now? What if she gets to know me and doesn't find the person she was in love with?" He voiced his dilemma.

"You have grown up, Manik, but you are the same in your core. These years have changed you but it has changed us all in different ways. You just need to rediscover each other and everything will be fine," he promised.

As he saw the younger man nod pensively, Cabir couldn't help but wonder how much Manik had actually changed and how much he had just hidden away from them to be what they had needed him to be...

The past four years made him realize that maybe if it wasn't for Manik, the four of them would have never even stayed with each other long enough to become a habit. It was Manik Malhotra who had kept the Fab 5 united, as a band, as friends, and as a family. Otherwise, they had nothing in common apart from their love for wild parties, music, and their dependency on Manik. He was the one who bound them in a strong bond such as a family, made them depend on him, and on each other, protected them, and assured them of never being left alone, to always be taken care of. They themselves had never worked on it and therefore they fell apart as soon as he went missing.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked, unable to hold back anymore.

And when Manik nodded, Cabir with a sigh asked him what he had wanted for a long time:

"Why didn't you contact me?"

"I didn't want you to choose," Manik answered after a long silence.

"What do you mean?" He asked, confused.

"Three years or so ago, Mr Malhotra had given me the petition Nyonika had filed to the court to declare me dead," he said.

"Ah, yes, me and Nandini along with others had been there to stop that," Cabir confirmed.

"Well, there were signatures of Alya, Dhruv, and Mukti on it," he muttered.

"What?" Cabir yelled, shocked.

"I don't know about the other two, no, actually I totally believe that they are capable of it but Mukti? No, it's not possible, that too for Nyonika. Mukti would never," he swore.

"Signatures were authentic, Cabir, I would know," Manik muttered.

When they had formed Fab 5, one of the first things they had done was to come up with cool signatures and that's why no one better than them knew if the other members' signatures were fake.

"I just can't believe it," Cabir insisted, conflicted.

"Anyway, it doesn't matter," Manik muttered.

"It does matter. There is no excuse," Cabir stated.

"It didn't have my signature, did it? Because I would never, believe me, Manik," he promised.

"I know if your signature would have been there I would have been sure it was fake," he said.

"Damn right. So why didn't you then try to contact me?" He asked.

"I didn't want you to choose between me and them, especially me and Mukti. You both were closer than any of us were. She is your Dhruv, and I know what happens when one loses their Dhruv. I didn't want that for you," Manik confessed.

"You are an emotional idiot, Manik, and we didn't deserve you. You were and still are too good to us," Cabir muttered, suddenly heartbroken.

"Dhruvs are meant to be left behind and forgotten. And Mukti isn't my Dhruv, she is my Mukti. A stupid and dependent girl who grew up to be so independent that she doesn't need any of us. Friendships like any other relationship can never remain the same, people grow up, fall out, and move on, and that's what happened to all of us. She is a dear friend and a sister, but that doesn't mean I didn't appreciate you or love you any less. You were, are, and always will be my best friend and brother irrespective of what others may or may not be. And if I must choose, then it should be my choice," he said before letting out a sigh of frustration.

"Let go of your habit of choosing for others in order to make life easy for them. Ask them to choose if that's what they must, be more demanding, don't grant people the gift of your friendship and loyalty without them proving their worth," he ranted, talking with his hands more than his words.

"Thank you," Manik said with a fond smile.

"For what?" He asked, annoyed.

"For your friendship, for continuing to search for me even though it was an impossible task, for keeping your promise, for staying with Nandini and being her friend, for coming to find me," he listed with a smile.

"Well, you deserve a friendship like that, you would have done the same for me," Cabir muttered with a huff.

"I would have," he admitted with a nod.

"The more I think about it, the more I get angry at everyone, but especially at Nyonika and Mr Malhotra for this mess," Cabir said after a long silence.

"I mean, why would adults create all this drama and unnecessary mess?" he ranted when Manik remained quiet.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Manik finally muttered with a sigh.

"So, anyway, back to happy things. Now that you know you owe me favors, let me cash one of them with a question," Cabir changed the subject with a cheeky smile.

"If it's about Devansh then no," Manik muttered with an eye-roll.

"Why not, come on, tell me... Is there something that I need to know about Devansh? Crazy exs? Anyone to look out for? Give me inside info," Cabir asked eagerly, eyes wide open.

"I am not giving you anything, Devansh would tell you himself whatever he wants to tell you," Manik said while raising his hands.

"Come one, I need to woo him properly, can't let him be the more romantic one, give me some ideas," he begged.

With a laugh, Manik kept shaking him off until Cabir gave up with a huff. It was anyway more fun to discover about his man on his own, so Cabir let him off. Insisted he focused on making sure Nandini would get her man to ask her out. Now that he had his own ship sailing, he couldn't ignore that as the MaNan shipper, he had some responsibilities that needed his attention. So that's why he kept pushing both parties to do something.

When a few days later, Nandini came home with a beaming smile and told him that Manik had given her the keys to his apartment and told her to let herself whenever he was late from work, Cabir had cheered his head off and called the rest of MaNan shippers in their group chat. Even though after a few minutes that call had been more about Navya and Rishab teasing him and Devansh for making heart eyes at each other. And to shut them off, he just had to flirt with his man openly until they dropped the call while cringing and yelling. That had made Cabir very smug and laugh his Mugambo laugh. He had entertained his man by being silly because, finally, he could do that because now he was looked at with such eyes full of love and a fond smile...

****

Mr Malhotra was several weeks late, as always never on time even after promising to come visit him. No surprise there, Manik certainly wasn't holding his breath, hadn't been ever since he was five when after countless promises, his father still hadn't come home back. It had been the time when Nyonika had started her punishments, her favorite being locking him away in the dark places and after some courage, he had told his father about it. And even if he had expressed his disapproval of Nyonika's method of disciplining him, Mr Malhotra hadn't done anything more than promise him to come back home. He had broken that promise and he hadn't come back. It had taken one more month for him to remember his five-year-old child and then Manik had been taken to him for a quick visit and dropped off as soon Mr Malhotra had gotten bored of playing father after a few days.

From then on, he had stopped telling his father whatever happened between him and Nyonika and had started to find ways to save himself on his own. As an adult, whenever he looked back, all he could see was how much his childhood hadn't been normal. He had always been made feel as if he was asking too much whenever he as a child had asked for his parent's attention and time. And that had been things he had dared to ask for as a child. All his childhood and adulthood, they had made it feel as if asking for love and affection from his own parents were forbidden, illegal, a sin even.

His relationship with his parents had never been a normal one, he had known what kind of people they were and what they could do when they wanted. They never had hidden their true nature from him. Especially Nyonika. While Mr Malhotra did think throwing money at him was enough compensation, and Manik himself had used that habit of his father to make living with Nyonika easier, the past four years had been standalone evidence that nineteen years of Nyonika had not done as much damage as the initial first year of Mr Malhotra had done. In that one year, even though he had been absent in most of it, Mr Malhotra had destroyed Manik's existence as an extension when he had denied Nandini's.

And now, when Nandini has come back to him - or better, found him - Manik couldn't help but think what could be a worthy punishment for Mr Malhotra for his lies? There were times when Manik found himself thinking about it for days, staying awake all night long. He didn't just plot as he had done in the past, there wasn't only blinding rage that was fueling his desire to destroy Mr Malhotra but also a cold controlled calculative mind. A mind that came to be thanks to Mr Malhotra's own actions. Old Manik would have been angered, seething, and blinded by hurt and his emotions and maybe wouldn't have been able to be objective. But the new him wanted a prominent damage, one that would last eternity for Mr Malhotra, one that would annihilate him and hurt him so much so that Nandini, he, and everyone who had suffered due to the lies would feel vindicated. He had to think of something that wasn't only revenge, but a total destruction. So much so Mr Malhotra wouldn't be able to fight back...

So that's why Manik often found himself thinking:

What should be Mr Malhotra's punishment?

How should he be confronted?

He kept thinking about it. He couldn't help but continue to search within him for something that could answer him. It was a mess, his emotions, and his thoughts were a chaotic mess. His feelings went from hot rage: hell-bent on burning everything within his reach - to cold calculation: what would hurt Mr Malhotra the most? What were the old man's weaknesses? What would break him?

No matter how much time has passed by, he was after all Manik Malhotra, so naturally he was inclined towards taking his revenge, but it also had to be a full stop so they wouldn't be able to attack ever again. How could he let anyone get away, much less Mr Malhotra or Nyonika, for messing with him? For the misery they caused him, but more than anything else, hurting Nandini. For all the time they lost in searching for each other and missing each other because of his parents' interference and lies.

But more than anything else, for the lost time, for bringing confusion, insecurities, and uncertainties between them. For denying them the chance to grow up together and go through changes together. No matter how much they wanted to overlook it, the pain and separation had broken them into pieces, torn and bent chunks of them and even if they had each other again, they couldn't recognize parts of each other.

What should be Mr Malhotra's punishment?

How should he be confronted?

And that's why Manik was yet again, stuck in another never-breaking cycle of thoughts, feelings, and confusion...

* * *

"What are you thinking about?" Nandini asked to interrupt his thoughts.

Ever since it was confirmed that Mr Malhotra was coming to London to meet him, Manik seemed to be lost in his thoughts. It wasn't like before when things were awkward between them - an awkwardness that was going away slowly, way too slowly if you asked Nandini - but now a silence and absence of another kind has taken its place.

At different times she had asked him but he hadn't given her his thoughts. He was, after all, still far away from her...

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" Nandini asked with a soft smile, taking in his form.

"Nandini," he whispered.

It was yet another new habit of his that she couldn't get used to: he kept looking up at her like she was a ghost. It seemed even after a month and more of her, he still couldn't believe she was real, and that she was with him.

"I am here," she confirmed.

She was visiting him after work. Ever since he first had given her his apartment's keys, a new routine had taken place: each day she would enter the apartment and find him sitting on the floor in his room, his arms wrapped around his knees and his head on the window glass, eyes looking at the dark sky until she would make her presence known and then he would look up at her without batting his eyes as if he expected her to disappear in thin air if he did. He looked like a lost child, so innocent, so vulnerable. And each day her heart kept breaking a little more for him and each day her rage got a bit more controllable.

"Nandini," he whispered once again.

"Yes, Manik," she answered his call.

"You are here," he sighed in what seemed like a relief every time she responded to him.

And whenever he did that, Nandini's heart broke all over again. She knew he was more relieved that she was real than glad over the fact that she came to him.

No, she could never forgive anyone involved, directly or indirectly, anyone who had anything to do with making Manik feel alone and as if he was a madman believing in her to be real.

"So I am staying here tonight," she announced casually.

"What?" He asked, snapped out of his daze.

"Cabir wants to spend some time with his now official boyfriend and I absolutely don't want to third-wheel them," she said.

"Why would they be there? Devansh's penthouse is bigger than our apartments combined," he stated, confused.

"Cabir wants to cook dinner with him and all, kitchen romance he said," she informed with a giggle.

"Cabir can cook?" Manik asked, shocked at the development.

"Oh, yeah, only a few dishes but he is very good," she said with a nod.

"Never thought that could happen," he said, shaking his head.

"So, I was thinking that I too shall try the kitchen romance to see what all the hype is about," she said with a forced casualness without meeting his eyes.

"Do you? But I still don't know how to cook," he responded to her after smiling at her being coy.

"That's okay, we won't try anything complicated," she assured him.

And as they made pasta sauce, standing close side by side, it was his company that made it seem like a new experience altogether. Dinner was a silent affair, apart from asking about each other's day, he remained preoccupied with his thoughts and she continued observing him. After dinner, they sat down near the glass window which seemed to be his favorite place. With a cup of tea in their hands, they sat there, looking up at the sky. Maybe it's because they have gotten older or missed each other so much that just being in each other's presence was enough. The silence between them didn't need to be filled with chatter, it wasn't tense or awkward, just breathing the same air and the heat radiating the other warming the side and heart was enough.

"Would you share with me what you have been thinking about?" She asked, hopeful yet willing to let go if he didn't.

"I am trying to understand why he did what he did," Manik responded.

"He always claimed to love me as Nyonika never could. And with all my trust issues and cynical self, I had believed him. I was sure of that claim, yes, it wasn't that paternal love that fathers are supposed to feel, I always had been more of a creation, a continuation, something through which he would live even after his death. So I can't understand why he would deliberately break me," Manik voiced his confusion.

"They did to me what they saw fit without caring for the consequences," he rested his head on the glass, closing his eyes. But when Nandini moved closer to him, it didn't take long for the same head to find its way to her shoulder.

"He has done more damage in his so-called love than Nyonika ever could in her hatred and hunger for power," he whispered.

Nandini wrapped her arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer to her. Manik sounded so hurt. She kissed his hair when she felt tears on her neck where he was hiding his face. A part of her was content at the ease with which he turned to her to find comfort. After all, Manik Malhotra was not someone who cried and when he did, he always made sure no one else witnessed it or even knew about it. But she wasn't just anyone, she was his Nandini and he had cried in front of her and tried to find comfort in her. And his doing the same even now meant she was still his Nandini. He felt he still could cry in front of her and that made her heart swell with love for being trusted. So she claimed his pain as hers in the same way she claimed him as hers.

"When I had come out of the coma, as soon as I could, I had told him that I would do anything he wanted if he brought you to me," he whispered.

"But he didn't. He denied you being real and told me you were just my imagination. I couldn't understand why he would reject such a good deal. Nyonika would have never. And then I thought that maybe he was doing so because he loved me and was trying to protect me in that twisted way of his. So that led me to think that maybe you were with me when it happened, that I survived but you didn't," his voice trembled at the words.

"I could imagine it so easily, Nandini, as if it was real. Your body broken and bloody, your screams, your pain, your last whisper of my name. It had seemed so real, so I had asked Mr Malhotra and he had negated it, and told me that no one was in the car with me."

"But I kept thinking what if it wasn't true? What if he was trying to hide that you were in that car with me? There was nothing that felt like death than fearing that you died because of me, so I could understand why he would think it was better to make me think that you weren't real. When I went back to India and didn't find you, a part of me was relieved. Because I would rather you be my imagination than mourn you, Nandini. You being just an imagination was better than living with the reality of you being no more," he confessed.

"Accepting that I am your imagination was your way of running from reality? Your way of coping?" She asked, her heart breaking yet healing at the same time.

It had hurt, even if she had tried to ignore it, but it had hurt so much to know how easily he had accepted her to be imagination when she had believed him to be alive even if everyone had said the contrary. When everything had led to the same conclusion, she had firmly believed he was alive. So it had hurt to know that she had fought hard to keep searching for him despite everything, yet he had only tried once even though it would have been easier for him to find her.

"The Nandini I knew would never have left me and never abandoned me, especially when I was so wounded. But when I woke up, you were not there, you weren't there for months and when I went back to India, you weren't even there. I was petrified, the idea of you being dead would have destroyed me, and knowing that it was me, the reason why you died, I don't even know what I would have done," he responded with a shuddering sigh, tightening his hold on her and placing his forehead on the side of her neck.

"We aren't that different from each other, are we?" Nandini asked with a bemused laugh and ran her fingers in his hair when he looked up at her, confused.

"You rather think of me as a mirage than mourn me and I rather search for you in every nook and corner of this earth than accept having lost you. We are both the same brand of crazy," she said with a soft smile.

"I am sorry I didn't try harder and thank you for finding me," Manik whispered.

"I knew that there must be something very wrong for you to not come back to me, Manik. Because I know you can't live without me, you just in your own way proved it," she said with a cheeky smile.

"And you did fight very hard to convince everyone that I am real. So how can you say that you didn't?" She reminded him.

"That's because I could not imagine you not being real. Your existence is blended with mine in ways I can't explain to even myself, Nandini. I just knew that if I am, then you must be too," he whispered with conviction.

"You can say the most romantic things with such a straight face," she said with a giggle.

"Facts are facts," he muttered with a shrug, smiling when she hit his shoulder and laughed out loud.

As the sound of her laugh echoed and breathed life into everything dead, his once silent apartment finally felt like home to him.

After all, it was her, his Nandini Murthy.

She was his home...

* * *

A/N:- So I wanted to finally write Manik Malhotra vs Mr Malhotra, but Cabir wanted a rom-com and MaNan wanted quality time. So that's why here we are... Once again the action is postponed. OR maybe it's my fear of writing the climax that I am trying to avoid? Hmm... But I hope you all liked the chapter... :)

So, finally, Cabir-Devansh happened and it's official...Yes, the ship has sailed. They were shipped together even before they met and it made me happy how many of you accepted Devansh and my version of Cabir's happy ending. So thank you for that... T___T

And MaNan is starting to become more MaNan... T__T

As Cabir reminded, Manik's love language is physical touch, he had been avoiding it, but now his leaning and melting into her touch and that is only an indication that things have improved between them...Our babies are together now... Finally... T___T

Thank you for waiting, liking, and supporting the story so far, I hope I will have your company till the end. I apologize for keeping you all waiting, I time to time (always) just feel like whatever I have written/planned isn't enough and that makes me late at updating every time... ; /

Please leave a comment or two or more to let me know your thoughts and feelings and if you are liking the story so far... :)

Thank you! <3

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