24 | ADMIT
Lex Hope Is More Clueless Than A Wattpad Main-Character

Ivan Petrov

I wake up with my face pressed onto Hope's back. I've woken up this way the whole week with the Hopes gone on their mini vacation for Bas and I haven't gotten used to it.

I stretch my hands while savouring his scent and lean against the headboard. I give Hope's firm shoulder a firmer shake. "Wake up, your parents can come any moment."

"They're already here," a feminine voice says. The door creaks and I see Emelia Hope standing, two excited dogs pouncing at her. "The three of us came in with a spare key."

Hope stirs beneath the sheets and yawns. "Mom! You're here. When did you come?"

"Just now, honey." She walks in and removes all the clothes piled up on Hope's study chair. Then takes her place on it. "I'm glad the two of you've gotten closer."

Hope pulls himself up, our legs connect beneath the sheets. I don't look at him. "How's Sebastian?" I ask.

"Better, I suppose. But I really can't tell." She shakes her head. "He doesn't speak up much. He didn't eat very well either, the food there did taste weird but... Maybe you should talk to him."

"I've been meaning to," I say, practically jumping off the bed. "Will he be too tired to talk now?"

Emelia shakes her head. "He slept on the ride. Check on him, if he's tired he'll tell you."

I nod. I brush my teeth in record time and rush to Sebastian's room.

***

Sebastian's sitting against the piano in his room, his fingers trailing on the keys as he plays a piece from memory. The door is left ajar and I haven't knocked yet. Just as my fingers linger against the hardwood, Sebastian looks at me.

His hands drop from the piano. "Hey Ivan."

"Hi," I respond as I step in. Every time I entered Sebastian's room, he'd be sitting on the carpet, back against the side of the bed, knees bent to support the spine of a graphic novel he'd be flipping. I genuinely thought the piano in the corner was either for show or storage.

"I didn't know you played." I gesture at the piano. He walks over and we take our place on the carpet against the bed.

He shrugs. "Mum's really passionate about all of this. She made both of us pick instruments. I really wanted one of those electric keyboards so I could make more sounds and stuff. Looked cool. But dad thinks we should be more authentic or something. I don't know."

"Your brother plays something too?"

"He used to, the guitar. Acoustic. He hasn't played in years, though. Lex does what he wants."

I nod slowly. Hope is probably the last person I'd imagine with a guitar - that too an acoustic one. Suits him, though. He's a huge softie on the inside. "How are you feeling?" I ask Sebastian.

"Sleepy," he says, mussing his hair. "I'd kill to get one peaceful night of sleep. One night when I don't think of her." His face falls and it makes me want to grab his hand. Ever since his girlfriend, Jessica Snow and her family wordlessly left town, Sebastian's been in a terrible state. I haven't seen him smile even once after he heard the news. I don't blame him though; what he's going through is far worse than a break up.

"I know you miss her." I've never been good with words. But I can't stay quiet - not when Sebastian's barely functioning.

"I do," he admits, eyes on the floor. "I thought one week away from home would distract me from it. From her absence." He shakes his head. "Now I'm back and the first thing I think is, I've got to tell Jess about the trip! And that's obviously not--" His voice cracks. Breaks. Shatters. "I'm sorry I'm telling you all this. You shouldn't be hearing my sad story."

"I came to talk to you, Sebastian. To listen to you. You can tell me anything."

Sebastian closes his eyes, holding back tears. "She left. Just like that. She didn't tell anyone - not even me. We've been together for two years. I thought she was in love with me and now I don't even know where she is."

"I'm pretty sure she still loves you."

"You don't leave the people you love." His hands are gripping the hem of his shirt, so tight his knuckles are white.

I pause. I think of my own mother, and her passing. It wasn't her choice, obviously. But I can't say the same thing about Jessica. But I came here to comfort Sebastian, not make him feel worse. So I do my best to reason with Jessica's motive of leaving the town.

"I don't know why she left you, but I'm sure she had a good reason to."

He exhales. "A reason good enough to leave without telling me?" The mini-vacation must've helped him while he was there. Now that he's back, he's back to square one.

"I left my previous town much the same way," I tell him. He looks at me with wide eyes. Despite thinking about my previous town a lot, I've never really told anyone about my life before the Wildcats. "My dad walked in on me with another guy. It wasn't a pretty scene. We fled the following summer and I'm not sure I bid goodbye to any of my old school friends. I told my bestfriend that I'd moved out months after I actually did. I'm sure he must've felt the same way you do right now, and I do blame myself - at least partly - for him feeling that way, but I didn't really have another choice."

"Ivan," he whispers, getting off the chair in front of his piano, and walking up to embrace me.

"I don't know why she left you but I can tell you this: she won't leave willingly without a reason. And I've spent enough time with both of you to know that she loves you, even now."

He sighs. "I miss her, though."

I nod and place my hand on his shoulder. We sit in silence for what feels like hours when he says, "Thanks for this. I guess I really needed it."

"Nah," I say. "You can rant whenever you want. Like I'll always be there."

"What if I need to rant when you're in school or something?"

I gave that a thought. "Well, you can send me lengthy voicemails, if you want. Or just record yourself talking and save it for later. It helps, sometimes, when you really want to say something but you have no one to tell it to."

"Hmm. I'll try that out. Thanks again, Ivan."

"Don't mention it," I say. We fall into silence again, and I think about how lucky I must be to have someone like Sebastian in my life. Sure, we haven't interacted half as much as I would've liked us to, and even the conversations we did have were punctuated with far too long (but comfortable) silences, I would be a very different (and much sadder) person if the only non-adult in this house was Lex Hope.

"Sebastian?" I say softly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm gay."

I know it's not funny but his expression when I said that... man, I'd come out to the whole world to just see that again.

Kidding. But still.

When his priceless expression reduces into something that looks more like everyday confusion, he says, "Dude, I know."

I chuckle despite myself. "No, like, I sorta wanted to do it myself for once. Like, tell people instead of them learning the truth from some sensitive video or something."

"Oh," he says. "Yeah, that makes sense. I'm sorry if I didn't take it seriously at first."

"It's fine."

"This still takes a whole lotta courage though." He stretches his arms out for a hug. "I'm proud of you."

I receive his hug without any of my usual awkwardness. When he releases me he says, "You know you can tell me anything, right? And even though I love your presence here and wish you'd stay here forever, I won't blackmail you into staying here like my brother did."

I laugh. "I trust you, Sebastian. If it helps, you're one of the first people I've properly come out to."

He raises his brow. "You haven't come out come out to Lex, then?"

"Nope," I say.

"I'm honoured, Ivan, truly. I honestly thought you'd tell Lex first, though."

"I mean, I would have, but he's so stupid, I almost can't believe it."

He laughs. "What did he do now?"

"He thinks Dorian Gray is my boyfriend," I say.

"Dorian Gray?" Sebastian sounds incredulous. I don't blame him. "Like Oscar Wilde's character?"

I nod. "I told him my bag had "The Picture of Dorian Gray" and he thinks I'm hiding printed nudes of some guy called Dorian or something!"

Sebastian chuckles. "Sounds just like him."

I shake my head. "He's unbelievable." I think more about Lex Hope, how surprisingly kind, stupidly generous and, not to mention, touchy he's been recently, and a blush creeps up my cheeks.

"You're unbelievable," he says.

"What!"

"You like somebody," he observes. " Like, like like."

I open my mouth to deny it but instead I say, "Well, no. I mean, yeah. Kind of. I guess. I don't know."

He examines my face. "It's Lex, isn't it?"

I laugh, hoping it'll dilute some of the tension that's building up in my mind. I want to deny it, I really want to. But I also know that if I do deny it, I'd be lying.

Just like coming out, Ivan, I tell myself. Admit it and things get better on their own.

I sigh and look at Sebastian. He searching my face for confirmation, maybe he's found it. "What gave it away?" I ask half-jokingly.

He laughs. "I live with you, Ivan. It's hard to miss these things. Even Lex would've figured it out if he were in my position."

Lex is more clueless than a Wattpad main-character. "No, he wouldn't."

Sebastian thinks about his words again. "No, he wouldn't."

***

A/N

Thanks for all your reads, votes and comments! They mean so much to me... I was freaking out when we reached 4k! Thank you so much for sticking with this book:)

Also Billie Eilish and Jesse Rutherford are dating?