A/N: Please read the A/N at the ending its important!

"Push!"  indescribable pain shot through my body instantly. My vision slowly fading. Pain. Pain was the only thing I felt right now.

Why was I feeling so much pain? Why do I have to push? Why does it hurt? Why am I in pain?

"Keep taking deep breaths hunny" A soft voice whispered into my ears. Those were the only words that kept echoing in my mind.

"Ma'am you need to keep breathing through this!" 

What do I have to breathe through? I don't understand anything, where am I!

"ASTRID!"

"Sir, the patient's heart rate is decreasing steadily."  Through my hazy vision, I could see a  blonde haired woman speaking to a man I'm guessing. Everything blurring, and the darkness surrounded me pulling me into its depths, but something told me I couldn't let it take me. Not yet.

Not yet. Why?... Wait...I re...remember, this... was the day I...

But why.

Why is everything fading? I was in my room in the haddock house. Why is everything black?

"HAYDEN!"  I shouted at the darkness hoping Hayden would somehow appear and wrap his arms around my me. I wish he could just appear and just keep me safe. Why can't I move?

Open. Why can't I open my eyes?!

The black faded and a baby's cry echoed through the empty space.

"She's beautiful Astrid."

How am I there?! 

"Hold her as long as you want, Jake and I don't mind." Amy's soft voice echoed.

No! No! It's this day, the day that I...

I did it to keep her safe, I needed to do it, otherwise, my parents would have given her away, and I wouldn't have been able to see her. 

"Alva Siri Hofferson, that's your name. I love you. I...I do...don't want to give you away, but if I don't, I'll never get to see you again. I hope when you...when you grow up you'll understand why I am giving you away. I want you safe, and I can't do that right now. You're so beautiful. I'll always be there for you. Your grandparents don't know I kept you. I ran. I ran for you, and I hid because I love you with all my heart my beautiful baby girl. You...h...have a new mommy...and...daddy. I'll come to visit when I can. It won't be much. But I hope you understand one day and not hate me. You mean the world to me. 

Amy came back into the room with a small smile. I had signed everything. She's theirs now. Not mine. This was it. Tears start blurring my vision.

No! No! I...don't wa...want to see this! No! I don't want...to go through this.

Third's Person POV

Emotions swirled with the ice water circling the cold metal drain as streaks of fire burned his cheeks. Each new wave a hot trail of agony as slim, bare shoulders shook in each rake of emotion through her frame. The darkness returned. "I know what I did was wrong, and I'll carry it for the rest of my life. I'll never forget" she spoke out softly through her sobbing. She couldn't help, but get angry at herself.

She brought both her shaking hand to her head. "I'M SORRY!" A fire of shame and anger burned just under her skin and a deep emptiness filled her heart as the sentiments brewed over and boiled past the seams she could no longer hold together.

"Alva" the sobbing never stopped. "My sweet Alva. I'm so sorry. My sweet sweet girl. I'm sorry."

"Alva" Astrid mumbled. 

She was crying. Confusing Hayden further. 

Why was she crying? What had happened? Who was Alva?  were the thoughts that were racing through his mind as he tried to wake her up.

"Please! I'm Sorry! Stop! I don't... I DON'T WANT TO SEE!" a scream escaped Astrid's lips as she clutched her head in her hands. The whimpering and sobbing turned to loud cries. 

Not knowing what to do Hayden shook her lightly "Please just wake up...it's just a nightmare Astrid." Panic washed over his body as he searched for a solution. 

Hopelessly he shouted "ASTRID! ASTRID!" while shaking her.

A loud gasp escaped and Astrid shot up panting and sweating. Relief washed over both of them. Astrid was finally awake, and had managed to escape her nightmare.

"Astrid" a low whisper escaped Hayden's lips as she was immediately brought into a tight embrace. Bringing her to his chest he kept muttering sweet words to her ear. She knew he was reassuring himself that she was okay, but she loved the embrace nonetheless.

"What happened Astrid?" 

Astrid's POV

What happened? 

God's that was horrible! I never see that again. Why now? I did it to protect her. I wanted her to know she is loved. 

"Astrid?" Hayden asked.

"I'm not sure." I lied.

"You were sweating and mumbling words. Astrid you were out cold for more than half hour for goodness sake. You said you were going to call your parents."

"It was a nightmare." At least this was partly true. 

"Astrid that was more than a nightmare. You know what happened don't you? Why can't you tell me? Are you sick? We can get you checked out if that's the case. Astrid please just say something!" He spoke frantically as he ran a hand through his hair.

He wouldn't understand. He'd hate me. I love him, but I can't tell him about my past. Not yet.

"Hayden, it was just a nightmare. I promise. Nothing more. I was on the phone with my parents and we got into an argument. The problem didn't get solved. I just got tired especially since I didn't have any sleep. I saw the bed and you know the rest. I  had a nightmare Hayden calm down. I'm fine and safe." God's how much I hate lying to him.

You should've just told him.

He would've hated me

The more you lie to him and the longer you lie is the only thing that will make him hate you.

Shut up.

"I don't believe you Astrid. I really don't, but I will accept it for now. I know that something has been bothering you for a while now. I wish you could tell me but I'm prepared to wait Astrid. Just don't leave me in the dark for too long."

What do I do here? I did the only thing I could've of done. I snuggled up to his chest and hoped for the best. I just want this happiness to last a little longer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hayden's POV

I want it out. I can't expect her to fully trust me if I keep secrets from her. Besides when the finals come I rather not lie to her. I want to be able to take her with me. I'm going to take her to see toothless. I know that he'll love her. She'll probably hate me for keeping something big as this for so long, but I know she'll love him.

But for now I'll just hold her. I'll hold her as long as she needs me to hold her. She looks so peaceful. What had happened to her? This wasn't just a nightmare. Something big is going on. She's been hiding something since day one. I just know it.

She'll tell me. When she does, no matter how bad she thinks it is I'll stand by her. 

I'll always stand by her side.

A/N: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry please don't kill me. I know I took a whole lifetime to update this, and it isn't even that good. I'm honestly not happy with this chapter, but this is all my stupid brain could conjure with this writers block. So moving to the IMPORTANT part:

I was approached by a publishing company who wanted to publish this book. I was over the moon when they called, but I was wondering if any of you guys would actually buy this book. Now the book is nowhere near done. I don't think I'd be done anytime soon if I keep on having this many gaps. If I am going to publish I will complete it here first because I wouldn't be here without you guys.

Another problem that has been bugging me since the beginning of this book is the title. I want to change it, but I don't have any ideas. I was wondering if you guys could help me out with this.

Thanks, 

Mehansa 12  

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