Alright guys *sigh*

Negative Vibes again, woo

⚠️ NEGATIVE VIBES ⚠️

Only read this, when you are emotionally stable at the moment! Please take care of yourself, drink some water and stay safe!!

4:30am CST

Niki Nihachu made a new Twitter Account where she will start posting pictures of her art progress, because she always loved painting and wanted to share her sketches with the incredibly big mcyt art community.

She posted a picture of a tiny character waving, captured "Can we please make a chain of OCs waving and saying 'Hi Niki!'????". 400 replies in a single hour. I liked each one of them.

And I felt bad. Yeah. I felt very bad. I wasn't angry at the artists in the chain. I appreciated them, because they are the ones who made it possible for me to stay up til this time, liking fanart from them on Instagram. No, I was angry at me.

Mai. I started drawing 8 months ago. 5 of them I focused on cats, the other 4 on human. I once heard a quote: „The more you write the more motivation you get!“
And while liking all of those OCs, tall, small, sweet or badass, I thought to myself: "Why don't I have this motivation?"

I see fanart every day and watch speed paintings on YouTube, I am surrounded by art. Why do I not sit down and draw by myself? I'm having fun drawing! Why am I not doing it!?!?

It's a combination of

mental + physical sickness, tired of sitting around in the house, waking up at 2pm, two hours later it's turning dark again and you haven't seen the sun for days,

of being tired, as said, I worked for 8 months now and yeah, I may have improved, but it still somehow feels like shit,

of putting myself down, because I have this dream, this vision of how the picture should look like but I can't make it look like how I want to, no matter how hard I try,

of comparing, of course I still see the other artists around me being way better than me,

and all of this together is just a really, really hard combination and I don't know how to handle it.

Also I see all of the artists having those real drawing tablets where you draw right on the screen. And I know you don't have to own such a thing, but my brain is asking itself: Do I need something like this to get better?

That my art-class teacher gave us tutorials for basics how to draw humans isn't helping really much, because I'm scared of getting back to school and seeing my classmates being better than me. (I already gave up at this point.)

It's 5am now.

This chapter hasn't helped me a single bit. But hey, maybe I should just let you know, why I'm not uploading :)

Sorry for everything :/

Hopefully I'll catch some sleep now! See ya :)