Eden;

    I sadly smiled down at my phone as the pictures from Trinity came through. Selfies of her, Jack and Bailey in their car on the way to the premiere, exaggerated pouts on their faces as my sister declared in all caps how much they missed me. They'd had zoom press all day today, and the premiere tonight, finally rescheduled after the storm last night.

    According to my sister and friends, Lilly and Jamie still didn't know I'm gone. I'd told Bailey to tell them as soon as she could, but of course, of all the days for her to be split up from her usual interview trio, it was today. She'd been with Jack and Trinity for all their interviews today and never found a chance to find Lilly and Jamie and tell them I'd left to go home...

    I raised my phone, quickly snapping a picture of myself for Trinity. I'm in bed, keyboard laying on my lap, a notebook filled with lyrics resting nearby. Unlike her and the others, who are all dressed to impress for the premiere, I'm in a pair of old shorts from high school gym and a ratty old hoodie I'd found thrifting a while back.

    Jamie hasn't messaged me once since our conversation, but that doesn't surprise me... he's always been the worst at texting. Whenever I texted him a question, he'd answer it with a facetime or call, claiming it was so much easier to talk that way over texting. I never complained. It gave me an excuse to hear the accent I loved so dearly and see the way he smirked whenever teasing me.

    I don't wanna think of what he'll look like when the others tell him I've gone home. It's the main reason I chickened out on telling him myself; cause then he would've convinced me to stay, and I would've done something that would end up ruining my friendship with Lilly and, potentially, mine and Jamie's.

   Placing my phone back down, I begin humming a melody under my breath, chipped fingernails dancing across the keys as the music flows through my fingertips, guiding me. I sat mom and dad down when I got in and told them how I was feeling about everything. I told them that my entire life, I never thought I was good enough; that even after we left my birth dad, who constantly tore down my dreams, I felt like the things we said to me were true. I wasn't born to do something big; I was average.

    But music makes me happy. It's one of the only things that makes me feel at peace like I have control over something when my life feels completely out of control. I wanted to write and play music, even if no one else wanted to listen. And, of course, just like they had been with Trinity, mom and dad pulled me into a group hug and told me that I could do anything I set my mind to and that they supported me no matter what.

    I knew it wasn't going to be easy, and I didn't want it to be a wise person once told me that all good things take time, and I was willing to work my ass off to have this dream, no matter how long it might take. The music distracts me for a bit, melodies helping distract me from my thoughts, the memory of that night on the rooftop still fresh in my mind.

   I only stop playing when my phone rings, a few minutes later. Bailey's contact photo pops up on my screen. It's a photo we took forever ago when the avatar had wrapped, she'd just wrapped her last scene, and I ran over to hug her, not caring if she was soaking wet from the tank, just longing to congratulate the girl who'd slowly become my best friend.

    "Miss me already?" I ask, laughing, we'd facetimed while she was getting ready, and I helped prepare her on what to say to Jamie about my absence. Bailey doesn't laugh at my teasing, though. Her reaction is the exact opposite in face. She's panicked, her green eyes wide, a sigh of relief escaping past her lips as soon as I answer. "Bai, what is it?" I ask, sitting up a little straighter, worried.

    "It's Jamie."

Lilly;

    "Look at you," Bailey reaches over to squeeze my hand as I step out of my car. Her eyes are shimmering with a familiar kindness. I wish I was like that, but it seemed no matter what I did, I'd never shine half as bright as Bailey does, "You look stunning, Lilly."

    No matter how hard I tried, I didn't feel it today. I'm used to putting it on, shining extra bright whenever the camera looks my way, but today, it felt impossible. I wasn't a natural at this, being confident and effortless, like it all came easy to me; it took years of practice, of me trying and trying until eventually, I shined brightly, like a Mirrorball under a thousand lights.

   I could turn it on just like that usually, but today, no matter how bright the light shined on me, nothing could make me feel it.

    "Thank you," I smile at Lilly anyway, squeezing her hand, "but look at you," her blue satin dress sat perfectly on her, unlike the strapless top I wore that felt like at any moment it might slip off my petite frame. "You all look amazing."

    I glance around at Jack and Trinity, too, smiling—Eden's nowhere to be found. I frown slightly, looking around for her. Before I could ask though, someone else speaks. "Is Jamie here?" Jack asks, ruffling with his curly hair, messing them up slightly, pink spreading across his cheeks due to the cold. "We kind of need to talk to him."

    "He drove in separately." I try my best to sound unfazed, not hurt that Jamie chose to drive alone rather than with me. Something's going on with him. He's being different. He'd been so kind when we first started dating, friendly and his normal teasing self, but something happened. And I know exactly what it is...

    Me.

    We made sense in my mind, the leading boy with the future starlet; I knew eventually if I wanted to stay relevant, I needed to get into a relationship, something to keep people looking at me. The industry doesn't like independent women. My management warned me too many times to count. Without a boyfriend, I looked undesirable.

    More undesirable than I already felt.

    "Where did-"

     Before I can finish asking where Eden's gone off to, finding it odd how she's not at her sister's side, a supportive beam for all of us, another car pulls up. Jamie steps out a moment later, wearing a long black jacket and blue shirt, which makes his stormy eyes pop. I'm not in love with him, no matter how hard I've tried to be.

    When my management told me I needed to get a boyfriend, he just made sense. He's my friend and not the worst person to look at; I'd had a crush on him for a while, one that would go away from time to time. He made sense, and after a while, I did really begin to like him. I do like him.

    But seeing him doesn't make me feel anything special. No nerves or excited butterflies, just a dull ache in my heart, guilty for not feeling all the things I was supposed to be feeling. "Hey," I move over to him, forcing a smile on my face, "you look nice."

    "Thanks, Lils." He smiles, and I my heart should be exploding right now, but I feel nothing. Love doesn't just happen, Lilly. I have to remind myself; it takes time. It'll happen... it has to happen. "So do you."

    His eyes are already searching the small group gathered at the edge of the carpet. He's wondering the same thing I had been, but before he can begin to ask, someone else speaks, the event coordinator. I can already hear the photographers yelling from hear, the sound of their cameras flashing, most likely followed by blinding flashes. "Okay, you're all here now. You ready to walk?"

   "Is Eden already inside?" Jamie asks Trinity. Once again, the sound of his British accent should cause goosebumps to appear on my arms, but nothing. I don't want to know what my management will do if I can't make this work.

   Trinity, Jack and Bailey all share a look, one that immediately makes me feel a little left out. The others have always been much closer than I am with them like they're a little gang that I'm intruding on. They can speak with just their eyes and have so many inside jokes that I'll never understand. I know they don't do it intentionally, but it hurts sometimes. 

    "Oh, um," Jack stutters, running his fingers through his hair again, a nervous tick. "Well, actually..." he hesitates, eyes wide as he nods for Trinity or Bailey to explain.

    Bailey sighs, taking the lead, "she's not here."

    Heartbreak. I've never been great at reading other people's emotions, but right now, Jamie's is clear as day, heartbreak covering his features at Bailey's words. He moves his hand to fidget with his rings, voice shaky as he asks, "w-what?" He stutters, "is she sick? Is she okay?"

    "She's fine," Trinity is quick to reassure, noticing the panic in his eyes. Eden's younger sister digs into the pocket of her satin dress, reaching over to hand something to Jamie, a ring hooped onto a necklace chain. The necklace has no meaning to me, but it must to Jamie because his expression falls even further, hands shaking as he takes the piece of jewelry. "She flew home this morning."

    Now it's my turn to speak up, "Why the hell would she go home?" Unlike Jamie, my voice isn't shaky or filled with hurt, just confusion, though sadness does weigh on my heart. Why would she leave without saying goodbye? Something must have happened. "The tour isn't done yet."

    "She just needed some space, I think." Jack shrugs sadly, "she, uh, was getting kind of overwhelmed with everything, I guess."

    What? None of this makes sense. I'm so lost in my own thoughts, questioning what would make Eden leave so abruptly, replaying our last conversation in my mind. Had I done something to hurt her? Did I say something that made her want to leave?

    It seems I'm not the only one blaming themself, because Jamie quietly mutters, "she left because of me." When I finally look over at him again, tears are brimming his blue eyes, which are slowly becoming more of a storm cloud. He's clutching his heart, breathing heavily, as if he'd just run a marathon. "She has to be here," he shakes his head, stumbling back slightly. In the blink of an eye, something shifts as his eyes gloss over, almost like he's not here anymore. "She can't be gone. I need her."

    "Jamie," Bailey steps forward, concern washing over her features, "hey," she reaches for his hand, "it's okay. You're okay."

    He's hyperventilating, moving to lean against a pillar nearby, his body leaning on it for strength, his legs shaking, "what's wrong with him?" I ask, shaking my head as he clutches his heart, like he's in pain. "Should we call 911?"

    "I can't-" he pauses, trying to catch a strangled breath, "I can't go out there without her." He hated the carpets, no matter times we've done them. I knew Eden was like an anchor for him, but never to the point where he couldn't go on without her.

    "Okay, I'm calling 911." I declare, digging through my clutch for my phone. He can't breathe, and he's clutching his heart like he might be having a heart attack.

    Before I can, Bailey reaches over, stopping me, "He's having a panic attack." She informs me, grabbing her own phone out of her clutch. She quickly presses a few buttons, panic settling in on her features, "This has happened before. She'll know how to calm him down."

    It feels like her phone has been ringing for an excruciatingly long time as Jamie's body hunches over, breathing growing worse and worse with each passing moment. Do I comfort him? Tell him it's going to be okay and rub soothing circles on his back until he stops. Do I give him space? I've never had to deal with anything like this, so I have no clue what to do.

    "Miss me already?" A familiar laugh greets our ears, one that I can't help but notice is laced with a hint of sadness. When Bailey doesn't respond, I can see her out of the corner of my eye on the screen, sitting up straighter, a look of concern on Eden's naturally stunning features, "Bai, what is it?"

    "It's Jamie." She explains quickly, not wasting any time, "it's happening again."

     Her features fall even further. She mutters a curse under her breath, "give him the phone." She instructs, fully sitting up, so he can see her clearly. She sounds more than worried, almost guilty.

    "Hey, you," Eden greets him. I can hear her smile, trying to appear not worried, which would only panic him more. Jamie looks up at the screen in Bailey's hands, hands too shaky to take the phone. "You gotta breath, J." She says, tone soothing, "you've got this."

    "I don't... I can't." Jamie shakes his head, still struggling head looking down again.

     "No, no, look at me." Eden encourages like she's done this before. "I'm right here, okay? We're going to do it together."

    I watch as Jamie follows Eden's instructions, attempting to breathe in and out, just like she's demonstrating over the phone. "Good," she mumbles after a minute or so, "you're doing so good, Jamie."

    A sob racks through Jamie's body at her comforting words, "you left without saying goodbye." My heart breaks at the sound of his voice, and not because I'm jealous or hurt he's this emotional over Eden. I should be, right? I mean, I am his girlfriend; but all I feel is sadness, because no one's ever missed me that much.

    If I disappeared, no one would care.

    "I know," she sounds genuinely guilty, "I didn't know how to tell you." Jamie's breath hitches again, still unsteady. "Now, tell me," she sighs, and I can hear an edge of teasing in her voice, "did Jack choose to wear that fluffy jacket? The one that kind of looks like a teddy bear?"

    Jamie's eyes fly up to Jack, who's standing beside me; his brown eyes are wide with concern, "yeah." Jamie nods, confused as to why Eden's asking.

    "Does he look like a teddy bear?"

     Jamie laughs. It's strangled and breathless, but still, a small smile tugs on the corner of his lips, something I thought I'd never see again minutes ago when this all started. "A little bit, yeah." He nods, looking back down at Eden.

    "Hey," Jack gasps playfully, clutching his heart as if deeply offended, "I'm right here."

     I laugh, too, my heart rate slowing as I watch Jamie slowly calm down. Jack nudges me comfortingly, the softness of his jacket brushing against my bare skin. "Is Trinity there too?" Eden continues chatting with Jamie casually, trying to distract him from his panic attack.

    I'd never thought to do that, but it was working; though, I think it's more Eden than the technique that's calming him down. Jamie nods, breathing still not 100%. "You know, she's really good at cheering people up? Some would say better than me." 

    Jamie shakes his head, "no one's better than you, trouble."

     I should feel broken, but I don't because everything suddenly makes sense. Jamie and Eden may claim to be best friends, but they're not. He loves her, and she loves him... and I was blind and stupid to get in the way of that. Jack's arm brushes mine again, a silent gesture but so comforting I almost lean into him.

    Jamie is silent for a long moment, allowing him to catch his breath as Eden continues to babble on, distracting him. She talks about the food on the other side of the carpet and how good it always is. She talks about how excited she is for this city to see the movie and how proud she is of all of us. She keeps talking until he's fully got his breath, hands no longer shaking, and able to take the phone from Bailey. "I'm really sorry for leaving," she apologizes solemnly, "I just didn't know what to do after..." she hesitates before finishing her sentence, "everything."

    "I know," he nods sadly, and I can see in his eyes he truly understands her more than he understands himself. He loves her more than he loves anything else on this entire earth, "I'm sorry, too, for all of this." He chuckles, embarrassed, "I just panicked when I realized you wouldn't be waiting on the end of the carpet for me. You make this all a lot easier, Eden."

    That's what loves feels like. I was forcing it with Jamie, working so hard on something that in the end meant nothing to us, it never came easy to us the way it did to him and Eden. I can't see Eden, but she must be thinking of some solution to make this all easier for him. "Did Trinity give you my necklace?" She asks quietly like it's a secret. Jamie hums, nodding, "will you wear it for me? Keep it safe?"

    Jamie smiles, and my heart rises. I've never been able to make him smile like that, and after seeing him panic like that, it's all I want for him... even though I'm not the one to make him smile. "Of course."

🖤

You can do this, Lilly. I take in a deep breath, running the palms of my hand against my skirt as I approach Jamie, who's sitting at a table at the after-party dinner, a glass of something sitting beside him, untouched. He's not going to be hurt... it's not like he's in love with you or anything, and this shouldn't even be that hard for me, considering I don't either.

    But it is.

    "Jamie," I'm so quiet, I can hardly hear myself, but somehow, Jamie does, his storm cloud grey eyes lifting to catch mine, "can we talk?"

    With furrowed brows, Jamie nods, standing to follow me to a quiet space, away from the loudness of the room we're currently in. "You alright, Lils?" He asks, my normal nickname slipping past his lips. It does nothing to me... no butterflies or racing heart. As much as I've tried, I feel nothing.

    So why is this so hard?

    "Yeah," I nod, taking a deep breath. Just say it, I mentally yell; just rip the band-aid off. "I think we should break up."

    He seems shocked, which I guess is understandable. Up until this point, I'd shown no evidence of not being 100% into him. I'd acted like the perfect girlfriend should, fawning over him just how management told me I should. "You do?" He sounds both hopeful and confused.

     "I do." I shrug hopelessly. I had to tell him the truth, the full story, no matter how hard it'd be. "My management told me I needed a boyfriend. Told me that the press doesn't like single girls, and if I wanted to stay relevant, I needed one." I look down guilty, unable to stand the realization washing over Jamie's features. I'd used him, and even if he didn't like me like that, it still hurts. "I thought we could work. You're one of my best friends... I thought I could like you."

    "Lilly-"

    "No," I cut him off, reaching over to touch his arm, "please, I need to say this." I add, moving my hand down, not forcing the physical touch, "I'm sorry for messing things up between you and Eden and using you to please my management. I thought they were going to drop me, which is no excuse, but I got scared and did what they thought was right, which it wasn't. I know it won't be easy, but I'd really love to move past this and be friends?"

    Jamie doesn't say anything for a second, his head spinning with all this information; I open my mouth to let him know I'm done when he reaches over, grabs my hand and pulls me into a tight hug, his chin resting on the top of my head. "I'm sorry too," he mutters, voice barely audible. "I dated you to get over Eden. I thought I could like you too, but..."

    "We just don't make sense." I finish his sentence when he hesitates, hugging him back, the gesture more comfortable than any sort of affection we'd shown in our brief relationship. Being friends with Jamie feels right. I should never have tried otherwise.

    Jamie chuckles, his chest rattling beneath my cheek, "we don't." Pulling away, Jamie and I take steps apart as he holds his hand out for me to shake, "friends?"

    Smiling, I link our fingers together, his much larger hand swallowing mine, "friends."

     We walk back into the party together, and I feel so much lighter than I have all day like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Jamie nudges me with his arm before moving over to the other side of the room, where Bailey and Trinity are sitting, while I move back to my table, which is currently empty. I wish I could take it all back... I should never have asked Eden for help; I'd been so blind, more worried about my management's opinions than my own friend's feelings. She probably hates me now, and I deserve it.

    I sip my water as I watch the party. Trinity and Bailey have dragged Jamie onto the dance floor, the three of them comical looking as they move around to the music, there are so many people here, and yet I feel so alone... "There you are!" A voice breaks me away from my thoughts.

    Looking over my shoulder, a familiar smile makes me feel a little better, and my heart rises, "you were looking for me?" 

    Jack laughs, his brows furrowing together with confusion, as if I've just asked the most ridiculous question he's ever heard, "of course I was." He sits beside me, long legs touching mine under the table, brushing against mine. "You alright, Lils?"

    Woah... something flutters through my stomach at the sound of him using my nickname, his brown eyes staring into mine with concern, his leg brushing against mine, the material of his dress pants brushing against my bare legs. "Yeah," I nod, breathing, "Jamie and I just broke up."

    Shock washes over his face, not expecting me to say that. As far as the others knew, I was madly into him... guess I'm a better actress than I thought, "Y-you did?" Jack stutters, "are you okay?"

    He reaches over to touch my hand, which is resting on the table, and electricity shoots up my arm, goosebumps beginning to form on my pale skin. What the hell is happening right now? "I am," I nod. Had I been so blind that I hadn't noticed the perfect boy right in front of me? The one always looking to cheer me up when I'm upset? Or always looking for ways to touch me, his love language clearly the same as my own? "We're better off as friends."

    I wish I could read Jack's thoughts right now to gauge what's going on up there. Amongst the shock, something else breaks out upon his face, a smile tugging at his lips as his brown eyes stare into mine, "and you're happy?"

    He asked that like he genuinely cared. I can't remember the last time someone genuinely cared about how I felt. My management never consulted me about my personal feelings anymore. And mom and dad cared more about the money I sent them than my happiness. I quickly learnt it was best to just put on a show and pretend to be happy; that's what the fans wanted, right?

     "I will be," I stand, holding my hand out to him; for the first time in a long time, my words feel true, "I think dancing might help?"

    Jack laughs, and the sound is like music to my ears. Has his laugh always been that cute? Damn, I really am blind. "Then I guess we have to dance then" He grabs my hand, his fingers interlocking with mine. People in books always describe someone's hand fitting with theirs like a puzzle piece, a perfect fit; I always thought that was complete bullshit... until right now.

    Huh... so that's what it's supposed to feel like.

Ahhh!! Surprise! I've been holding in the special "Lilly point of view" chapter for a while now!! I hope this helped you understand her a bit more. She's such a mirrorball character to me... (iykyk) and I honestly adore her, even if she's oblivious and blind to other peoples feelings sometime ahaha

I really hope you enjoyed this one!! It's the longest chapter I've ever written aha!

jdr3wstarkey ! I hope I'm did the name justice😉❤️