Okay so Wednesday and possibly the rest of the school week are the worst. I don't ever trust Wednesday because I've been catching up to it's schemes to ruin my life.

I'm to Wednesday as Garfield is to Monday.

Wednesday is just inevitable and it sucks.

I feel like I've done so many wrongs than I ever notice.

First, it was raining, making the situation worse. So I was rushing to my class, trying tk be careful of puddles.

AND for SOME REASON, puddles are deceiving. So when I accidentally jump into one and splash myself and a guy, I was so embarrassed. I could only ever say sorry and walk REALLY quickly.

Secondly, I think people, especially other kids in my classes, think I'm trying to put them down.

No. I am not. I am just scared of failing class and want to do my best, causing me to feel pressured. And when I make a single mistake, I begin to overthink.

In my report card, it says that I seldom participate orally which is not entirely true. In fact, I think I volunteer more than half the class. Of course, there are other students who volunteer often as well.

So when my teacher asks a question, and I know the answer, I check the room first to give people a chance to either answer.

And when no one raises their hand, I raise mine. But then, I'm kinda at the front and it's so confusing whether the teacher is pointing to me, but today I was sure she called me up.

When I got the question right, I heard someone from behind me say "oh my god" as if they are annoyed. I can't help but think it was because of me. Did she want to answer the question too? I felt so guilty and embarrassed.

Then, there was this one time, in the SAME class, I was reading my book and the person next to me called me. I looked up at him, and he gestured towards another group of people. I was quiet, waiting for him to speak while they were laughing quietly. I felt like they had an inside joke because I didn't understand the situation at all. Was there something wrong with me? Did I have something on my face?

Those types of situations make me irritated and frustrated. Just, tell me what's up. Don't say "Never mind." I won't bite. I can handle myself in public. Don't just call me for no reason and laugh. I think it just wastes my time and yours, especially since we're in class.

Seriously, something is going on behind my back. I can ignore it, but it just upsets me. If you want to make fun of me, tell me something, just tell me, instead of giggling and pretending as if I can't hear you.

I'm not that dumb not to notice. And if you want to try and tease me, do it properly and do it to my face. Like, I dare you to try and even come up to me and tell me that I'm not enough to qualify as a good person.

I would appreciate if people talked to me in a manner to address what I'm doing wrong so certain situations won't happen again.

It has gone to point where I just want to stay in class instead of walking out to lunch and break.

Everything just feels so one sided. People don't care at this point, neither do I. Is that what makes me a bad person too? Just, ignore everything, mind my own business and keep moving. If people can't stop to trust me, to know me better, then why should I bother staying in touch with them?

I've been handling myself just fine. I don't need someone to ask me if I'm okay because it's just too late. I can carry myself up.

This really feels like those "Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go ape sh*t?"

I can spend a whole day by myself and it'd be the perfect day.

Why are people so complicated?

My definition of a perfect day is no one noticing me, but leaving me alone to do my own thing. I can sit by myself during lunch and eat my food. And when I finish up, I can do other extra work and finally get back to reading a book. Then when school ends, I would walk myself home instead of taking the bus because it's awkward as frick. Also so I can listen to my music without having to worry about people hearing the type of music I listen to.

Then when I get home, I could just rest with my dog, crawl to my bed without saying a single word to my family. Then my friends wouldn't be on a Discord call so I won't have to worry about going into it as they won't notice me when I joined.

Then I can finish other stuff, lay down on my bed with my warm blanket and listen to music while updating Defying Sea.

Then I got to sleep.

It's the perfect day. Just me and I. I wouldn't have to worry about what other people think of me.

I can just live my life.