⌜ chapter twenty ⌟

Dale could- could get under your skin. He sure got under mine, because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought, how he felt. That kind of honesty is rare...and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look at Dale. He'd be looking back at me with that look he had. We've all seen it one time or another.

I couldn't always read him, but he could read us. He saw people for who they were. He knew things about us — the truth, who we really are. In the end, he was talking about losing our humanity. He said this group was broken.

The best way to honor him is to unbreak it. Set aside our differences and pull together, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and take control of our lives, our safety... Our future.

We're not broken. We're gonna prove him wrong. From now on, we're gonna do it his way. That is how we honor Dale.

"Gonna be tight, twenty-three people in one house." Rick says, and MJ sighs.

"Don't worry about that." Hershel tells them. "With the swamp hardening, the creek drying up..."

"With fifty head of cattle on the property, we might as well be ringing the damn dinner bell." Maggie says.

"She's right. We should've moved you in awhile ago."

"Alright, let's move the vehicles near each of the doors facing out toward the road." Rick instructs. "We'll build a lookout in the windmill, another in the barn loft. That should give us sightlines on both sides of the property. T-Dog, you take the perimeter around the house. Keep track of everyone coming and going."

"What about standing guard?" He asks.

"I need you and Daryl on double duty."

"Put Dean to work." MJ says. "He's more than capable."

"Yeah." Dean nods, and Rick agrees.

"I'll stock the basement with food and water, enough that we can all survive there a few days, if need be." Hershel tells them.

"On second thought, you help Hershel with that, big brother." MJ says. "I'll help Daryl and T." She tells him, and he nods.

"You got it." He walks past her. "I told you you were always bossy."

"Shut up or I'll kick your ass." She says, and he laughs. "What's so funny? You haven't beat me in a fight since I was fourteen."

"You know, the sad part of that is — she's not lying." John tells Daryl, who smirks as he looks at her.

"What about patrols?" Andrea asks.

"Let's get this part locked down first." MJ says, and the blonde looks at her. "After that, Shane'll assign shifts while Rick and Daryl take Randall offsite and cut him loose."

Shane looks between the two leaders. "We back to that now?" He questions.

"It was the right plan first time around, poor execution." Rick tells him.

"That's a slight understatement."

"That's why you're not going this time." MJ says as she looks at him. "This is the part where Rick actually listens to me. You should try it sometime and shut the hell up."

"And what happened to what you said inside?" Shane asks as he looks at her.

"Something Dale said resonated with me, made me realize that Rick and I were right the first time." She tells him. "Get over it."

"Afraid that you were agreeing with me?"

"You really do think the world revolves around you, don't you?"

"You don't agree, but this is what's happening." Rick says, forcing his friend to stop arguing with the group's other leader. "Swallow it. Move on."

He looks between the two of them. "You know that Dale's death and the prisoner — that's two separate things, right?" He asks them, but neither budge. "You wanna take Daryl as your wingman because his girlfriend said so, be my guest."

"Thank you."

"You got it." He says, and Rick walks away.

"Yesterday I was Rick's mistress, today I'm Daryl's girlfriend." MJ smirks. "Boy, you got me all figured out, don't you?"

"Oh, right, I forgot." Shane looks at her. "You're the doctor's wife."

"Ex-wife, actually." She glances at him. "We divorced in '04, but of course, you must've known that already. I mean, you are an expert in my private life, aren't you?"

He catches her arm when she turns to walk away. "Is it just the murder's daughter then?" He asks, and smiles as she looks up at him.

"You should be more careful where you throw your accusations." She says. "But trust me, jackass, you got more to worry about from me than my father. Now, let go before I cut off your hand."

She walks away from him and goes to help set up the lookout at the barn. Daryl glances at her when she makes it to the top.

"Figured you'd be pissed at me." He says, and she gives him a puzzled look.

"What for?"

"What Dale—" He clears his throat. "Because I told him that I thought the group was broken."

"The group is broken." She says. "I'm not blind and I'm not in denial either. Would I have preferred you told me and not him, sure. But I'm not mad, Daryl. Not at you."

"Then at who?"

The blonde sighs. "Myself." She admits. "I'm good at being a sister, I can do that. And I'm a damn good hunter. But everything else... I suck at it. I don't know how to be a mother or a daughter or a friend. I sure as hell didn't know how to be a wife. I say I helped raise Sam, but that was mostly Dean. He did everything.

"He heated up our crappy canned food, let us have the last of the good cereal. He helped us with our homework before he did his own. He tried to make birthdays and holidays better before we just stopped celebrating them at all. He stayed up until our dad got back on the nights we knew he was coming back to the motel. He helped my dad clean up his injuries... He always put us first. And I always put him and Sam first.

"I did what I could where I could. I would sit with Sam when he had nightmares, take care of them when they were sick. I'd keep the motel clean, and I was always the one shopping for stuff when we got a little older...

"And you don't care about any of this." She looks over at him, not that he's ever given that impression. "Sorry. I don't know why I always end up unloading all my family crap on you." She scoffs as she shakes her head.

"'Cause you can." He tells her, not looking up from the nails he's hammering into the side of the barn, and she smiles.

"Thanks. I really do appreciate it."

"So, why'd you do it?" He asks. "Put yourself last all the time."

"I grew up watching Dean. All my life, that's what I've always done. If something happened that I didn't understand, I'd look to him for his reaction. That's how I gauged the situation and how I then reacted. I followed his lead, not that he ever knew that." She tells him. "He put himself last, and I thought that's how it was supposed to be. I didn't know any better. Neither did he...

"You know how they say that if you're on a plane and it's falling, you're supposed to put on your own mask before helping someone else put on theirs?" She asks, and he nods.

"Yeah. 'Cause you can't help them if you can't breathe." He says, and she nods.

"We never did things like that." She says. "It didn't matter to us if we couldn't breathe, if the others weren't. I had to know my brothers were okay before I checked to make sure that I was, before I even cared if I was."

Daryl looks at her. "That ain't..."

"Right? Normal? Healthy?" She supplies. "I know. I know that now."

"You'll be alright." He says, and she scoffs.

"Hey, uh... What you did last night..."

"Ain't no reason you should have to do all the heavy lifting."

"Still, I'm sorry." She says. "I know it's not easy — taking a person's life. Not for any reason."

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say after the things she tells him most of the time.

"Hey, Marie? Can I talk to you for a second?" Mary calls from the ground.

"Uh, y-yeah." MJ nods as she looks at her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you prefer MJ? I noticed that your brother and your friends call you MJ, but your dad calls you Marie. Is that— Is that something that only he calls you?" She asks, and MJ shakes her head.

"No, it's fine. You can call me Marie or MJ, whatever you want."

"Are you sure?"

"It's fine, M-Mom. Mom." She clears her throat. "I'll be right down." She says, and Mary nods.

"You know what's sad?" Daryl asks.

"About a hundred percent of the stories I tell you." MJ says as she looks at him.

"You had a hard time calling your mom mom." He says. "You barely got the word out."

"Hey, did you hear what she called us just now?" She asks. "Friends. She said we're friends. Are you my friend? Huh? Mr. Loner-Tracker Guy who moved his stuff away from the main camp to get away from us. Are we friends? Do you— Do you actually like us?"

"No." He shakes his head.

"Oh, I don't know if I believe that. I think we're growing on you, Daryl Dixon. I think you actually like us. We're friends." She smiles at him. "You know what friends do?"

He quickly raises the hammer in his hand and uses it to point at her when she takes a step toward him. "Don't touch me, woman." He says, and she laughs. "Your mom's waitin'." She smiles and then climbs back down to the ground.

"I thought you and Matt were married. He's Ellie's father, right?" Mary asks, and MJ gives her a quizzical look.

"Yes, Matt is Ellie's father. And yes, he and I were married, but we're not anymore." She tells her mom. "We got divorced a few years ago. Why?"

"So, you and him—" She motions to Daryl, who's listening to them. "—are...what?"

"Daryl and I?" MJ asks, eyebrows furrowed. "We're friends, possibly. He's the fence about it. But if you talk to Shane, I'm apparently dating Daryl and Rick, so..."

"What?"

"Uh, n-nothing." She shakes her head. "Forget that last part. And, do us both a favor, never talk to Shane."

"So, you're not dating anybody?" Mary asks.

"I haven't dated since Matt and I were teenagers." She tells her. "Is this why you asked to talk to me? To ask about my non-existent love life?"

"No." She shakes her head. "Sorry. I just saw you two talking and you seemed so comfortable, I thought..."

MJ clears her throat as she glances in Daryl's direction. She knows full well that he can hear everything they're saying.

"Mom? What's going on?" She asks. "What'd you come to talk to me about?"

"Ellie." She says, and the awkwardness immediately fades as MJ focuses on whatever this could possibly be about.

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she just— She blames herself for what happened last night."

"Last night?" MJ questions. "What? The barn and the Randall thing?"

"No. Your friend dying — Dale." Mary says, and Daryl looks down at them.

"Dale?" She questions. "Dale was attacked by a walker. How could that possibly be her fault?"

"Apparently Carl and Ellie went out to the swamps yesterday, and they saw that same walker trapped in the mud. They threw rocks at it and they were gonna shoot it, but then it got loose and went after them. The kids panicked and took off. Now she says that if she had just shot it instead of chickening out, Dale would still be alive." She explains. "She asked me not to say anything, but I thought you should know. And probably Rick as well."

"Yeah." She nods. "Yeah, no, I'm glad you told me. I just... I mean, I know it's not her fault, but how do I convince her of that?"

"You're asking my opinion?" She's surprised.

MJ sighs. "Maybe I should have Matt talk to her. He's always been better with the kids than I ever was."

"I think it would be better from you." Mary tells her. "She said that she shot someone who was attacking you, a woman with black eyes. But you were angry that she had a gun and she didn't want to disappoint you again. Now she thinks Dale's death is her fault."

"Oh..." She sighs. "She saved my life, and I just took the girls to find Daryl, and told him to remind me to kick Dean's ass. I never even talked to her about the demon. I just told the girls not to say anything to anyone about who they saw." She shakes her head as she looks down, feeling guilty about how she handled that situation.