Sadness. Frustration. Loneliness. Guilt. These were all emotions that currently ran rampant through his mind as he stared idly at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. Adrien almost felt as if he were drowning in his own self regret, and he couldn't figure out why it was affecting him so badly even after months of its occurrence.

Three months ago, Adrien had lost a friend.

But he hadn't expected it to still hurt this much.

Marinette was important to him. There was no denying that she meant a lot to him. He highly cherished the friendship he had with her. The problem was that he crossed a line; he crossed a boundary, and he broke an unknown promise that he couldn't uphold... all because of his love and devotion to Ladybug—and even though Ladybug had made it abundantly clear that she didn't return his feelings, he couldn't bring himself to move on from her.

But in the process of his selfishness, he'd hurt and lost a dear friend. Marinette Dupain-Cheng didn't want to be his friend anymore. She didn't even want to look at him.

And honestly... he didn't blame her.

He took something from her that wasn't meant for him—something that he never asked if he was allowed to have. But, in all honesty, Adrien wasn't exactly sure what he wanted. He wasn't even sure why he began visiting Marinette as Chat Noir in the first place.

All he knew was that one night, she invited him in as if he had a place there—as if he belonged, and the atmosphere was just so welcoming and homey that he couldn't find it in himself to stay away. Soon, his one time visit turned into many more. He grew closer to her as well. He learned things about her that Adrien never knew, and she shared things with him as Chat Noir that she never shared with Adrien.

Adrien realized after only a few short weeks of growing closer to Marinette that there was a lot about her that he was missing out on. For one, he didn't know Marinette was secretly an anime fanatic... until she asked him one night if he would stay a bit longer to watch a few episodes with her. The anime turned out to be one of his favorites too, and he spent hours ranting to Marinette about how stressful his ships were. Marinette would always listen, laughing, smiling, always reminding him how much he meant to her...

And then he began to realize that his love for Ladybug wasn't as strong as he thought, because he had started to fall for Marinette too.

He tried to push those feelings aside. Adrien tried to convince himself that what he was feeling, what his heart was trying to tell him, was just the pleasure of knowing that he and Marinette had so much in common.

But he was wrong. Oh, he was so wrong.

Because the moment he decided to lean forward that one night—his lips meeting hers—he felt some sort of connection form between them.

It felt so right.

And then he let things go too far. He allowed it. Marinette was eager, and so was he, and he wasn't strong enough to tell her no. To stop. To realize that what they were about to give each other was something they wouldn't be able to take back.

And then it happened.

He woke up in Marinette's bed, limbs entangled, their scents mingled together as one. At first, he had smiled, wrapped his arms around her tighter, and had buried his face into the crook of her neck...

Until he realized he could feel her bare skin against his, indicating someone had dropped his transformation.

Plagg, that idiot!

And then he panicked. He sprung awake, and so did Marinette, looking at him with a new pair of eyes. Because now, she saw Adrien Agreste.

The one who hid behind the mask.

Adrien freaked out because he wasn't sure what Marinette would think of him... showing up on her balcony every night, wearing a mask to conceal his identity, when in reality, he saw her every day at school. Hell, they were friends. Hadn't he been fooling her this entire time?

So, he ran like the coward he was... even when Marinette begged him to stay. Because he was too much of a coward to face her.

Adrien even avoided her at school. He averted his eyes, kept his distance, and made sure that Marinette got the memo: he wasn't ready. Adrien remembered the hurt in her eyes the moment she figured it out... that he was purposely avoiding her. It hurt to see that she was in pain when he knew he was the cause of it. But... he never said anything... and when he finally did build up enough courage to return to her window one night, transformed and anxious, yet hopeful to speak to her once again and clear the air, she turned him away.

Not just as Chat Noir, but as Adrien too.

Marinette had turned all of him away for good... as in, their friendship was over; everything they had ever built together was done.

And Adrien was devastated.

Did she turn him away because Adrien was Chat Noir?

Was she disappointed it was him?

Did she even like Adrien?

Adrien ran his fingers though his bangs. "Plagg, what the hell am I going to do?"

There was a beat of silence that pierced the air. It was uncomfortable and unsettling.

Plagg didn't respond. He merely hovered wherever Adrien went across his room, which mostly involved pacing back and forth. However, when Adrien had finally settled on his bed, Plagg too settled himself on one of Adrien's pillows.

Adrien rolled his head on his side to look over at his kwami, his eyes widening in surprise when he realized Plagg hadn't brought a piece of cheese with him to eat on the bed.

For once, it seemed as if the little glutton didn't have the appetite to eat.

Adrien blinked at his kwami. "Do you think Marinette hates me?"

"Think is a naïve word, Adrien."

"Okay, so do you know if Marinette hates me?"

To that, Plagg simply shot Adrien with the look. The look that basically said 'isn't it obvious?'

Adrien groaned and threw an arm over his eyes. "I messed up. I messed up big time. Marinette hates me and I don't know how to fix that."

"Can you really blame her?" Plagg deadpanned. "You played with her heart like you play the piano... and that's not a talent."

"I didn't play with her heart."

"Oh yeah? Then what do you call 'kissing and then later having sex with someone who you claim to not have feelings for?'" Plagg challenged.

"I didn't—ugh!" Adrien ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at his blonde strands unmercifully. "I wasn't trying to hurt her! I'm just confused!"

"Well guess what? You don't get to do whatever you want just because you're confused." His kwami said sternly.

Adrien covered his face with his hands, trying to hide himself from his kwami's scrutinizing gaze. Plagg was absolutely right, and the blonde knew it. He was confused—but he had no right to use that as an excuse. He hurt Marinette, badly, and it wasn't fair for her. She knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to express her wants or needs. He, on the other hand, couldn't figure out if he wanted to be with Ladybug or Marinette.

And if he didn't know what he wanted, he had no right to take.

"I know..." Adrien said, sounding defeated. "I know what I did was wrong. What I don't know is how I'm going to be able to fix it."

Plagg's gaze softened only slightly, his green orbs emanating a sense of sympathy. But not enough to not scold his holder even further. "This might not be something you can fix." His kwami said, frowning.

Adrien felt sick to his stomach. If he couldn't fix this, was he supposed to just pretend Marinette no longer existed? That they didn't share any classes together? Surely, Nino and Alya would both notice that something was up if he continued to keep his distance like Marinette wanted. It was only a matter of time before they would start to ask questions... and how was he supposed to answer them?

Unless Marinette had already told them everything. Unless they knew he was Chat Noir.

Adrien sprang up from his bed into a seated position. "Do you think Marinette would tell anyone my identity?"

Plagg didn't seem to be even remotely panicked by the possibility. He simply yawned. "Marinette may be angry at you, Adrien, but I don't think she would go around telling people your identity out of spite. She's not the kind of person who would enact revenge at the price of your safety regarding Hawkmoth."

He sighed somewhat in relief. However, there was still an edge of skepticism keeping him from relaxing. "So... you don't think she told Alya?" He asked with one, single brow raised.

"Well..." Plagg shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't say that."

"Fuck." Adrien ran a hand over his face in frustration. He stood from his bed and began to pace his room again. "It's been three months. Of course she told Alya—"

"I didn't say she did for sure—"

"But what if she did? That means Alya hates me too."

Plagg pinched his brows together in slight irritation. "Alya will hate you regardless if she knows you broke Marinette's heart, but have you even spoken to Alya since all of this happened?"

No, he hadn't. In fact, Adrien had been avoiding her just about as well as he was avoiding Marinette—mostly because whenever he did see Alya, she was always by Marinette's side, and he wouldn't dare approach her if Marinette was there. So, he mostly just watched her, and tried to read her body language. That did him no good considering he had no idea if Alya knew.

Adrien shook his head. "She's always around Marinette."

"Well, maybe you should find a way to talk to her alone." Plagg suggested. "You could clear the air with her, your identity, and even see how Marinette's doing without bothering Marinette."

"I can't do that." Adrien quickly rejected that idea. "If Alya knows about everything, then she's going to be furious with me. She's not going to want to talk to me, let alone listen to what I have to say."

"You could try calling her."

Adrien had thought about that. However... "I feel like all of this is too important to say over the phone. It should probably be done in person, don't you think?"

Plagg merely shrugged. He was of no help. "Well, your only other option is to maybe get Nino to ask her for you. Then he can pass the news along. That way, you don't have to worry about going against Marinette's wishes or getting slapped by Alya."

"I'm not going to—" Adrien shot a frown at his kwami when the little glutton dared to snicker at him. "I'm not worried about getting slapped by Alya."

Plagg simply raised his little paw to his mouth, which poorly concealed his grin. "You should be."

The alarm on Adrien's phone went off before he could even formulate a retort. Shooting a glare at his kwami, Adrien reached to silence the device. The time on his phone read seven ten, which was usually when he woke up every morning for school. However, Adrien tended to be getting barely to no sleep ever since Marinette broke off their friendship.

He was already dressed and out the bedroom door by seven fifteen. He didn't even bother with breakfast, even though Nathalie tried to shove a bagel into his hand as his butler held open one of the front doors for him. With a wave of his hand, Adrien insisted he wasn't hungry, which was partially the truth. Losing Marinette had done horrors for his appetite.

He knew Nathalie was worried for him—which meant a lot considering his father never even batted an eye. However, he also wished she would let him be. He needed to figure out to handle all of this himself, and as much as he appreciated Nathalie, nothing she could say or do would be able to solve his problems.

The car ride to school felt shorter than usual. Maybe because he was dreading going.

After all, today was the day Marinette was finally returning to school after summer vacation.

The last time he had spoke to her was during the summer; specifically the night he had last visited her as Chat Noir. Out of respect for her wishes, Adrien had never dared to approach her or even call her, but as Chat Noir, he had seen her multiple times afterwards.

He knew it was somewhat stalkerish... but he couldn't help himself.

And she knew it too.

Although he watched her from afar, there were times when Marinette would catch his eye from her balcony. He would always be a few buildings away, simply perched on the roof on all fours. He never moved when she acknowledged he was there, and she never did anything except blanky stare at him.

She would always break eye contact first and head back inside. He never called out to her and she never called out to him. She never even told him to stop what he was doing.

So, he just kept doing it.

Now, however, Marinette was coming back to school, which meant she would no longer be at a distance. She would be sitting right in front of him again, and he wouldn't be able to do anything except stare at the back of her head and wish she would turn to look over her shoulder at him.

He was pathetic, to say the least.

"Hey dude." Nino greeted him as soon as he stepped out of his car. His bodyguard drove off the moment he shut the car door behind him.

Adrien spared a quick, nervous glance around his surroundings. So far he didn't see any signs of Alya or Marinette outside in the front of their school.

He exhaled in relief. "Hey Nino."

"Yo... what's up with you?" His best friend shot him a quizzical look before he too checked his surroundings briefly. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I'm fine... just nervous about today."

"Why? Because Marinette's returning to school?"

"That, and because Alya might just be as pissed at me as Marinette is."

Nino hummed to acknowledge Adrien's words. "So... when is this little... thing between you guys gonna settle down already? Or are you never going to sit at our lunch table again?"

Adrien began to walk up the steps to their school. Nino fell into step beside him. "I doubt I'm eating with you again if Alya and Marinette are there." Adrien said matter-of-factly, though his tone did hold sadness in it. He really did miss sitting with them, though.

Now, he usually ate lunch alone... and outside. Preferably very far away from Lila so that she couldn't try to drag him to her table.

Sometimes, Chloé actually joined him outside for lunch, which was surprising in itself because Chloé never chose to eat outside. She was always too worried about getting her clothes dirty, or sweating, or having a squirrel steal her food.

She was changing for the better though, and with that change came the Chloé he remembered being friends with as a kid. So truthfully, he didn't mind Chloé's company. She was his only other friend now besides Nino.

Nino frowned at him. "What exactly happened between you and Marinette?"

"I told you..." Adrien shot his friend a similar frown as he reached the top of the steps. "She told me that she liked me, and I just—I have a lot of shit going on right now, and I didn't want to hurt her due to all my issues."

"Do you even like her back?"

"Of course I like her." Adrien felt somewhat offended by that question. "It's just... complicated."

Because he also had feelings for Ladybug, which meant dating Marinette would be so unfair for her. He needed to figure out his shit first before he decided to date anyone. After everything that went down with Marinette, he owed her that much.

"Everything with you seems to be." Nino said as an attempt to tease him, but only the corner of Adrien's lips quirked up slightly before they fell a second later. Adrien sighed and his shoulders slouched forward when he realized just how true those words were.

Nino clapped him on the back a moment later, startling Adrien from his thoughts. "Don't look now but... Marinette and Alya just got here."

Adrien made the mistake of looking anyhow... and his breath caught in his throat when he did. Despite having seen Marinette quite a bit from afar, seeing her now, as close as she was despite her still being a bit away, made him realize just how much his eyes were missing out on as Chat Noir.

Marinette was dressed as laidback as ever. She was wearing joggers and an oversized hoodie, but he honestly didn't think she could look any more attractive. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and strands had been purposely pulled out on the sides, framing her face.

His jaw almost hit the floor.

"Adrien... you're drooling." Nino practically scolded him by elbowing him in the side. Adrien hardly even felt it. "Look away before she notices because, I swear, that will be embarrassing for you dude... and I'm just trying to help you out."

Adrien did not tear his eyes away from Marinette. "She already knows I'm looking... I don't think she really cares to be honest—and as she should, honestly."

"You're a mess." Nino commented in response to that.

Adrien turned to look at his friend and offered him a sheepish smile. "Could you do me one of the biggest favors in the world?"

Nino's eyebrows instantly dropped to reveal his indifference. "Dude.. c'mon..."

Adrien put his hands together and practically batted his lashes. "Please. I just want you to ask her how's she's doing. I need to know how she's doing."

For a moment, Nino looked conflicted, but he relented easily and let out a heavy sigh. "You owe me one." He said before knocking the back of his hand against Adrien's forearm.

"Yeah..." Adrien chuckled underneath his breath as Nino started to jog down the steps towards the girls. "I owe you one big time."

Adrien watched from afar as Nino greeted his girlfriend first by pecking her cheek. Marinette smiled when Nino greeted her next, and whatever Nino said had Alya swatting him in the chest. Regardless of that, they talked for quite a while, even when Alya seemed to be losing her shit as she went off on Nino. Cleary she was angry... and Adrien was certain all of her anger was directed at him.

Eventually, Nino took his leave and waved at them over his shoulder as he jogged back up the steps.

"Well...?" Adrien questioned him as soon as he reached him.

Nino offered the blonde a sad smile... and that was pretty much all Adrien needed to know. Sighing in defeat, his shoulders sagged, and Nino threw an arm over his shoulders, looking to comfort him.

"I don't know why I'm upset." Adrien said as the two began to make their way inside the building. "I'm the one who rejected her. I should be happy she's doing great without me in her life."

"You care about her, Adrien. It makes sense why you're upset."

Adrien ran a hand through his hair, instead choosing not to comment on that.

"You know, both Alya and Marinette say you deserve the way they're treating you." Nino said rather solemnly. "I don't agree... but I guess I figured I would ask you what you think. Do you think you deserve their cold shoulders?"

"Yeah... I do." Adrien didn't even hesitate to answer him. Even though he deserved it, he really wished they would give him a second chance.

"Why?"

Adrien wished he could tell him. But if Marinette hadn't said anything to the DJ, he wouldn't dare be the first to do so. Besides, he wasn't sure if he was ready to tell Nino that he was Chat Noir. He was still hoping that Alya didn't know... however big of a stretch that might be.

"It's fucked up, Nino." Adrien decided he would go with that instead. He needed to remain vague for now. "If Marinette hasn't told you, I don't want to be the one to say anything first."

"Whatever you tell me, I'm not going to tell them." Nino said with a frown.

"I know." Adrien replied with a sad smile.

A series of hushed whispers followed before Nino could even formulate a response to that. Adrien's eyes lifted over Nino's shoulder, and that's when he realized why. Marinette, the class president who was usually dressed for that occasion, had stepped into the building looking completely out of character.

He couldn't help but grin at the sight of her. She was glowing.

"I think I like this new version of Marinette." Nino commented as his eyes too strayed on his friend for a brief moment, as if appreciating her re-entrance into the new school year like the badass that she was.

Adrien nodded dumbly. "Me too."

_______________________________

Second chapter whoop whoop. Raise your hand if you really want to slap some sense into that dumb blonde? ✋

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