Sadness. Loneliness. Anticipation. Regret. Shame. These were all emotions that currently clouded her mind in a whirlwind of thoughts as she stood in front of her vanity. Three plastic sticks had all been laid out in front of her, each confirming the undying fact that she undoubtedly pregnant.

"Tikki... what the hell am I going to do?"

When the first test showed two pink lines, Marinette took another to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. Then, when the second test also came positive, she took a third to make sure it wasn't a lousy test. But there was no avoiding the fact that all three tests had given her the same result.

She was pregnant.

And Adrien was the fucking father.

Through the mirror of the vanity, Marinette could make out her kwami hovering silently over her shoulder. Tikki met her eyes through the mirror, her gaze filled with sorrow. "The only thing you can do is tell him, Marinette. This isn't something you can keep a secret from him forever."

Instinctively, Marinette reached for her phone. She wanted nothing more than to dial Adrien's number and tell him what she discovered. She wanted him to run to her house, hold her in his arms, and promise her that he would never leave her or their child.

But she hesitated.

When Marinette first discovered that Adrien was Chat Noir, it had been an accident. It ended up being a literal catastrophe—and no, that pun was not intended. Over the span of a few months, Chat Noir made it a habit to show up at her balcony, and she wasn't really sure how it all started. All she knew was that one minute, she'd been telling him about her newest design that she planned to enter into an upcoming contest for fashion week, and in the next, Chat Noir had been leaning in to kiss her.

She never thought an innocent kiss would've lead to what it did. But it did. And there was no changing the past. They ended up both falling asleep that night, limbs tangled together underneath the warmth of her duvet.

And when she woke up the next morning, Chat Noir had de-transformed.

And Adrien had taken his place.

Instantly, she screamed. Adrien panicked. It was like a nightmare waiting to unfold. When Adrien realized he was no longer wearing his transformation and saw that her eyes were practically bulging out from her sockets, he quickly apologized for the grave misunderstanding.

She held the sheets tightly up against her chest as he scrambled to get out of bed. She averted her gaze as he dressed himself. Technically, she wasn't opposed to him staying. There was no denying that she had grown to enjoy Chat's company as they grew closer together. Now that she knew who he was under the mask, it made a lot more sense as to why they were so compatible. Even under the masks they were meant to be. That was no coincidence.

Marinette had wanted to talk about their previous intimate activities the night before, but Adrien seemed to want to leave as soon as possible. He gave no opportunity for them to talk. Instead, he quickly transformed and bid her adieu, assuring her that he would return on a lighter note when she had asked him if she would see him again soon.

But Chat Noir never returned.

She waited at least a week. And at school, she continued to stare at the back of Adrien's head, wondering what he meant when he said he would return 'on a lighter note'.

But Chat Noir stopped visiting her.

And Adrien... well he kept his distance too.

Eventually, Marinette concluded that he was simply disappointed. There was no other reason for him to completely ghost her. Maybe he hadn't enjoyed himself as much as she enjoyed being with him?

Maybe she wasn't sexy enough.

Maybe he'd just wanted to get inside of her pants.

She didn't see Adrien as that kind of person. But the doubt was still there... no matter how many times she tried to think otherwise.

A light tap on the glass of her window snapped her out from her thoughts.

Marinette quickly whirled around, horrified by the realization that she had just jinxed herself, and now Chat Noir was here.

"Hide Tikki!" Marinette reached for all three of her pregnancy tests and stashed them away into her drawers. Under no circumstances could Chat Noir see those. Meanwhile, her kwami's disappearance into the closet gave Marinette a chance to sigh in relief.

Though Tikki's advice had been wise, Marinette couldn't find it in herself to tell him; to show him that she was currently carrying his child.

She couldn't tell him.

She couldn't even tell him that she was Ladybug either, the woman he claimed to be madly in love with.

And maybe that was for the best.

She looked over at her phone which was still on the vanity counter, void of any messages from anyone that evening—which meant Adrien had not only ignored her messages, but also hadn't bothered to give her a call. He just showed up unexpectedly like he always did.

That used to make her feel special.

But now, it just bothered her.

Hesitantly, she climbed up the stairs to let him in. Marinette didn't wait for him to enter her bedroom either, instead descending wordlessly down the stairs. She wasn't even sure what to say to him after all this time. It wasn't as if they had continued to be friends after their intimate activities.

He basically pretended she didn't exist.

Marinette listened carefully as he softly shut her hatch. By the time she'd settled herself onto her chase, the superhero in black had already descended onto the floor. She spared one glance at him, which did her no good when she realized his expression was void of emotion and guarded. The tension between them was like a raging wildfire that desperately needed to be put out.

Thankfully, he spoke the first word. "Hey."

Marinette held back her tears. For the sake of embarrassment and whatever pride she had left, she was not about to cry in front of him.

She chose not to respond.

She heard him sigh. "Look... I know I sort of went AWOL for a while, but I had a lot of things that I needed to get sorted out first."

Marinette tried not to let those words linger too long in her head. He had a lot of things to get sorted? She would bet her life that she had more problems than he did at the moment.

He continued on, despite her silence. "I really think that we should talk about what happened. This tension—it's really putting a strain on our friendship... and I don't want to lose you as a friend, Marinette. You're too important to me."

Friendship. A friend. That was all he saw her as. And that was all she would ever be to him. Even after everything they had shared, he wanting nothing more but a platonic relationship with her.

That was unfair. Especially when he had been the one to make the first move.

She blinked back tears. "Why did you kiss me?"

She needed to know. Even if his answer tore her apart.

"I was caught up in the moment." Adrien tried to explain, though she was only half listening. His words were beginning to matter less and less to her. "I wasn't thinking straight and I crossed a major boundary. I didn't mean it... honest."

He didn't mean it. He also had no idea how painful those words were to hear.

Especially when she was carrying his child.

Something that they made together.

Something that connected them.

Something that she had dreamed about having with him since she was a freshmen in high-school.

But... it meant nothing to him.

Absolutely nothing.

"I just want to be friends again." He admitted softly. "I want things to go back to the way they were."

He wanted things to go back to the way they were... but could that honestly be a possibility? No. Not for her it couldn't. She had given him something that she thought he would cherish, because Adrien was known as the boy who had a heart of gold. But instead he took it and tossed it to the side.

"I don't think things can ever go back to the way they once were." She told him what he needed to hear, because it was the unfortunate truth. What happened between them wasn't something she could just pretend never happened.

Especially when the reminder lingered inside of her.

Chat Noir frowned, "Why not? It wasn't as if it meant anything, right?"

If his words could hurt her any more, these would have been it. And it was. What he said only confirmed that the night they shared with each other meant absolutely nothing to him; that the passion and love she thought was flowing between them both was only one-sided.

"Right, Marinette?" He prodded when he didn't receive an answer.

This time, she frowned at him. "I know that sex is probably a normal thing for you, Chat Noir, but it meant everything to me." The tear that she let slip didn't go unnoticed by her partner, but he stayed rooted in his spot, afraid that making any advancement towards her would make the situation worse. "I–I gave myself to you and what we shared is something I can never forget. I love you for Christ's sake! Both sides of you! And I was having such a hard time trying to choose between the two of you, when all this time, Adrien and Chat Noir have always been the same person!"

Her tone of voice caused him to flinch. "Mari... I'm so sorry. I really am. I never meant for any of this to happen, but I'm in love with Ladybug."

Ladybug. Never did Marinette think she could ever be jealous of herself, and yet, she only hated her alter ego with every bone in her body. Ladybug was someone she pretended to be, because that is who the people of the city needed. But Ladybug didn't exist. All that was underneath was Marinette. Plain and unattractive Marinette.

Someone who didn't stand a chance with Adrien.

And Adrien? Well, he was in love with a fantasy.

"Well, not all of us are as lucky as Ladybug, I guess." Marinette mumbled as she turned away from him, knowing that if she held his gaze any longer, she would break in front of him... and that was the last thing she needed. Marinette had learned to fall in love with both of his sides, because both boys had shown the qualities of one.

But if Adrien only loved one side of her—the side that was hardly even real—then she knew for a fact that there was no way he could love the real her. The real her was standing right in front him, and he was basically telling her that remaining friends was what he really wanted.

All because of his infatuation with Ladybug.

Chat offered her a pained smile. "Yeah... and not everyone is as unlucky as me. I just want to make things right with you, Marinette. I don't like ignoring you. Can we just call it a truce? Maybe make peace? Start over?"

Marinette squeezed her eyes shut. If anything, she just wanted him to leave her alone.

There was nothing left to salvage from their so called 'friendship'.

It was ruined.

Marinette shook her head. "Honestly, I just want to be left alone."

Chat Noir took an involuntary step back. "Okay space. Right. I can do that. I can give you more space."

She shook her head again. "No, Chat Noir. I mean I want you to leave me alone."

Hurt flashed through his features–Marinette knew this because she spared him a glance. He was frowning again, and for some reason, it didn't pain her as much as she would have thought.

"What?"

"You heard me," She looked up at him again, her facial expression stoned emotionless. "Whatever this is between us is ruined." Marinette gestured to the space in between them; the space she that wished didn't exist. "I can't pretend that this never happened, and I can't go back to the way things used to be. So... this is the only option. I want you to leave me alone... forever."

Chat Noir bristled, horrified. "But Marinette—"

"And I also think it would be best if we didn't associate with each other at school either." She suggested somewhat coldly, and she watched as his facial expression crumbled into bits of guilt. But she couldn't find it in herself to feel a bit sympathetic. What she was doing was for the best anyway. "The less that I have to be reminded that this shit happened, the better."

Chat Noir completely crumbled. "But... but Marinette please I can't lose you too. Please. Please, you mean so much to me. I don't know what I would do if we couldn't be friends anymore."

Marinette wasn't entirely sure what she would do without him in her life either. Adrien had always been in the center of it. His presence alone made her knees buckle; his pictures once filled the entirety of her bedroom walls; his schedule once hung from her bed; his face was the wallpaper on her desktop for as long as she could remember; his smile was something she dreamt about every night.

Adrien was unknowingly her everything.

And... she was about to give him up.

"Adrien, I don't want to be friends anymore."

And that was far from the truth. She wanted to be so much more than friends with him.

When he remained silent, she rephrased her words. "I can't be friends with you anymore. Don't you get it? I'll just be reminded over and over again that I wasn't good enough for you."

He shook his head rapidly. "No! You are good enough—"

"Lying to spare whatever feelings I have left will only make me feel worse."

"I am not lying." He said sternly. "You are good enough! So good enough that I would hate to not have you in my life."

"Then I guess you are going to become a very hateful person."

"Marinette please!"

He was begging her now. Chat Noir descended onto his knees and folded his hands together, as if he were reciting a prayer, begging her to reconsider what she claimed to want.

She looked away from him then, because if she focused too much on his pleas, she might have reconsidered. "I'm sorry, Adrien. But I can't."

There were no words in the English dictionary to describe the immense pain she felt in her heart as she watched Chat Noir stand to his feet, his head hung and his ears dropped. He squeezed his eyes shut to prevent the tears that were freely flowing past the failed boundary. There was no denying that he was genuinely hurt by her words.

But Marinette was hurt too. She was very hurt. There were no words to describe how she felt either.

She itched to rest her palm against her flat stomach.

Tikki wanted her to tell him the truth, but how could Marinette do that if Adrien didn't even love her like she loved him?

Chat Noir moved faster than she could blink. She didn't even try to stop him as he landed on all fours on her bed, only turning to look over his shoulder to see if she would change her mind—to see if she would consider having him as her friend once again. But Marinette said nothing as she watched him.

She watched as he looked away from her a second later.

She watched as he opened her trap door.

She watched as he disappeared into the night, leaving his ghost of a shadow behind.

She watched until she couldn't see him anymore.

_______________________________

Well... for those of you who are new to this story and haven't read this yet, there you have it.

The angst has begun... and y'all are in for one heck of a ride!

See you next week on (1/20/2023) for the first chapter!

Hope to see you there!

Vote?
Comment?
Share?