chapter 23: fern's realization

~fern~

       Someone knocks on my bedroom door and after I tell them they can come in, the door opens and Kiro walks in. He smiles at me and I smile back, feeling very happy to see him. Even more happy to see him than I normally am. I don't know why.

       "Hey," Kiro says. "I can't stay for long because I have to get to work, but I wanted to bring you this." Kiro walks over to my bed and sits down on the edge of it. He's holding a container and opens the lid to show me its contents; peanut butter brownies, my favourite dessert that Kiro bakes.

       I throw my arms around Kiro in a hug. "Thank you. You didn't have to bring me any."

       "Of course I did," Kiro says. "Reuben wanted to make them, and I know how much you love them so I wanted to bring you some. Reuben insisted on tripling the recipe anyway, so there is a lot for just a family of four."

       I pull away from the hug and grab one of the brownies, immediately biting into it. It's perfectly soft and chewy, just the way I like it.

       Kiro closes the lid and sets the container on my nightstand for me to have later. He notices the bunch of yarn on my bed and the crochet project I set aside for the brownie. "What are you working on?" 

       I finish chewing the bite of the brownie I took and set the rest of it on top of the container. I pick up the project so Kiro can get a closer look at it. "I'm making you a blanket," I say. "I said I would make you one, so I got started on it."

       We have a craft room downstairs where I keep all the yarn I buy so I typically already have yarn when I start a new project and won't have to go out to buy some every time I need some. Kiro's favourite colour is yellow, but I didn't want to make a blanket with just yellow, so I'm also doing white and a light grey.

       "Do you like it so far?" I ask.

       Kiro smiles. "I do. I love the colours you chose."

       "I'm glad," I say. "I want to finish it before the year ends so you'll at least have it during winter."

       "Take your time," Kiro says. "I don't mind if it takes a while." He takes his phone out of his pocket and looks at it. "And now I have to get going so I'm not late for work."

       "Okay." I give Kiro another hug. "Thank you for the brownies."

       "You're welcome," Kiro says as he hugs me back. "I'll see you later." He gets off the bed and leaves my bedroom, smiling at me one more time before closing the door behind him. The sight of his smile makes my heart beat faster for some reason.

       I furrow my eyebrows as I think about all the weird feelings I've been experiencing around Kiro ever since he was hospitalized. My heart would beat faster whenever I see him smile. I've been a lot happier around him, which is especially strange since I've always been really happy around him. And then I felt weird when Kiro told me someone asked him out.

       ...Could it be that I like Kiro romantically and not just platonically? I've never liked anyone romantically before so I don't know what that would feel like. But I don't know why else I would be feeling this way.

       I reach for my cell phone and send a text to Harlow, asking if she can come to my room when she has the time. I don't expect her to come right away but almost immediately after the text is delivered, I hear Harlow's bedroom door fling open and her hurry down the hallway to my room.

       My bedroom door bursts open and Harlow says, "Who do I need to beat up?"

       I frown. "Why do you need to beat someone up?"

       "Oh, never mind," Harlow says. "I thought someone hurt you or something and that's why you need me here."

       I shake my head. "No, I just want to talk to you about something since I don't think I can talk to anyone else about it."

       "What about Kiro?" Harlow asks. "You talk to him about everything."

       "It's... about Kiro."

       Harlow closes my bedroom door and walks over to my bed, sitting down on it. "Okay, spill."

       "I think I have feelings for Kiro. But I've never liked anyone romantically before so I don't know if do for sure."

       "Okay, first of all, called it," Harlow says. Before I can even ask how she called it, she continues. "And second, why don't you explain what makes you think you have feelings for him?"

       "My heart has been beating fast around him, especially when he smiles," I say. "And I get really happy when he's around. Like really, really happy. Happier than I normally am around him. And a few days ago, someone asked him out and even though he turned her down, I still felt weird at the idea of Kiro going out with someone."

       "Like jealousy?" Harlow asks.

       "I don't know. I've never felt jealous before either."

       "Okay, let's put it this way. What if Kiro said yes to the girl who asked him out? How would you feel then?"

       "I think... I would be happy for him but I would feel sad for myself."

       Harlow smiles at me softly. "Then I think you like him romantically. Everyone feels things differently, but everything you described is how I felt when I first started having feelings for Emmett."

       "So... What do I do about it?"

       "What do you want to do?"

       "I don't know. He's my best friend. It might be weird if I tell him."

       "Oh, honey, it won't be weird at all," Harlow says. "I actually think it's better to be friends, or best friends, with someone before you go out with them. Remember, Emmett was my best friend before I even went out with him, and it just made our relationship a lot stronger since we already knew each other very well. Look, I'm not going to say that you have to tell Kiro you like him, but it won't be weird if you tell him. Kiro cares about you a lot and will respect your feelings. You don't have to be afraid to tell him, but you should also do what you feel comfortable with."

       "I think... I'm to go think about my feelings a bit more," I say. "Maybe get used to them before I tell him."

       "That's a good idea," Harlow says. "Just take your time and do it at your pace."

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harlow was screaming inside and just wanted to tell fern that kiro is already madly in love with her but she's a good sister and didn't want to overwhelm her.

now she just has to painfully watch kiro and fern longing for each other :(