"Maybe home is just the confines of your arms holding my pieces together."

***

It wasn't pain what I felt when I left the hellhole of a house and locked myself in my car, the hot air unaffecting my numbing state. I ran my fingers through my hair and tightened my grip on the steering wheel, nothing was changing the state.

Jonathan choosing Amanda was shocking, really shocking. Not only was she my secretary, but the person that I share almost everything with because I thought of her as a friend, once in my life. Good things don't last, and I can't choose if knowing Amanda was even a good thing altogether.

My phone buzzed inside my pocket and I glued it to my ear, not bothering with the contact name.

"Yes?"

"Ethen, where are you?" Rose's voice came out rushed and nervous.

"On my way to hell."

"Amanda is in my dad's house."

"I know."

"She's weeping."

"And?"

"You don't care?"

"No."

"They found a fainted guard," she said and I smirked, putting the phone on speaker. "He's in the ambulance right now."

"Are you calling me to give me the news?"

"No, but Amanda is saying things."

I didn't speak.

"She's saying everything she knows about you, since the first day you hired her. I didn't know your grandmother was dead, Ethen."

I didn't breathe.

"She said you fell to ou—my dad's trap and that you were absolutely naïve when it came to meeting me. She said your friends' names, each and every one of them. She said you sleep with your windows open. She said you killed your brother—"

"No!" I yelled, continuously beating my hands over the steering wheel. "I didn't do that!" I yelled with all my might then held my head in my hands from the sudden overruling pressure.

"Ethen, are you driving?" quick, short breaths came running from the other side of the line.

"Fuck!" I yelled and threw my phone against the windshield, resulting in it bouncing back with a broken screen.

I don't give a shit.

"Where are you?!" his voice was muffled by something.

"Fuck!" I banged my fist against the steering wheel over and over then turned my phone off, blocking the whole damn globe.

I didn't kill him.

My feet pushed the gas pedal further.

He didn't care for me.

The scenery outside the car soon became to swirl into different colors. I couldn't see anything.

I didn't kill him.

My hands left the steering wheel.

He killed himself.

The car wasn't on the road anymore. Flying, it was flying, across the air...breaking me free from my miseries and shattering my life into small pieces.

●●●

I wasn't dead when I started hearing voices around me.

Maybe I was.

Maybe this is hell I'm in.

"Ethen, I don't know if you can hear me right now," her soft voice came in cries, slow torturing cries that ached my chest. "I knew I shouldn't have called you."

A long sigh echoed in my head.

"Did you want to die? Is life not making you happy enough?" she asked and I couldn't pull my power together to nod as an answer. I couldn't do anything except listen to her.

"I can make you happy," she started again, I think she pulled my hand into hers, I don't know. "I promise I will if you live through this."

I think I tried squeezing her hand.

"You didn't tell me about your brother," she said and I felt my body shrink into the mattress of the bed. Am I on a bed? "Amanda said a lot of things, Ethen, but I couldn't believe her. My mind was with you."

Another exhale.

"She said you were happy your parents died," I think I heard her say between the cries. "Were you? Are you still happy they're dead? Should I believe her, Ethen?"

I don't know how to answer this question.

"You know what's sad?" she asked herself? Or me? I chose to listen anyways. "My dad doesn't want me in his house anymore—"

That's sad?

"—and I don't know if you allow me in yours."

Is she serious?

"I thought about it a lot, Ethen, I know its official now," I know she's looking at the damn ring I gave her, no not damn ring...if she likes-loves it, then it's not damned. "I can't feel it sometimes that you want me. I don't know why it's just a feeling that settles in the pit of my stomach often, it makes me think a lot before calling you."

It only got official yesterday, was that was she was feeling all the time?

"I don't know if you want to do this, Ethen. I'm too much trouble."

I know.

"You don't deserve me, baby," she whispered. "I'm no good for you."

Why is she saying this?

"I hope you find someone better. Maybe her name would be even better than mine, isn't mine overused?" she laughed a flat, humorless laugh. "I hope her father isn't like mine."

She exhaled and I think she let my hand go.

"I can't see you wrecked because of me," I think I felt her kiss my forehead. "It isn't fair."

What is she doing?

"If I could have done anything different, I think I'd take being dead next to you than live now suffering," her tone was sad, so sad. "If you wake up again...no, please wakeup, Ethen."

I lost it right there.

At that moment.

I didn't hear voices again, not the doctors', not the nurses, not the beeping of any machine my body is attached to and most importantly, I stopped hearing her voice.

I don't know if she went, or if that she's still looking at me. I don't know if that all was me hallucinating or dreaming in my dead state.

I don't know why I tried to end my life like that, away from everyone I know. I can't leave her like this, insecure about being with me in a relationship. Shouldn't she be happy that I turned her princess dream into reality?

Didn't she smile when she posted that video on her Instagram?

The darkness behind my eyelids engulfed me into it, catching me off guard from stepping into the light of my thoughts. It was a moment of disbelief when my mind flooded me with unanswered questions about my life.

I think it was my entire fault from the beginning. From the moment our systems were hacked, to the day I met her father, but should I consider this a mistake?

Is it a mistake that I met her?

No.

Did I ever think emotions like pure happiness would come from something other than winning a deal?

No.

Had thought of ever finding my soulmate ever cross my mind?

No.

Did I ever think that I'd ever fall in LOVE? NEVER.

(A/N and there you have it people, the title reference XD . did you think it'd come like this? share your thoughts and please don't be a silent reader :) )