Present

The bedroom door burst open harshly. Silah's eyes widened in panic before she shot up in bed. Her long open hair curtaining around her face as she hastily pulled her dupatta over her shoulders.

" Sarfaraz! Sarfaraz!"

Her mother in law's panicked voice sounded through the room, echoing all around and Silah's heartbeats picked up. Her heavily sleepy eyelids slitted as she pushed the comforter off her.

" Mama."

" Silah."

Sheratoon gasped as she made her way towards the bed, barefoot.

" Oh Silah."

She cried. Silah's breath hitched as she rubbed Sheratoon's arm once the woman was seated besides her.

" My Sarfaraz, Silah. My son."

She cried, burying her face in her palms. And Silah furrowed her eyebrows in worry. She was confused and in so much worry. She couldn't understand a word as Sheratoon spoke incomprehensibly.

" Mama, please don't cry."

She felt the panic rising within her, her lungs suffocating with her harsh breaths. Her heartbeats were erratic, ringing loudly in her ears.

" Sarfaraz-"

" Did you see a dream about him again?"

Sheratoon nodded. Her eyes filled with tears as she pulled her lips in a thin line.

Silah closed her eyes tightly and gulped. She opened her brown eyes and ran them over her mother in law. The woman had quietened and was staring at the wall opposite from her. The room was doused in darkness, the thick curtains preventing the sun rays from seeping in.

" Silah.."

She hummed. Her heart saying all the prayers she knew for her deceased husband.

" My Sarfaraz, my son. He was happy. He was so happy. He.. he had a bouquet of white flowers in his hands. He was smiling."

Silah closed her eyes tightly. Pinching her eyelids so hard that she felt her eye muscles protest.

Sheratoon turned towards her and slowly looked at her.

" But.. but he was asking for your forgiveness, Silah. He was asking for you to forgive him. Why was he asking for your forgiveness, Silah? Why?"

Sheratoon held her hands as she asked Silah. Her eyes looking at her closely and Silah lowered her face. Her eyes returning to her lap and her body trembled.

" He was saying sorry to you, Silah, why? Why you, Silah? He didn't say anything about me. He kept talking of you, why?"

Silah silently muffled a sob. Her tears streaming down her face.

" He was asking for you forgiveness."

Sheratoon repeated silently. They sat their as tears streamed down their faces. The older woman wiped off her face after twenty minutes before she

straightened up.

" He was asking of you.."

The woman stood up before she silently left Silah behind to sob her heart out. Cradling her hands to her mouth, she inhaled in deep breaths. Her words repeating against the silence.

" I forgive you Sarfaraz, I forgave you long ago."

She pushed herself back in the warmth of her bed, her body trembling beneath. She knew it was still early in the morning. She knew it was still early to face the world. So she pulled the comforter more closer. Her hand reaching out towards Sarfaraz's side of the bed. And she kept her outstretched hand there.

Imagining that he was there or so his warmth was.

Before she closed her eyes again.

I forgive you, Sarfaraz.

-

Kashana house was bustling again.

The house was all upside down with kids wailing, guests fighting, the decorators springing in and out and Mimi fuming with all the chaos.

Silah's hand tentatively traced the white roses that were wrapped around the staircase as she descended the stairs in her navy blue chikankari maxi. Her hair still damp from the shower and she had them cascading down her back.

Rounding the hallways, she entered into the hall only to crash against a hard chest. She groaned under her breath as the man steadied her with his strong hands around her biceps.

" I am sorry."

Altamash mumbled sheepishly. Silah looked up, her nose scrunching before she nodded. She moved away, slightly pushing away his hands but his grip only the tightened.

Silah's questioning eyes lifted up, almost melting into the honey brown ones. The man chewed down on his bottom lip as he lifted one finger and pointed towards her right ear. Silah frowned as she consciously lifted her hand and ran past her hair.

A small smile formed over Altamash's lips as he watched her under his warm gaze. She looked so beautiful. So beautiful.

Woh agar bann sawar gaye hongay,
Dekhne wale marr gaye hongay.

( If it happens that they adorn themselves,
I'm certain those who catch a glimpse would be annihilated.)

" What?"

Silah breathed unsure of what the man was indicating towards.

" Let me?"

Him asking for permission punctured her heart and she lowered her gaze before giving a slow nod. Altamash's smile contracted as he lifted his hand and ran it past the curve of her cheek before running it over her small jhumka that had tangled with her hair. Silah's face warmed at the realization and before she could ponder any more, the man stepped back. His hand withdrawing.

" Thank you!"

Silah touched her earring, tracing the silverware before she rounded the man and escaped him.

" Khuraisa, call the tailor and ask him to bring Amma begum's clothes. This man.."

Sheratoon huffed in exasperation. Khuraisa nodded as she dialed the number only. Silah was sitting besides  her sister in law as she stitched in the buttons for kiddo's frock. The news caster blaring behind them in full volume whilst Rukkaiya nd her sisters sat, sorting out Maimona's things.

" Here comes the mithai."

Hunzalah announced as he and Altamash came in with hands full of fancy sweet boxes.

" Array, don't keep them here. Mimi!"

Sheratoon called out. Making the men exchange a glance before slumping down on the sofas with exhaustion.

" The tailor has switched off his phone. Hunzalah will pick up the clothes. I am going to call the henna artist now."

Khuraisa spoke before she grabbed her phone and walked down the hallway. Her mother in law shook her head and sat down.

" Bhabi, don't worry. All the work would be done. You don't take extra tension."

Rukkaiya tried to soothe the woman and Sheratoon nodded. The room sucked everyone into silence as the breaking news began to display onto the screen. The newscaster catching everyone's attention.

The screen broke into a chaos as people pushed and pulled each other before the Supreme Court. The camera man zoomed out before Afzal Siddiqui appeared before the mics. The press conference almost breaking out with hundred of questions being bombarded towards the man.

" Sir, what do you have to say about the corruption charges against you?"

" Sir, what is the new strategy?"

" Sir! Sir! Sir!"

Silah sucked in a deep breath before her eyes shimmered over Altamash ever so slightly.

The man was sitting at the edge of the sofa, visibly stiffened. He had his sunglasses propped at the crook of his nose. As his eyes stared at the tv screen looking at his father.

Suddenly the tv screen went blank as Sheratoon stood up and threw the remote away. Her face red as she fumed. Silah looked as her mother in law stormed away and as the room slowly contracted out. Relaxing into silence.

Altamash was dazed as his eyes remained on the blank screen. Hunzalah gave a soft pat to the man on the back before leaving the room as well.

-

Silah was directing the decorators as they worked their way around the garden. The sun streamed in with the warm rays, the soft wind blowing in the late afternoon.

" Silah, tea's ready!"

Rahat had called her. Silah went inside the house and poured herself a warm cup of much needed tea.

" Azizah?"

Silah's eyes widened hearing Rukkaiya's voice. She left her cup on the table before she hurried outside the room.

" Ammi?"

Silah's eyes grew wider seeing her mother make her way inside with a wide grin. Nofil and the driver walking behind her with their hands full of gift baskets.

What the-

Her mother greeted everyone while Silah stood with her jaw touching the ground.

" Silah said you wouldn't come."

" Ah yes, but then I thought I'll get to meet everyone and also I had bring these gifts as well."

" Ammi"

Silah called softly before she came to embrace her mother. Azizah's heart warmed as she hugged her daughter a little tighter.

An hour later, Azizah sat with Amma begum and the kids as everyone unwrapped their kids. Silah could only shake her head as she rolled in the trolley table.

" Altamash when are you getting married huh?"

Silah looked at her mother anxiously, her mother didn't have to probe into others matters. The handsome man in question threaded a ribbon around his fingers and looked from under his lashes.

" I heard about your broken engagement or should I say engagements?"

The woman quipped with a small smile on her thin lips. And Silah pleaded her mother with her eyes.

" All your cousins are now getting marri-"

" Altamash will soon get married as well. He's found his perfect match."

Sheratoon said in her sharp voice as she joined the group. Azizah nodded her head.

" Is that so. Good otherwise you know my brother's daughter, she's such a humble and beautiful girl. She's persuading masters currently.."

" Ammi, that's enough."

Silah hushed her mother with a whisper as she handed her the saucer.

" Aunty, I would have loved to marry your daughter-"

Azizah choked on her tea and Silah gasped. Making all eyes turn to them. Azizah leaned forward, grabbing a handful of tissues as she pressed them against her mouth.

" I mean your brother's daughter-"

Altamash corrected himself, his eyes dancing with mischievously as color filled Silah's face. Azizah coughed as she looked at the man.

" but I am already stolen."

He grinned and stood up before anyone could speak anymore. Letting Silah hiss at her mother.

" Hmm that's good."

Azizah laughed, dismissing the topic herself.

-

Night had fallen on the vast scapes of Islamabad and so had the chaos in the Kashana house. The two storey house at sprung up with the smell of fresh henna and roses as the flickering fairy lights created a warm ambiance full of affectionate vibe.

Silah entered her room after washing off her minimal henna. Her mother was fiddling with her hand bag and Silah eyed the woman for a moment longer.

Moving around the room, Silah spread the prayer matt and wrapped her scarf around her head.

" Ammi.."

She started as she shifted on her feet. The sprain in her ankle had vanished and she was thankful because the work load in a wedding household, always had her on her toes.

Her mother hummed.

" The gifts.. um.."

" Silah, I had money. I wanted to bring gifts because of my own happiness because your in laws have always been very humble and kind towards us. And I thought of putting a small efforts as a token of thank you. And everyone loved the gifts. Mmm."

Azizah looked at Silah as her features softened.

" Yes, everyone loved the gifts. Thankyou Ammi."

" Ah, no need now."

Her mother dismissed.

Silah turned with a smile on her face before she started to pray.

A knock sounded and Khuraisa brought in warm green tea for Azizah.

" Oh sweetheart, thank you."

Khuraisa smiled, her eyes skidding to Silah's form in prostration.

" You'll stay aunty?"

She asked seeing the woman shake her head.

" My cousin Sorayya has been pestering me to visit. I'll ask her to pick me before 10pm."

" Oh!"

" Khuraisa!"

Rahat baji was calling for her so she left. As Silah folded her prayer mat she came to sit by her mother's feet.

" Arayy, Silah come sit here."

Silah leaned her head on her mother's lap. Her own knees folding towards her chest. Azizah sighed as she ran her fingers through her daughter's hair softly. The luscious waves of brown curtaining around Silah's shoulder as she sucked in a sigh.

" Ammi, aap yahen ruk jayen na mere saath aaj raat."

(Ammi, stay with me here tonight.)

Her voice was barely above soft whispers. And Azizah sighed loudly.

" Sorayya called-"

" I'll drop you off at her place tomorrow after the shadi."

Silah spoke as she lifted her henna clad hands and stared at the maroon color. She rubbed her hands together, trying to rub off the growing color. A void forming within her heart.

" What is it, Silah?"

Azizah asked, she felt worried for her daughter in the moment. And Silah's heart warmed at the question. She pulled herself more closer.

" My heart just feels restless."

Her quivering voice spoke as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly.

" It's going to be okay, Silah. One day, it's going to be okay."

The words comforted her and she nodded just feeling her mother's slender fingers run through her hair almost, lovingly.

-

Past

" Sheratoon, your ignorance and your blinding love for Sarfaraz has made him very arrogant and selfish. Today I felt utter embarrassment towards my staff when Sarfaraz didn't show up for the meeting!"

Ferhat angrily regarded.

" Sarfaraz has other responsibilities as well, all given by you. So you don't have to feel embarrassed when you have overburdened him yourself."

" Don't try to defend him, Sheratoon. This is our business."

Ferhat stood up from the sofa. His eyes fixed on his wife.

" I am not defending him. He is our son. The future of our business. He's going to lead-"

" He's not showing himself to be deserving and if his attitude doesn't change, I'am not going to give him the seat."

The man clenched his teeth.

" Don't raise your voice at me, Ferhat!"

Sheratoon snapped sharply as her husband slammed the file on the table and walked out of their bedroom.

Sarfaraz closed his eyes tightly after his father had slammed the door shut. He threaded his fingers through his hair.

He actually wasn't deserving.

His father was right.

The bedroom door pushed open so harshly that the hinges protested. Sarfaraz's eyes snapped to look at his mother standing in the doorway.

" Why were you at the meeting?"

Sarfaraz sighed out loudly and stood up from his bed.

" I was conducting the training session at the new branch and my phone battery died while I was on my way. Also the traffic.."

Sheratoon nodded before she made her way in the room slowly. Her eyes scanning around.

" Did something happen between you and Silah?"

Sarfaraz's eyes flickered to the floor before he looked up.

" As in.."

" Did you guys fight? Did she leave the house?"

The man sucked in a deep breath.

" She's just visiting her mother-"

" Don't feed me with stupidity Sarfaraz. I know something is wrong."

The woman deadpanned. And the man remained silent. Sheratoon took in a breath before she raised her pointer finger and directed it towards the man.

" Look Sarfaraz, if Silah leaves this house God forbid, I will not forgive you. Ever. She's a gem. And I've chosen her for you. I know my choices and you better know your as well. I want to see you both living happy under this roof."

Her stern voice and cold words made Sarfaraz pull his lips in a thin line.

" Now tell me what's wrong?"

" Yes something is wrong, Mama. And that is your excessive pressurizing everyone into things you want from them."

Sheratoon's brows frowned as she looked at her son.

" What you do mean?"

" You're not going to force Silah into things she doesn't want for herself. You'll not question her about when we're going to have a baby. You're not going to force her into becoming the perfect daughter in law for the society and surely you're not going to direct her about how she should lead her life. She's capable of making her own decisions herself."

Sarfaraz wanted to say a lot more but it was his mother before him. His mama.

" Sarfaraz!"

" And as for me. Yes I am failing at being the businessman baba wants me to be because you've put this pressure on me. You've always pushed me to achieve a mile ahead of everyone because you knew, you knew, I'll lose if I didn't run. But you never asked me if I was ready to run. You just always pushed me. You love Altamash yet to saw him as my competent. You've been planning everything for me since childhood in fear that I'll be defeated by Altamash. Altamash, mama?"

Sarfaraz voice softened as he lowered his head. His mind replaying various memories. He chuckled humorlessly.

" What is all this nonsense! You're taking rubbish."

She looked at her son sternly.

" Yes Silah was your choice and yes you brought her in this house so that I could have a happily ever after, but the main reason was because Silah was easy to control. You love controlling people. You love having the power to take over everything and mould it the way you want. And Silah was another puppet on your stage. You love control-"

Sarfaraz's face jerked to the side as his mother slapped him across the face, hard. The impact made his jaw twitch and the sting burned.

" Sarfaraz!"

She glowered.

The man nodded to himself as he turned his face towards the woman. He gulped with brimming tears as he spoke softly.

" You fear that Silah would take over you one day. You fear she's going to snatch your control but you're wrong because she's truly a gem."

Sheratoon stood there in the cold bedroom clutching her hand as her son collected his keys and left.

-

As night descended from the sky, far away in Rawalpindi the clouds glowered before it started to rain.

" When are you going to go home?"

" Ammi-"

Silah sighed, her eyes transfixed on the rain outside in the dark.

The plate slammed on the dining table and Silah flinched. The chair was scraped back loudly before her other stood up.

" Good. Good, go and take a divorce Silah. And then I'll get you married to your uncle's son. And you're going to regret that life more than this one."

" Ammi."

Silah whispered.

" What more can I say? I don't believe that he intentionally pushed you."

The woman yelled. Silah's eye's returned to the window. She didn't believe herself as well. Because Sarfaraz didn't push her. He never did.

" That man can be a cheater but not an abuser or a wife beater. And he's a cheater because my daughter allowed him to cheat!"

The words rang around the room and Silah's heart clenched.

" how can you be so cruel, Ammi. Are you even my mother?"

Tears welled in her eyes as she cut her eyes towards the woman.

" If thinking for the well being of my daughter is cruelty then I am happy to be-"

" You would have done anything for Mutahir-"

" Don't! Don't compare yourself to Mutahir!"

Azizah yelled as she stood before her daughter. Silah pulled at her hair strands harshly.

" Mutahir's just a selfish son who's not even going to be there for you, Ammi-"

" Silah!"

Silah froze as Azizah rose her hand to hit. She was prepared. She was prepared to receive the slap. But it never came. Silah's tears streamed down her face finally. And she smiled through them.

" Why did you stop, Ammi? Hit me. You always used to do it during our childhood. You always hit me because of my brother!"

Silah yelled and Azizah scowled.

" Yes because your father came home during his leaves and used to beat me too. Because you complained a lot. Was it ever fair? Huh? No!"

Silah gulped. She did remember that small part where her furious father would beat his mother. It happened for 3 months. But her heart clenched and her stomach churned at how twisted and sick her life was.

" I am sorry."

She said through a sob but her mother's red face turned to the other side.

" Go back Silah before I ask you to leave my house."

Azizah stormed back to her room. And Silah bit the insides of her cheek. She went to her room, packed her suitcase and twisted the main door's handle. As she stepped outside in the rain. Her eyes watered again. As she stepped down the small step, her eyes caught Sarfaraz leaving against the car. His figure drenched because of the cold rain.

And Silah watched as his eyes finally fell over her.

She mumbled his name under her breath as he pushed himself away from his car and made his way towards her with long strides.

" Silah, what happened?"

He cupped her face seeing big fat tears stream down her eyes. She remained silent as her fingers curled around his hand. He didn't ask further as he took her suitcase and pulled her towards the car.

It was midnight as they sat in the parking lot of KFC inside the car. Silah had finished her burger, she was famished. And Sarfaraz only stared at her.

" I am sorry, Silah. I am really sorry."

" I am sorry too."

She looked at him from under her lashes.

" You don't have to-"

She shook her head.

" I accused you. I am sorry."

He sighed.

" It's fine but please forgive me. I've screwed up everything. For you, me and us. Please let me fix it. Please help me fix it."

He pleaded and she sucked in a deep breath.

" I forgive you, Sarfaraz. Promise."

She smiled. He turned in his seat to face her and she finally saw it. The imprint on his face.

" What happened?"

She asked worriedly. Reaching her hand to trace it. The man chuckled darkly.

" It's nothing."

Silah felt the bile rising. Their lives were the same.

Pathetic.

She held his hand as he drove them back home.

-