WARNING: Use of *foul* language.

Chapter 11

When they reach back home, Axel becomes incredibly busy with his office work. He promises Aylin that he will take Thursday off before the weekend, just to hang out and celebrate her birthday. Aylin, who had heard about his real reason to marry her, pretended that everything was fine. In fact, she felt relieved that Axel was busy and they weren't able to meet much because a lot was going on in her head and she needed to sort out her feelings first.

On Wednesday morning, when Aylin came downstairs, she found Axel, dressed up but still there.

"Oh, I thought you had gone already."

Aylin commented. Axel had been leaving really early in the morning and coming back quite late at night.

"I am about to. The meeting got pushed back so I have about...."

Taking a glance at his wristwatch, he adds,

"15-20 more minutes."

"You should have breakfast then. You have been leaving without eating breakfast these days. It's not good."

Aylin remarked while she asked Janet, their cook, to make coffee for her.

"I just finished eating, don't worry."

He smiled back. He seemed to be reading something on his phone when he recalled something and retorted,

"Oh, by the way, you do know I have tomorrow off, right? So have you decided where to go?"

"...no, I am still thinking about it."

Aylin replied, nervously chuckling. In fact, she did try thinking about it, but every time her thoughts would go back to what Helen had told her.

"Well then tell me whatever you decide."

"Okay."

She smiles back at him.

"Also, when are you visiting your parents?"

"...this Sunday."

Aylin replied, narrowing her eyes. She couldn't help but think he was asking this question because maybe he wanted some sort of information or if he was planning something. Even though it was a simple general question, she couldn't help but question why he asked it. Shaking her head mentally, she thinks to herself, stop thinking about this. Axel isn't like this.

She then gazes at Axel who was still immersed in his phone with a serious look. His hair was pushed back and was starting to have a few loose strands. Without being consciously aware of it, she blurted out,

"Your parents...."

She was thinking about how Hazel told her that his parents were murdered.

'How sad and lonely that must have been.....'

She thought. She can't imagine the pain he must have gone through because both of her parents were alive.

"Yes? What about them?"

Axel replied, bringing her back from her thoughts.

"I was wondering how they passed away? If you don't mind me asking..."

Aylin asked as carefully as she possibly could while observing Axel's reaction. Axel's face hardens for a split second, but he answers with a soft voice as if everything was fine,

"It was a car crash."

"...I see. It must have been so hard for you..."

"You can say that. All deaths are like that for their family members and friends."

He answered back instantly, without even waiting for her to finish.

"...actually, I was thinking of visiting them with you. Maybe we can go tomorrow?"

She asks, her face immediately lits up thinking it might be the perfect place to visit tomorrow. However, Axel instantly rejects, making her expression fell,

"No. It won't be possible for tomorrow. Let's go there another day."

Aylin thinks about how he just doesn't want to take her there.

'Of course, who would take the daughter of the one that murdered his parents to see their graves....'

Axel that notices Aylin's mood, tries to clarify by giving his reason which was the fact that he had made a promise to himself that until he finds his parents' murderer and gets revenge, he won't visit their graves. Which honestly he felt was somewhat stupid but he still hold onto it because he did want to get back at Brendon. Still this does not mean that Aylin can't visit. For this reason he tries to explain,

"It's not that I-"

Before he could explain, his phone started ringing. Eric was waiting for him outside and they had to leave for the meeting.

"I have to go now."

"Oh, right. Bye then. Take care."

He quickly gives a kiss on her cheek and adds,

"You too. I'll try to come back early tonight."

After he leaves, Aylin's phone starts ringing. It was her father. She had been ghosting her father after their marriage. So she pondered over whether to answer this or not. But she has to meet him this Sunday anyway, so it's to talk to him on the phone beforehand to calm him down. Plus, there might be a slight, very tiny possibility that he is actually calling to wish her a belated happy birthday. She answers his call.

"Hello, dad. How are you?"

"I should ask you that question. Were you dead? Did you become deaf and dumb? Or were your hands cut off?"

An angry, raspy voice snapped back at her polite question.

"No."

"Then did you lose your phone? Because why the hell did you not answer me? Did you forget what you are supposed to do?"

"No."

"Stop repeating the same damn fucking word and answer me! What the hell is going on? I saw those articles! You went to Paris with him in an economy class. Is that bastard this fucking poor or did he go bankrupt?"

"His jet wasn't working so that was the only ticket we could get."

"That's fucking bullshit. I don't buy that stuff."

"But it really was like this."

"Whatever. About your birthday..."

Aylin's eyes lit up at his words. Maybe he really does remember and is about to wish her.

"Did you fucking forget that I am supposed to hold a grand ball? How could you forget about the fucking party? You damn well know, it helps improve my reputation! What are you going to do about it now? Your stupid husband didn't even hold any party."

'Ah right, I am so stupid. He doesn't care about wishing me. He only cares about the party he holds.'

"He didn't even know it was my birthday."

"You fucking fool. Are you even doing your job properly? How the hell is he supposed to trust you if you both aren't even close enough to share your birthdates?"

"...Do you know mom's birthday?"

"Huh? Shut up! That is irrelevant to what we are talking about right now. Just tell me. What have you found so far?"

"...nothing."

"He doesn't share anything regarding the business with you?"

"No."

"What the hell are you doing? But then again, that bastard is pretty sneaky. I got it! Tell him to get you a job at his office."

"I don't think he will let me."

"And why the fuck not?"

"He doesn't like mixing up office and family."

Aylin continued to lie to her father. She hadn't talked with Axel about it so she doesn't really know what he thinks of it which is why she kept making things up.

"That's troubling. Ah right, I received a report that they recently got a profit of $170 million. I need you to find out where they got it from."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"Gosh, do I have to spell out everything to you? You really are a dumb doll. I'll help you this once and I don't want you ruining this. It's crucial."

"Okay."

"A fundraiser is being held this Friday. It's a pretty big deal. I won't be there because they are not linked with us. We need those businesses to be linked with us. But first, I want you to keep a close eye. Tell me the list of names that he talked and interacted with. One of them must be the potential investor that we are looking for."

"How am I supposed to remember all those names?"

"You fucking.....argh! What the hell did you learn in school? Can't you remember simple names? Just fucking type them down. And don't get caught. If you get caught, I'll forget that you are even my daughter."

"...what-"

"Just do what I say. Bye."

He ends the call before Aylin could even speak.

She really hates this. What's worse, this is the first time he threatened to denounce her as his daughter. What should she do? Make up fake names? But he will find out sooner than later. She needs to come up with something.
She shuts off her phone and lays down on the sofa, hugging the cushion. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She wanted to be alone.

Her father, who never loved her, wants her to go against her husband. Her husband, who apparently seems like the only person who genuinely likes her, thinks of her as his parents' murderer's daughter, which is why he can never come to like her. If she helps her father, she goes against her husband. If she takes her husband's side, she goes against her father. And in this case, her husband wouldn't even know of her efforts and will still think of her as an enemy.

Should she help her father and lose her husband? Or help her husband and lose both? And where does she come into this? What about her?

Her mind again wanders off to what Hazel told her. She knows, she also used him to escape. But she acted true to herself. She was always just her.

However, she can't say the same can be said for Axel because she doesn't know which part of him was real or not real. His words, his actions. How much of him did she actually know? But she is in no place to say that. Because she doesn't even know who she is.

Was she her father's daughter? A doll? A tool? All her life she struggled with finding her identity. She felt lost and wanted 'her' again. She just wanted to be simply 'her'. But how can she be just her when she doesn't even know who 'her' is? She then escapes thinking that she will finally have herself but she ends up being more lost.

'This marriage was a lie after all...even my existence is....'

Sad thoughts filled her mind. She couldn't do anything all day. At first, she ate a lot of ice cream. Then she moved on to drinking lots of coffee. She was just looking for something that would make all the pain she felt from her thoughts go away.

Before long, in the evening, she moved on to drinking alcohol. Every kind she could find. She didn't care. It was the third time in her life to drink it. The last time was in Paris and the first time was her first time ever. She wasn't allowed to drink and personally, she didn't like it. But right now, she kept drinking in the hopes that it would make these memories and thoughts go away and when she woke up in the morning, everything would be alright.

Janet tried to stop her from drinking but Aylin wouldn't listen and instead told her to leave. No matter how much Janet tried, she couldn't force her to stop.

"Oh my Janet, I envy you so much. Do you want to switch places with me?"

"Ma'am, please. Stop drinking. It's not good for your health. You are drunk right now. If something is bothering you, then we can please talk about it."

"No, I like being drunk. It gives me confidence. I can say whatever is on my mind. Do you wanna know what's on my mind?"

Without waiting for Janet's answer, Aylin keeps talking,

"I....want to run away. Hide. Just stay hidden. I feel like burying myself in a hole. Would a grave be better?"

"Ma'am!"

"Don't worry, I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. I want to live but not this life..."

"I'm calling sir."

Janet added but Aylin grabbed her hand, stopping her.

"Please...don't. I don't want him to see me like this. Please. I'm begging you. Just let me say everything out loud tonight. Just once..."

Janet bites her lip, confused. She liked Aylin and seeing Aylin like this broke her heart. What should she do? She looked at the clock, it was around 10 pm. She thinks that Axel will be back soon, so she can wait. Besides, Aylin really looks like she needs to talk to someone.

"You know...ever since I was young, I wondered. What's wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? I know that I am pathetic but am I so worthless? Why am I alive? I can't even live freely. If I like something, I'm not allowed to like it. Who am I even? Aylin? But who is Aylin? I've never met her. All I want to do is scream, cry my heart out and just hide and run away......"

Janet's eyes were watery, she didn't know what to say. She always thought rich people had it easy but Aylin was always different from typical rich people.

"I....wish I was never born."

Aylin added softly as if she really meant it but at the same time, saying it out loud was killing her.

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I hope you enjoyed reading, if so please do vote, comment and share! Keep scrolling to read more👇🏻
Also, how's the new book cover? If you haven't noticed, each book cover is based on a theme. The first one was an animatic one, which depicts a normal start to the story when nothing was known. Then came the wedding cover because of course, they got married. Now it's black greyish because of all the issues that's going on.
I have posted all covers below, please comment below to tell me which one you like! I really appreciate your feedback 🙏🏻
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