⚠️ this chapter includes body shaming. reader discretion is advised. ⚠️

┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ 。˚ ✧

┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ 。˚ ✧

If teardrops could be bottled, there'd be swimming pools filled by models. Told "a tight dress is what makes you a whore". If "I love you" was a promise, would you break it, if you're honest? Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before: I don't wanna be you, anymore. — Billie Eilish, "idontwannabeyouanymore" (2017)

—

The following days Seokjin didn't pull a weird move on Meredith. He only kissed her back when it was her who was initiating intimacy. He didn't flirt with her as he used to and he only held her hand when she grabbed onto it. Him giving her a back hug became a rare thing as well.

Meredith was glad he wasn't pushing the sex topic on her anymore, but something felt weird. Seokjin was weirdly relaxed and even started joking around with Mark, even if the Leo didn't quite laugh at his jokes.

It was Sunday, August 7, and the group had been together for a week already. Baekhee and Jaehyun were currently cooking dinner—a Korean dish for everyone. Meredith was sitting on the back porch, working on a tuning sheet. Her eyes were currently glued onto Seokjin, who was playing in the water with Yaeeun. It reminded her of the day on Baldwin Beach with Mark.

"Hey."

She looked up. Mark Lee was standing next to her. A coconut and a straw in his hands. "Want one? Johnny and I picked them up from the market earlier" he said and Meredith smiled. She nodded and got the fruit and the straw from her best friend. Taking a sip, she closed her eyes.

"Coconuts taste the best in Hawai'i" she grinned and pushed her iPad away from her. Mark glanced at the screen. "Working hard, huh?", he asked and Meredith nodded. "I need to finish this tuning sheet before September" she said and sighed. "I'm so glad once I'm done with university. I'm already tired of it." She chuckled and rolled her eyes.

Mark smiled and took a sip from his own coconut. "I definitely need to finish this reading assignment until September" he spoke, "but the book is so boring." Meredith chuckled. "What's it about?" Mark pursed his lips. "So I have the assignment to write about a LGBTQIA+ book and I actually wanted to read something from Alice Oseman" he started and shook his head, "but my professor recommended me this book." He sighed and leaned towards Meredith.

"It's Call Me By Your Name" Mark said and Meredith pursed her lips. "Oh, isn't that the original book from that Timothée Chalamet movie?" Mark chuckled. "I knew you knew that. Your love for Timothée Chalamet is still unmatched." He smiled at Meredith.

She seemed way calmer than last week. Something had happened between her and Seokjin, but if Meredith wasn't ready to speak about it yet, he wouldn't force her to.

"It's a drag to read though" Mark confessed and leaned back in his chair. He watched Yaeeun splash water on Seokjin. Meredith took another sip off her coconut before placing it on the table and continuing her work on the iPad.

Mark watched her jot down things with her Apple Pencil and furrowing her brow. "You know I kind of regret going to Oxford" he suddenly blurt out and Meredith looked up. "Why's that?", she asked and he smiled. "I could've watch you study all the time" he let out—without thinking. Meredith chuckled.

"You wouldn't have wanted to see my mental breakdowns though" she said when Seokjin called her name. "Come down here, babe!", he called and waved to the back porch, "look what Yaeeun and I found."

Meredith closed her iPad and looked at Mark. "I-I'm going to check in on them" she whispered and took her coconut with her. Mark watched her leave and sigh. "That was a risky thing to say" he told himself before standing up and walking inside. He didn't want to see Meredith being lovey-dovey with Seokjin.

"Hey" Meredith smiled as she reached Seokjin and Yaeeun. The first thing Meredith noticed was the very tight, very revealing bikini Yaeeun wore. The second thing were the love bites on her hips that trailed a way into her bikini bottoms. Meredith tried to ignore them.

Maybe Yaeeun and Mark did have something going on with each other and Mark just didn't want to tell her.

"We found starfish" Seokjin grinned brightly and pointed at the orange-y starfish in the water. "Wow!", Meredith gasped and carefully bend down to take a proper look at them. Seokjin eyed her and sighed.

She could've look so hot doing this if her outfit had been a bit more sexy. He quickly shook his head. He already gave up on Meredith being his sexy hot girlfriend. Especially with these clothes.

Maybe he had completely given up on the thought of fucking her. But it was still something on his bucket list. The last few days he had been turned off by Meredith though. Thanks to the baggy clothes she was wearing.

"They're so interesting, right?" Meredith asked and looked up. Yaeeun had looked at Seokjin but quickly looked away as she saw Meredith staring at her. "Yeah, they are" Seokjin said, not really listening to Meredith.

"I-I'll head back inside and ask if Baekhee needs help in the kitchen" Meredith said, feeling a pang in her chest. Yaeeun nodded excitedly. "Yeah, that's a good idea. Ask her how long it takes until dinner is ready so Jin and I could take a shower beforehand."

Meredith nodded and looked at her friends. Something felt weird. Something felt wrong and Meredith would get a taste of it only an hour later.

The group was sitting at the dinner table. Everyone had bowls of rice in front of them. Johnny had just put some Kimchi onto Meredith's rice. The group was talking about tomorrows activities.

"Hyelin, Mark and Mer are booked for the Manta Ray Experience tomorrow. You have to be at the harbor around eleven a.m." Johnny said. "Jaehyun, Baekhee, Seokjin and I have the ATM adventure tomorrow" he continued and looked at Seokjin. "You're still up for it, right?", he asked and Seokjin nodded.

"Of course!", he grinned. "I don't have anything against action, right babe?" Seokjin asked and looked at Meredith. Meredith wanted to open her mouth and answer, when Yaeeun intervened.

"Y'all going to have so much fun with Jin! He's literally an adrenaline junkie!", she chuckled and Johnny nodded. "Right... Yaeeun, you didn't choose any activity for tomorrow" he said and Yaeeun nodded. "Yes, I wanted to stay home and concentrate on my school work if that's okay. I have a few papers to finish until September and nothing really caught my eye for tomorrow."

Johnny nodded. "Sounds realistic. I forgot y'all are still at uni." He shook his head. "I hope everyone goes to sleep early today, we have a full day of activities in front of us!" Johnny smiled and continued eating.

"Babe, could you pass me the radish?", asked Meredith when Seokjin let out a loud sigh. "You sure you want to eat that?", he asked and Meredith looked at him in surprise. "I-I don't quite get what you're saying" she said, her voice becoming more quiet.

"I said, are you sure, you want to eat more? You're already on your second bowl of rice and you stuffed a good amount of braised potatoes into your mouth earlier." Seokjin's eyes were filled with venom and Meredith pursed her lips.

"Are you calling me fat?", she asked. By now everyone's attention was on the couple. Seokjin spat out and took a sip of his soda. "Look at yourself!", he suddenly bellowed and Meredith flinched. "Look at the shit you're wearing! If you would be skinny and slim you wouldn't wear something like this! Yaeeun is wearing teeny tiny shorts and skirts and crop tops. She dresses hot and then there's you!" He threw his arms in the air and rolled his eyes.

Meredith looked at him and huffed out a breath of air. "Are you seriously comparing me to Yaeeun?"

"You're wearing mom shorts, Meredith. MOM SHORTS!"

"So what?", the Aquarius yelled, "they're comfy and cute!"

Meredith felt Johnny, Hyelin, Jaehyun and Baekhee staring at her. She heard Yaeeun continue eating as if this was nothing. Heat rushed to her cheeks as Seokjin got overtaken by anger.

"Who would think of you as fuckable when you're wearing mom shorts and those loose oversized shirts all the fucking time!" Seokjin rolled his eyes and Meredith pressed her lips together. "You know what?", she hissed, "fuck you."

"I'd rather you finally fuck me. Be honest" he chuckled, "you're a virgin and afraid of it."

Meredith felt her face flush. She pressed her lips together. "You think I didn't fuck before? Where'd you think I learned how to fucking flick my tongue you asshole!" Seokjin chuckled angrily.

"I should've fucked you you right there in the garage" Seokjin yelled, "now I gotta wait for you to fucking give me green light and I'm sick of it."

Meredith widened her eyes, but before she could react, Mark had already jumped up from his seat and pulled Seokjin out of his chair.

Mark was way smaller than Seokjin, but this didn't stop the Leo from holding onto Seokjin's collar. "What the fuck did you just say?", he snarled and Seokjin let out a laugh, looking at Mark. "I don't fucking want to wait for her fucking green light anymore."

Meredith was paralyzed.

What was going on? Why the fuck was Seokjin so mad? The last past days he had been rather friendly. He didn't even annoy her with the sex talk anymore. He gave her space and let her initiate intimacy. But now? He got mad from one second to another, calling her fat and telling everyone in the round—her own brother included—that he was sick of waiting for Meredith to consent to having sex with him.

"I swear to god" Mark growled, "touch her without permission and I..." Mark closed his mouth. "You what?", snarled Seokjin, when Johnny and Jaehyun finally got up and pulled the two 99-liner apart.

Johnny dragged Mark back to his chair and stood behind him, in case the Canadian lad wanted to jump up again, while Jaehyun rather harshly push Seokjin down into his own chair.

Meredith felt her vision become hazy. She tried not to feel hurt about what Seokjin had just said. She bit her lip. She should've slept with him when he asked her the first time. Even if she hadn't been ready back then. Maybe the topic wouldn't have escalated like this.

Meredith flinched as she felt Seokjin's hand on the skin of her thigh. She clenched her cutlery in her hand and turned to look at her boyfriend. "Did I scare you, kitten?", he asked and Meredith put on a brave face. "Of course not" she lied, "you didn't."

Mark looked at them. A bitter taste in his mouth. He put his chopsticks down and looked at Johnny with an apologetic expression on his face. "Sorry, I'm going to eat this later" he spoke and stood up, carrying his bowl into the kitchen.

Meredith watched him and wanted to follow him, but Seokjin held her thigh. Yaeeun, who had been quiet all this time, stood up and smiled at the round. As if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. "I'm going to check on him!", she said and took her food into the kitchen as well.

Meredith felt a pang in her chest once again. She watched Yaeeun run after Mark and bit the inside of her bottom lip. She put up a façade and continued eating dinner. As if nothing had happened.

Hyelin, Baekhee and Johnny exchanged a worried expression and Jaehyun kept his eyes on Seokjin, in case the Libra was doing something funny.

— ❤️‍🩹 —

After the dinner was finished and Meredith finished her chores in the kitchen, she dragged Seokjin upstairs into their bedroom. She closed the door behind them and turned to face him. "What the fuck did you think you were doing downstairs?", she asked through gritted teeth.

"Oh, that?", asked Seokjin. "I was just telling the truth." He looked at her. "You know I'm not fat" she hissed, "you've seen me topless. We have been doing dirty things before." He rolled his eyes. "I know you're not fat, Meredith. I just didn't know how to approach you about your clothing."

"What the fuck is your problem? Since when did my clothes bother you like this?"

"Since I've seen what Yaeeun is wearing and how she's turning Mark on with those shorts and tops."

PANG.

Meredith felt like someone punched out all the air she had left in her lungs. Yaeeun and Mark had something going on. The love bites all over Yaeeun's body were from Mark. He kept secrets from her.

She felt dizzy.

"Is that why you asked me if I'm a virgin? Because of my choice of clothing?", she asked and Seokjin chuckled. "No. I asked this, because you keep pushing me away when I want to fuck you. You never fucked, right? You lied about fucking all these men, right?"

"You really think I didn't fuck before?", Meredith yelled and ruffled her honey blonde hair. "I dry humped you, I gave you endless blow and hand jobs so you can be satisfied and this is how you thank me?" Her hands turned into fists. "You fucking body shamed me and told everyone at the dinner table that we haven't had sex yet!"

"Scream louder so whole Hawai'i knows you're a fucking liar, Meredith."

The couple heard a knock on their bedroom door. "Mer, you alright in there?" It was Johnny. Meredith looked at the door before she turned back to Seokjin. Seokjin had his hands crossed in front of his chest.

"If you would've slept with me by now, we wouldn't have this conversation" he said, ending their argument by taking off his shirt and pants and slipping into his pajama pants. Meredith watched him climb into bed as if nothing happened.

She felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes and turned around. Without a word she left the bedroom and bumped into Johnny who was standing in front of the door. Behind him were Hyelin and Mark.

All three of them had a worried expression on their face. Meredith put on a brave face and smiled awkwardly. "Is it okay if I go out for a while?", she asked. Johnny looked at her. "D'you want me to tag along?", he asked but Meredith shook her head.

"I-I think I want to be alone for a while."

— ❄︎ —

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠!

𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞.

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

—𝕤𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕗𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕞𝕪𝕝𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕠𝕡