CHAPTER THIRTY:
NOT QUITE LOVE
(episode nine: the bell tower)

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

"POPE, YOU CLOCKED THAT car, man," JJ wheezed to himself as they cruised down the road, no police officers or other cars in sight. After John B had run for it, the group were left on high alert, but only Kie and Haven were taking it seriously. Even Arden had calmed down considerably, just vibing in the backseat beside Kie and JJ. She'd forced herself between them once she was sure the police had lost their trail, leaving Pope to take over the wheel again and Haven to hope and pray there were no more letterboxes around for him to flatten. So far so good, but with JJ lighting up a blunt in the backseat and Pope taking the occasional hit of it, she knew it was only a matter of time. "Like, that was so bad."

"I'm just glad I'm not driving right now," Pope shrugged, Haven's eyes going wide as JJ's laughs grew louder. Surely, she wasn't the only one who saw the problem with that.

Fortunately, Kie had reached her wit's end. She shot JJ a frustrated glare before turning her attention to Pope, tapping his shoulder repeatedly until he let out a sigh and looked over at her, not even bothering to slow the car down as it veered between the white lines.

"What?"

"Pull over!"

Pope heaved another sigh, this one more annoyed than the last, and pushed down hard on the brakes. Haven spluttered as her seatbelt dug into her chest, lurching back in her chair as Kie scrambled across Arden's lap and out the door. A moment later, she was situating herself behind the wheel and Pope was pouting as he dropped down next to a now grinning Arden.

"JJ, it's not funny, he shouldn't be driving," Kie snapped as the blonde boy continued to chuckle to himself.

"Mama's mad," he murmured, before quickly raising his hands in surrender as both Kie and Haven wheeled around to glare at him.

"Let's just go, Kie," Haven grumbled, gesturing for her to start up the car again. As they took off at a normal speed once more, she turned around to watch the three still giggling in the back like a disappointed parent. "Jesus. I think I'm getting high just from the second-hand smoke. Arden, your rolled-down window isn't doing shit."

Arden frowned at her, huffing, "Well, at least I tried."

"You did, baby," JJ assured her much to Haven's frustration. She rolled her eyes and turned back around, catching Kie's own furious gaze in the rear-view mirror and clenching her jaw. Kie just sighed back and looked away, knowing there was nothing more they could possibly say to subdue the three idiots. "Hey, Kie. Where are we goin'?"

"The last place they're going to look."

With that, she drove them off the road and down a weather-beaten dirt track shrouded by dense trees. Haven felt dread pool in her stomach as she began to recognise their surroundings, the run-down houses replaced by pristine lawns, picket-white fences, brightly lit mansions showcasing the sheer wealth of Figure Eight. Kie had taken them to the Cameron House. When she said she was taking them to 'the last place they'll look' this really wasn't what Haven had expected.

"Kie..."

"What, Have?" she sighed. "We need to check if Sarah's okay. If she can—"

"And risk running into Ward?" she asked, eyes narrowing when Kie just ignored her and hopped out of the car. With Arden right behind her, she followed Kie outside and part of the way down the gated drive. "Kie, come on, just think for a second. Ward wouldn't..."

"We don't know what Ward would or wouldn't do," she cut her off with a scowl.

Now, that got her thinking. Haven was about to say that Ward wouldn't hurt his own daughter, him protecting Rafe from a murder charge showed that the man at least cared about his kids in some twisted way, but if Sarah was being vocal about the truth as Haven hoped she would be, who knew what Ward would feel he had to do. Kie was right, as much as she hated to admit it. Sitting ducks or not, they could at least check if she was still alive in there.

"Okay."

"Okay?" JJ repeated incredulously as he popped his head through the window to gape at them. "You're sure this is a good idea?"

Kie just shrugged again, already pulling out a flashlight from her pocket and preparing to hop over the fence. "She's the only one that can clear John B." And if Haven was right, there was a part of Kie that worried for Sarah too, even if the two were still testing the waters of friendship again.

"Well," JJ sighed. "It's the last place they'll look because of how stupid it is."

"And is that going to stop you from coming with us?" Arden raised an eyebrow at him.

JJ scoffed almost defensively, eyes flickering down to her stomach before lifting to meet hers again. "Where you go, I go."

"In that case, you two should stay here," Haven told them as Kie dropped down on the other side of the gate and Pope began to follow. At their frowns, she shrugged. "Someone has to be the get-away driver and I don't trust Pope not to crash us into a tree."

"Hey," the boy in question audibly whined from where he was now waiting with Kie. "That's not very nice, Haven. I think I did a great job of getting us outta there."

"More like Arden did, but okay," she muttered as she pushed herself up the fence.

Speaking of Arden, she and JJ had taken her word and made their way back into the car, Arden chatting about something or other while JJ listened attentively. Turning her gaze away from them, Haven sent Pope a wink as she lowered herself down to the ground next to him, proud of the way that his face instinctively flushed in response.

"Alright," Kie unintentionally distracted them as she started her march up the winding gravel drive. "I've got a plan."

Haven blinked at her back before rushing after her. "Care to tell us this plan, Kie?"

"Well—"

Pope cut in before she was able to delve into anything, causing Kie to sigh and pinch the bridge of her nose in anger. Haven, sensing the volcano in her ready to erupt, quickly ushered her down the path with a sigh. Kie didn't think twice before storming off, leaving Haven to deal with the boy who was yet to even notice that the other girl had left them.

"Pope," Haven huffed as his voice started to raise. "Pope, oh my god, Kie's already gone."

"What?" he frowned. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"Well, where did she go?"

"To complete whatever plan she had," she shrugged at him.

"And she left us?" he pouted. Normally, Haven would've found it adorable, but he was still way too loud. All it would take was Ward or Rafe walking past an open window for them to know the pogues were there. And then, trespassing, another freaking charge to add to the ever-growing list of laws broken. "Why would she do that..."

"I don't know, Pope, maybe it's you getting high as a kite and risking our cover countless times," she snapped, but quickly bit her tongue when she saw his face crumble.

"Oh."

"Look, I'm sorry," she sighed, reaching out hesitantly to squeeze his hand. "I know you're struggling right now. I get it. I just wish this was over."

"I know," he whispered, a tinge of hurt still remaining at her harshness. It faded, though, as his brain seemed to catch up with the fact that Haven Murphy was holding his hand. Something they'd done many times before but apparently High Pope had forgotten that a pretty girl did indeed kiss him just a couple days ago. "I really like you, Haven."

The suddenness of his words was enough to give Haven whiplash.

"What?" she breathed out, unsure if she'd heard him right.

"I like you, Haven," he beamed. There was something so soft and sweet about the way he looked at her, like Haven Murphy put the sun in the sky and every moment of darkness was a tortuous instant where Pope Heyward couldn't marvel at the beauty of her. Haven didn't get it, he thought. She didn't see herself like he did. The weed only opened his eyes completely, pushing him to take the leap. "And I would've told you sooner but so much has happened, and is still happening, so what's the point of waiting anymore, you know? I think you're super smart and pretty and funny — and I'd say I love you did I not think it was way too soon—"

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Haven didn't know what to think beyond 'what the actual fuck?'

"Pope," she muttered as he continued to ramble away, a giddy smile on his lips. Haven wanted to be happy, to climb onto the Cameron's rooftop and scream to every kook who would listen that Pope Heyward liked her and she was so fucking happy about it. But she couldn't look past the way his pupils were so dilated, the slurred edge to his voice, like his words were something he was reading from a script rather than real, genuine descriptions of his feelings. She knew he felt something for her, they had kissed at Midsummers, but love? Haven Murphy did not think she deserved to be loved by someone like Pope. One day, he'd wake up and put away the blunt, and he'd realise that what he said to Haven that night was utter bullshit. And Haven's heart would be broken. "Pope, just stop."

Pope's face dropped again. He released her hands like the feeling of her skin burned him, a confused and hurt frown tugging at his brows. Why did she sound so angry? Shouldn't she be happy?

"What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

"You're high," she said, disappointment swelling in her chest. "You don't know what you're saying."

Much to her surprise, Pope just laughed. She quickly shushed him, sparing a paranoid glance at the lights in the Cameron windows. Any moment now, someone could find them, and what a sight they'd be.

"Can you keep it down?" she asked. "Kie's going to have my head if you get us caught."

"Relax, would you?" he said. "And let me finish, okay? I like you—"

"I said to stop with that," she snapped, and furthered the space between them. "It's not fair."

"Why? I thought you liked me—"

"I do." She hated the way he smiled at that. It was so unlike his usual smile reserved just for her. This smile was like JJ's. Blurred around the edges. She wanted Pope to smile at her like he meant it. "But this isn't fair."

He frowned in confusion, though her words had to have made at least a bit of sense considering he seemed almost guilty. What a way to tell a girl he liked her. To wait until he was high out of his mind, like she didn't deserve more than that, a declaration like you'd see in the movies.

"I'm going back to Arden and JJ," she said, ignoring the voice in her head telling her how stupid it was to leave him alone. That was why she decided to go with him and Kie in the first place, but the expanse of the Cameron yard felt suffocating in its exposure, like the walls were closing in and there was nothing to keep her and Pope apart. "For the love of god, can you try not to get us into shit?"

He didn't respond, just looking down at his shoes and listening as she stormed away. Only then did he look up, his eyes glinting with tears.

He'd really messed up.

Again.

Back at the car, Arden and JJ were murmuring heatedly about something in the front seats. They froze at the sight of a visibly upset Haven clambering into the back, slamming the door behind her with enough force that the whole vehicle shook. She sighed at the sudden silence between them, sinking into her chair and refusing to meet their worried gazes.

"Just pretend I'm not here," she said.

Easier said than done.

Pope and Kie returned several minutes later. The former's head was bare, his now burnt cap clutched in his hands while Kie dragged him by his shirt into the backseat. Fortunately, she sat herself between him and Haven, sensing the tension between the two but choosing not to comment on it as she snapped at Arden to drive them to The Wreck.

"What happened?" the blonde girl asked as she pulled out of the driveway.

"Pope here decided to be an arsonist and set their barbeque on fire."

"Way to go, Pope," JJ cheered, though he quickly went quiet as Arden swatted at his leg and Kie glared at him. "Or not..."

"Where were you, Haven?" Kie asked her. "I thought you were going to keep him out of trouble. You can't just leave—"

"And why is it always on me to baby Pope, huh?" she snapped much to everyone else's surprise. "You always look at me when he makes a mistake. 'What do you have to say about this, Haven?' 'Why aren't you going to stop him, Haven?' How about 'I'm sorry, Haven, for always fucking expecting so much of you?'"

Silence. Arden and JJ were sharing a wide-eyed look in the front seat that Haven didn't miss but she couldn't bring herself to argue with them too. Instead, she pushed herself further away from Kie, stubbornly ignoring the girl's annoyed stare searching for a fight and Pope's sad eyes burning holes into the side of her head.

A new question had taken refuge in place of the others.

When are you finally going to leave this behind?

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

HAVEN COULDN'T SLEEP. SURPRISE, surprise. She was exhausted, don't get her wrong, but the sound of Arden and JJ snoring in the booth beside hers and the look on Pope's face back at Sarah's were enough to send her mind into overdrive.

She sat up with a sigh, pushing the blanket that Kie had found in her dad's office off her legs and making her way out onto the restaurant's porch. Fortunately, nobody was around when the group snuck inside, leaving them with a moment of peace after a long day of constant moving. Haven didn't know what to do with herself in the silence. Normally, she would've sat down at one of the tables or laid out across the floor if she was feeling that low, but she couldn't keep her feet from moving, pacing back and forth as hints of first light appeared on the horizon. Any moment now, she expected the police to pull up and take them away in chains.

That wasn't a way to live.

"Hey."

And just her fucking luck. The person to follow her was Pope.

"Hi," she sighed, forcing herself into one of the chairs despite really not wanting to. "What are you doing awake?"

"I could ask you the same thing," he retorted as he dropped down beside her. "Are you alright, Haven?"

She couldn't help looking at him then. The way his voice wrapped around her name with such earnest, it was soft and sweet like before, but the smile on his face was different. He hadn't touched the blunts JJ offered him for the rest of the night, the redness of his eyes fading as he sobered. Haven had noticed, but she hadn't been able to bring herself to say anything to anyone let alone him. Now, it was unavoidable. She didn't know what to do with herself.

"I suppose I should apologise again," she muttered. "About before..."

"No, don't," he insisted much to her surprise. Slowly, he reached for her hand and held on tight. Haven didn't back away, even as the urge grew strong. "You were right. I shouldn't have said what I did."

Haven didn't know what to say. The swell of disappointment was back, even if she'd prepared herself for it. He hadn't meant it. How horrible would it have been to say I love you back, only to have this happen just hours later?

"I should've waited," he continued, causing her eyes to snap up in shock. "To now. So I could actually remember the look on your face when I told you that I like you."

She smiled, small and hesitant, but Pope felt triumphant nonetheless. This, he would remember. He'd been wrong before. Haven wasn't the sun, nor the darkness that followed its absence. She was everything combined, like a hurricane whirring into motion.

"I do really like you, Haven," he said. "I chose a shit time to tell you, but I guess High Pope thought it was a good idea to use weed as a confidence-booster."

"High Pope makes a lot of questionable decisions," she murmured softly.

"You're not wrong," he agreed, eyes not once breaking from hers. The familiar wonder of that night at Midsummers was back. He found himself leaning closer. "Can I kiss you?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

Pope's face faltered, even as exhilaration soared through his veins. "I don't want to mess this up even more than I already have."

Haven sighed, showing off that same small smile again that Pope could get used to seeing her smile just for him. "You can kiss me, Pope."

And so he did. Again and again until the sun rose. They never spoke of the word love and how he had said it with so much truth behind it. They did decide, however, that boyfriend and girlfriend fit better than friendship for them.

Pope counted that as a win for today.