[000] poisonous

                    Connor already feels like he's made a terrible mistake.

                    He shouldn't be here and yet here he was, breaking his dad's rules. Connor has a feeling, deep down, that it probably wouldn't have mattered. In order for Logan to care about his eldest son, he had to love him. And Connor had known from a young age that his dad didn't even like him. Connor had tried for the longest time but nothing he could do was good enough.

                    His refuge had been his mom for the longest time.

                    Whenever Connor remembers his mom, he chooses to focus on the best memories first. Them going to the park together or her sneaking him an extra piece of sponge cake behind his dad's back. Whenever Connor got a good result on a test or he got any sort of minor accomplishment, his mom would be the first person Connor told.

                    But Connor also remembered the bad.

                    The constant argument between his parents which resulted in a lot of shouting and expensive glasses being thrown. His mom was always the culprit behind that. He'd remember her alone in bed and crying, trying to drown out her sorrows in pills and alcohol. Sometimes she'd even ask him to pour her a drink and Connor had been too young to understand that you weren't supposed to mix alcohol and prescription meds.

                    The final straw came when Logan finally left her, marrying someone else and having three children from it. Connor's half siblings who he still saw as full siblings regardless. He loved them the same. But his mom didn't. She spiraled, going further and further towards the edge until she finally fell with no one to catch her.

                    Logan had enough and eventually decided to send her to a mental hospital. She was much better there, Logan claimed. It's where she belonged, her mind was going to shit and she needed to be looked after by professionals. It happened so suddenly and naturally, Connor was scared and confused. Every time Connor tries to ask more questions, Logan would shut him down with an 'ask me any more questions, boy, and I'll slap the shit out of you!' so Connor stopped. Eventually, Logan told him to not only stop asking questions but that he was forbidden from seeing her ever again.
 
                    Connor remembers eating sponge cakes for the entire first week that she had been hospitalized, it reminding him of the sponge cakes his mom used to get for him. Of course, no one else understood and made fun of him for it. They were called loony cakes instead and that was just the tip of the ice berg when it came to the harsh things his family said about his mother.

                    Every time Connor slipped up or did something wrong, he was told that he'd be destined to turn out like his bat shit crazy mom.

                    Years passed and now Connor found himself seeing his mom all over again. He did some digging and eventually found the hospital she was staying in. Connor was actively going against his father's rules but he and Logan were practically estranged. He had his three other children to worry about, discarding Connor just as easily as he had discarded his mom.

                    He had to prepare himself for what he might see. She might not be the same elegantly dressed woman who always had a small smile on her lips. She might not even recognize Connor. But moms were usually able to recognize their own children, right?

                    Connor has to force his hands to stop shaking as he walks closer and closer and closer to her door. He knows it's not too late for him to turn around and leave. But the part of him that was a little boy desperate for his mother pushed him to keep going. He had to see her, even if it would be for this final time.

                    He knocks on the door, just as he had back when she was home, before he opens it to walk inside. Connor keeps his gaze trained on the floor the whole time while closing the door behind him. The room is far too cold for his liking and it reeks of hand sanitizer and cleaning products. It's only when he closes the door that he finally dares to look up and see what his mom has become.

                    She's sitting in bed, her short brown hair now beginning to gray. There's even faint wrinkles at the corner of her eyes, a sign of her age. Connor remembers his mom always putting on makeup, holding on to her beauty and youth for as long as she could. She was still very beautiful but it was obvious that life had taken its toll on her. Her blue eyes, which resembled Connor's so much, looked dull and nearly lifeless. Her skin was pale, which meant that she wasn't going outside much. She wasn't even wearing her makeup like Connor remembered her doing so many times. And instead of an expensive dress, she was wearing the generic hospital gown.

                    Connor knew this was his mother but he couldn't even recognize her anymore.

                    "Mom?" he asks, his voice sounding so small and frail.

                    She turned to look at him, finally acknowledging Connor. For a moment, her eyes still remain as lifeless as ever. But after a few seconds (Connor swore it had been an eternity), they lit up in recognition.

                    "Connor? Is that you?" she asked, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

                    He smiles, blinking away his tears. "Yeah, Mom. It's me."

                    "Come over here," she motions for him to come closer, and Connor does.

                    He sits on the edge of her bed and she reached out for his hand, her touch so cold that it made Connor flinch. Nonetheless, they held hands for the first time in years.

                    "You've grown so much. How old are you now?" she asks, although he couldn't have been more than twenty three.

                    "Twenty four," Connor answers.

                    "Wow, I was off by a year. My boy's twenty four, huh? I can't believe it," she smiles. "How are you?"

                    "I'm fine. I've been thinking about getting into politics. I've been interested in politics from a young age," Connor responds with a small smile.

                    She laughs, something she hasn't done in a while. "I remember. You always said you'd be president someday."

                    "I hope to be," Connor nods.

                    "Work hard enough and I'm sure you will be," she assured him.

                    "Are... are things good here for you? Are they treating you okay?" Connor questioned. That was the most important question.

                    "Do you have a girlfriend? You're so handsome," she pats him on the cheek, ignoring his question entirely.

                    "Mom," he frowned, moving away from her in annoyance.

                    She sighs. "What? What do you want me to say?"

                    "I want you to tell me that you're okay here. And... I dunno, that you miss me or whatever," Connor shrugged.

                    "You know I do. I love you, Connor, but...," she trailed off.

                    "What?" Connor pressed on.

                    "It wouldn't change anything. After you leave, I'll still be here and you'll be living your life without me," she shook her head.

                    "Why are you here?"

                    "What has your father told you?"

                    "He hasn't said anything. Every time I ask, he never gives me a straight answer. He told me I wasnt allowed to see you."

                    A small smile graces her lips. "And yet you came anyway."

                    "We're not on speaking terms at the moment."

                    Connor still isn't entirely sure of when it happened. All he knew was that his dad shut him out once his mom was out of the picture. Connor tried but he couldn't remember what he had done wrong.

                    "Good. The best thing you can ever do is stay away from that man," she replied.

                    "Everyone says you're crazy. Are you?" Connor bluntly asked.

                    "I think there was always something wrong with me. From the moment I was born, I wasn't quite like everyone else. I saw the world differently. I was more emotional than others. But meeting your father, he made things worse. He drove me insane. If there was any chance of me living a normal and happy life, he ruined that the moment he asked me to marry him," she shook her head, her eyes appearing stormy.

                    "So why'd you stay with him? You could have left," Connor questioned.

                    And taken me with you, he nearly adds.

                    "By that time, I had no one else. I drove everyone away because they didn't approve of him. They all warned me. Liz, if you marry that man, you'll live to regret it. They were all fucking right," she scoffs. "A man like Logan doesn't know how to love. What he does isn't love. He poisons people instead. Somehow, some way, he fucks them up. He did it with me and I have no doubt he's done it with his new wife and his kids. Promise me you won't let him do that to you."

                    Connor wants to promise her that. But he worries it might be too late. Because of his father's love (or lack thereof), he realizes that he can survive without it. He doesn't need love, not anymore.

                    "I appreciate you coming here, Connor, but this is going to be the last visit. You can't come back," she declared.

                    Connor could feel his heart sink all the way down to the pit of his stomach. "Why not?"

                    "It's not good for you. And it's not good for me. I'm doing okay here. It's not perfect but I'm away from your dad and that's better than nothing," she explained. She knew how cruel it was to dash Connor's hopes for a relationship like this. But it was better now than ever.

                    It'd be cruel to lead him on and give him false hope. Nothing would come of this except for more pain. And she wanted to give Connor a life free from that.

                    "So this is it?" Connor asked.

                    "You won't understand now but you will later. You're so much better without me around. I'm sick, Connor. I always have been. I tried to be good for you but I can't. You have to move on without me," she answered.

                    "Okay. I... I won't come back," Connor nodded.

                    It hurt that his mom was cutting him off like this. But... what choice did he have? He couldn't force his mom to want to stay in his life. Just like he couldn't force his dad to love him. Connor just had to accept this too.

                    "Okay. You'll see that this is the best decision for us both," she replied. "Now go."

                    Connor impulsively reached over to hug her anyway, the woman stiffening in his grip for a moment. But then she hugged him back. This would be the last time that they'd ever hug like this again.

                    He pulled away from her after and then got up from the bed, making his way to the door. Connor turned to look at his mom one final time before he left the room entirely. As he walked out of the hospital, Connor tried his best to keep his emotions in check. He had to let his mom go once and for all, despite how painful it'd be. His mom had been all he had left and now he had no one.

                    Connor expected to find a mad woman and a lunatic inside of the room. But his mom was none of those things. She was sick, of course, but she looked more sad and broken. Like she had truly given up on life and had accepted her fate inside of this hospital forever.

                    Elizabeth Spencer had so much promise in her life, only for it to end in absolute tragedy.

( 🦢🍸💄)
word count: 1979
notes: this is super sad and tragic. i wasn't even going to do this but then i read up on connor's wiki and saw that he ate sponge cakes for an entire week after his mom got sent to the hospital and i made a whole little chapter off of that. we don't get much info about connor's mom at all so i decided to wing all of this again and have it to where connor visited her one last time, although it's canon that he never did since logan told him not to. but like... fuck logan. the rest of this story will be in the past and talking about logan and elizabeth's relationship and the ultimate downfall so that should be fun 😊 as always let me know your thoughts!!