Right after Donnie leaves, I speed walk to Raph's house. Everyone is gone by this hour and the wind seems to get harsher by every minute. Its actually icy cold and my teeth shatter violently. Raph's door is open and I step inside, closing it behind me.

"For God's sake where were ya?" I hear him shriek. He wears a black scarf around his neck and some gloves. I study how charming he looks and for a split second I forget the fact that my teacher tried to rape me. I can just pull that scarf, use it like a leash as I touch him. Or perhaps blindfold him with it as I lick his neck. Or-

"Leo."

"Mmm?"

"Where were ya man? I waited for you afterschool but you weren't there, so I figured you were home. But when I checked, you weren't there either. I was about to go out and look for you."

He removes the scarf and I watch it fall on the couch. I realize I have not blinked during my dirty thoughts and my eyes hurt when I blink. I clear my throat loud. Now that its just me and him, with no scarf or random thoughts, it hits me what happened. It hits me hard.

And I burst into tears.

Without delay, Raph has my body in his arms. I hiccup loudly and grip his shoulders. Its embarrasing, honestly. To cry like such a baby in front of him. That's the problem with males though, if you cry, you are not manly. Even if you do cry, you don't cry like a freaking baby.

Raph makes no comment. He only holds me as he rubs my shell. We stay like this until I calm down. I don't know how much time passes, but I am surprised by Raph's patience for me. I pull away and wipe my eyes. My mask is wet and Raph unties it. I freeze and close my eyes.

"Okay come on," he says. He leads me to his worn out couch and waits for me to sit down. "Explain."

My nerves are jumping up and down and I battle with myself before answering. "Ms. Ramirez. She uh..she kept me afterschool. She tried to. I didn't hear the bell. I didn't know. S-She tried to," I say frantically.

"You're not making any sense. She tried to what Leo?"

"She tried to touch me," I confirm. Its more like I'm confirming it to myself. Holy shell. A teacher tried to touch me. No parents to get in trouble with.

"She fucking did what?" He shouts and the sound of broken glass startles me. A broken lamp is on the floor. Raph's fists are on his side as he shakes his head madly. His face is red and he paces backwards as if something was deliberately coming towards him. "How," he mutters. "How did you escape?"

"Donatello. This other mutant turtle. He saved me," I say weakly. Raph shoots me a pained look. His mood shifts from anger to sadness and his hands uncurl.

"Agh," he cries. "I don't know if I should be more mad that a teacher tried to molest you or that I wasn't there to help you."

I don't want to cry again. I especially don't want him to feel guilty. But its hard not to cry after a situation like that, even more in a situation where you have no parents to defend you. You're all alone.

Raph catches me sobbing and sits on my lap. Next thing you know, he is leaving kisses everywhere. My eyes, my forehead, my nose, everywhere except my lips.

"I'm sorry," he whispers repeatedly. "I'm so sorry."

Each kiss soothes me down. I wait for the spark to come when he kisses my lips, but it doesn't happen. This is still very good. Excellent.

He gets off my lap. I can't help but whimper at the loss of contact. He sits next to me and pats his lap.

"Lay down," he orders with a half smile.

Ok yes. That makes me closer to his di-

Oh my God. What the heck is wrong with me? I wonder how he would react with all these cruddy thoughts. I lay down with pleasure. I face his stomach and he begins to breathe faster. His shaky finger traces the skin underneath my eye and around my cheeks. I'm in heaven under his touch.

"You don't have to be so nervous," I say. Look who's talking. You're laying on your crush's lap while he's touching your face.

"Who said I was nervous? I'm never nervous," he says as-a-matter-of-fact.

There is Raphael. Acting so tough. He is the only person I can never imagine crying, not with those hard features of his.

"I wish I was there to save you," he whispers. Then he scoffs and adds," I guess I'm the one who has to save you now huh? You've been pretty down lately."

Not knowing what else to say, I spill out something I never talked to anyone before about. "I miss my parents."

That killed the small conversation. No words were said after that. I just lay there, thinking of Karai, thinking of Liz, thinking of my old folks. Most of all, thinking about Raph even though he is just right here with me.

"I'm going to kill her," is all I hear before I drift off to sleep. Boy, I have a lot to tell Liz.

¤¤¤

What do you guys do when you're sad? Lately its been writing. I just grab my laptop and write. Of course I write on these stories of mine because strangely, I think better while I'm sad/mad.

Also if your answer is something like cutting or down that lane, please know that you can listen to music, tell someone, or lie down and just figure it out. But please don't self-harm. You are precious, you are loved, and you are not alone.

Trust me when I tell you that I've been through difficult things. You can talk to me if you want. Heck I'll give you my number, my kik, skype, oovoo, anything so we can talk. No one deserves to be depressed :)