Well. Here's another tear-jerker. I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW HOW IT ENDS UP SO SAD, I SWEAR I DON'T DO IT ON PURPOSE.

I literally don't know how and why y'all stick with me when I'm so dang depressing all the time, like you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

This book is 451 freaking pages on my GoogleDoc, which means it's the longest one. (The order is Maelstrom, Kidnapped, Three Tasks, Blue Moon, and Ei Diafol (although E.D. is gonna be edited and be probably about as long as Three Tasks.)

Okay you probably didn't care about that.

Got another rejection email from an agent. *sad face* But I stayed up until midnight last night after I finished my homework so I could edit the first 50 pages of the new version of Blue Moon, write a 3 page synopsis and re-write 3 query letters so I could submit to 3 more agents. So I'm waiting for 5 responses (one of the agents is the same chick who represents The Fault in Our Stars and Twilight and Matched like hot dang, that'll never happen but let's try).

Okay you probably didn't care about that either.

Ok I'm going to make an edit now and carry on.

My tumblr is yourmybeautifulsoul just to tell you if you wanna check me out. I mostly post Tom Hiddleston stuff right now (generally Adam and Thomas Sharpe) as I work on re-writing Rani (who used to be Loki but totally doesn't act like him at all anymore). I also sometimes post some fun behind-the-scenes Blue Moon stuff.

OH MY GAWD IM STILL TALKING DEAR LAWD.

IM SORRY I LOVE YOU.

Please VOTE and COMMENT

Chapter 55

Silence stays with us for the next three days.

We've been in Minotaur- nobody had felt like going after the next location even though Neidra is hot on our trail. Most of us have just been sitting around quietly. I actually haven't been doing much sitting. Just pacing through Minotaur's halls and rooms, generally staring at the ground or a convenient space on the wall. Most everyone has left me alone. Even Victoire has given me a wide berth.

I haven't seen Loki in three days. He'd taken me to Minotuar and abruptly returned to Asgard, leaving me to break the news to Bruce. Still shocked, Bruce had contacted the rest of the group, which had trickled into Minotaur by the end of the day. Volstagg, Fandral, and Sif hadn't returned. I can only imagine what they're feeling.

As for me, I don't even know how I'm feeling. Just hollow, like Fjodr had dragged out all my insides when Thor had fallen over the edge. Sometimes, I hardly know where I'm going. Once, I run right into Videl. He doesn't snap at me or tease me, just bends down to kiss my forehead and walks away. He knows I want to be left alone.

It's not like Thor and I'd been super close these last few months, almost an entire year. Ever since he decided to throw Loki in jail, our relationship had been totally nonexistent, then progressively less shaky. Now that I think about it, ever since Leah died, Thor and I have drifted apart more and more, even when I found out he's my uncle.

But it's too late to mend that now.

I slouch down on a couch in the commons. The place is empty. But I know where everyone is because I've seen almost all of them at some point. Jack and Peter are in the exercise room with Clint. Kyle and Adam are with Max, who I'm really trying not to think about right now. Videl is with Angelique somewhere, and maybe Jijah and Amara are with him, but I think the twins went to Ardhigiza. Emmaline is playing with Victoire in the bedroom hallway- sometimes, I can hear Victoire's soft little giggles even from here. Tony is with Natasha in the computer room.

Everyone's trying to ignore me as much as possible. I guess I've made it clear that when I'm mad or sad or grieving or having any sort of negative emotion, I just want to be left alone. But I don't even feel like I'm grieving right now. When Mom had died, I'd felt horror and loneliness and loss. When Leah had died, I'd felt like my world had completely fallen apart and that my life might not be worth living.

But now, I feel nothing.

It's bad. Really bad. Maybe. Maybe not.

I begin punching one of the pillows with a satisfying thump.

Thor is dead.

Thump.

Loki isn't back.

Thump.

I should have killed Saissa.

Thump.

One thrust of the knife.

Thump.

That would show Fjodr not to mess with us anymore.

Thump.

Thor is dead.

Thump. Thump.

His body was a red splash on the rocks.

Thump. Thump.

Loki still isn't back.

Thump. Thump.

Where is he?

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Max is dying too.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Max is dying.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Max. Dying.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

MAX.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

DYING.

I set the pillow on fire.

I watch it blaze in front of my eyes, feeling the heat and the small cloud of smoke trying to bring out tears. But I won't let them fall.

When I look up, the flames and the ash falling from my fingers, Loki is standing in the doorway.

He looks absolutely terrible. His mane of black hair is tangled and greasy, and his face is as pale as paper, unevenly splotched. His clothes are the same ones from the struggle at Fjodr's lodge. His ankle and wrist are wrapped messily in black fabric, but he doesn't seem to be in pain. Most depressing are his eyes, dull and glassy, his green irises the same dead color of damp swamp water.

"I was crowned king," says Loki. His voice is raspy and ragged, like he hasn't eaten or drunk anything in three days.

"Oh," I say. I'd been expecting that. After Thor died, the throne would obviously pass to Loki. "So I'm the princess now." It's not a question. I already know the answer.

"Yes you are."

"I don't want to be," I mutter.

"Is that so?" asks Loki slowly, each word annunciated through his clenched jaw. "So I suppose a craving for the throne and your disdain toward your uncle had nothing to do with you leaving me trapped and pretending to pathetically save him yourself?"

What the actual hell.

I blink a couple times, trying to figure out if I'd actually just heard correctly, or if my hearing is going out the door like my sanity.

"What?"

Loki leans against the sofa, glaring down at me. "Or was it your complete, constant idiocy that got my brother killed? Take your pick Thea, it must be one of them. Bitterness or stupidity?"

Something lodges itself in my throat. "You...you th-think I didn't help Thor on purpose? To get him killed so you could get the th-throne and I could be the heir?"

"Give me another logical explanation and I'll consider it, little princess."

I can't move. I can barely breathe. I blink away tears of hurt, clenching my soot-covered fists.

Loki doesn't seem to care that I'm not talking. He keeps going, stalking around the couch to face me. "First you shout at me in the foyer, alerting Fjodr and Saissa to my presence just before I can rid us of Fjodr. If you hadn't spoken, it would be Fjodr dead instead of Thor, my brother, you see what you've done, girl?!"

I literally can't speak. I bite my lip hard, determined not to cry.

"Then, I tell you to go down a path and stay on it no matter what, and what do you do? You ignore me and disobey me and turn around and follow us! And when I tell you to get the damn iron claws off me, what do you do? You ignore me and disobey me again, leaving me caught in that damn trap!"

I want to back up a little, but I can't. I stand there and take it. Because now, I realize Loki doesn't blame me for Thor's death any more than he believes I tried to get Thor killed. He's been silent for three days, silently bearing the loss of his brother and the pressures of taking on the realm of Asgard, this time for real. He hadn't been sorry when he'd killed Odin and taken the throne. But the death that gives him the throne this time is dragging him down. Now he's venting out his fury for the world at me, someone he can easily throw his guilt to.

I let him.

His voice is getting louder. "You couldn't save Thor! You couldn't save my brother, not with that damn wound in your thigh you got for defending Fjodr's spoiled wanton of a girl!"

Don't cry. Don't cry, Thea, he's hurting, he's hurting bad, just like you.

"Every time I ask something of you, even if it could save someone else's life or even your own, you never listen! I tell you to leave Saissa be, and it results in your injured thigh and the clumsy capacity for not being able to protect anyone, much less yourself. I tell you these things, yet you chose to ignore them, you ignore the warning signs, you go with your disgustingly adolescent instincts over and over! Why, why did I claim you as my daughter if you're going to do nothing but disappoint me day in and day out!"

Stop crying! He doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it!

He's practically screaming, his matted tangled hair hanging in strands over his pale, skull-like face. I'm standing stock-still, not able to move a muscle.

"Why?" he roars, "Why did I let him go after Fjodr? Why didn't I pick the right one of you to help, you had it completely under control, Thor is the one who I should have stayed with, not you!"

Tears are running down my face. Tears are running down his too, his face grotesquely twisted from emotion. "L-Loki!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jijah and Videl, who is carrying Victoire, begin to walk inside the commons, the two boys frowning. Everyone has probably heard Loki's yelling. But when they see the two of us, they vanish silently. I barely register Videl's concerned expression in my direction, because I'm still focused on my father.

Loki's not yelling at me anymore. He's shouting at the ceiling, clenching his fists. "Fjodr baited him, baited his stupidity for his life and for the damn Compass! I should have known this would happen, why did I not see the signs before! Every time I try and protect my family, one of them has to go and get killed, or in the case of you, Thea, almost get killed every passing moment of ever existing day!"

"Loki!" I sob, coming up behind him and wrapping my arms around his waist. His entire body is tight and shaking from the inside, shaking and screaming. He doesn't move, just continues shouting at the ceiling.

"Why did I make the wrong choice, why do I always make the wrong choices? I trust Neidra, hoping to out-smart her, but then she goes and kills the mother of my only child, and she can never tell me otherwise that the Imeldi were a pure coincidence. She puts a sword through me, takes my mind from me, rapes me of my body and my soul, kills everything in her path and nearly has me kill my daughter!"

"It wasn't y-your f-fault!"

"How can I rule a kingdom if I'm making a mess of the simple task of being your father? I'm a cursed wreck at it, everything I do puts you in danger, no matter how much I try to avoid it!"

"No, no, you're not a-"

Throwing his head back, he howls, "Why, why did I have to be such an idiot!?"

He takes a shaky, gasping breath, and then his hair falls back over his face and he goes silent. I'm still leaning against him, my cheek resting against his back, feeling the hot tears running.

He's panting, and he jerks his bony fingers through his hair. I hear him choking on his tears, and it hurts me even more because I know how much he hates to cry. I've only seen it four other times, all to do with me. But now he's grieving for his brother. Like I was grieving for Leah.

Why does pain have to follow the two of us everywhere?

And then, he turns around and wraps his arms around me so tightly, my face is pressed against his chest. All I can smell is leather, and all I can hear are his breaths and his heartbeat, but I don't care.

"I'm so sorry, beautiful girl," he chokes, running his hand over my head, then through my hair. "I meant nothing, I meant none of what I just said about you."

"I know," I whisper. "I know you didn't."

"And you just stood there and took it like a martyr." He moans. "Why did I...how could I...why did-"

"It's o-okay," I cry. "We're both hurting."

He puts his hands on my shoulder. "Thea, listen to me. "None of this was your fault. Thor's death had no one to blame but Fjodr. You are not an idiot, and you have not been making terrible decisions. You're growing up, and I could not be prouder of you. Thea, look at me, kitten."

His sunken, bloodshot green eyes are almost painful to look at, but I do it anyway. "I would never I would never not claim you as my daughter. You are the only light in my life I have yet to live for. You have strength and courage in you that I will never be able to possess, this little piece of your soul that I will never be able to match. I would not want anyone else to be able to claim as my daughter and my heir to the throne of Asgard. I love you, Theodora Athena Marahn, and I can never apologize enough for what I just did to you."

"I love you too," I say quietly, wiping my tears, "And you d-don't have to apologize. I've said worse to you before."

He holds up his hand, and I curl my fingers over them as he says, "We will get through this together, my love. And we will get our revenge on Neidra together. And one day, we will rule Asgard together. All right?"

"I think I can live with that," I say, smiling through my tears.

"Yes, and make certain you do live through it." He's smiling too, wetness still sparkling in those green irises that are just the same as mine.

OKAY SO IT ENDED BITTERSWEET, THAT'S BETTER THAN ENDING SADLY.

THE NEXT ONE WILL BE HAPPIER I SWEAR.

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