I have no emotions. 

All I can tell you is that my record for not crying when writing was nearly broken (so: I teared up). 

I do not even have the emotional capacity to make an edit right now. 

Please VOTE and COMMENT! 

Chapter 61

"You know the mountain trips Mom and dad used to take us on?" asks Max. His breathing has gotten so shaky, it's almost rattling now. He's still lying in the same position as he had been when talking to Loki nearly eight hours ago, but now, he's talking to Kyle.

Kyle runs his fingers through his greasy black hair, which has grown past his ears in disinterest and neglect. He hasn't shaven in two weeks either, and his eyes are red-rimmed. "Yeah. I guess you're talking about the time I got lost when I was about eight and you had to find me, huh?"

Max almost seems to smile.

"It's been twenty years. I think we can stop living in the past. I was eight."

"Still cryin' like a baby when I found you under the tree, holding your cowboy hat like you thought it was going to sprout wings and fly you out of there."

Kyle almost seems to smile too. His bright blue eyes are watering, and he grits his teeth and looks away from his older brother.

"But actually," says Max with a prolonged sigh, "I wasn't talking about you getting lost when you were eight. I was talking about the time when you and I actually reached the top of that mountain. Climbing for hours. Then we got there. And sure, it was too misty to see much over that peak, but damn, Ky, wasn't it worth it anyway?"

Kyle doesn't say a word.

"Heading up the mountain..." murmurs Max, leaning against his pillow and looking up at the ceiling. It's like he can see the peak of the Montana mountain, looking out over the valley, over everything he climbed. Everything he climbed in his life. "Looking over the edge. I'm there Kyle...I'm there, I'm there." He's beginning to breathe quicker, gripping the sheets so that his already-white hands turn even more the color of a corpse's.

"Max..." whispers Kyle.

"I'm there," whispers Max. "Ogidajiw."

Kyle remembers the Ojibwe word their grandfather had taught them so many years ago when Kyle was still toddling and learning how to speak English. Top of the mountain.

"It's getting... late." Max's words are so soft, Kyle has to lean down to hear him. "You should...get some rest. Send someone else in here if you have to..."

"Max?"

"I'll be good, ain't I always?" says Max gruffly. His eyes open briefly, and for a moment, two pairs of blue eyes look into another, look into another's soul. When Kyle reaches forward and takes Max's hand, he feels the coolness of his brother's skin. "Minwaadizi nishiime." His eyes flutter, and through Kyle's tears, he can see the staggering droplets on his big brother's lashes. Max lets out a sigh. "Live a good life, brother."

Kyle can't take any more. When Max's hand falls from his, he gets up from the chair and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him.

*

Kyle's a mess when he shakes me awake at three in the morning, and for a moment, I panic, waiting to hear the worst. But then, swallowing hard, he shakes his head and manages a grimace of a smile. "He's alive. He's f-fine. For now. I just need a few hours before I can go back there. You understand right, Missy?"

I nod, getting off the sofa and accidentally kicking Jack's cheek. He groans in his sleep but doesn't wake up. "Yeah. I'll stay with him."

"Just a couple hours," confirms Kyle. "I'll be back. I think most everyone's asleep, I just didn't know who to ask and –"

"Stop worrying," I say, blinking away sleep from my eyes. "Go lie down and dream about creme brulee. I'll get you eventually."

He tries to smile again, but this time, he can't manage it. He just squeezes my shoulder and evaporates from the room, his hand covering his face in emotional agony.

When I open the door to Max's room, I see that he's asleep. I'd sort of figured that, but I'd been hoping he would be awake, so I could see his eyes open and more confirmation that he's alive than just the weak, shaky raising and lowering of his chest.

I scoot the chair over next to his bed and look at him. Max has been my rock for more than two years and now, I'm looking at something crumbling, something holding onto life so hard like he doesn't want to look Death in the face.

"Where's your necklace?" I whisper, noting the empty spot on his neck where his wooden cross is always hanging from a leather cord. He and Kyle have matching necklaces.

Of course, he doesn't answer. I'll just have to ask him when he wakes up, I guess. I lean against the mattress, next to his feverish body, and rest my head on my arms. "Stay alive," I say, trembling as I say the words. "Just stay alive. At least until the sun rises. You can't go in the dark." My eyes flutter. "Just... until...the sun rises..."

I accidentally fall asleep.

*

I blink slowly and yawn. I hadn't meant to fall asleep. I look at the clock. It's four-thirty in the morning. Wearily, I raise my head and glance at Max, whose eyes are still closed, thinking I should probably get Kyle now.

And then, I realize his chest isn't moving up and down anymore.

"M-Max?" I whisper, standing up shakily. I lean over him, scared to touch him, scared of everything my mind is putting in front of me. I'm frozen. I look at his chest, wait for it to move at least a little.

It's as still as a rock.

"No," I cry, shaking his shoulders. I put my cheek to his partially open mouth, praying, praying to feel a distant warm breath on my skin.

Nothing.

"I told you to stay alive! I told you to stay alive until the sun rose!" I put my hand to his heart, praying, praying to feel a distant thump, a distant rhythm that tells me he's alive.

Nothing.

I scream, wrapping my arms around him, and when nothing happens again, I scream again, so loudly, so painfully, I feel like my vocal chords are giving out.

I scream until I hear the door behind thrown open, and I keep screaming after that. Distantly, I hear Kyle moan and fall to the floor on his knees, but I can't do anything but scream and scream and scream.

Hands grab at my shoulders, trying to pull me away from him, but shrieking, I fight them and yank away from them savagely. My head is still resting on Max's chest. But it's not feverish anymore. It's cold.

More hands reach for me, these ones stronger. "NO, STOP IT VIDEL!" His arms go around my waist and I shriek, cursing at him, but after a few moments, he manages to pull me away. I fight against him more, but he pulls me away, pulls me away from Max, away from him, until we're out of the room and I can't see him any longer.

I'm so angry at the world, I keep throwing myself at Videl, over and over, still shrieking curses at him and then shrieking nonsense. I hear voices around me, but I don't try to understand them.

"Is she-?"

"Get... him.... Get... get Loki, he's the only one..." Videl sounds desperate, because I've thrown him against the wall by now, crazy, fully crazy.

"NO!" I scream, "No, don't!"

More voices, low. Videl's arms are still around me, his face close to mine. I can feel his curls against my skin. But I don't want to feel his curls, I want to feel Max's breaths and his heart and see his eyes open one more time.

And then, I feel arms, strongest of all, around me, pulling me away from Videl, and I howl in misery because I know that it's over now.

Loki drags me into the commons and now we're sinking to the floor, his arms tight, my body spazzing with grief. I'm pushed against the soft cotton of his shirt he'd worn to bed, and feel his warm breath on my neck. He's saying something to me, but my head is throbbing and I can't see or hear anything.

Until I hear him singing.

Singing, in his low, husky voice, smoothing my hair with a miraculously free hand, his fingers shaking.

"The sky is dark and the hills are white."

"NO!"

"...But the little snowflake at my breast liketh the song I sing the best."

"No..."

"Weary thou art..."

"Max..."

"Anext my heart."

"No...M-max..."

"Sleep, little one, sleep..."

And then I give up and just sob and cling to him and Loki holds me and rocks me back and forth and kisses the top of my head until I go limp in his arms, crying out my heart because it really is broken now. 

I am numb.

Please nobody kill me.

XsierraX