Hey everyone! So sorry it's been almost a week since I last updated. Things have been crazy busy for me lately, so I just now I had time to read and score entries. SO SORRY. But I'm back with gifs from my currently obsessed show - Star Wars Rebels. It's one of my FAVORITE SHOWS EVER and I JUST finished watching the final season so it's OVER *sobs* TV show withdrawl is SO SO TERRIBLE. So i'm using gifs to help xD 

wordsmith-

-0.2 for repetitive sentences

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.8

OMG Caruk and Tilani - HAHA they're fighting and difficulties is SO hilarious and enjoyable to read. Once again, you make each of your characters have a unique voice and Tilani is SUCH a teenager but I love him! AMAZING WORLD BUILDING with the festival for Tythan's Liberation. There were so many added realistic details and I just - WOW. Highly impressive! And penalty box - love it! Haha you and I thought alike :) I also loved how Tilani was just babbling about the history and Nylissa was barely paying attention and yet it was a nice way to introduce the history without it being an info dump because the scene was so realistic and funny. "Later fishface" OMG.

Sara_R_Stark

-0.1 for sentence structure

-0.1 for punctuation

1.7 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.3 point deduction

SCORE: 11.5

I love the squabbling between Catelyn and Xenia even if it is rediculous at some points. The obstacles were creative and even though this was a short entry, it was a smooth read with only two mistakes, so good job! Keep it up!

Several7s

-0.2 for grammar

-0.2 for spelling

-0.1 for punctuation

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.5

Intense and tough crowd, LOL. Man, that fight was intense with Shizamu! Eiri, Jae, Eris, and Mordzar. Lol too bad Kyren's still in bad shape or it would have been a full reunion haha. ERIS AND MORDAZAR. MORISWEN WOOOOOO. ZAAAADAAAAN NOOOO. Awww I feel bad for him at the same time that I'm like SHIP INTERFERENCE. I love Mora's fear of Eris, it really creates conflict between them and in their guild as well. AWWW THAT POOR GIRL AND MORA AND THE WOLF AND CONJURING HER MOTHER AND PASSING OUT AND SO MANY FEELS. I love Mora and Eris' dynamic and how Mora feels about Eris - I love Eris' character but I understand how Mora feels and it's totally realistic.

ariel_paiment1

-0.1 for confusion on who was speaking.

-0.1 for grammar

-0.5 for repetitive sentence structure

1.8 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.2 point deduction

SCORE: 11.1

I had to deduce that the first POV was Alastair because of the woman, but it's not obvious who the second POV jump is and I feel that third person is a much better fit. It seemed to throw things off a bit and I found your entry hard to follow. Man, Alastair is just going through so much and his attitude stinks, but it's really good writing. I feel sorry for Duana, haha. FEELS for Duana, man Alastair is such a jerk - well written, I might add. I know he's going through his own troubles, but still - very jerkish. I'm glad when he apologized but my first thought was OH SO NOW YOU'RE SORRY YOU JERK? Man, if I was Duana, I could not have dealt with his attitude very well, haha. Wow, that ending. Holy cow. Alastair is out of control and those people were... jerks. I'm pretty sure the Gamemakers are going to have to speak to Guild Valkyrie about this little "incident" and Alastair's behavior.... Sad to say, lol. You did have more mistakes than usual this time and most of it stemmed from confusion at first with the first person POV switches and no real way to tell who was who - I was extremely lost for the entire first half of your entry and thus, it took me a while to actually get into your entry. After that, the first person POV caused you to have several repetitive sentences starting with "I" which normally isn't a problem for you. Outside of that, fantastic entry. It's getting more and more intense. Also, with Alastair's behavior, if the Gamemakers don't decide to kick him out (I certainly hope not, lol), they're probably going to be wary of Sponsoring Guild Valkyrie for their behavior. I'll have to write a scene and see what the Gamemakers decide 0.0 This is not exactly how things were supposed to go, LOL. I love it though.

JesterheadJohnSnow

-0.4 for punctuation

-0.1 for sentence structure

-0.4 for grammar

1.9 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.1 point deduction

SCORE: 11.1

OOH, I loved the rival guild fight and the world building with the Independence Day festival. I love how creative it was when you incorporated the fight leading into the press - creative idea! I love it. HAHAHAHA OMG Rhengar and Syliane's start on the obstacle course is HILARIOUS and I love their dynamic OMG. I'm laughing so hard right now! Creative obstacles and then when Syliane switched places without telling Rhengar and he's like "What in Lupa's name am I doing here?" I LAUGHED SO HARD IM ALMOST CRYING.

KATIE 

-1.3 for grammar

-0.3 for punctuation

-0.5 for repeating an entire paragraph

-0.2 for lack of descriptions (at one part I can't tell who is speaking to whom and it is highly confusing)

-1 for not following directions (Brandon was in her hallway at one point and that isn't allowed)

1.5 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.5 point deduction

SCORE: 8.2

Well, the beginning certainly didn't have as many mistakes this time. I love the creativeness with putting the entire course underwater. Brandon and Diane's dynamic is intriguing. KYPHA NINJA WARRIOR. OMG I LOVE IT. The festival was kind of cool and SO MANY SHIPS I LOVE IT. Let's see... Diandon or Briane? Crystan or Ethal? LOL And then Benjal or Opajo? LOL (those are kinda terrible ship names for Benjo and Opal, haha). I'm happy to say that fixing your mistakes beforehand greatly improved your score, so you had A LOT less punctuation mistakes. You did, however, keep going into present tense, so you had a lot of grammar errors. You also repeated a whole paragraph, which lost you quite a few points, and you included Bradon and Diane in the same hallway at one point, when they were supposed to be in two different ones at all times, so that's where your point losses came from. Overall, though this was by far your best entry yet so keep up the amazing work!

D-Willy45

-0.7 for spelling

-2.6 for punctuation

-1 for grammar

-0.1 for sentence structure

-0.2 for repetitive sentences

1.6 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.4 point deduction

SCORE: 7

Man, Thorston and Author really had a difficult time of this. I enjoyed their struggle and how eventually they had to work together. I also feel sorry for Thor and what he's going through but I enjoyed getting deeper into his back story. I'm very curious about who the family at the end is. You did have quite a few mistakes this round, which made it slightly difficult to read but it's still a good entry. One thing to work on is after dialogue, if you use a dialogue tag ("Walk the dog," he said) Then there needs to be a comma before the final quotation, whereas you kept putting periods which were most of your punctuation mistake. That and run on sentences. Good job!

MusicgirlXD

-0.4 for grammar

-0.8 for spelling

-0.1 for repetitive sentence structure

-0.4 for punctuation

-1 for not following directions (you had several regular obstalces in a row, when they were supposed to be separated by ones to make them switch places and you only made them switch places once)

-2 for being late twice

1.6 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.4 point deduction

SCORE: 6.9

LOVE THE WORLD BUILDING. And holy cow, girl, your writing style just got ten times more mature! Wonderful, vivid descriptions of the booths and everything as Cordelia walked the streets and even better when she shifted into her Mer form. HOLY COW. I'm so impressed with how your writing has improved this time and a lot of it I think has to do with you editing your entry this time. You did have several spelling errors, which seems to be your weak spot in writing (every writer has one) so try to put your entry through a spell check first. You also had them go through several regular obstacles in a row when regular obstacles were supposed to be separated by challenging ones with their magic to make them switch places and you only had them switch once. You were also late for the second time, but other than that, this was your best written entry yet and I am so impressed. Great work! (just hand in on time next time)!